Updates, anyone?

[audball]

As a former LIW, I can attest that the worst of it is when you know he has the ring and you don't understand why he's sitting on it so long. Hugs ladies! Hang in there! You will have your time!

Thanks for some insight from the other side gem! It's just so so so hard to wait when I know it's somewhere in our apartment taunting me everyday.

 

[madelise]

As a former LIW, I can attest that the worst of it is when you know he has the ring and you don't understand why he's sitting on it so long. Hugs ladies! Hang in there! You will have your time!

Oh, great

#1. I know I'm not crazy now. I haven't been THIS LIW-y ever, and this new change has been making me think I'm nuts. Nice to know I'm not.

#2. There's nothing I can do about it. I'm going to feel worse every day, I'm sure. It makes me wonder if he really even wants to marry me.

 

[antiquesparkler]

It makes me wonder if he really even wants to marry me.
Me too... boooo!

 

[MBKRH]

It makes me wonder if he really even wants to marry me.
Me too... boooo!

Me, three.

 

[gem_anemone]

Being proposed to is wonderful, but also one of the most crazy emotional moments of my life. I was elated yet very shaken up and my adrenaline was pumping. I can only imagine how it must feel to be the man actually doing the proposing part and having the weight of making it perfect for the love of his life all riding on his shoulders. The woman feels it for just a few moments as it's happening, but since the man knows ahead of time it is happening he is extremely nervous while trying to act normal, and make it a surprise for however long he has to wait for the perfect moment to pull out that ring and then he has to remember to say all this great stuff. I honestly, truly believe it has to be the most pressure most men have probably felt in their life to that point. Even my husband felt it, even though as laid back as I am, even as he knew I would say yes and that I would like the ring. And my husband is not shy at all and he is very secure. He goes for what he wants and he still sat on that ring for 2.5 months. I'm never one to make excuses for the guys (anyone who has seen my posts on my expectations of them would know ), but now that my proposal is over and done with I can see how guys put it off. They probably dread it because it's so scary, amazing, nerve-wracking etc all wrapped into one and there is an enormous amount of pressure to make it perfect and it is very difficult to put into words how amazing your SO makes you feel without sounding cheesy or dorky etc. and ruining the moment. Not that my husband could have ruined it, what happens, happens and is special to you, but the guys don't even realize that at the time! Again ladies, hang in there! Your time is soon I'm sure of it!

 

[CaprineSun]

Right there with ya on that level of LIW-itis, sister.

Same here!
I'm trying to let him plan it on his own time, so it can happen naturally & without pressure, but oh boy, after seeing the video, I just want the ring on my finger already! I love it so much.

But, I keep it all in because I don't want him to think the only reason I want to be engaged is for the ring.... But it sure is a big part of it!

It's not even the ring. I'll be thrilled to wear it, sure, but at this point I just want everyone to know how much we love each other and that we plan to get married. I want to make my own announcement damn it!

Yes, it's for the announcement, and it's for the planning. I can buy my own bling, but I can't propose to myself, and I can't marry myself.

I'm excited about the announcement and planning, but not as much as the ring. Why? Everyone, including my mother considers us engaged anyway. They all say it & I have to keep correcting them, that no, I'm still single. I always get a collective They know our commitment to each other is cemented by now. LOL So, the announcement will be moreso for them since our friends & families are excited to start the planning process-- including the plans for my uterus!

That leaves the ring for me to look forward to.

 

[CaprineSun]

Same here!
I'm trying to let him plan it on his own time, so it can happen naturally & without pressure, but oh boy, after seeing the video, I just want the ring on my finger already! I love it so much.

But, I keep it all in because I don't want him to think the only reason I want to be engaged is for the ring.... But it sure is a big part of it!

What's been up with you, goat? You haven't popped in here in a while.

And ditto! Where they heck have you been CS?

Oh, busy, busy, busy! But all has been going SO WELL for me IRL, now! So happy. Oh, and I just got an IUD placed today. So although our families are pushing babies on us (and a friend even praying for an unplanned pregnancy! ), the joke's on them now!

Have some mild cramping, now. Not fun. Can't wait until it all settles down.

Now, after a year of LONG, hard work, little sleep--- off to vacation next week!

 

[madelise]

Ooh! You'll love it if you have no complications. I got Paraguard 2 summers ago, and love how carefree I can be.

If you like pickles, you can eat pickles and drink pickle juice. I loveeee pickles, so I had no complaints. It made my cramps go away like magic! After about 2-3 wks, my cramps went away. I hope you have a smooth coping period!!

 

[BeautyQueen]

Hope everyone doing well and feeling better from their brief cases of LIW-itis, it happens to all of us

SO and i got into a very long intense fight last week and since then i have been in a little bit of a rut, tons of hurtful things were said more so on his part. " if someone asked me what i get from this relationship i wouldn't be able to say anything ", " i dont know why i am with you " oh and that i am " selfish" for talking about getting engaged. Sometimes i really dont know if SO gets that you cant say things out of anger and expect someone to forget them just because an apology is made . He is the one that said by around this time this year we would be engaged, so i am not sure how that puts me in the selfish category when i am just going off of what he told me.

I feel less excited about our anniversary ( i feel like a sulking child saying that ) but i do feel like the wind was taken out of my sails , my cookie was crumbled , my diamond dust parade was rained on and he pissed in my cheerios. Where is my tiny violin ? I feel like an a$$ for getting my hopes up. It doesn't help that last night , he was weighing his " precious metals" and he had a velvet bag from one of the shops we went to when searching for an engagement ring

Sorry for the mini rant

 

[antiquesparkler]

Same here!
I'm trying to let him plan it on his own time, so it can happen naturally & without pressure, but oh boy, after seeing the video, I just want the ring on my finger already! I love it so much.

But, I keep it all in because I don't want him to think the only reason I want to be engaged is for the ring.... But it sure is a big part of it!

What's been up with you, goat? You haven't popped in here in a while.

And ditto! Where they heck have you been CS?

Oh, busy, busy, busy! But all has been going SO WELL for me IRL, now! So happy. Oh, and I just got an IUD placed today. So although our families are pushing babies on us (and a friend even praying for an unplanned pregnancy! ), the joke's on them now!

Have some mild cramping, now. Not fun. Can't wait until it all settles down.

Now, after a year of LONG, hard work, little sleep--- off to vacation next week!

I have one and I love it! The cramping will go away after the firs couple days. My friends and family all joke about an ooops... because they all want us to have babies... SO and I just look at eachother and laugh... good luck with that....

 

[antiquesparkler]

Hope everyone doing well and feeling better from their brief cases of LIW-itis, it happens to all of us

SO and i got into a very long intense fight last week and since then i have been in a little bit of a rut, tons of hurtful things were said more so on his part. " if someone asked me what i get from this relationship i wouldn't be able to say anything ", " i dont know why i am with you " oh and that i am " selfish" for talking about getting engaged. Sometimes i really dont know if SO gets that you cant say things out of anger and expect someone to forget them just because an apology is made . He is the one that said by around this time this year we would be engaged, so i am not sure how that puts me in the selfish category when i am just going off of what he told me.

I feel less excited about our anniversary ( i feel like a sulking child saying that ) but i do feel like the wind was taken out of my sails , my cookie was crumbled , my diamond dust parade was rained on and he pissed in my cheerios. Where is my tiny violin ? I feel like an a$$ for getting my hopes up. It doesn't help that last night , he was weighing his " precious metals" and he had a velvet bag from one of the shops we went to when searching for an engagement ring

Sorry for the mini rant

So sorry to hear that, BeautyQueen. Maybe it would help to talk to him about the timeline he gave you and let him know that your feelings have been hurt and you may need some time to heal after the fight. I feel like a lot of times guys dont really understand that what they say can affect us as much as it does. He made some pretty harsh statements- I would be just as upset if I were you. No need to feel like a sulking child, your feelings are understandable. Maybe go do something for yourself this weekend? Pedicure... massage.. long walk... Something to lift your spirits a little?

I hope things get better soon.

 

[Ravenne]

BF said something that gave me a very drastic mixed reaction. We were talking about the holidays coming up and he said "This Christmas is gonna be fuuuun... (note the sarcasm)." "Why?" "That's when I'm telling my parents I'm getting engaged soon."

Me =

LOL! On the one hand, that may or may not indicate a closer proposal than I thought (or not... kinda hard to tell with him sometimes) but on the other hand.... Oh man, I'm not looking forward to that information making the rounds. His grandmother's going to be thrilled, so I'm excited to tell her about our plans, but for the most part... meep. Lol

I feel like the end of the year is getting closer a lot faster than I thought it would.

 

[BeautyQueen]

Thank you AntiqueSparkler , we talked more about it today and he seems to have understood more so we will see what the future holds.

 

[audball]

*hugs* BeautyQueen. That's awful. I'm glad you guys talked it out some. I hope you get to feeling less hurt about his comments over time.

 

[madelise]

*Bump.

 

[Chewbacca]

BeautyQueen, how are you doing now? I'm sorry you had a blowout! When is your anniversary?

Ravenne, eeek! How exciting for you having such important news being told to family, its a big step right! And the flipside of that, rather daunting due to your relationship with them. Eeek! I think its great that your SO is letting them in on the plans before it happens, let them 'adjust' to the idea and avoid a potential rain on your parade scenario.


Me: As some of you know, because I've gone on and on about it on here!, I'm more than likely not getting an ering. WHAT AM I DOING ON PS RIGHT. (I would like to get an anniversary ring to go in its place, I'm buying myself more time!) Anyway. I once mentioned that I would love for SO to paint a portrait of us, a la the Frida and Diego Wedding Portrait. Something small/medium in size. He is a BEAUTIFUL painter, such an eye. Somehow the idea stuck around and evolved, and now this is going to be what I receive from SO on bended knee! Last night he told me that he has started to plan it out.

A bit off center for a PSer, but so 'us'.

 

[BeautyQueen]

Thanks for the hUGS Audball

Chewbacca , I am doing pretty good , we are working on our issues and just doing what needs to be done to have a healthy happy relationship. Our anniversary is next month and he has assured me he will be planning everything so we will see how it goes.

Hope everyone is having a wonderful week so far

 

[antiquesparkler]

BeautyQueen, how are you doing now? I'm sorry you had a blowout! When is your anniversary?

eeek! How exciting for you having such important news being told to family, its a big step right! And the flipside of that, rather daunting due to your relationship with them. Eeek! I think its great that your SO is letting them in on the plans before it happens, let them 'adjust' to the idea and avoid a potential rain on your parade scenario.


Me: As some of you know, because I've gone on and on about it on here!, I'm more than likely not getting an ering. WHAT AM I DOING ON PS RIGHT. (I would like to get an anniversary ring to go in its place, I'm buying myself more time!) Anyway. I once mentioned that I would love for SO to paint a portrait of us, a la the Frida and Diego Wedding Portrait. Something small/medium in size. He is a BEAUTIFUL painter, such an eye. Somehow the idea stuck around and evolved, and now this is going to be what I receive from SO on bended knee! Last night he told me that he has started to plan it out.

A bit off center for a PSer, but so 'us'.

Chewbacca,
I love it! That is so neat and something you will treasure forever.

SO is very artsy and I would really love a replica of this horse sculpture (out of clay) that he made for his dad a long long time ago. I am in love with the one at his dads house. He is shy about it so I doubt it will happen but it's amazing and I will keep hoping.

BeautyQueen, So glad everythign is working itself out! Can't wait to hear what he's planned for your anniversary.

Nothing new for me. It's been 2 weeks since I handed the ring over... I have yet to mention it. I am very proud of myself but there are times that I dont think I can stand it anymore. LOL! Poor SO.

Oh, and my crazy friend that got engaged... from my previous thread... hinted at me being a bridesmaid and my daughter being her flower girl. OMG. Run. Away.

I hope you all are doing well!

 

[pandabee]

Nothing exciting here...I am studying abroad for the month and our two year anniversary was yesterday but we didn't do anything as I'm halfway around the world I don't think we'll do anything fun when I get back. Other than you know hehe. But anyways nothing romantic. It's hard to keep in touch with each other 12 hours apart!

 

[Schafenm]

Hey everyone! I have been soo crazy with school lately I haven't had time to stop in. I just did a skim of the last 4 pages to try and catch up on everyone. I am really sorry, it sounds like a lot of you are going through a tough LIW time. I hope it gets better for everyone. Just think this time next year, everyone will be planning their weddings and this will be just a little speed bump you can look back on and laugh. I know it doesn't help now, but just a little friendly advice. No changes with me really on the ring front, just waiting. After hearing all your stories I am glad we decided I was not allowed to see the final product because I ultimately don't know what I am missing. I am sure though when school breaks and I get the 6 weeks off for the holidays I am going to be going crazy. I think I am going to start studying for the nclex on stuff we have learned to help take my mind off of the ring.

Dust to everyone, and I hope next time I can check in to see a few people off the list

 

[Schafenm]

BeautyQueen, how are you doing now? I'm sorry you had a blowout! When is your anniversary?

Ravenne, eeek! How exciting for you having such important news being told to family, its a big step right! And the flipside of that, rather daunting due to your relationship with them. Eeek! I think its great that your SO is letting them in on the plans before it happens, let them 'adjust' to the idea and avoid a potential rain on your parade scenario.


Me: As some of you know, because I've gone on and on about it on here!, I'm more than likely not getting an ering. WHAT AM I DOING ON PS RIGHT. (I would like to get an anniversary ring to go in its place, I'm buying myself more time!) Anyway. I once mentioned that I would love for SO to paint a portrait of us, a la the Frida and Diego Wedding Portrait. Something small/medium in size. He is a BEAUTIFUL painter, such an eye. Somehow the idea stuck around and evolved, and now this is going to be what I receive from SO on bended knee! Last night he told me that he has started to plan it out.

A bit off center for a PSer, but so 'us'.

That is so romantic, unique, and could be passed down throughout generations. I love that idea! Congrats and I hope you get your beautiful painting soon!!

 

[sweetpea&babycorn]

Our ring is ready But, I have to decide whether to shave the setting down more. I'm leaning towards 1.8mm, and posted about on RT. Some have said stay with 2.2, others said go in the middle and go with 2.0mm, other are saying to stand my ground and go for the 1.8mm. But I feel better that nobody has said that my ring would fall apart if I didn't stick with the 2.2mm.

I'm going to say something that almost no LIW should say... and that is, I'm not dying to see the ring, and I'm not dying for my boyfriend to propose ASAP. It would definitely be nice, but I don't feel tortured about it yet. It doesn't mean that I'm not super excited to be engaged to him or marry him, but I wonder if it's because I had gone through this before and all that excitement and anxiety ended up in a break up. With my relationship now, I feel like I have nothing to wait for because I am just so happy to spend the rest of my life with him.

Maybe it's because I don't know if the ring is perfect the way I want it and he doesn't have the ring in his possession yet.

I'm almost positive ALL this will change once we see the ring (on Thursday) and he has it in his hands.

 

[MayFlowers]

sweetpea, I'm so happy for you! I know you will be over the moon and anxious once you see the ring. About the ring thickness, I personally would stay around 2.0-2.2mm. I know there are plenty of people that have 1.8mm rings, but that would make me too nervous. Plus, if I remember correctly, you have a decent size stone. So, I'm sure that 2mm will look plenty thin and make sure the stone pops.

As for me, I am STILL waiting. BF has not gotten his bonus yet and he is out of town the rest of this week. I think he is going to wait until after we are in the house. I know he wants to make sure that we get past closing and still have plenty of money left over and that we can afford the ring (which, unless he goes and blows crazy money, I know we will have the budget). So, now it's looking like it will be November before we get engaged. It's so frustrating but I know that we are doing the smart thing by waiting until after closing is settled and then making sure we have the budget for a ring.

BF also kind of "confessed" that he is very nervous about the whole wedding thing. He is very nervous about his family conflicts, since his mom's half won't be invited, and the fact that his brother, who passed last year, was supposed to be his best man. For the majority of his family, there won't be a conflict because we haven't had any contact with them since his brother's passing. However, he is on the outs with his mom and his biological sister. I think he's torn over whether to invite them or not. Obviously, they are both close family that he would deep down like to have at his wedding. But, they would also both cause drama and feuding with his dad's side (there might even be a few people on his dad's side who would not attend our wedding simply to avoid those two people). To be honest, I could seriously see both his mom and sister just bringing the rest of his mom's side simply to wreak havoc and create a fight.

I really don't know how to address the situation because I'm not sure that he is completely ready to cut all ties with his mom and sister. I know I would prefer that they not be there, and I think that he prefers this too. But, like I said, that decision will be the start of cutting all ties with them and that's a huge decision to make.

If anyone has advice on that situation, feel free to give it because I am lost!

 

[madelise]

OOH, MF, I was just going through our list, and wondering about you! I'm so glad you posted. How exciting your home buying must be! Dust that everything goes smoothly! How has work been?

As for your SO and his family… well.. I think I've told you a few times that I'm in a similar situation. Well, similar to his situation. I don't get along with my mother, at all. In fact, every so often I go through a phase of wondering why I hate her so much, and thinking if I could just move past it…. then I'll have a "reminder". Just this morning, I was rudely awakened to another reminder.

However, she is still my biological creator, and I want to break things off with her on my terms. I don't want her involved with our wedding, and I don't want to even keep in contact with her at all after I move out. I already barely speak to her. I don't even say hi to her when I pass her, because of how toxic our relationship is. If I let her into my life, she'll wreck whatever it is I share with her. But again, she is my mother, and everything gets really mushy and messy. I start feeling sad, and guilty, then I do want to try again with her… until the next time she hurts me again.

If your SO hasn't gone to therapy, I definitely suggest that he does go. