TTC when you are around 40 years old?

[Pandora II]

I'll try and do a full post later (kid on knee, typing with one finger), but for starters, there is no private adoption - you can't hook up with a birth mother and agree to adopt the baby for example as you can in the USA, it's illegal here.

 

[Logan Sapphire]

OK, thanks, Pandora. I look forward to reading more...once your knee is sans child.

 

[decodelighted]

Pandora,
Help me understand. You partly decided not to have another child because its GRANDPARENTS won't know if the kid will become a DOCTOR or not?

 

[Pandora II]

Pandora,
Help me understand. You partly decided not to have another child because its GRANDPARENTS won't know if the kid will become a DOCTOR or not?

LOL, no, we haven't decided whether to rule out another or not yet, and there are many factors involved in it.

It's not as defined as that - it was just an example - but our grandparents were very important to both of us and we would like our child/children to have the chance to get to know theirs. It was over Christmas that my father said 'You never know, she might do medicine' (which he has said about every kid and every grandchild so far ) and I suddenly realised that he would probably never know and that made me sad, and made me think about the whole bigger picture, including what we would miss out on if our children followed the general trend here and got married/had children later in life (if they have any at all).

I also have to say that at 39, I don't have the energy that I had in my 20's. Sleepless nights take their toll in a big way.

I have a sister who is 14 years younger than me and I know that my parents do sometimes think that they must have been crazy having another - my father was 46 when she was born. Even after he retired he was paying college fees, and she then got pregnant accidently last year, didn't find out till she was 7 months and now my father in his 70's has had a newborn and his youngest daughter (my sister is 25) living with them for a year. He was happy to do this for her (he was even her birth-partner), but it wasn't exactly the retirement he had envisaged!

 

[decodelighted]

I see Pandora,
I think I'm jaded because I've been finding out about so many people dying in their FORTIES lately -- moms who won't know if their kids graduated elementary school ... much less Law School, yanno!?? I'm the *oldest* child in my family, born to young parents, and didn't have a single surviving grandparent when I got married. Guess its just my own bias coming out. But, on the otherhand, I do think there's some sort of afterlife & that relatives can kind of keep tabs on what goes on here on the Blue Marble. So there's that .... (though I know many don't believe similarly.)

 

[Pandora II]

I see Pandora,
I think I'm jaded because I've been finding out about so many people dying in their FORTIES lately -- moms who won't know if their kids graduated elementary school ... much less Law School, yanno!?? I'm the *oldest* child in my family, born to young parents, and didn't have a single surviving grandparent when I got married. Guess its just my own bias coming out. But, on the otherhand, I do think there's some sort of afterlife & that relatives can kind of keep tabs on what goes on here on the Blue Marble. So there's that .... (though I know many don't believe similarly.)

We're atheists, so that doesn't feature in our outlook...

On the otherhand, we both come from families who live a long time. My grandmother died in the summer at 93, DH's grandfather a few days later at 92. His grandmother has just turned 92 and my other one turns 90 next year.

Even in the 1700's our ancestors were going strong in their 80's and 90's, so I pretty much expect people to live a long time. Obviously accidents and other nasties can strike, but my general mind-set is to expect relatives to die in their dotage.

I chose my parents wisely in terms of their genes!

 

[Maisie]

Pandora, I think its awesome that you know so much about your ancestors! One of my grandads was a gypsy so I can only go back as far as him. My sister is trying to trace our family tree but as we aren't speaking I can't ask how she is getting on.

My husband does need a vasectomy reversal. The surgeon is very confident that the operation will be successful. I'm just reluctant to pay the £2600 out if i'm not 100% sure I want to try.

I don't want to foster. I couldn't hand a child back. Its too hard. I fostered my niece for 6 months when she was 2 and it was extremely painful giving her up when her mother decided to have her adopted.

I feel torn here. In my heart I really want another baby, but my brain is being sensible and saying its not such a great idea. My Diabetes is very well controlled, I haven't read anything on the adoption websites that specifically say that a person with Diabetes can't apply or be approved.

I also read up on international adoption. I know China is very strict. I don't really feel drawn to go for adoption abroad anyway. The idea of adoption isn't as important to me as having a child myself, and to be honest I don't feel like I would go down that route as I think you have to be very commited to adoption. Its a long and stressful process with no guarantee of success at the end. I don't know if I want to go down that road.

My brain is tired from thinking so much!

 

[TravelingGal]

I'm 40 this year. And I just got home from sitting in a waiting room while my husband had a vasectomy performed, so we are one and done.

Maisie, without knowing your situation all that well, I'll go out on a limb and say IMHO it's not the best idea for you. Your husband had a vasectomy, so I assume at some point things were discussed and you both agreed it was a good idea not to have any more children.

Based on our discussion on another thread, I know you sometimes go on a hunt for something that you think will make you happy. I do understand that your role as a mother can often become a person's IDENTITY, meaning that as your kids get older, it's possible that a mother wonders what her worth will be when she is no longer a mother. Hence the drive to have more children to keep it going as long as possible.

You are currently having issues with anger and depression (?) from your sister's situation and you don't seem entirely mentally as healthy as you can be.

This and many of the reasons the others mentioned gives me the opinion that I have. And obviously I personally, don't believe it's the right thing for me to conceive at 40 years of age.

 

[Maisie]

I'm definitely not depressed. As for angry and frustrated, yes I am. I don't feel mentally unstable though. You raise a good point though. At the minute I feel like I am defined as being a mother. Its all i've ever done. I haven't had a career. Maybe i'm worrying about who I will be once the children get older. What will I do? Its a bit scary.

 

[decodelighted]

I do understand that your role as a mother can often become a person's IDENTITY, meaning that as your kids get older, it's possible that a mother wonders what her worth will be when she is no longer a mother. Hence the drive to have more children to keep it going as long as possible.

100% agree w/this point. My own mother has, to some extent, infantalized one of my siblings such that he still lives at home in his mid-30s. Now he has mental health issues, granted. But I suspect some of her HESITANCE to get him help (until recently) stemmed from her own desire to continue to have someone to *mother*. Even if it was SUBCONSCIOUS at the time. SUBCONSCIOUS desires can be the most toxic & destructive ones. (But strong. So strong.)

 

[TravelingGal]

I'm definitely not depressed. As for angry and frustrated, yes I am. I don't feel mentally unstable though. You raise a good point though. At the minute I feel like I am defined as being a mother. Its all i've ever done. I haven't had a career. Maybe i'm worrying about who I will be once the children get older. What will I do? Its a bit scary.

Maisie, I think the best thing a mother can do is have a strong identity as a WOMAN. And that means a lot of other things...

These are rhetorical questions, so you don't have to answer them, but...

- How is your relationship with your husband. I mean, how it is as a DIRECT relationship with one another - NOT as the man who is the father of your kids, and you as the mother of his. Are you friends. Do you talk about a lot of things besides your children. Do you spend time together, even if it means at only at night when the kids go to bed? Do you look forward to a future with him AFTER your kids are out of the nest and dream of all the fun you will have together?

- What is your social circle like? Do you have girlfriends to gab with, have lunch with, and talk nonsense and serious with?

- Do you have interests, hobbies, and any area where you can exercise your mind?

If you have absolutely none of the above, you may not be in a good place when all your children are grown. And it will happen at some point, you can't pop out babies forever. I didn't want to have another child for many reasons, but part of it was that I am eager for it to be just TGuy and me again. I can't wait for us to travel, and just enjoy each other. We can do that now, of course, but not as freely. He is my best friend and I didn't want any more attention away from our relationship than there already is.

I see a very happy and fulfilled life for me post child. If you don't for yours, then I would encourage you to start building up a great life for yourself for your later years, which hopefully will includes lots of grandbabies to dote on!

 

[Maisie]

I don't mind answering your questions.

I adore my husband. We are in a wonderful place considering we were almost divorced a few years ago. We have mummy daddy time away from the children. We are planning a little break away soon and I am very excited for it to just be us two. I don't dread the day when its just us two, in fact the more I think about it, the more I wonder if having another baby would be a good plan. We get along very well together. I said earlier in the thread that I would love for us to be able to travel etc.

My two best girlfriends are almost 300 miles away. I miss them very much and haven't made any friends where we live now. I know I should get out there and meet people but there isn't any point as we are moving to our next posting in the early summer. I do intend on making the effort at our next base.

I was considering studying Law. I could start off at college and move on to University if I feel clever enough. I worry that it will be too difficult to go back to studying after a huge break. I left school 24 years ago

 

[partgypsy]

Well there is a whole lot in between nothing, and going to law school! I'm thinking of all kinds of hobbies, interests, and also fostering relationships with existing/new people.
If I had more time I have a whole list of stuff I'd do, starting off with a looong delayed romantic trip with hubby, 2) catching up on reading 3) book club/craft evenings with friends 4) making comics 5) visiting friends and family far away 6) getting my baking chops back etc. Unless you HAVE to work there are so many things out there, really I still think of 40 being in one's prime of one's life.

 

[Maisie]

I don't have to work. I'm very blessed that way. I feel a bit nervous about finding a life outside the home. I've been a mother since I was 18. I don't know how to do anything else. A hobby would be a good start. I wonder what I should do.... thats something to think about.

 

[Pandora II]

One of the saddest reasones why some couples are declined is becasue of illnesses which at present have not manifested but are assumed may become an issue several years down the road. diabetes is one of them. Adult onset diabletes is sosmething asymptomatic and only found througn routine blood tests. Each case is assessed on a case by case basis. Terry and Robert wanted to start their second adoption, their first child ahd settled in nicely and they had all bonded as a family and now it was time to find a brother or sister. They were both in good health or so they assumed. The required blood test indicated that Rob had type 2 diabetes and a type that may lead to blindness in senior years. The medical advisor for their agency took a very strong stance and refused to allow them to porceed with the adoption, despite guarantees by diabetic experts that the chances of blindness occuring in this particular case are very slim.

In the interests of the child dictates that a child placed in a new adopted family must have the best chance for a loving and normal life, which means having two adult parents that will live well past there teens and into their 20's and even 30's.

Many of us come fairly late to parenthood through adoption, so already the children have a slight disadvantage over their peeers concerning the age of the parents. Now with the possiblity that one parent 'may not' live until their adulthood meant that the social services could not accept them as adoptive parents again.

The irony here is that there are no guarantees to life and an adoptive parent has just as much chance as anyone else to be struck down by the proverbial bus.

Above is from one of the UK sites on Adoption...

Maisie, I think looking for something fulfilling for yourself to do in terms of a hobby or study etc might be the best option. If you are interested in having a 'baby' as in, a very young newborn, then I really think that adoption will not be the answer. Your chances of being assigned a child under 12 months are pretty much zero.

There are very few available for adoption - most of those who are are adopted by immediate family - and priority is given to childless couples. In 2010, only 2% of children adopted in the UK were under a year (70 children) - the average age was 3 years.

There is also the added issue of many adoptions being 'open' in that the child still has a level of contact with the birth family - could you deal with that?

ETA: I'm lucky that DH and I both come from families where they can be traced back a long way. My MIL's family are as English as you can get and can be traced back to the Doomsday book, FIL's are German Jewish and can be traced back to the Middle Ages. My father's mother's family can be easily traced back to the 2nd Century AD (she came from a somewhat aristocratic family), and his father's to the 1500's... it's fascinating who turns up.

 

[Maisie]

Thank you for that info Pandora. There have been a lot of great posts here. I appreciate that people have taken time to offer advice and its all been done in a nice way. I am beginning to think that I should be grateful for the wonderful family that I already have and not try to add to it. My life is wonderful as it is. I'm going to have a good long talk with my husband and see what he says.

 

[lliang_chi]

Maisie, just a suggestion but perhaps some volunteer work with children will give you some happiness doing what you like and define yourself as. Perhaps working in a classroom or hospital?

Perhaps there's you can go back and do early childhood education and become a day care teacher or open your own day care? Just some thoughts. It seems like you very much enjoy being a mother, and you have a lot of experience and love to give children.

Good luck talking to your husband.

~LC

 

[Maisie]

Maisie, just a suggestion but perhaps some volunteer work with children will give you some happiness doing what you like and define yourself as. Perhaps working in a classroom or hospital?

Perhaps there's you can go back and do early childhood education and become a day care teacher or open your own day care? Just some thoughts. It seems like you very much enjoy being a mother, and you have a lot of experience and love to give children.

Good luck talking to your husband.

~LC

Thank you. A wonderful idea!

 

[Pandora II]

OK, thanks, Pandora. I look forward to reading more...once your knee is sans child.

Logan, here are just a few bits on it - it was a fair few years ago that I was looking into it!

In order to adopt in the UK, you have to be accepted by the Social Services Agency (a government body) as a potential adopter. This process generally takes around 8 months to a year to complete and includes a criminal background check, health checks and a complete home study. The conditions aren't absolutely set in stone, so what might not exclude you in one area of the country might exclude you in another depending on the views and quirks of the local department. Friends and relatives who often visit your home will also need to undergo background checks.

If you pass the assessments then social services will outline the sort of children you can adopt (generally they don’t like either parent to be 40 years older or more than the child they adopt, so if the oldest partner is 43 then you would be eligible to adopt children aged 3 and older). They will send details of eligible children and you can start to set up meetings - although these may not happen often... they will perhaps consider 6 families for a child, make one first choice and reject the others, so even though you were 'considered' for the child, unless you are 1st or perhaps 2nd choice then you would never know about them.

You are more likely to be successful if you will take an older child, a sibling group or a child with disabilities - as I said in the post above, the average age of children adopted in the UK is 3. If you are approved for adopting a child under 12 months, then the wait is generally between 3 and 10 YEARS!

You also need to attend 'adoption courses' - if you don't then they take a dim view of your application.

Once you have been matched with a child, adoption can't take place until the child has lived with you for at least 3 months. In the case of a baby, the 3 months cannot start until the child is 6 weeks old as the birth mother cannot give the child up for adoption until 6 weeks after the birth so as to give her time to make a decision free from the hormones and emotions that are there at the time of the birth, although she may physically give the child up earlier.

If you are adopting a very young child then the 'mother' is expected to take a year's adoption leave from work (it's the same as our maternity leave paid for 39 weeks but at a very low amount) and also reduce work hours to around 9-5 if they worked longer beforehand once they go back to work.

You have to have finished any fertility treatments at least 6 months or longer before you can apply to adopt.

If you have children, then there must be a minimum of 2 years between the age of your youngest natural child and any adoptive child (some areas want even longer).

You need to have a stable home base - you don't have to own a property, but if you rent you need to know you will be staying there for some time. They will want to see and meet your support networks - friends, family nearby etc. You also need to have appropriate space - if you have a 2 bedroom house and an 8 year-old son, you might be eligible to adopt another boy, but you'd need more bedrooms if you wanted to adopt a girl.

If you adopt from overseas (last year there were 300 international adoptions from the UK, so a pretty tiny number) then you have to go through all the above assessments before being able to bring a child into the country and then you must wait 12 months minimum before the adoption can be finalised. For some countries, you need to complete adoption procedures in both your home country and that of the child. The homestudy part in the UK generally takes from 8 to 15 months plus another 4 months or so to get the files and certificates sent overseas.

The UK is also fairly strict on what countries can be adopted from - for example, you cannot currently adopt children from Guatemala or Cambodia.

Any form of independent or private adoption in the UK is completely illegal - including between relatives.

Hope this helps - I know I was very suprised about how many people on PS said they planned to adopt as well as have biological children. Here, that just wouldn't be the case because of the real difficulties in the process.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Maisie, just a suggestion but perhaps some volunteer work with children will give you some happiness doing what you like and define yourself as. Perhaps working in a classroom or hospital?

Perhaps there's you can go back and do early childhood education and become a day care teacher or open your own day care? Just some thoughts. It seems like you very much enjoy being a mother, and you have a lot of experience and love to give children.

Good luck talking to your husband.

~LC

This is a great idea. What about volunteering in your 7 year old's classroom? Teachers always need parents helping out, especially with kids at a young age. You probably can work out a plan where you go to your son's class once a week for at a specific time to help the kids with individual reading or counting, etc. It makes a tremendous difference for the kids and it's also very rewarding for the volunteer parents!

 

[AGBF]

The UK is also fairly strict on what countries can be adopted from - for example, you cannot currently adopt children from Guatemala or Cambodia.

I am not disagreeing with this statement, but I think I can elucidate it a bit. The UK is a party to the Hague Convention on Intercountry Adoption and, therefore, abides by the terms of the convention. The United States has not, yet, signed the Convention although it follows the same rules when dealing with any Convention signatories. Guatemala and Cambodia are striving to come into compliance with the Hague Convention at the moment, which means overhauling some of their internal child welfare practices. The list of signatories to the Hague Convention is really not short, so the list of countries from which people in the UK can legally adopt is not terribly limited legally, but there are many countries which are not providing children for adoption.

That does not mean that there are not homeless babies and children and countries around the world. It means that many countries are allowing their children to languish in orphanages and live in the streets rather than to allow them to be adopted into western homes. And it is a great tragedy.

Deb/AGBF

 

[bee*]

I know you said that you don't have to work but perhaps getting some part-time work would be an idea. I work with a lady who began to work when her children got a bit older and she absolutely loves it as she's meeting and interacting with people and my colleagues and I have a great social life with each other and frequently go out which she really enjoys. She only works 2 afternoons a week at the moment and she doesn't have to financially.

 

[Logan Sapphire]

The UK is also fairly strict on what countries can be adopted from - for example, you cannot currently adopt children from Guatemala or Cambodia.

I am not disagreeing with this statement, but I think I can elucidate it a bit. The UK is a party to the Hague Convention on Intercountry Adoption and, therefore, abides by the terms of the convention. The United States has not, yet, signed the Convention although it follows the same rules when dealing with any Convention signatories. Guatemala and Cambodia are striving to come into compliance with the Hague Convention at the moment, which means overhauling some of their internal child welfare practices. The list of signatories to the Hague Convention is really not short, so the list of countries from which people in the UK can legally adopt is not terribly limited legally, but there are many countries which are not providing children for adoption.

That does not mean that there are not homeless babies and children and countries around the world. It means that many countries are allowing their children to languish in orphanages and live in the streets rather than to allow them to be adopted into western homes. And it is a great tragedy.

Deb/AGBF

Actually, I'm pleased to report that the US has in fact signed the Convention (1994) and according to the State Department, "and the Convention entered into force for the United States in April 2008" (whatever that means).

 

[Maisie]

I can't help out at James' school. Because he is Austistic they don't want to blur the lines between school and home. It would confuse him apparently. I wonder if I should go to college and get my nursery nursing qualification. It would take two years but then I would be qualified to work in a school nursery, private nursery or as a nanny. Surely with my experience I wouldn't struggle with the course!

 

[AGBF]

Actually, I'm pleased to report that the US has in fact signed the Convention (1994) and according to the State Department, "and the Convention entered into force for the United States in April 2008" (whatever that means).

Thank you, Logan, I stand (or actually, sit) corrected! I found a great link that explains why 2008 is mentioned (technically, the treaty went into effect on April 1, 200. This website gives the entire history of the the evolution of the Hague Convention on Intercountry Adoption and the steps taken within the United States to incorporate it into our adoption system and legal system.

Link:
http://adoption.about.com/od/international/f/whathague.htm

Deb/AGBF

 

[tulip928]

I can't help out at James' school. Because he is Austistic they don't want to blur the lines between school and home. It would confuse him apparently. I wonder if I should go to college and get my nursery nursing qualification. It would take two years but then I would be qualified to work in a school nursery, private nursery or as a nanny. Surely with my experience I wouldn't struggle with the course!

Do you have postpartum doulas in the UK? I work with families with newborns - and I love the work! I help with breastfeeding, babycare and education about infant care, to light housework or errands at times. I help to make the transition easier, especially for first time parents. My kids have all left the nest. My two daughters are married and I now have 3 grandkids, but they all a distance away. It's so hard to not see them - I didn't think it would be this way! I had my kids young, and I miss being a mom, so I get my fill this way and my work is much appreciated!!

Training and certification is not to difficult to obtain - this group mentions they are heading to England (maybe others are already active there)

http://www.maternitywise.com/doulatrainingdates.html

 

[FrekeChild]

It sounds like you have already made a decision, but as a child of parents who were 45 and 37 when I was born, I felt like I missed out on a lot because I had the "old" parents. My husband also had older parents, although not quite as old as mine, and when we talked about it, we told each other that we would come to a conclusion about kids by the age of 30. Not have them by 30, but figure out if we were going to do it. Neither of us wanted to be the "old" parents. We wanted to be able to play catch, roll around on the floor, etc. We didn't get that with our parents. I often get spoken to by strangers as if my dad is my grandfather.

My older brothers were 18 and 20 years older than I was, as is the rest of the generation of cousins. My brother and his wife have 5 children - oldest is 19, youngest is around 18 months. The others are 17, 14 and 6. The older three have raised the 6 year old because their parents are too tired. I imagine this will also be the case with the youngest. It sucks because their childhoods have been abbreviated. When my dad told me that my SIL was pregnant again he said, "He's a year older than I was when we adopted you..." and he didn't say that in a good way.

So I wouldn't. Because it was really hard to be the child of an older parent. Plus, having a newborn around now, I can't imagine doing this at 40, and I'm not even 30 yet!

 

[Maisie]

I can't help out at James' school. Because he is Austistic they don't want to blur the lines between school and home. It would confuse him apparently. I wonder if I should go to college and get my nursery nursing qualification. It would take two years but then I would be qualified to work in a school nursery, private nursery or as a nanny. Surely with my experience I wouldn't struggle with the course!

Do you have postpartum doulas in the UK? I work with families with newborns - and I love the work! I help with breastfeeding, babycare and education about infant care, to light housework or errands at times. I help to make the transition easier, especially for first time parents. My kids have all left the nest. My two daughters are married and I now have 3 grandkids, but they all a distance away. It's so hard to not see them - I didn't think it would be this way! I had my kids young, and I miss being a mom, so I get my fill this way and my work is much appreciated!!

Training and certification is not to difficult to obtain - this group mentions they are heading to England (maybe others are already active there)

http://www.maternitywise.com/doulatrainingdates.html

We do have doulas here. I'd never really thought much about it before. It is definitely something I would be interested in now though. Thanks for posting!

 

[Maisie]

It sounds like you have already made a decision, but as a child of parents who were 45 and 37 when I was born, I felt like I missed out on a lot because I had the "old" parents. My husband also had older parents, although not quite as old as mine, and when we talked about it, we told each other that we would come to a conclusion about kids by the age of 30. Not have them by 30, but figure out if we were going to do it. Neither of us wanted to be the "old" parents. We wanted to be able to play catch, roll around on the floor, etc. We didn't get that with our parents. I often get spoken to by strangers as if my dad is my grandfather.

My older brothers were 18 and 20 years older than I was, as is the rest of the generation of cousins. My brother and his wife have 5 children - oldest is 19, youngest is around 18 months. The others are 17, 14 and 6. The older three have raised the 6 year old because their parents are too tired. I imagine this will also be the case with the youngest. It sucks because their childhoods have been abbreviated. When my dad told me that my SIL was pregnant again he said, "He's a year older than I was when we adopted you..." and he didn't say that in a good way.

So I wouldn't. Because it was really hard to be the child of an older parent. Plus, having a newborn around now, I can't imagine doing this at 40, and I'm not even 30 yet!

Thank you for sharing your experiences. The more people share the more I think about other aspects of having a baby at this age. Its been really helpful to see how it can affect the child. I hadn't thought about it from that perspective.

We have done a lot of talking the past couple of days and I think we are going to drop the idea. We have a lot to look forward to when the kids all grow up. James may never fly the nest, but if he does we would like to live life to the full!

 

[TravelingGal]

It sounds like you have already made a decision, but as a child of parents who were 45 and 37 when I was born, I felt like I missed out on a lot because I had the "old" parents. My husband also had older parents, although not quite as old as mine, and when we talked about it, we told each other that we would come to a conclusion about kids by the age of 30. Not have them by 30, but figure out if we were going to do it. Neither of us wanted to be the "old" parents. We wanted to be able to play catch, roll around on the floor, etc. We didn't get that with our parents. I often get spoken to by strangers as if my dad is my grandfather.

My older brothers were 18 and 20 years older than I was, as is the rest of the generation of cousins. My brother and his wife have 5 children - oldest is 19, youngest is around 18 months. The others are 17, 14 and 6. The older three have raised the 6 year old because their parents are too tired. I imagine this will also be the case with the youngest. It sucks because their childhoods have been abbreviated. When my dad told me that my SIL was pregnant again he said, "He's a year older than I was when we adopted you..." and he didn't say that in a good way.

So I wouldn't. Because it was really hard to be the child of an older parent. Plus, having a newborn around now, I can't imagine doing this at 40, and I'm not even 30 yet!

While there's no doubt the body ages, it always makes me laugh when I hear mothers who had kids younger say "Oh, I'm so glad I did this early because I'd have no energy when I was older." Well, it's because your KIDS sapped you of your youth! Hahaha. I'm kind of joking here, but once you have a kid, you can't imagine doing it older (whatever "older" may be) because they are wearing. I had my first and only when I was 35, and I felt great...had all those extra years to enjoy my youth and my energy was still great.

It really depends on the person. I've seen plenty of 20 something moms on the playground just sitting there on their smartphones, and older parents who are absolutely energetic (and let's not forget about some grandparents where you get nervous they are going to hurt themselves, they are so active with the kids!). I can understand the generalization, but I know so many kids with older parents who got to do more because their parents had a lot more time to make money and spend time on energy on active hobbies, thereby getting their kids more involved.

Of course, the fact of life is, if you have your kids late, the odds are that you won't be with them as long as someone who had them younger. But that's no guarantee.

btw, I am 40 this year and I played tag with my kid at the park and rolled around the floor with her yesterday. Maybe I was more winded than a 30 mom would be, but I was up for it!