Oh my goodness. @mrs-b. Wow.
You girls are the sweetest. I checked out of life for a couple of days, and coming back to PS and seeing these posts - I’m smiling and the smile is real
What most folks don’t know is that I’ve been having a less than stellar few weeks. Four weeks ago my grandmother was diagnosed with breast cancer. My mother is at the age where she’s supposed to have mammograms every other year, but she hadn’t gone since 2019 - so she rushed to get her own imagining done as well. And unfortunately she also has breast cancer.
So within the month I’ve gone from no family history to OMGFamilyHistory. I’m in my mid-thirties but given the situation and new risk profile I went in for an early baseline screen. Got my result day before yesterday - I’m clear.
My grandmother’s genetic testing was negative. And her cancer is… Slow, well-isolated, and responsive to hormone therapies. So she’ll have surgery to remove the one infected area and will take some pills for some unknown time. It’s an excellent outcome, given the diagnosis.
My mother’s still waiting for her genetic results. Her cancer is unfortunately much more severe. It’s ER/PR-, for those who are familiar with this flavour of horror… But is likely (hopefully) HER2+. We’ll know more in a few days. She's having have PET and MRI done next week (and echo week after), and we're of course hoping it hasn’t spread too far yet. But her doctor saw more lymph node activity now than even three weeks ago, so… Well, that would track with the aggressiveness of a HER2+ situation. That's both a curse and a blessing - it's potentially more responsive to targetted drugs, but if the treatment doesn’t work you’re stuck with a quickly-spreading cancer. She’ll start chemo on the 19th, 6 rounds three weeks apart, and then we’ll see what’s next, more chemo and/or surgery and/or radiation or…
Historically people in my family pass in their 60s and 70s. From things like strokes, heart disease, accidents, long-term complications from malnutrition. We don’t have cancer in the family. So the C word is just something I’ve never been worried about. (It has belatedly occurred to me that the reason we don’t have family history is because my ancestors didn’t actually last long enough for cancer to show up... You'd think I'd have considered this before now.)
But... I’m an optimist with this sort of thing, usually. Y'know? I’ve been lucky to not have had serious illness in my immediate family before now. Outside of with my animals, and with *them* my husband is the one preparing for bad news and I’m the one saying - believing - that It Will Be Okay. And I'm usually right. I mean, sometimes they're just very clearly not okay and it's time to let go, but when there are two possible outcomes, one okay and one not... Well, I've been really lucky with my furbabies.
And every step of this with my mum I’ve been similarly confident that what actually happens will be okay. And I've been wrong. The initial mammogram, I was sure she'd be fine since she was fine in 2019. I was sure the biopsy would end up being benign. I was sure the lymph node swelling they saw was due to Covid (which she had and didn't know it). I was sure her cancer would be ER/PR+ like her mother's. So... I'm trying to not get super hopeful for no distal metastasis. Especially since her doctor made a point to say that "statistics don’t determine an individual’s outcome", that doesn't exactly bode well.
My mum is doing as well as one could hope for, I think. She and my dad are approaching all of this shockingly calmly and logically - much more than I know I would. But this is the woman who developed and nurtured a successful career in technology despite following my dad around the world, moving to a new city/country and finding a new job every 6-18 months whilst basically single-parenting me until high school. She's a really strong person with ample history of not giving in to panic. And she’s being treated at a fantastic multidisciplinary institute and we’re lucky to have oncology expertise in my other half’s family for advice, second opinions, and referrals. Her odds are as good as they can be.
Me, I’m discovering a depth of dark humour that I didn’t know I possess. And stress is an excellent weight loss programme. I don’t have siblings and I’m not close with my extended family, and my dad’s family is all in India anyway, so it’s just me and him. But... she's got me and him and we aren’t going anywhere.
The guilt is the worst. I've not been nearly as present as I could - should - have been. I mean, I'm their only child. And I get annoyed that they still treat me like a child. Which they do, but it's partly cultural. And y'know what? I've been behaving like a child. I’ve been so wrapped up in my life and my work and my angsts, for so many years. I’m grateful to have at least some time with her to prioritize changing that, now.
And I’m changing jobs. New company, same industry. I made that decision right before all this cancer news came out. I still think it’s the right choice, for myself and my family, but it’s one more worry.
