Update, need to vent

[always.waiting]

So for those who have been following my story, here''s an update, and it''s tough to not fall apart as I write this. My relationship is in a very shaky spot and I am scared for my future. Some of you may''ve followed it so I won''t bore everyone with the back story. But just as a quick reminder, i''ve been with my bf for 3 yrs, living together one, and BEFORE moving in, made it clear to him that I did not want things to get complacent. I was 33 at the time and wanted marriage, and perhaps family. He thought living together was an important pre-step to ensure we were compatible since he''d been engaged before and it ended due to too many differences.
Well the heat has been turned up in the past 6 mos, b/c my boyfriend bought a new apt (we had previously both rented and rented together) and I followed him. We''ve had a lot of stress that came along with the move, contractors, furniture, household stuff. I stood by him and helped him. All the while I reminded him that I needed more, that I was scared to be following him without an reassurances to the future. He ALWAYS assured me and said relax, don''t worry, I know, we are on the same page. As much as I tried to pin him down, he equally tried to alleviate my fears. I even started to think he must be planning soumething! Then came the high and lows...hopes dashed, then reignited. Vacations, anniversaries, birthdays all passed with nothing. Each time, it hit me in the gut, but I''d regroup and keep the faith. I finally set an ultimatum which he took very well--this convinced me he must have something in his pocket so to speak.

Well this wekend was my ultimatum, and I talked with him last night. I poured my heart out, I showed him my raw pain. I said I''ve supported you, stood by you all these years. I moved in with you even though I was scared of the risks. I always told you what my expectations were and you always told me to trust you. Now here we are and I need to know your side, what is holding you back.
He was in a catatonic state for awhile (so frustrating, just spaces off at wall/tv). I was exposed, vulnerable, crying, begging for some answers, and he mostly was cold. Finally he said he has never been sure about the concept of marriage. Not totally against it, but doesn''t like it, and it''s holding him back. He said he can''t just do something to make me happy, he has to feel it and want it too, and that he wasn''t there yet. This just FLOORS me. After all our discussions. After our talks of kids, where to live. After me telling him I''m scared to follow him and then have the rug pulled out from under me. Maybe to some I seemed obsesssive with my constant talks--but it''s because I wanted to protect myself from this. And it didn''t even work. He said he needed a few days to think, things were too intense and "crazy". This pisses me off b/c how much time have I given him? But I said fine, and he went to his parents for the long wkend at the beach (what we would normallly do together). And I''ve been left alone in rainy, dreary NY for a long wkend. And I keep thinking how foolish I was to think this might have been my engagement weekend. How could I have read things so wrong. He was engaged before, but no says he doesn''t like marriage?? I''m sorry for the vent. I really needed it. Hopefully there is some light at the end of the tunnel for me.

 

[robbie3982]

I''m sorry the talk ended that way always. You were so upfront with him. It really sucks that he led you on like that. Maybe he''ll come back from this weekend with a new outlook on things, but I hate to say that I don''t get the feeling that it''s going to play out that way. It seems like he does care about you a lot and doesn''t want to lose you, which is why he hasn''t mentioned this to you before, but you have to look out for you. If marriage and a family is what you want you can''t just sit around and wait to see if he might some day change his mind about things. I''m sorry I don''t have something more positive to say

, but we''re all here for you.

 

[davidgelb]

Hi AW,
I am so sorry to hear about your frustration - I think you are completely right to feel the way you are feeling and I am frustrated for you also! I lived with my previous girlfriend (we had been dating for 4 years and then broke it off). After that relationship, I decided I would not live with future GFs until we were married.

As hard as it is, my honest and heart felt advice is to move out. Put yourself first. It is not worth dragging yourself through all the pain and heartache simply because he is not sure where he is in his life. I don''t doubt that you love him and that he loves you, but frankly speaking (and I am a guy)...HE NEEDS TO GROW UP!!!!

I would say move out...don''t necessarily break up, but move out. This may help him realize that he would be totally lost without you and help him to figure out where he is and what he wants in life...either that, or it will help you both realize that the relationship isn''t what you though and help you move on...either way, it WILL be better.

You sound like a very nice and caring person, and it isn''t as if you haven''t given him ample time to make his decisions...you need to move on, with or without him.

I know this is hard to stomach, but it often hard to see this when you are in the relationship and living with the person. Please take some time to think through this. Make the decision that best suits you. As I said earlier, I was living with the girl that I thought I was going to marry. After we broke up (we are still great friends), I realized that I was NOT ready to marry her and if I had, I never would have met the girl I am about to get engaged to...not sure if you are familiar with the song "Thank God for Unanswered Prayers," but sometimes that is SO true!!

If you were to move out and let him do some serious thinking, one of two things would happen....either he would say to himself "what the hell am I doing" and marry you. OR, he would decide (or you would decide) that this relationship is not destined for marriage and that will allow you to move on now, rather than putting you though more torture and heartbreak. Either way (and it may not seem this way immediately, but it will, I PROMISE), you will both be better off!

This is just my 2 cents, and is my take on this matter, but I hope it provides a little comfort, insight or help. We are all here for you and only wish the best for you.

Take care and do what''s best for YOU!

-David

 

[Pandora II]

You poor girl,

I think his going away to his parents alone is a good thing though. He can see how much he misses you, perhaps talk to his parents (who will realise something is up) and maybe sort out his mind.

I spoke to a friend tonight who is almost the exact same situation - what she can''t get over is how he sees marriage as this HUGE terrifying step and yet is really keen about talking about kids. She thinks having kids is a really big commitment that impacts on even more lives than just the two of them, so how can he be so weird over the marriage bit. She is scared to give an ultimatum in case he says okay just so as not to split up. She wants him to want the commitment.

This is what we all want at the end of the day - for them to feel the same desire to dedicate yourself to one another.

I think you are going to have to be really strong here. If he comes to realise that you are important enough to him to take that step that is fantastic. If it goes the other way, you need to decide what you need - being really, really straight with yourself as you will ultimately hate yourself and him if you settle for less than your true hearts desire. If it goes totally wrong and you split up then he didn''t love you as you deserve to be loved and the right person is out there looking for you.

Feel free to vent all you need - it''s a horrible situation to be in. You are not wrong, or obsessive or crazy to want what you do.

Good luck and a big hug

 

[Christa]

I'm so sorry, AW.

It sounds like he was hoping you'd drop all this marriage stuff and keep the status quo going. I know moving on without him must seem incomprehensible right now, but for your sake I hope you're preparing yourself to do just that. I'll spare you all the "it's for the best" cliches, since I know they don't help right now, but I bet in a year you'll look back and say it yourself.

Hang in there!

 

[bee*]

Im really sorry that things went this way for you A.W-I really agree with some of the advice earlier though-I would really suggest that you move out or make provisions for your future in case you do need to move out. Try and be strong this weekend but if he cant offer you what you want as hard as it is, you really need to move on. Its a shame that he didnt say it to you earlier as it must have really got your hopes up that it would be this weekend. I''ll be thinking of you

 

[KimberlyH]

Always,

It sounds to me like it''s time to start looking for a new place to live. A relationship cannot thrive when one partner wants to take a path that the other isn''t willing to join him or her on. Perhaps he will want that at some point, but that is not the case in the here and now and waiting for it will only cause you more pain and him more frustration. You have to rely on yourself when it comes to finding happiness, not someone else, and this relationship does not seem to bring you much happiness because you are so focused on marriage while he only wants to be in boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. I do not think you can work past that, you already seem to resent him for being unsure about marriage.

I''m going to say something that may sound stupid, but rings true in a lot of situations. Dr. Phil says that people like to talk about topics, not issues. The topic here is that you want to get married and he led you to believe he may want to as well, the issue is you don''t want the same things and it hurts you. The conversations you two have had about deadlines and dates are all meaningless if he isn''t committed to marrying you and it appears he''s not.

For your sake, I hope he comes home a changed man and gets down on one knee when he walks in the door, but that doesn''t sound very likely from all you''ve shared with us.

Take care of yourself this weekend, start exploring options for living arrangements and then find a great hobby or two to lose yourself in.

My best to you,

 

[Mara]

sorry to hear the news aw...the other posters have given you excellent advice. the only thing i can really say again is that you need to think about what YOU want. it is really unfortunate that you found out this way and this long into the relationship especially after trying to ensure you were both on the same page the whole time...but if he comes back in a few days and still feels the same way about marriage, then you really need to think about if that kind of relationship limbo is okay with you. if it's not, then take the appropriate steps. yes it will be hard but in my opinion we are always stronger than we think we are, and when tested we just make it work. i also think that sometimes when things don't work out, it's because it's just not the person, or it's not the right time with that right person, or whatever. it's cliche but i do agree with the whole one door closing, another opening. or things could work out the way you want after some time. so, in any case, i hope that you can do what is best for YOU. look out for yourself, you CAN do it if things don't turn out the way you hope. good luck and hang in there.

 

[ladykemma]

maybe his parents will knock sense into him

 

[diamondfan]

This may be your cue to leave. Even if you both love each other, you both have to want the same things. I really hope it works out, but you cannot get blood from a stone, and if he is not the marrying type, I do not know if I could stick around hoping he changes his mind. Give it a bit more time if you really love him and think he can get past his issues, but do not compromise on your future...

 

[firebirdgold]

Just don''t be there when he comes back.

Wether you''re at a hotel, or a friends.. Just don''t be waiting for him like nothings happened.

 

[Christa]

Date: 9/3/2006 12:35:49 AM
Author: IndieJones
Just don''t be there when he comes back.

Wether you''re at a hotel, or a friends.. Just don''t be waiting for him like nothings happened.

I agree completely, even though I hope LadyKemma is right . . .

 

[Larissa]

I hope you feel a bit better today. I agree that this is probably your cue to leave. He may want the same things as you, the kids, the house, etc...just not the marriage. And if you want the marriage and he doesn''t I really don''t see there being a compromise. I honestly think he''s just as likely to change his mind as you are to change your mind.

You keep writing about this other woman he was engaged to. Have you only heard his side of it? He may have broken it off with her, saying they couldn''t live together, as an excuse. Or even if it didn''t go bad, he may have broken it off with her later, before the wedding. He may have thought, even then, that he couldn''t get married and was looking for a way out...which he found.

Most importantly, for me, would be *why* he doesn''t want to get married.

 

[firebirdgold]

I''m sorry if this makes you feel badly, and I''m sorry for being harsh. But you deserve a guy who can''t wait to marry you. He just doesn''t deserve to have a woman like you in his life if he can''t appreciate you.

 

[always.waiting]

it is just so incredible to me that I am in this position. You read/hear about it happening, but never think the guy who you are so in tuned with and spend every waking minute with can do this to you. He''s not young btw, he is in his late 30''s.
i appreciate greatly everyone''s responses, it has provided some comfort as i sit in an empty aparment with glasses of wine and my sad thoughts.
maybe i should be gone when he comes home, but i don''t have the energy to do it. i want to see what he has to say. it''s pretty bleak yes, especially since during these past 3 wks i thought he was ring shopping/planning secretively, when he wasn''t putting any thought into it at all. Who DOES this? Gets an ultimatum, tells the girl, you have nothing to worry about, and then does NOTHING, not even put some thought into it? That is why he feels so backed into a corner now...but give me a break, he had YEARS and months and weeks to think this stuff through. He leaves it to the wkend after i''ve given an ultimatum (an ultumatum that I NEVER wanted to have to give!?)? I''m trying to find some silver lining..like if he comes back and says, "ok, i''m ready"..but then can I even really trust him????
I''m just so sad..I''m trying to come up with what my next move is, but then i get too sad and can''t think about it. I feel I have been really deceived.

 

[KimberlyH]

Who DOES this? Gets an ultimatum, tells the girl, you have nothing to worry about, and then does NOTHING, not even put some thought into it?

I think you just asked a very important question and should take the time to answer it. The person you want to marry does this. Knowing that, do you still want to marry him? Someone said you "deserve" better than this, I believe we only deserve what we are willing to give and be and demand. If you allow him to come home and move forward without a commitment, than that is what you deserve because you chose to settle for it. Being angry won''t change it and when you stay and accept what you don''t want just to be in a relationship than that is exactly what you deserve.

I am not trying to be cruel or harsh, I do wish the best for you and am so sorry he led you to believe he wanted something he didn''t but now it''s up to you to take charge.

Take good care of yourself and I promise it will get better, if you stand up for yourself. Not tomorrow or next week, but soon you will feel better.

 

[Mara]

you said you have been with him for 3 years right? well how well do you really know this guy? how could he really have told you all that stuff and led you down that path and be what...lying? in denial himself? the whole time? didn't you feel anything was a little off?? first off, me personally, i am not the type of person to just be placated with 'don't worry, i've got it covered' kind of thing....i'm such a specific person i have to know that things are going or that they are stalled and i kind of tend to think that women can sense these things in relationships even if maybe they don't want to admit it to himself. is he typically a flake or does he usually follow through on what he says he will do?

i just can't believe that you two REALLY have been on the same page this whole time with this kind of outcome, and i wonder if maybe you heard what you wanted to hear...or maybe he just was a really good liar...but i'd like to believe that this guy who you are totally in love with and have been together with for 3 years and lived together with for 1 year would be such a total ass and lead you on like that. the fact that you came here last week or whatever and posted that thread about your misgivings it was almost like you knew that he wasn't going to meet this labor day deadline...i almost feel like you were setting yourself up for disappointment somehow? have you guys discussed actual marriage before or did you just always assume that since he said don't worry that he meant he wanted to marry you, because he had been engaged before so obviously he was cool with it kinda thing.

i feel like i hear 'assumptions' in your posts...and i'm not sure if it's just me or what but i feel like this discussion you had is a frank convo that should have happened a year or so ago, when you moved in with him. why is this JUST coming out now?!?!?!

in any case, please don't feel that i am unsympathetic to your plight, it's horrible that you have to go through this....but those were just some questions that kind of have been in my head since i saw your post yesterday. i wasn't SHOCKED to see what you wrote and that led me to think more about it, as i am pretty analytical about stuff.

anyway, hang in there. you will make it through regardless, but i truly think that in times like this, self-examination can do much for your mental state...i always tend to find after the fact that there were 100 things that i should have seen or done differently and it usually leads to me having more self-realization...it's amazing how blind we can be at the time though.

 

[always.waiting]

Hi Mara,
some really good questions. No I did not sense this was coming. The reason why i had doubts was because I didn''t see anything happening (we live together in a studio, it''s hard to hide stuff), and because I''m someone who tends to expect the worst. I didn''t have misgivings based on shady behaviour or signs of doubt from him directly.
Yes we''ve discussed marriage many times. Including kids (something he said he wanted to discuss before marriage) and where we would live. We were both saving for a downpayment for a house. I repeatedly told him I was excited by these discussions BUT really needed more before taking any more steps in that direction. He ALWAYS said he knew exactly what I was talking about. I would always stop him and say, "are you sure, I''ll be more upfront, if you''d like." And he''d just be like, "no you make it very clear, I get it." So I was always on the verge of saying more, or getting more specific, when he''d stop me and say he totally knows, that there wasn''t anything to talk about. So I''d think, aww, let the guy have a little room to plan. A few weeks/months would pass, I''d see no action, get scared, and back to a conversation. After six mo''s of that, it led to an ultimatum.
Believe me, I don''t get it either. Why did he not just say, I''m unsure about marriage, let''s slow things down..like a year ago? In our talk this wkend, or friday, I did say in frustration "but you told me to trust you. that we are on the same page and to just relax?! were you lying this whole time??". He''d say, "no, wasn''t lying" and go silent.
I don''t know, maybe I''m really unlucky and fell in love with someone who deceived me or is incapbale of expression or moving life forward. I think, or know, he has some major issues with expressing himself. But to the point where he''s going to lose me??
Sigh...

 

[always.waiting]

Also, just to add more details (sorry if it''s TMI), before he left this wkend we were both very sad. I felt like he was abandoning me and like we might be breaking up. He told me he doesn''t want me to think he is taking time to think whether he wants to be with me. That it was some heavy stuff we were discussing and he felt like I was trying to make decisions for him and he needed to come up for air. He said not to worry and to look at the time positively. He just needed to feel some space and that he was doing things voluntarily, whatever that may be. I don''t know if this means anything at all, I guess I''m grasping at straws. I know I am supposed to be strong and say to "hell with him, I deserve more", but I just can''t believe he is doing this to me. If I start over, it''s tough for me..I''m too old for this

 

[diamondseeker2006]

{{{{hugs}}}}

I am so sorry. I just loved what DavidGelb wrote yesterday. That''s the kind of guy you deserve. He had great advice. I guess you''ll have to see what he says when he returns tommorow. But if it''s not an apology and a commitment for the future, then I''d not break up...but I''d tell him that you will have to move out since he may never be able to make a commitment to you. Let him see if he misses you and needs you. If so, he''ll come around the commitment idea. If not, you''re better off getting out now.

 

[Mara]

it's really unfortunate that this guy seems to have led you on a merry chase for marriage especially with your tries to NOT end up like this....but don't worry....if you DO strike out on your own you WILL find someone who is meant for you. i totally agree that you deserve, we all deserve, someone who WANTS to marry us and to make us happy and who also has the same goals and future interests that we do. that person is out there for everyone....no matter what your age!!!

if you can't find the energy to leave and not be there when he returns, at least don't make it easy for him or pretend like nothing happened. sure it's heavy stuff you discussed, but it's not a new discussion. also i hate the idea of you just sitting there all weekend alone drinking wine while he's off at the beach with family. do you have family or friends you can turn to for some support? go out with some friends to get your mind off it a bit? i know it's easier said than done but in tough times for me, it was always really important to have friends that i knew i could turn to for at least a night of distraction. good luck gal.

 

[Efe]

Hi Always. I am glad you came back, I was worried about you. IMO you did the right thing. You will either move forward towards marriage or you will know where the relationship stands and then you can make an informed decision. Being in limbo is maddening and, I think, a form of manipulation. I so hope that this works out for you, but if it doesn''t you will be fine. You are NOT too old. I married for the 1st (and only!) time at 39. A widower with 2 boys. I never thought I would get married and I am so glad that I did not compromise. I think we usually know deep down what we need to do. I can tell by these posts that you have a lot of strength and a lot of class and I am confident that you can do what you need to do.

 

[Christa]

Just wanted to second that you are not too old to start over! I know you hoped you''d be at a different point in your life by now, but I think I remember that you are 34? If so, we''re about the same age, so knock off the "too old" stuff.

Seriously, though, you have quite a few years left to have babies, if that''s what you want, so I hope you won''t "settle" because of the age thing.

 

[allycat0303]

Always,

I can''t tell you how sorry I am about all this. I''m reading your posts and I can feel how hurt, betrayed and abandoned you feel at this moment. To me it sounds like he told you what you wanted to hear. He was comfortable and happy with the relationship and he didn''t want to say "I don''t really want to get married" because he didn''t want to hurt you or lose this comfortable relationship. It seems to me that he has been very dishonest with you about many things. And this is a really important, major issue, so it makes me wonder how many other things he''s hiding for you.

And the bottom line, is that you gave him an ultimatum. And honestly, you have to respect it. I always say about ultimatums....you have to be ready to stick by them if you make them. Or else the other person loses respect for you. I would hate it for you if you let him keep twisting you around like this.

I also find it very hard to believe that he now he''s "not so sure about the concept of marriage" In your late 30''s, you know what concepts you do/do not believe in. To me this smacks of long standing dishonesty.

I know it''s hard to go from believing you are going to have a proposal weekend, and then go to thinking about leaving the relationship, but I don''t see how there''s any other choice. Try and take care of yourself.

 

[ephemery1]

Date: 9/3/2006 3:33:36 PM
Author: diamondseeker2006

I am so sorry. I just loved what DavidGelb wrote yesterday. That''s the kind of guy you deserve.

I loved what David wrote as well... it is so helpful to have a guy''s perspective about this stuff... especially when it becomes all too easy to roll our eyes and say "oh those guys. Always afraid of commitment..." when the truth is, not all guys ARE afraid of marriage and "settling down"... some recognize a good thing when they''ve got it, and look forward to spending the rest of their lives married to the woman they love.

My initial reaction to your boyfriend''s way of handling all this? He is acting extraordinarily selfish. ENTIRELY concentrated on his own fears and concerns and paying no regard to yours. That is not only incredibly unfair, but incredibly disrespectful to you. I can''t imagine putting somebdy I love through the kind of grief you have been through, just because I was too caught up in my own needs and wants to bother thinking about theirs.

Like David said, he needs to GROW UP... and fast. This would be more understandable from a college kid... but at this point in his life he needs to know what he wants. And if marrying you isn''t it, he needs to be honest about that... actually, he should have been honest about that from the beginning.

I know you''ve put a ton of energy into this, and you''re just so emotionally exhausted right now it''s hard to imagine starting over again. But do this one step at a time. Move out, first and foremost. Then see what happens from there. Things will work out the way they are supposed to... just take it one day at a time and be strong. You need to look out for yourself right now, because he''s definitely not.

 

[therighttime]

I just wanted to post a message of support and let you know that others are thinking of you as well. I am sorry that you are going through such a rough time. I''ve followed your posts and and wishing you the best.

Sending lots of strength and hope for a positive outcome.....

Please keep us posted.

 

[cdt1101]

always.....your evening w/ your boyfriend sounds EXACTLY like the ending of my last relationship! I know the pain you are going thru, there is nothing worse then laying out all of your feelings and having the person you love just sit and look at you w/ a blank stare! You can literally feel the wall they build up around them. I felt compelled to post because as hard as it''s going to be, I can say from my experience, that ending the relationship was the BEST thing I ever did. It was tough (we also lived together for a year), but as soon as I was not under the same roof, it was like a HUGE weight off my shoulders. And I haven''t looked back! It''s only been a month and a half or so for me, but it''s been some of the best time in my life. I''m so much happier not wondering what he is thinking/feeling. And I now realize that he wasn''t what I wanted at all. I want someone that can''t wait to marry me! And you should want/expect the same.

Our situations are really very similar. I know EXACTLY how you are feeling, but it can get better, you just have to be strong enough to move on.

 

[pinkflamingo]

Huge hugs to you, and I also agree that you need to get out of there. If things are meant to be, let him pursue you. Move into a hotel or a friends place for a while. leave your stuff, if things dont progress then get them at the end of the month. I feel for you, really. (((hugs))). He doesnt deserve you waiting for him, really, he doesnt. and that is part of the problem, he is taking you for granted, assuming that you will stay with him, unmarried, living together. i hope you guys can sort this out or you can move on with your life.

 

[MissCongeniality]

Always, I concur with the rest of the posts here. You should move out and get on with things. If he comes around, fine. If not, you have to go ahead and find somebody else.

A lot of us have experienced broken relationships...we all know what you are going through. My old boyfriend had asked me to move to Chicago with him in the next few months, and I told him I''d move immediately if necessary, but that I wanted to get married if I moved across the country with him. I already had a placeholder ring, and after discussing it, we were planning on getting engaged by the end of the year (he said he could guarantee it). We had even discussed what kind of ring I''d want, he knew I liked asschers, etc. We were together a very happy year and a half. It was the best relationship I''d ever been in and after two dates I had a feeling we were a good match. I really was in love. It was just so effortless to be together. But then two months ago, he started drinking very very heavily and after two months of being drunk constantly, in moments of clarity while drunk on the couch, he decided he didnt want to marry me after all. All this time we were so happy, (when he''s was not drinking like this) and then he starts with the bottle and now decides he doesnt need me anymore. I would be in the way of his little habit. I cant compete with the bottle. Its a bitter disappointment. Its been a month since we''ve split up, and I still feel him holding my hand at night when I sleep. I miss him terribly but I cant marry a man who is sick. And he wouldnt appreciate me anyway because he''d be too busy being drunk. Still, the loss is hard.

You are strong for insisting on marriage (as many of us here have) and you have every right to do so. You have to have courage at this hour and be strong. If you stay in the relationship you will only wind up resenting him in the long run...and the relationship will sour over time. I really believe that the people we love and have relationships with CAN lead to marriage, but both people have to be present and emotionally healthy enough to result in a marriage. Fate may bring 2 people together, but it is up to both parties to decide where it leads. And it all depends on the choices we make.

We all deserve somebody who cant wait to marry us. Be strong and dont settle for less. If you want to be married, you need to find somebody who is marriage minded and healthy enough to make that kind of comittment.

If you do decide to leave the relationship, I suggest finding some new hobbies to occupy the time and get your mind off him. I even started a new job so I could try to close the sad chapter in my own life. And I listen to a lot of talk radio so I dont hear songs on the FM radio that might make me get emotional.

((((HUGS))))
Desiree

 

[Mandarine]

Always...

I''m so sorry you''re going through this...I can''t even imagine how dissapointed and heart broken you are.

A guy that does this just doesn''t deserve you....if he wasn''t planning on proposing he should have just said so.....in my mind he was leading you on. Maybe he was just hoping you would just give up on the idea because that would be easier than walking away and starting over. News flash for him, is not!!!!

You want to get married, you want to maybe have a family...and you will do these things and and you will find someone else.

I know just the thought of starting over may sound terrifying right now, but you are a strong woman and you deserver better. Just take it one step at a time and today you have to start listening to your head because your heart is aching and may not be the best at giving advice right now.

We''re here if you need to vent!

M~