The Ring or the Sentiment?

[enfianced]

Another plug here for GET YOUR LADY INVOLVED. It''ll pay off in the end and it doesn''t kill the romance. My then-BF actually ''gifted'' me ''e-ring shopping'' for my bday, we started looking that weekend and were engaged 15 days later. It was amazing and one of the most romantic things he''s ever done. He knew I had preferences and he respected my opinion. Love him for that.

 

[Imdanny]

Date: 5/6/2009 4:04:55 PM
Author: justinislooking
I''m a pretty traditional guy and I didn''t want my girlfriend to be involved in the ring process at all. She really doesn''t care about the ring. I could propose with no ring and she would be happy. I could never buy her a ring period and she would still love me the same. I did get her involved in looking at diamonds with me though. I was having too much fun to not have her involved. I literally couldn''t contain myself. I just wanted her to be a part of it. She isn''t going to have any say in the setting though. I listen to what she likes and I believe that I know her well enough to create the setting of her dreams.


All this BS (thats exactly what I see it as) with girls being insanely particular about a ring is horrible. Your future husband/wife is supposed to be the love of your life. If the only expression of that love comes from a ring, then I find that to be doomed to fail. Rings are beautiful, but marriage is a million times deeper than material possessions. Its the heart that matters more than anything.


I want to get my girlfriend a beautiful ring, because I love her to death. She is amazing and I want to give her the best. Almost all of my posts on here pertain to my search for the perfect ring. Thats just how I am. I want it to be a perfect ring.


I want to adorn her with beautiful jewelry, because I love her. I love her, because she loves me and will be ecstatic regardless of the ring.


Also, on a side note, I know this thread was probably spawned as a result of the other guy''s thread who was devastated, because his FW wasn''t happy with the ring. I think that is absolutely horrible for him. It would break my heart if my girlfriend responded in that manner. I just hope and pray that the whole situation can be reconciled and that this doesn''t scar their future relationship.

And herein is the reason this is an endlessly fascinating subject. There are two things involved: 1. the tradition that this is a gift a man gives to a woman (and as you said the fact that many men want to choose it) combined with 2. the fact that she''s the one who has to wear it and (naturally) wants to like it.

Personally, I think it''s best if they choose it together, but this is just MY feeling. Obviously, that''s not going to work for everyone.

 

[Sharon101]

Date: 5/7/2009 2:12:09 AM
Author: HornAround

Date: 5/6/2009 8:20:43 PM
Author: Sharon101




I cant think of any reason for the guy to have all the power and say in a relationship to hold his partner to ransome about when the proposal will take place (playing games , tricking her like she is a child) or to have that much say over the ring to choose something that the woman does not like at all.

Ransom (not ransome)? Are you kidding me? Do you tell family and friends what you want for Christmas? Do you pick out what you want for your birthday? How about Valentine''s day, is that something you have pegged on the list of future things for you? There is nothing wrong with ''tricking'' or ''playing games'' to try to keep your significant other out of the loop, since the idea is to try and not get suspected. Believe it or not, a lot of woman like the element of surprise and I hope it''s a day she will cherish for the rest of her life.

Those are fixed dates unlike a mystery proposal that you have hiddeen under one of your sleeves!!!! I personally find it quite condescending & immature to play games like that.

I wonder if the tables were turned if you would find it quite so cute and funny. Anyway, each to their own. Im here for the bling not to try to change the world!

 

[MishB]

I think a lot of the problem these days is women want to have it both ways - get the exact ring they want, but have it put on their finger during the ultimate romantic proposal. And that proposal had better be a surprise, but it had better not be one minute over the ''deadline''.

 

[Sharon101]

Date: 5/7/2009 8:59:43 AM
Author: MishB
I think a lot of the problem these days is women want to have it both ways - get the exact ring they want, but have it put on their finger during the ultimate romantic proposal. And that proposal had better be a surprise, but it had better not be one minute over the ''deadline''.

And the point is??????

 

[lucyandroger]

Date: 5/7/2009 5:24:27 AM
Author: Sharon101

Date: 5/7/2009 2:12:09 AM
Author: HornAround

Date: 5/6/2009 8:20:43 PM
Author: Sharon101




I cant think of any reason for the guy to have all the power and say in a relationship to hold his partner to ransome about when the proposal will take place (playing games , tricking her like she is a child) or to have that much say over the ring to choose something that the woman does not like at all.

Ransom (not ransome)? Are you kidding me? Do you tell family and friends what you want for Christmas? Do you pick out what you want for your birthday? How about Valentine's day, is that something you have pegged on the list of future things for you? There is nothing wrong with 'tricking' or 'playing games' to try to keep your significant other out of the loop, since the idea is to try and not get suspected. Believe it or not, a lot of woman like the element of surprise and I hope it's a day she will cherish for the rest of her life.

Those are fixed dates unlike a mystery proposal that you have hiddeen under one of your sleeves!!!! I personally find it quite condescending & immature to play games like that.

I wonder if the tables were turned if you would find it quite so cute and funny. Anyway, each to their own. Im here for the bling not to try to change the world!

I agree with you, Sharon. I actually find it kind of strange that these things go on in an adult relationship. Then again I think that the scavenger hunt proposals that seem to be all the rage (at least in my circles) are kind of condescending so maybe I'm just no fun

But really how do you have a relationship built on trust and equality if one person is lying about his level of commitment to the other one (causing her pain and self-doubt).

Picking out a Christmas/B-day/Valentine's gift is completely different...because you wear your ering EVERYDAY for the REST OF YOUR LIFE...it's different from an ugly sweater you can throw on once a year and pretend to love.

ETA - I guess here's another thing I just don't get...why do you care so much about the design of her engagement ring? I mean to the point that you wouldn't care if SHE didn't like it? My BF is not a typical "man's man" but even he's kind of confused about the men that insist on being the ring designer...what am I missing???

Also, this "frozen spit" argument never makes sense to me. Sure, we'd all marry our SOs without the ring...but we're getting them anyway. So why not actually like the ring you get. Just because a girl would be willing to wear crap doesn't mean you should spend a large amount of cash getting her something she'll think looks like crap.

 

[HornAround]

Date: 5/7/2009 5:24:27 AM
Author: Sharon101

Date: 5/7/2009 2:12:09 AM

Author: HornAround

Date: 5/6/2009 8:20:43 PM

Author: Sharon101





I cant think of any reason for the guy to have all the power and say in a relationship to hold his partner to ransome about when the proposal will take place (playing games , tricking her like she is a child) or to have that much say over the ring to choose something that the woman does not like at all.

Ransom (not ransome)? Are you kidding me? Do you tell family and friends what you want for Christmas? Do you pick out what you want for your birthday? How about Valentine''s day, is that something you have pegged on the list of future things for you? There is nothing wrong with ''tricking'' or ''playing games'' to try to keep your significant other out of the loop, since the idea is to try and not get suspected. Believe it or not, a lot of woman like the element of surprise and I hope it''s a day she will cherish for the rest of her life.

Those are fixed dates unlike a mystery proposal that you have hiddeen under one of your sleeves!!!! I personally find it quite condescending & immature to play games like that.


I wonder if the tables were turned if you would find it quite so cute and funny. Anyway, each to their own. Im here for the bling not to try to change the world!

LOL, you still didn''t get my point, go figure. Birthdays, Christmas, and Valentine''s day are all specific dates on the calender, an engagement is not. I think it''s hilarious that you feel entitled to pick and choose what YOU want when it comes to the engagement. Remember, it takes two to tango..... If we are doling out this amount of cash we want to feel like a big part of the process, and setting up the proposal and picking out the ring falls into that category. If you felt that he is the one, I would like to think you would wear a piece of frozen spit (people like to use that analogy here) proudly on your ring finger. Don''t get me wrong, my girlfriend deserves every penny I''m laying down on these rings and I''m more than willing to pay the price. However, if she ever came across as crass when it came to engagement ring itself, I would be highly disappointed.

Now, as I''ve stated before, picking out a ring with your partner is not wrong. I actually condone it for people who don''t like surprises. If a woman has a specific ring she wants and it''s within her partners budget, she needs to let him know ASAP before he gets the wrong thing

And no, you''re wrong about the tables being turned. If I knew my girlfriend spent months of blood, sweat, and tears research trying to find me the perfect TV (example), I would be thrilled that she would do such a thing.

 

[lucyandroger]

Date: 5/7/2009 10:04:37 AM
Author: Sharon101

Date: 5/7/2009 8:59:43 AM
Author: MishB
I think a lot of the problem these days is women want to have it both ways - get the exact ring they want, but have it put on their finger during the ultimate romantic proposal. And that proposal had better be a surprise, but it had better not be one minute over the ''deadline''.

And the point is??????

I actualy agree with you MishB. I kind of think it has to be one or the other. Like I said in another thread...I don''t get the idea of picking out the ring together and then waiting months for the "surprise" proposal. I think when my ring is done, my BF and I will probably go off to celebrate somewhere romantic, he''ll propose (i.e. we''ll officially agree as a couple that we''re going to get married), and we''ll come back engaged.

I guess I''m wondering where the idea that in order for something to be romantic, it has to be a "surprise" came from?

 

[bowral1]

Hornaround like I said before I wouldn’t worry about the situation you are in, i.e. only dating 10 months. I think the main point people are trying to make is just be careful about deception in relationships.

I have heard of girls breaking up with their boyfriends because their boyfriend said they wouldn’t be ready for marriage anytime soon. The girls took this as not ready for marriage to the girl. This may or may not have been the case. Again doesn’t sound at all like your situation, just be conscious of these scenarios
Good luck with the ring shopping your girlfriend is a lucky girl that you care so much.

melissa

 

[HornAround]

Date: 5/7/2009 11:10:54 AM
Author: bowral1
Hornaround like I said before I wouldn’t worry about the situation you are in, i.e. only dating 10 months. I think the main point people are trying to make is just be careful about deception in relationships.


I have heard of girls breaking up with their boyfriends because their boyfriend said they wouldn’t be ready for marriage anytime soon. The girls took this as not ready for marriage to the girl. This may or may not have been the case. Again doesn’t sound at all like your situation, just be conscious of these scenarios

Good luck with the ring shopping your girlfriend is a lucky girl that you care so much.


melissa

I agree it can be considered walking a thin line when the relationship has many vested years in it. However, my significant other knows I want to marry her someday, as we''ve talked about kids,houses, etc and the future. It''s just that she thinks I will ask when we have a few years under our belt. Honestly, I really thought I would need a few years to figure out if I was ready to get married. How wrong I was, because I love this girl more than I ever could have imagined and I can''t wait to ask her for hand in marriage. I know she''s going to be blown away.

Thank you for the kind words.

 

[bowral1]

That is awesome. Congrats

 

[Sharon101]

Date: 5/7/2009 10:13:20 AM
Author: HornAround

Date: 5/7/2009 5:24:27 AM
Author: Sharon101

Date: 5/7/2009 2:12:09 AM

Author: HornAround

Date: 5/6/2009 8:20:43 PM

Author: Sharon101





I cant think of any reason for the guy to have all the power and say in a relationship to hold his partner to ransome about when the proposal will take place (playing games , tricking her like she is a child) or to have that much say over the ring to choose something that the woman does not like at all.

Ransom (not ransome)? Are you kidding me? Do you tell family and friends what you want for Christmas? Do you pick out what you want for your birthday? How about Valentine''s day, is that something you have pegged on the list of future things for you? There is nothing wrong with ''tricking'' or ''playing games'' to try to keep your significant other out of the loop, since the idea is to try and not get suspected. Believe it or not, a lot of woman like the element of surprise and I hope it''s a day she will cherish for the rest of her life.

Those are fixed dates unlike a mystery proposal that you have hiddeen under one of your sleeves!!!! I personally find it quite condescending & immature to play games like that.


I wonder if the tables were turned if you would find it quite so cute and funny. Anyway, each to their own. Im here for the bling not to try to change the world!

LOL, you still didn''t get my point, go figure. Birthdays, Christmas, and Valentine''s day are all specific dates on the calender, an engagement is not. I think it''s hilarious that you feel entitled to pick and choose what YOU want when it comes to the engagement. Remember, it takes two to tango..... If we are doling out this amount of cash we want to feel like a big part of the process, and setting up the proposal and picking out the ring falls into that category. If you felt that he is the one, I would like to think you would wear a piece of frozen spit (people like to use that analogy here) proudly on your ring finger. Don''t get me wrong, my girlfriend deserves every penny I''m laying down on these rings and I''m more than willing to pay the price. However, if she ever came across as crass when it came to engagement ring itself, I would be highly disappointed.

Now, as I''ve stated before, picking out a ring with your partner is not wrong. I actually condone it for people who don''t like surprises. If a woman has a specific ring she wants and it''s within her partners budget, she needs to let him know ASAP before he gets the wrong thing

And no, you''re wrong about the tables being turned. If I knew my girlfriend spent months of blood, sweat, and tears research trying to find me the perfect TV (example), I would be thrilled that she would do such a thing.

Its not that I `felt` entitled to pick and choose when it came to the engagement....I actually was entitled and thats the way I live my life. And I refer to the timing as well as the ring. I must be one of the lucky gals who gets what she wants and lives happily ever after.

And for what its worth, the tables being turned refers to the timing of the proposal not the buying of the ring.

Meanwhile I think you cover the basics well enough eg. if its in the budget, she should let him know etc etc

 

[HornAround]

Date: 5/7/2009 12:07:23 PM
Author: Sharon101


Its not that I `felt` entitled to pick and choose when it came to the engagement....I actually was entitled and thats the way I live my life. And I refer to the timing as well as the ring. I must be one of the lucky gals who gets what she wants and lives happily ever after.

A little "Holier than thou" type attitude, but to each their own.

And for what its worth, the tables being turned refers to the timing of the proposal not the buying of the ring.

Well, if that''s the case, I would be even more thrilled that she bought me the TV earlier!

Meanwhile I think you cover the basics well enough eg. if its in the budget, she should let him know etc etc

 

[Sharon101]

Hey Horn, I didnt realise you have been only going out 10 months! Sometimes you get guys who tease their partner about the date even after many years of them living together...and thats not cool.

So you are one of the good guys in my book and no doubt your partner will love the ring you choose.

I really have to confess, its much more fun getting married while the relationship is in its honeymoon period. Maybe more risky but definately more fun.

Ive been going out with my guy since I was 16, engaged at 22 married at 24. (I must have done something right because he hasnt strayed for a second since he met me)! I may not have been entitled to demand things when we first started going out.....but by the time we were engaged you can be sure he had a deadline that he stuck too. And fast forward to now....and I am ruthless about what I want....but i always say please!!! Well truthfully he always says no and we meet in the middle...meaning I have to ask for double of what i really want.

 

[jstarfireb]

This is always a hot issue. I think Vespergirl hit it on the head. Some women are very particular about jewelry, and others don''t care as much. I''m one of the particular types. I''m fortunate enough to come from a background that has allowed me to own fine jewelry since I was a teenager. When we started talking about getting married, FI gave me a budget, I told him I wanted a princess cut, and we looked at stones together online. I chose the setting (saw it at Costco and had it replicated by WF). I made a conscious effort to stay near the lower end of his budget...sure, I coulda gone lower if I didn''t go custom, but I loved the setting from Costco, and no other stock setting came close to it for me. As soon as the pictures of the final product came in from WF, he proposed.

Honestly, I would have been pretty upset if he would have done everything on his own in the name of "surprise" or "tradition," even if the ring turned out beautiful and lined up with my personal tastes. Because I couldn''t care less about tradition, and I don''t like surprises. It was much more reflective of us as a couple and as individuals to keep the communication lines open and allow me full participation in the designing process. Does the fact that I care about jewelry and want to be involved in my ring selection make me greedy or entitled? No, it just makes me a woman who knows what she wants. And the way he went about things makes him a man who truly knows the woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with.

BTW, I''m planning on giving him money toward his first car (he''s 27 and hasn''t owned a car yet!) as an engagement/wedding gift. I waited this long (2 years after our engagement, around the time of the wedding) because I couldn''t afford it previously. Now that I can, I wouldn''t dream of picking the make and model of the car for him, because he''ll be the one driving it. I have been giving him some suggestions, but ultimately it''s up to him. And we''re *talking* about it. That''s how I think ring shopping should go.

 

[rainwood]

It''s interesting that several of you assume it''s traditional for the man to buy the ring and give it to her when he pops the question. I''ve been married for 30 years, and no one we know who got married in that same time frame was given the ring at the same time as the question. He asked, she said yes, and THEN they shopped for the ring. Plus, the proposals were mostly quite simple. I don''t know, maybe it''s regional or generational, but neither the ring nor the proposal were THEN what they''ve been built up to be NOW. Ask your parents and grandparents and see what they did. You might be surprised at the answers and what serves as tradition.

 

[rickster123]

Women are certainly different and it''s obvious some women here prefer/expect/feel entitled to being part of the e-ring purchase process......and some women are happy with SO handling things with a surprise proposal...

I''m just glad my lady is the traditional surprise type cos that is what I believe in....and in return, I had best do a darn good job picking up on her clues as to her style and preference in rings.....which is why I spend time at PS so I ensure I make the choice that suits her and prevents the "I hate this ring" scenario.

To each his own......To each her own.....

 

[HornAround]

Date: 5/7/2009 12:56:33 PM
Author: Sharon101
Hey Horn, I didnt realise you have been only going out 10 months! Sometimes you get guys who tease their partner about the date even after many years of them living together...and thats not cool.

Agreed.

So you are one of the good guys in my book and no doubt your partner will love the ring you choose.

I really have to confess, its much more fun getting married while the relationship is in its honeymoon period. Maybe more risky but definately more fun.

yes, it is very exciting and nerve racking all at the same time.

Ive been going out with my guy since I was 16, engaged at 22 married at 24. (I must have done something right because he hasnt strayed for a second since he met me)! I may not have been entitled to demand things when we first started going out.....but by the time we were engaged you can be sure he had a deadline that he stuck too. And fast forward to now....and I am ruthless about what I want....but i always say please!!! Well truthfully he always says no and we meet in the middle...meaning I have to ask for double of what i really want.

I think it''s great that you''ve been together so long and the relationship is rock solid. There''s nothing better than being with someone that truly understands you and loves you no matter what. It''s nice to see you are both so open with each other concerning each others wants. I''m sure that is what makes part of your relationship so wonderful. I find it truly refreshing to see a couple married that young still trucking with no signs of letting up.

 

[Pandora II]

Date: 5/7/2009 1:25:52 PM
Author: rainwood
It''s interesting that several of you assume it''s traditional for the man to buy the ring and give it to her when he pops the question. I''ve been married for 30 years, and no one we know who got married in that same time frame was given the ring at the same time as the question. He asked, she said yes, and THEN they shopped for the ring. Plus, the proposals were mostly quite simple. I don''t know, maybe it''s regional or generational, but neither the ring nor the proposal were THEN what they''ve been built up to be NOW. Ask your parents and grandparents and see what they did. You might be surprised at the answers and what serves as tradition.

Ditto!

It''s a modern concept for the ring to be part of the proposal. Until I joined PS I had no idea how common it had become as everyone in my extended family for many generations has always chosen the ring with their future spouse AFTER the proposal (except my brother because SHE didn''t want to).

 

[mausketeer]

Gosh, I can''t WAIT to post my ENTIRE e-ring story on here one day. Can''t do it right now for various reasons (privacy mainly). Let me just say that the engagement ring ITSELF was the first in a chain of events that (ironically) looks like it''s not going to end up the way we had intended (wedding is off for now. No new date has been set. Not sure if we will set a new one either).

Yes, the ring is a symbol. It''s also (usually) a gosh darn lot of money and spending a lot of money like that is VERY stressful. Add to that the whole "surprise/no surprise/expectations" thing and the stress level is amped up even more. Stress brings out the worst in people and how you deal with that says a LOT about you and about your partner AND about your relationship and future together.

I''ve decided that the next person who tries to tell me that "marriage is only a piece of paper" is getting socked in the jaw......

 

[DiamondFlame]

Hey, looks like I'm late for the BBQ... So what's cooking?

The ring or the sentiment? Or are they inextricably linked?
Romantic tradition vs practicality? Surprise ring proposal vs a ring shopping date?
The guy gets to buy it but the gal gets to wear it. So who has the bigger say?

First off, I'd like to strangle the person who started the 'tradition' of proposing with a ring.

Whose big idea was it? It's hard enough to figure out what a woman thinks, much less to pick out a ring she would love (without letting her in on it, mind you) and then surprise her with the ring proposal. If that's not 'mission impossible', there's another recent silly tradition making its rounds: the groom learning a new performing art to impress/surprise the bride with on the wedding day. Is the wedding turning into a circus?

Guys, we really need to tailor our plan of action to fit our women. Do you know your woman well enough? There's an old joke about a husband getting asked 'What's the secret to a happy marriage?" His answer is always along the lines of "just do what she says." Or at least make it seems like she's getting her way.

My GF cares more for the sentiment than the ring. She knows what I can and cannot afford. We've looked at rings together and she has shared her general preferences with me. We both love asscher cuts but agreed we can't afford one of the preferred sizes now. More importantly she loves me and knows she can trust my taste in fashion/style. We used to go window shopping together and my hypothetical choice of clothes, bags, shoes have always met her standards. So she's letting me choose what I'd love to see her wear on her finger. 'Cuz the engagement ring would always be MY ring. It is MY ring she will be wearing. So I get to pick. And because I know her tastes well, I'm pretty certain she's gonna love the aesthetics. But above and beyond, I know she'd be thrilled that we're getting engaged. I'm not the luckiest of guys but I think I'm well due for some really good karma... hehe.

I think the woman needs to manage her expectations. Can her guy really afford her dream ring? AND her dream wedding/home/lifestyle etc.
If she's set on a particular setting or ring, she really shd make it clear to her guy. Guys sometimes have this mentality that 'we know what's best.' If you can manage to make it sound like it's your guy's idea, that's even better.

Hypothetically, if a girl were to reject my chosen ring and throw me a bitch fit... I really would have to reconsider getting an upgrade...to a woman.

'cuz IMO, the engagement ring will ALWAYS be the GUY's ring.

 

[SYC]

Just figured I''d jump in for a minute to comment on this perenially hot topic.

I do want to point out the obvious fact that there are many sexist perceptions/ideas floating around the whole wedding story -- and on these boards. Of course, they''re all concentrated on the ring since this is, after all, a diamond forum. I just think it''s important to note that, when women now enter relationships as full partners, often bringing to the new family an equal if not greater financial contribution, it''s bizarre to see some of these posts, which seem to assume that women are sitting around at home, eating bonbons, comparing their rings to their friends'', and making various financial demands of their fiances and husbands who are off slaving away to finance those tastes. That simply isn''t the reality in most families now.

Sure, a ring is almost always a gift from the man, and there should be respect for his budget. And of course any gift from a loved one carries huge sentimental value.

But the underlying suggestion in some posts that women who are "being proposed to" should be thoroughly ecstatic to receive a ring, any ring, and perhaps not to have an opinion about that ring, is just silly. If you are proposed to with Lopsie Fugs, for example, I submit that one should not saunter around proudly flaunting it! (Admittedly, Lopsie Fugs is a very special stone).

In any case, marriage is and should be a partnership of equals. So why shouldn''t a woman have an opinion about a piece of jewelry she is going to wear every day of her life? I know some women are not particular at all about jewelry -- but for women who are particular, and who are accustomed to buying their own pieces that they love and they feel express themselves, it makes perfect sense to indicate her preferences and to participate in the ring-purchasing decision. That doesn''t take anything away from her feelings for the man or for the relationship. And yes, ring shopping together can be quite romantic.

 

[MrsChil]

Looks like I''m late for the BBQ too!

Just wanted to give my .02 on this topic since I have experienced both sides.

I first got engaged when I was 18 years old with a .60 carat pear shaped diamond ring. My now ex-husband purchased the ring at a mall jewelry store on credit for I''M SURE way more than he should have (especially since the flaws were VERY obvious and the diamond had a definite yellow tint)

At that time a .60 carat diamond was very large for someone our age however it was most definitely not my style and never was. That being said I was young and happy to have the ring all the same. We were married for 14 years and although I never loved the ring I wouldn''t think of upgrading it because of the sentimental value.

Now, I am a girl who loves her jewelry. I always have and always will. That doesn''t mean that I have a ton of it but the pieces that I do have I LOVE. Thankfully my fiance knows this about me and loves me all the same

He is very romantic (which by the way is one of the MANY reason I love him and still wanted to be able to surprise me with a ring and proposal without me knowing about it. Of course we had already talked about marriage and knew it was in our future so it wasn''t a complete shock. He also knew that I would never want to upgrade my ring later on even if I didn''t really like it and he REALLY wanted me to LOVE the ring that I would be wearing forever. Now, my fiance has extremely good taste and I love his style, however he knows an engagement ring is an entirely different beast and didn''t want to risk me not completely loving it. He ended up proposing to me with a pink sapphire ring to have as a keepsake once we got my wedding ring. After we were engaged we started our journey to finding the perfect diamond and ring together. Honestly it couldn''t have been more perfect He got to propose without me being the wiser and I get to wear the ring of my dreams for the rest of my life

He''s very proud of the ring we created together (as am I) and loves it when he catches me staring at it!

That may not be for everyone but it worked for us

 

[Ara Ann]

Well, my story is not a ''by the book'' proposal by any means, it''s truly unique...

Trying to make a long story short.

I met my hubby when I was 17, he was 21. I had already graduated from HS (I have a late b-day) and we met in the theater department at our local college. We became friends and on the last night of the play we were in, which was the eve of my 18th b-day, were at a party together...at midnight he asked if he could give me a birthday kiss, I said yes and I''ve never kissed another guy since that night.

Just over a month after my b-day, I got very sick at my friends house and had to go to the hospital. Given our young age, the doctors suspected I had taken some kind of drugs (furthest from the truth!) ... I was admitted because I couldn''t'' keep anything down (sorry if that''s TMI)...I had tubes and an IV and they ran all kinds of tests on me for several days, during which, my ''boyfriend'' came to visit me every chance he could...he was afraid something was really wrong. Finally they concluded I just had a virus of some kind and decided to release me the next day and finally removed all the tubes, etc., which thrilled me! ...my boyfriend was kept late at work that day and arrived at the hospital past visiting hours and had to BEG the nurse to let him in to see me. I was drifting off to sleep, looked terrible, but was happy to feel better, when all of the sudden my boyfriend comes in...he hugged me and was so relieved I was doing better...he made small talk for a minute, but knew he had to leave (the nurse only gave him a few minutes)...he was holding my hand, I had my eyes closed, but I felt him move off of the bed...well, he was kneeling down and asked me to marry him. Just like that. It was a surprise to me, no fancy dinner, no candles or sunset on the beach...no ring either...just him asking me to marry him. I said yes and a few weeks later we picked out my ring together.

Fast forward 22 years...I am on my third wedding ring, for various reasons, but have the SAME husband, the same man that kissed me on my 18th birthday...I do love jewelery, but he is my forever diamond.

I hesitated sharing our engagement story because it wasn''t a big, fancy or impressive ''to do'' - but you know what? I don''t know that I''d have changed it for anything, now that I think about how things have unfolded. It was perfect because that''s how we started.


(PS - my joke for years after was that he proposed because he didn''t think I was going to make it!

)

 

[tlroza]

Interesting thread, I have to laugh as my situation is kinda funny.

My boyfriend is 45 years old, has never been married and had never had kids. All of his buddies that he''s had since high school are the same, never been married and had never had kids. They''ve basically have done the same thing all of their lives. They are all sucessful business owners that play hard and have fun, skiing in Canada, snowboarding...etc.

I on the other hand, have grown children, have been married before and have lived a different life than my guy.

We''ve been together almost 5 years, and recently have talked about getting married. I wasn''t sure what kind of proposal I would get if any. As a matter of fact, I was afraid he would never ask me and at the same time, afraid if he did.

He has decided that at 45, he''s a little old to have a girlfriend and that our relationship should go to the next step, that''s why I love him, as I''m not the romantic type and after 5 years we know by now, we will be together forever.

He has stated that he is "old school" and always thought that a guy just goes and buys a ring and gets down on bended knee and asks.

I am so glad we discussed this as he know''s nothing about diamonds. He''s bought me pieces of jewlery in the past and has always shopped at Tiffany''s. The things he has purchased are nice and I wear them, but an egagement ring will be something that I will wear every day. I would never want him to go buy a ring at Tiffany''s! I would want him to get the best diamond for his money and he doesn''t know what that is. The sentiment would be there, and I think it would be much more meaningful if we picked it out together.

 

[elle_chris]

The women on PS are NOT your typical women.

In the real world, what happed to the OP on the other thread, rarely happens. I''ve never once met, or heard of a woman having a fit over an e-ring. Sure, maybe they don''t all love it- but they do love what it represents and for most, that''s more than enough. They''re not going to be asking what alloys the metal was mixed with, they''re not going to be louping the stone, and they sure as hell won''t care about inclusions or color unless it''s obviously tinted with a big carbon spot in the center.

PS is a whole ''nother world. How many of us honestly cared this much about rings before discovering this site? I''d venture to bet not many. I know I didn''t. In fact, I didn''t even get an e-ring when my husband said "let''s get married" and you know what, I didn''t care.

In the end, i do think it''s about the sentiment. Sure a girl should love her ring, and I think most do. But not because of what it looks like, but rather what it means.

 

[musey]

Date: 5/7/2009 8:59:43 AM
Author: MishB
I think a lot of the problem these days is women want to have it both ways - get the exact ring they want, but have it put on their finger during the ultimate romantic proposal. And that proposal had better be a surprise, but it had better not be one minute over the 'deadline'.

I think that's a HUUUUUUGE over-generalization. In my experience, these women you're referring to make up an extremely small portion of the overall female population - but maybe we just run in different circles

I have only ONCE in my real life heard of a woman like you describe above (and she is of questionable character anyway).

I've said it in other threads and I'll repeat it here: my then-boyfriend and I considered the e-ring a joint purchase symbolizing out mutual decision to get married. As such, we chose the ring together.

That's what worked for us. For some couples, what 'works' is having the ring be under the man's complete control so that the entire thing (including ring) is a surprise. There's nothing wrong with that either - but that wasn't going to be the most meaningful experience for us, so we did it differently.

... and no, my husband's proposal was in no way lacking in the 'surprise' or 'romance' department - just because I knew about what the ring was going to look like (I hadn't seen the finished product) didn't mean I knew where/when/how he was going to propose. The ring is just a part of the proposal, albeit a relatively important one for most people, but still was just one part of the whole experience for me.


Every individual is different, and every couple is different. It's about finding what works best for the two of you as a couple, and no matter how much we beat this dead horse again and again (and again, and again, and again, and OMG AGAIN) it's still going to be about what is right for you and your partner, and nothing else.

 

[ficklefaye]

i''m late to the party, but here are my two cents, i''m very sentimental, but honestly if i didn''t love the ring, i can''t make myself like it, as meaningful as it''s supposed to be, it''s on my finger, so i gotta love it

but i would work within my budget to buy a ring i love because if i''m happy, FI is happy

 

[soycoffee]

I really like hearing everyone''s stories!

I just wanted to chime in to point out that, with a few exceptions, pretty much all rings are some degree of Pretty, Sparkly Goodness! I understand being picky, but, really it''s all nice, and we''re all lucky to have these sort of material possessions. There are people who could never even dream of owning a diamond. So, to turn a ring away because you aren''t happy with it just seems so...weird to me.

That''s just my opinion though--it''s all old polished rock that came out of the ground! (but, given the chance, it''s nice to have something that suits you, but not given that chance, it''s still a blessing).

 

[Po10472]

The type of proposal, ring choosing options need to be means tested for every relationship.

What appeals to one may not appeal to another and that''s just the way it is.

I know for a fact that my DH loves to suprise me and he''s amazing at knowing what I want even if I don''t. That works for us, but it doesn''t always work for others. With that being said, I chose my own ering cos he knew that''s what I would want to do.

So.......you can always mix and match the proposal and still have it as a suprise but it depends on the relationship and the ring does matter to some, not more than the sentiment but it symbolises the sentiment so it does matter.

I would love an upgrade, I want to keep my original ER cos I love it and I wouldn''t part with it for the world but my DH knows that I''d do all the research and we''d choose it together but I''d want him to then suprise me with the gift of it. That''s more exciting to me, the anticipation of what you know is coming and the impatience is a great feeling.