And my cat has been very sick. Turns out she has E. Coli. Which wasn't noted in the first culture - who knows what happened. She’s on new antibiotics now and doing much better, but three weeks ago we were pretty sure she’d be in an urn on the mantle by New Year.
So that’s the background of the past few weeks.
I’ve posted a couple of times about bling meaning different things to different people at different times. For me bling is escape, respite, relief. I can totally lose myself in planning a project, or admiring a finished jewel, or chasing academic minutiae - I can't think of anything else that can keep me that completely occupied. I used to try to hide it, because it seemed inappropriate to spend so much time and energy and money on something so #useless. But… Why should I? There are certainly worse sins.
To come back to PS after a few days off and see this totally unexpected outpouring of support and encouragement - and y’all had no idea how much this means to me right now. PSers get it. And the fact that I can feel more comfortable with and better understood by PSers than so many people in my day to day, even PSers whom I've not yet met in-person - will never cease to amaze me.
@mrs-b I don’t know what inspired you to write what you did when you did. I know that you've had too many health scares of your own. This week... The sentiment of being kind to others because you don’t know what they’re going though, you are an embodiment of that. My silver lining has been learning how many loving and generous people I've got in my life - so many of whom I wouldn’t know without this forum. mrs-b, PreRaphaelite, diamonds, Missie, dk, LLJsmom, Ally, Ann, Sharon, CCN, RWS, Pomelo, everyone with whom I've chatted off-forum, thank you. I’m so, so grateful for my friends.
Oh my goodness. @mrs-b. Wow.
You girls are the sweetest. I checked out of life for a couple of days, and coming back to PS and seeing these posts - I’m smiling and the smile is real
What most folks don’t know is that I’ve been having a less than stellar few weeks. Four weeks ago my grandmother was diagnosed with breast cancer. My mother is at the age where she’s supposed to have mammograms every other year, but she hadn’t gone since 2019 - so she rushed to get her own imagining done as well. And unfortunately she also has breast cancer.
So within the month I’ve gone from no family history to OMGFamilyHistory. I’m in my mid-thirties but given the situation and new risk profile I went in for an early baseline screen. Got my result day before yesterday - I’m clear.
My grandmother’s genetic testing was negative. And her cancer is… Slow, well-isolated, and responsive to hormone therapies. So she’ll have surgery to remove the one infected area and will take some pills for some unknown time. It’s an excellent outcome, given the diagnosis.
My mother’s still waiting for her genetic results. Her cancer is unfortunately much more severe. It’s ER/PR-, for those who are familiar with this flavour of horror… But is likely (hopefully) HER2+. We’ll know more in a few days. She's having have PET and MRI done next week (and echo week after), and we're of course hoping it hasn’t spread too far yet. But her doctor saw more lymph node activity now than even three weeks ago, so… Well, that would track with the aggressiveness of a HER2+ situation. That's both a curse and a blessing - it's potentially more responsive to targetted drugs, but if the treatment doesn’t work you’re stuck with a quickly-spreading cancer. She’ll start chemo on the 19th, 6 rounds three weeks apart, and then we’ll see what’s next, more chemo and/or surgery and/or radiation or…
Historically people in my family pass in their 60s and 70s. From things like strokes, heart disease, accidents, long-term complications from malnutrition. We don’t have cancer in the family. So the C word is just something I’ve never been worried about. (It has belatedly occurred to me that the reason we don’t have family history is because my ancestors didn’t actually last long enough for cancer to show up... You'd think I'd have considered this before now.)
But... I’m an optimist with this sort of thing, usually. Y'know? I’ve been lucky to not have had serious illness in my immediate family before now. Outside of with my animals, and with *them* my husband is the one preparing for bad news and I’m the one saying - believing - that It Will Be Okay. And I'm usually right. I mean, sometimes they're just very clearly not okay and it's time to let go, but when there are two possible outcomes, one okay and one not... Well, I've been really lucky with my furbabies.
And every step of this with my mum I’ve been similarly confident that what actually happens will be okay. And I've been wrong. The initial mammogram, I was sure she'd be fine since she was fine in 2019. I was sure the biopsy would end up being benign. I was sure the lymph node swelling they saw was due to Covid (which she had and didn't know it). I was sure her cancer would be ER/PR+ like her mother's. So... I'm trying to not get super hopeful for no distal metastasis. Especially since her doctor made a point to say that "statistics don’t determine an individual’s outcome", that doesn't exactly bode well.
My mum is doing as well as one could hope for, I think. She and my dad are approaching all of this shockingly calmly and logically - much more than I know I would. But this is the woman who developed and nurtured a successful career in technology despite following my dad around the world, moving to a new city/country and finding a new job every 6-18 months whilst basically single-parenting me until high school. She's a really strong person with ample history of not giving in to panic. And she’s being treated at a fantastic multidisciplinary institute and we’re lucky to have oncology expertise in my other half’s family for advice, second opinions, and referrals. Her odds are as good as they can be.
Me, I’m discovering a depth of dark humour that I didn’t know I possess. And stress is an excellent weight loss programme. I don’t have siblings and I’m not close with my extended family, and my dad’s family is all in India anyway, so it’s just me and him. But... she's got me and him and we aren’t going anywhere.
The guilt is the worst. I've not been nearly as present as I could - should - have been. I mean, I'm their only child. And I get annoyed that they still treat me like a child. Which they do, but it's partly cultural. And y'know what? I've been behaving like a child. I’ve been so wrapped up in my life and my work and my angsts, for so many years. I’m grateful to have at least some time with her to prioritize changing that, now.
And I’m changing jobs. New company, same industry. I made that decision right before all this cancer news came out. I still think it’s the right choice, for myself and my family, but it’s one more worry.
And my cat has been very sick. Turns out she has E. Coli. Which wasn't noted in the first culture - who knows what happened. She’s on new antibiotics now and doing much better, but three weeks ago we were pretty sure she’d be in an urn on the mantle by New Year.
So that’s the background of the past few weeks.
I’ve posted a couple of times about bling meaning different things to different people at different times. For me bling is escape, respite, relief. I can totally lose myself in planning a project, or admiring a finished jewel, or chasing academic minutiae - I can't think of anything else that can keep me that completely occupied. I used to try to hide it, because it seemed inappropriate to spend so much time and energy and money on something so #useless. But… Why should I? There are certainly worse sins.
To come back to PS after a few days off and see this totally unexpected outpouring of support and encouragement - and y’all had no idea how much this means to me right now. PSers get it. And the fact that I can feel more comfortable with and better understood by PSers than so many people in my day to day, even PSers whom I've not yet met in-person - will never cease to amaze me.
@mrs-b I don’t know what inspired you to write what you did when you did. I know that you've had too many health scares of your own. This week... The sentiment of being kind to others because you don’t know what they’re going though, you are an embodiment of that. My silver lining has been learning how many loving and generous people I've got in my life - so many of whom I wouldn’t know without this forum. mrs-b, PreRaphaelite, diamonds, Missie, dk, LLJsmom, Ally, Ann, Sharon, CCN, RWS, Pomelo, everyone with whom I've chatted off-forum, thank you. I’m so, so grateful for my friends.
Oh my goodness. @mrs-b. Wow.
You girls are the sweetest. I checked out of life for a couple of days, and coming back to PS and seeing these posts - I’m smiling and the smile is real
What most folks don’t know is that I’ve been having a less than stellar few weeks. Four weeks ago my grandmother was diagnosed with breast cancer. My mother is at the age where she’s supposed to have mammograms every other year, but she hadn’t gone since 2019 - so she rushed to get her own imagining done as well. And unfortunately she also has breast cancer.
So within the month I’ve gone from no family history to OMGFamilyHistory. I’m in my mid-thirties but given the situation and new risk profile I went in for an early baseline screen. Got my result day before yesterday - I’m clear.
My grandmother’s genetic testing was negative. And her cancer is… Slow, well-isolated, and responsive to hormone therapies. So she’ll have surgery to remove the one infected area and will take some pills for some unknown time. It’s an excellent outcome, given the diagnosis.
My mother’s still waiting for her genetic results. Her cancer is unfortunately much more severe. It’s ER/PR-, for those who are familiar with this flavour of horror… But is likely (hopefully) HER2+. We’ll know more in a few days. She's having have PET and MRI done next week (and echo week after), and we're of course hoping it hasn’t spread too far yet. But her doctor saw more lymph node activity now than even three weeks ago, so… Well, that would track with the aggressiveness of a HER2+ situation. That's both a curse and a blessing - it's potentially more responsive to targetted drugs, but if the treatment doesn’t work you’re stuck with a quickly-spreading cancer. She’ll start chemo on the 19th, 6 rounds three weeks apart, and then we’ll see what’s next, more chemo and/or surgery and/or radiation or…
Historically people in my family pass in their 60s and 70s. From things like strokes, heart disease, accidents, long-term complications from malnutrition. We don’t have cancer in the family. So the C word is just something I’ve never been worried about. (It has belatedly occurred to me that the reason we don’t have family history is because my ancestors didn’t actually last long enough for cancer to show up... You'd think I'd have considered this before now.)
But... I’m an optimist with this sort of thing, usually. Y'know? I’ve been lucky to not have had serious illness in my immediate family before now. Outside of with my animals, and with *them* my husband is the one preparing for bad news and I’m the one saying - believing - that It Will Be Okay. And I'm usually right. I mean, sometimes they're just very clearly not okay and it's time to let go, but when there are two possible outcomes, one okay and one not... Well, I've been really lucky with my furbabies.
And every step of this with my mum I’ve been similarly confident that what actually happens will be okay. And I've been wrong. The initial mammogram, I was sure she'd be fine since she was fine in 2019. I was sure the biopsy would end up being benign. I was sure the lymph node swelling they saw was due to Covid (which she had and didn't know it). I was sure her cancer would be ER/PR+ like her mother's. So... I'm trying to not get super hopeful for no distal metastasis. Especially since her doctor made a point to say that "statistics don’t determine an individual’s outcome", that doesn't exactly bode well.
My mum is doing as well as one could hope for, I think. She and my dad are approaching all of this shockingly calmly and logically - much more than I know I would. But this is the woman who developed and nurtured a successful career in technology despite following my dad around the world, moving to a new city/country and finding a new job every 6-18 months whilst basically single-parenting me until high school. She's a really strong person with ample history of not giving in to panic. And she’s being treated at a fantastic multidisciplinary institute and we’re lucky to have oncology expertise in my other half’s family for advice, second opinions, and referrals. Her odds are as good as they can be.
Me, I’m discovering a depth of dark humour that I didn’t know I possess. And stress is an excellent weight loss programme. I don’t have siblings and I’m not close with my extended family, and my dad’s family is all in India anyway, so it’s just me and him. But... she's got me and him and we aren’t going anywhere.
The guilt is the worst. I've not been nearly as present as I could - should - have been. I mean, I'm their only child. And I get annoyed that they still treat me like a child. Which they do, but it's partly cultural. And y'know what? I've been behaving like a child. I’ve been so wrapped up in my life and my work and my angsts, for so many years. I’m grateful to have at least some time with her to prioritize changing that, now.
And I’m changing jobs. New company, same industry. I made that decision right before all this cancer news came out. I still think it’s the right choice, for myself and my family, but it’s one more worry.
And my cat has been very sick. Turns out she has E. Coli. Which wasn't noted in the first culture - who knows what happened. She’s on new antibiotics now and doing much better, but three weeks ago we were pretty sure she’d be in an urn on the mantle by New Year.
So that’s the background of the past few weeks.
I’ve posted a couple of times about bling meaning different things to different people at different times. For me bling is escape, respite, relief. I can totally lose myself in planning a project, or admiring a finished jewel, or chasing academic minutiae - I can't think of anything else that can keep me that completely occupied. I used to try to hide it, because it seemed inappropriate to spend so much time and energy and money on something so #useless. But… Why should I? There are certainly worse sins.
To come back to PS after a few days off and see this totally unexpected outpouring of support and encouragement - and y’all had no idea how much this means to me right now. PSers get it. And the fact that I can feel more comfortable with and better understood by PSers than so many people in my day to day, even PSers whom I've not yet met in-person - will never cease to amaze me.
@mrs-b I don’t know what inspired you to write what you did when you did. I know that you've had too many health scares of your own. This week... The sentiment of being kind to others because you don’t know what they’re going though, you are an embodiment of that. My silver lining has been learning how many loving and generous people I've got in my life - so many of whom I wouldn’t know without this forum. mrs-b, PreRaphaelite, diamonds, Missie, dk, LLJsmom, Ally, Ann, Sharon, CCN, RWS, Pomelo, everyone with whom I've chatted off-forum, thank you. I’m so, so grateful for my friends.