Unusual e-ring - Need advice, please!

[FireGoddess]

Garysax, maybe you should show your girlfriend this thread and tell her it could be worse than having a surprise ruined - she coulda gotten a ring she didn''t love!

 

[kaylagee]

Hi Selma,

Welcome! another vote here for either streamlining the existing ring and/or adding small diamonds or engraving... that way it''d be a collaborative piece. If that still wouldn''t be close enough to your vision of an e-ring then you have to tell him you''d like to start from scratch.

If the money already spent is an issue I echo the idea of a tiffany-style setting as diamondholder until you can get the right ring for you.

your current ring could be a really cool righthand ring with a garnet, sapphire, etc.
**
I''m looking at it again and the incredible coolness may be part of the issue...it''s super-''hip'' but not stereotypically romantic? I must be getting old... my tastes have changed quite a bit already towards less artsy styles(in clothing and furniture as well). It''s a ring i would have loved in my late teens/early twenties when i was still painting a lot and detested anything too mainstream.

 

[valeria101]

Date: 2/2/2006 6:16:34 PM
Author:selma

What do you all think of the ring?

Its rather 'unisex' but it is also my dream ring if there was ever any! I am sorry you don't feel the same, and agree that my random vote doesn't even matter...

Leaving taste aside, the ring truly is a timeless design as per request - if not the oldest type of stone setting known to man, than certainly close. And the fluid shape makes it a gracious example of the truly classic design.

Oh well, I had to say it, especially since yours is the first such ring around here. Probably further proof that this is an unusual shape for an engagement ring, so if it wasn't your choice... no wonder it doesn't 'feel like an engagement ring' to you.

As for the price, no comment... but despite being simple, these rings are never inexpensive especially when the shape was hand-carved, which is the case here. Similar styles come from catalogs cheaply, but the look is quite different. IMO, it doesn't look like your fiancee spent good cash on something that doesn't show. I would want to believe that even someone less delighted with this particular design would recognize the particular shape and high quality work against the cookie-cutter bunch. To me, it is quite striking

These being said...

If you wanted it changed, you should at least ask. It can't be that bad... Practically, it may be that the designer who made it would be the most accomodating (at least price wise) for any modifications. Even if his signature designs are not your type, this doesn't mean that he (and his shop) cannot turn out a ring in a style you like.

 

[valeria101]

Who is the designer? I would love to see more of the kind...

Any chance to see this one on your hand ?

There is a sum of 'softer' designs somewhat related in profile with your ring. I have no idea if any transformation is really feasible - but the overall shape comes close and may represent a compromise of concept. Basically, 'thought it can't hurt to post a few more pictures

The images come from HERE

 

[Caribou]

This is why I think it's important for there to be imput between both people in the couple for something this important.

First, the ring is very nice. It reminds me of a ring I had (unfortunately lost) that had a yellow stone in it, I loved it but wore it on my right hand. I think you should have something that you love, I mean, this will be your ring forever and when you look at it should be a smile to your face.

Second, I'm thinking that although your boyfriend my be a little hurt to know that you don't love your ring, he would ultimately want something that you love. So maybe if you tell him that apprecate and love the effort he put into it, you had your heart set on a different setting. Maybe you could have that ring set with a gemstone for your right hand. It might lesson the hurt if you knows you want to keep the setting, just not as your engagement ring.

My good friend, when she got engaged was presented with a RB solitare. A very safe setting.....but she wanted a princess cut with side stones, so she told her then FI. They went to the jeweler and exchanged the stone and the setting. He was hurt at first but agreeing on something they both liked made him feel better.

 

[portoar]

Selma,

I really feel for you and your dilemma. I have twice been given jewelry I didn''t care for (not ER though) by my husband. Both times he was hurt. I haven''t been sorry I told him, though. It was better than having money we could ill afford to spare wasted on jewelry I didn''t want that was just going to sit around collecting dust.

Your BF must love you very much to go to the expense of having a ring custom designed for you. But you have to wonder, what was he thinking spending so much money on something like that, without any idea of whether you would like it? He totally got ripped off on the purchase. That price is outrageous.

I think you should be honest with him, without beating around the bush. Just tell him. Say you love him, he''s made you so happy by proposing, but you want the engagement ring to be one you want to wear for the rest of your life, the ring is not your style, and you don''t like it. If you don''t like the ring, don''t beat around the bush. Just say it. I don''t like the ring. Will he be hurt? YES. Did he just dump money down the drain on this ring? YES. Do you deserve a ring you love and are proud to wear? YES. Should you bury your feelings and wear a ring you don''t even like, maybe for years? NO.

Do it now, before too much time elapses. It is possible he may be able to return the ring. The more time passes the less chance he may be able to return it.

Best of luck to you, and let us know how it all comes out.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Let me just say that I have been married for 29 years. Fortunately my then boyfriend took me to look at e-rings before he bought one. But the early jewelry gifts he gave me were NOT my taste AT ALL! So at some point, I simply had to make this deal with him, that he would never, EVER surprise me with ANY jewelry! When I see things I like, I have a jeweler write it down and keep it in their files. Then when an occasion comes up, my husband can choose from things that I have already approved! Then he gets the pleasure of giving me something that I really love!

Girls, get this straightened out early on, and it will save a lot of money and heartache later!

(The $6200 was totally excessive, IMO. That designer must be so into "art" that he has no concept of what most girls would want for an e-ring. I agree with those who said to try and get a colored gem to set in it for a RHR since it is very unlikely the designer will take it back. Even though I think it would be pretty for RHR, I would also be disappointed in it for an e-ring. I''d far rather have a plain tiffany setting at $200. I think I''d soften the blow by saying how much you LOVE the setting for a RHR, but it just wasn''t what you had dreamed of for an e-ring (since it probably can''t be returned). We all feel for you and hope you can get this resolved!)

 

[lumpkin]

Date: 2/2/2006 11:28:19 PM
Author: monarch64
Selma, I feel for ya, girl. You presented your situation in the most diplomatic way possible, which I very much respect. But if you can''t see yourself living with this ring the rest of your happy lives, I agree that it is in order for you to come clean with your future intended. It wouldn''t be fair to him for you to keep your feelings to yourself...this is something that, no matter how much it hurts him to hear, you need to be honest about and tell him you don''t think you''ll be happy with your ring.

I do think the setting is beautiful and modern, but to me it would look better as a right hand ring with a colored stone. I have a feeling he did not know what he was getting into by going to this jeweler and asking for something ''timeless.'' While the design is simplistic and understatedly elegant, it is obviously worlds away from what both of you had probably envisioned. Could it be that he is feeling a little blue about it himself? Has he asked you if you really, REALLY love it? If he has, he may be trying to give you the hint that he''s not completely happy with it himself but doesn''t want to admit that maybe he messed up.

I''m so sorry you''re in this predicament. What a tough situation, but you will get through it. Find a peaceful time when the two of you don''t have to be somewhere or you''re both relaxed, and then ask him if you can talk about your ring. It could turn out to be the start of something you really both love, although it may be a bit of a ''rocky'' adventure (absolutely no pun intended! Seriously!) In the end, if you love each other this will not come between you, and you will feel much better for having worked through a difficult issue together as newly betrothed. Good luck! Let us know how it goes!

I so agree with this, and with what Windowshopper said. I get the feeling (although I could be wrong) that this ring is the product of a man who got into a situation with a jewelry designer he felt he couldn''t get out of. Do you know if the designer give him a wax model of the ring to approve? Did your fiance seem enthusiastic about the ring when he told you about it, or did he simply inform you what took place?

Give yourself a few days of serious soul searching on how to best approach your fiance. I think you are TOTALLY justified in your feelings about this ring. Definitely find a way to discuss this with him.

Good luck and let us know what happens!

Kelly

 

[blodthecat]

Hi Selma,

To be honest...I don''t like it either! (sorry) I have only small hands and I can''t imagin wearing a chunky ring like that.

However, you could always have the stone reset....or wear it as a right hand ring!

If only he''d have asked you for a few clues....the price was quite expensive too.

Please let us know how this turns out.

blod

 

[darling]

Dear Selma, I also agree with the DiamondSeeker. I makes no sense pretending you llike something when you never will. Just a few years ago I returned my first pair of diamond studs and and a Kate Spade handbag that my husband purchased for me because they weren''t my style. I appreciated the gesture very much, but it made me laugh that he got me something I never expressed interest in. I guess it doesn''t help that I am in the design field and very particular about how things look. After twenty years together my husband knows electronics and sports equipment are safe gifts. Good luck to you and get the ring of your dreams, even if you have to wait.

 

[MustangGal]

It looks a bit like an eyeball to me, I don't think I'd like it either. Maybe offer to pay for a simple solitaire setting, and have yours or his birthstone set in the mounting for a right hand ring. Your other idea of getting a nice wedding band and wearing it on your right hand would work as well. I hope it all turns out good for you!

 

[headlight]

Oh my gosh -- I am so tired of hearing "... don''t want to hurt his feelings". Like, who is WEARING the ring? Honestly, guys couldn''t give a hoot about jewelry, but us ladies well, we''ve been dreaming of this "magical" piece of jewelry that will be slipped over our left-hand ring finger since we left the bassinette!!! The concept of the ring -- in this context --is to please bride, NOT the guy''s EGO!!!

Next point: The post in regards to the building up of resentment were wise words -- you must tell him NOW! Better to "hurt" his feelings now and move on, than to harbor that inside for the next whatever. I mean, you are not even excited about showing it to people. There is seriously something wrong with that, because it shouldn''t be this way. If he can''t handle your displeasure w/ his ring, then better to know this about him now, than later on when you both have a lot more vested into this relationship.

I can see why you don''t like the ring. If I was presented with it, I would never wear it and it would become a serious bone of contention in my relationship. There is nothing "timeless" about that design, IMO. That is a very specific design style suited for a women that is clearly not into anything labeled "timeless". Putting more money into it to "fix" something you don''t even like to begin with is foolish. IF this jeweler is truly his "friend", he''ll take the setting back and credit you, and you can take the center stone and put it into a new setting.

Would you expect him to wear something he despised... just because you -- his "soul-mate", his "life partner", true love, etc., etc., blah, blah blah -- purchased it???????????????????? (And would he oblige -- DOUBT IT!)

 

[Iris]

Should you decide to keep your engagement ring, then this will be what you wear when you exchange your vows.. Perhaps your fiance (and you) will feel worse if you review your concerns afterwards because of the sentimental value erased. Regardless, your kindness is evident through your posts, and your almost-husband already knows this about you. I''m sure that you will do what is best.

 

[diamondsrock]

I agree with the others who suggested wearing it as a right hand ring. I think it would look really cool with a colored center stone, something bright, that would contrast with the platinum.
As far as how to bring this up with the fiance, maybe explain that although you love the diamond the ring itself doesn''t seem very engagement like and you''d like it better on the right hand. That way the ring doesn''t get discarded but you can still get what you want on your left ring finger! He gets to still see you wear it on the right hand and you get what you want for a wedding set.

 

[pebbles]

Date: 2/3/2006 1:51:55 AM
Author: Garysax
I actually think the ring is very nice... IF he knew you liked extremely modern settings. That's a big IF--and it doesn't sound like you expressed that to him so now you guys are in a bad situation.

I don't know. I just sort of came out on the opposite side of this. I was pretty sure that my g/f really liked modern settings and she confirmed it by telling me when we were out shopping in a mall. I decided on a very exotic and modern Gelin Abaci tension setting on my own. But I couldn't go through with buying and giving it to her without consulting her, because it was such an exotic and potentially upsetting ring if she didn't like it. So I showed her G+A rings and the ring in question and she became very upset. She wanted it to be a total surprise and she wanted herself to have no input in it. So I've had to deal with her anger and resentment from that angle--from consulting her!

So you see the dilemma here from his perspective. I guess it's possible to inelegantly ask your intended if she wants any input on the ring--but if he does that he's basically tipped her off already and broken the surprise.

That said, if she came up to me after she got it and told me she wanted a different setting I'd be hurt but it would go away. And it'd be much better than her building up resentment like an above poster detailed. So I guess I'd tell him too.

Gary, if your girlfriend is still mad that you consulted her, please like FG said, show her this thread. My husband was so hell bent on surprising me that he asked absolutely no input from me. Sure it was nice to be surprised, but after the roller coaster years that I kept my feelings hidden and all I went through just to get a new ring, I so wish he had consulted me just a little bit! The resentment and bad feelings totally outweighed any pleasure the surprise had.

ETA: even though I have a new ring, it will never be my "engagement ring". I will never look down on it with the fond feelings I might have if I had picked it out or hand a say in it to begin with. She's very lucky that you did consult her and think enough of her feelings to want her to be thrilled with her e-ring.

 

[stermag]

I have read only about 80% of all the responses, so forgive me if someone already made this suggestion but how about this:

Tell your fiance that you really love the diamond and that you really love the setting but not the two together. Explain that your idea of an "engagement ring" was quite different, but that the time and effort he spent on creating this ring is piceless to you. Suggest removing the diamond from the setting and replacing it with a blue sapphire or another stone you might like, and having the diamond reset in a very simple, and inexpensive, white gold solitaire. Wear the original setting with the new stone as a right hand ring to have it close to your heart and show him how much it means to you. At the same time, you will have a simple feminine solitaire to wear as an e-ring - even if this solitaire isn''t your dream setting right now, you will at least have something you can live with and later, a couple of years down the road perhaps, if you ever want to change it, it won''t be nearly as emotional a decision since it will be just a simple setting you chose (therefore it won''t hurt his feelings).

This seems to
a) achieve the goal of getting a more feminine, simple setting for your diamond
b) minimize the amount of hurt your boyfriend will feel, since you will continue wearing "his" design.
c) minimize the cost involved to rectify the situation (you can get a white gold seting for a few hundred dollars and resetting it isn''t going to break the bank either)

And finally, I find in most cases it''s not what you say it''s how you say it.

 

[Garysax]

Date: 2/3/2006 5:27:06 PM
Author: pebbles

Date: 2/3/2006 1:51:55 AM

Author: Garysax

I actually think the ring is very nice... IF he knew you liked extremely modern settings. That''s a big IF--and it doesn''t sound like you expressed that to him so now you guys are in a bad situation.


I don''t know. I just sort of came out on the opposite side of this. I was pretty sure that my g/f really liked modern settings and she confirmed it by telling me when we were out shopping in a mall. I decided on a very exotic and modern Gelin Abaci tension setting on my own. But I couldn''t go through with buying and giving it to her without consulting her, because it was such an exotic and potentially upsetting ring if she didn''t like it. So I showed her G+A rings and the ring in question and she became very upset. She wanted it to be a total surprise and she wanted herself to have no input in it. So I''ve had to deal with her anger and resentment from that angle--from consulting her!



So you see the dilemma here from his perspective. I guess it''s possible to inelegantly ask your intended if she wants any input on the ring--but if he does that he''s basically tipped her off already and broken the surprise.


That said, if she came up to me after she got it and told me she wanted a different setting I''d be hurt but it would go away. And it''d be much better than her building up resentment like an above poster detailed. So I guess I''d tell him too.

Gary, if your girlfriend is still mad that you consulted her, please like FG said, show her this thread. My husband was so hell bent on surprising me that he asked absolutely no input from me. Sure it was nice to be surprised, but after the roller coaster years that I kept my feelings hidden and all I went through just to get a new ring, I so wish he had consulted me just a little bit! The resentment and bad feelings totally outweighed any pleasure the surprise had.


ETA: even though I have a new ring, it will never be my ''engagement ring''. I will never look down on it with the fond feelings I might have if I had picked it out or hand a say in it to begin with. She''s very lucky that you did consult her and think enough of her feelings to want her to be thrilled with her e-ring.

That''s pretty much what I tell myself; I don''t think I would have done it any other way if I had to do it again. It was still too bad that she got so upset when I was really just trying to please her in the long run. I still am pretty convinced that I did the right thing and that I replaced a possible huge and lasting upset/hurtness (getting an unappealing ring to her) with a much more transitory one (Ruining a surprise).

That said, I''m a "planner" type of person; she is not. I suspect that many of the people on this board are "planners" too--look for the best, research large purchases extensively, get the best deal, etc. So that may have something to do with it too. She might have legitimately been happy with it, whatever it was, as long as I surprised her with it. I kind of doubt it though.

 

[glitterata]

You poor, poor, sweet thing!

That ring looks just like my grandfather's pinky ring. It may be a classic, but it certainly isn't a classic engagement ring.

I agree with everybody else that you have to tell him you don't like it. Think of it as practice for all the difficult conversations you guys will have to have during your married life. It might hurt him to know you don't love the ring he picked out. But doesn't it hurt you to know that he didn't consider your taste enough to choose a ring you'd want to wear? You're two different people. The idea of a marriage isn't that you read each other's minds and share all of each other's preferences. It's that you communicate and compromise. You need to have a ring that you both think is beautiful.

That ring is what it is, and as Ana says, it's a beautiful example of what it is. I don't think you should stick a bunch of diamonds in it or get it engraved. That would be like trying to turn a black cocktail dress into a white wedding gown by bleaching it. It wouldn't work, it would just look silly.

If I were in your situation, I think I would see if we could sell the ring--perhaps the jeweler who made it would take it on consignment?--and start again from scratch, with both of you choosing a new ring together.

PS: I should also say, I think it's a beautiful ring and I would happily wear it myself. But who cares what I would wear? You're the one who has to love it.

 

[Odilia]

{{{{I don''t think you should stick a bunch of diamonds in it or get it engraved. That would be like trying to turn a black cocktail dress into a white wedding gown by bleaching it. It wouldn''t work, it would just look silly.}}}}


glitterata, you had me laughing out loud with that example! But it is an excellent example. I agree.

 

[valeria101]

Date: 2/3/2006 6:46:07 PM
Author: glitterata

That ring is what it is, and as Ana says, it''s a beautiful example of what it is. I don''t think you should stick a bunch of diamonds in it or get it engraved. That would be like trying to turn a black cocktail dress into a white wedding gown by bleaching it. It wouldn''t work, it would just look silly.

Even my post wasn''t meant to suggest that - It may not even be technically feasible, and doubt would change your mind.

 

[fuffi]

Wow. My heart goes out to you. This is a difficult situation to find yourself in. I love the ring, but not as an engagement ring. I feel even worse for your fiance who dished out a ridiculous amount of money for what he got. Taking labor and creative talent into consideration, still an appauling swindle in my mind. Barring the unlikely possibility that the designer will take the ring back, I can only tell you what I'd do since you're asking for opinions. I'd suck it up and just live with it for a while. Your fiance paid a lot of money for something he gave you with love. Be happy for that part and deal with it. Men are very sensitive about certain things. He may be devastated if you reject this. It's like you're rejecting him. In couple of years when all the engagement/wedding excitement dies down and life is normal again, if you still hate it, then go ahead and do something about it.

 

[Dancing Fire]

selma

congrats

yep....that ring looks way too masculine.can you ask the jeweler to trim off some of the fats?

that would be the least expensive way to go.

 

[glitterata]

te:[/b] 2/3/2006 7:42:07 PM
Author: valeria101

Even my post wasn't meant to suggest that - It may not even be technically feasible, and doubt would change your mind.

[/quote]

Ana, I didn't mean to imply that you thought it could be engraved or altered--just that you thought it was beautiful. I think so too. But not the right kind of beautiful for the woman who has to wear it.

Selma, I told my husband this story over dinner and he looked close to tears, he felt so bad for both of you. What a sad dilemma. Your guy really should have paid attention to your preferences before he paid so much and worked so hard on that ring. But he obviously loves you--and you obviously love him.

 

[lumpkin]

Date: 2/3/2006 4:46:58 PM
Author: Iris
Should you decide to keep your engagement ring, then this will be what you wear when you exchange your vows.. Perhaps your fiance (and you) will feel worse if you review your concerns afterwards because of the sentimental value erased. Regardless, your kindness is evident through your posts, and your almost-husband already knows this about you. I''m sure that you will do what is best.

Very well put. Don''t say your vows with a ring you really don''t want to wear. If your fiance is in love with the ring, perhaps it could be adapted for him to wear as his own wedding ring, maybe?

Here''s more of my humble opinion

. This is such an important piece of jewelry because it represents your marriage and your relationship. What would bother me, personally, is the feeling of obligation or guilt the ring now seems to posess to keep quiet, to suffer in silence about something very important to me. I would not want that feeling bound into the symbol of my marriage. Whether or not you say anything about this, at least one of you is going to be unhappy, but I think better to get it out in the open and deal with it as a couple, together, then to say your vows with a ring that doesn''t represent your relationship the way you want it to. When you open up to him to discuss this, you may find that he''s not that thrilled with it either, but didn''t want to say anything for fear of ruining it for YOU or perhaps out of embarrassment. Or maybe not, but you''ll never know if you don''t discuss it. It''s good practice for all the other joint decisions you will have to make.

My husband and I have a rule about not making an important purchase without consulting one another, particularly on something that cannot be returned. As an example, my FIL bought family room furniture on his own. 20 years later, my MIL is still living with the same ugly nogahide furniture and forest green shag carpeting because "it''s still good." (Seriously, does that stuff ever wear out???) For them, it''s kind of funny, and in all honesty it really does not bother her, but I''d have had his hide on a spit! It works okay for he to let him make those decisions, but it would not work for me, LOL!

I''m sure you will work this out somehow, and I will be interested to know how it goes.

 

[msdarlinjoy]

Hi Selma,

I too was in your shoes a few years back.

Boyfriend is asking if I like Yellow Gold or White Gold. Do I like modern jewelry, or fru-fru. I replied, I like both yellow and white gold. I like all kinds of jewelry, it just depends what it is, and if I like it. I am particular with my jewelry, I like some modern jewelry, I like some fru-fru. Just depends.

Year later, we start talking that we want to spend the rest of our lives together, and I said "well, I just want to let you know that I think it would be a great idea if we both go looking for rings so that we both have something that we both will love to wear. He agrees and we go shopping. He was easy. Classic, bold, clean lines. I wasn''t, the rings I liked were way too expensive, and he just didn''t understand why I kept going for the Pave look, to frilly for him, and he kept stating that to the sales lady, and I kept reminding him that it was I who would be wearing it.

Then comes the day when he pulls out this white box ... and oh my gosh ... I am thinking ... he''s proposing ... and how in the world did he come up with the $$$ to buy one of the rings that I loved when we went window shopping?

I open the box ... and he asked if I liked it. I didn''t respond. The one thing that kept going round and round in my head was ... I can''t lie to my future husband. I am going to burst his bubble, and I don''t want to do that. He asked again, "do you like it". I looked at him and looked at the ring. How was I going to tell him the truth? I felt so bad, but I knew that at that point he knew something was up. I just looked at him and told him thank you very much and that I loved him for thinking about me. And, the ring is nice, but it''s not my style. And I think the band is too wide and I am not going to have enough finger to pull it off. Oh boy .... yes, he was so hurt!

I told him that I didn''t have to have a ering, I would marry him w/just a wedding band. But he was still so hurt!

Men are from Mars, and Women are from Venus! Trust me on this one. His idea and my idea of what I wanted, even though we went shopping together, just didn''t work. He wanted to get me something that he liked too. He stated that when he looks at my hand he wants to see something pleasing too. He doesn''t like dainty, he likes bold. He said I thought you would like this because it was a little on the bold side, but I made sure it had little tiny princess cut diamonds going down the side. It was not a happy situation. He just didn''t understand that it wasn''t my style.

If I pass on any advice to you, it is: Marraige is not always a bed of silky soft rose petals. Somedays you have to deal with the thorns and you get poked a few times. But with care and compassion, you can heal your wounds. Sure it''s a little sore at first, but the soreness eventually goes away.

You need to know that you both are not going to agree on everything. You need to feel confident, and stand up for how you feel and not be afraid to tell him what ever is on your mind, or whatever may come up in the future that may bother you. This is a test. You will undoubtably have more difficult things come up between you two in the future, how you handle the little things now, (I know this probably doesn''t feel like a little problem right now, but it is.) will hopefully help for the much tougher things in life down the road. There is really not going to be a "right time" to tell him your feelings. But you must. Marraige should be founded on a stable and supportive base of trust, and trust comes from be open and heartfelt with your one true love. Over time this builds, and you will be able to weather the most troublesome of storms later on.

I wish you the best!

Is there any way you can have the designer take the diamond out, and melt down the platinum and start over with something more in the lines of what you were hoping for?

This is not the end of the world, he loves you, and he obviously thinks you love him too ... as he would not have taken the chance of proposing.

Thinking good thoughts for you and your future hubby. I hope things go well for you.
Take care.

 

[Jelly]

I''m sorry that this wasn''t the ring of your dreams. Hopefully some of the men on here learn from your experience to check with the gal on her style before spending so much money on the setting. You said that your BF and the designer worked together for this e-ring?

It''s definitely very unique. Would there be a small chance that you could grow to love this ring?

Nonetheless, it''s best to be honest with your guy. I really like the idea of having him wear it as his wedding band and you starting over altogether.

 

[partgypsy]

Selma, I feel for you. I have seen modern platinum rings with a diamonds that size that I love, and I love bezel set rings, but this design isn''t one of them. It is very masculine, more (as one person said) a pinky ring, or a signet ring. Plus it will not allow a wedding band to lie next to it comfortably. I think your fiance''s heart is in the right place, he was willing to invest alot of money in a beautiful unique piece for you, but he went to a jewelry designer that is probably more his taste than yours. Maybe he didn''t look at alot of stores before he made his decision.
I think this happens alot. That if he likes it, he thinks you must like it too.
This happened to me. Not with an engagement ring, but my husband knew I liked jewelry and kept buying me pieces that were just not me! (big clunky bead earrings, etc). I would just put them in my jewelry box and not wear them. Then for my birthday he got me a ring that was beautiful (a rubelite tourmaline in a delicate hand fabricated 18k setting) and I was amazed. I didn''t know quite how to ask how he got it right and he confessed he brought his sister to the store who helped pick it out! I guess seeing the difference in my reaction made an impression on him. Anyways he is better and when he does pick something out he goes to stores he knows I like the designs, and is not offended if I decide to exchange it. When it comes to bigger gifts and my anniversary ring, he knows how picky I am and we just talk about timing and price range, and lets me do the rest. To me it''s no less romantic (we talk about all our financial decisions together and neither would feel comfortable spending alot of money the other doesn''t know about) and alot less stressful!
This is an issue that will come up again once you are married, so best to speak up now or forever hold your peace!

 

[Momoftwo]

From someone who's been happily married 25 years, tell him the truth! I do think this worrying about his reaction isn't fair to you. I see a lot of this in "new" relationships. Speak up for yourself. He may be initially hurt (his ego), but you need to be able to tell the person you're going to spend your life with the truth. You cannot tiptoe around everything you think might upset him. Your approach is what is important. Start with something like "Can we talk about my ring?" And then since you know him best, let him know it's not about him, but that you just don't feel that this ring is your style or whatever you think will go over better, and ask if you can pick out a new setting together. To me it looks like a man's ring also and not like an e-ring. I also agree that the price seems excessive and like he let his friend talk him into something.

As for any guy who doesn't know if his gf will be upset about input, ask ahead of time that when the time comes would you want to help pick it out or not or if you don't want to show your hand, tell her that you know someone whose gf got upset about being asked for input and see her reaction. To me personally, I want something to wear that I like. My DH has learned that if he buys something that I don't like, I won't wear it or I will return it. We typically pick out my jewelry gifts together. I like the idea of talking to my jeweler and letting her know what I like so he can choose from that. Hadn't thought of that one.

 

[JCJD]

Just to clear up a little misconception I see in this thread: "Guys have to get input from their girl because if he surprises her she will never be happy with the ering." Sorry - not true for this girl!! My husband proposed with a ring that barely met my "requirements". I told him to get me a RB solitaire and I am very happily wearing an off-set pear with rb accent. It is the ring I''ve always wanted but never knew existed. This method works sometimes people!! Don''t knock it because it didn''t work for you.

*Off my soapbox now.....*


selma - Talk to your fiance, be completely honest (you are going to be spending the rest of your life with this man!), and go pick out the ring of your dreams. Congratulations on your engagement!!!

 

[portoar]

Selma, have you decided what to do about your situation with the strange e-ring?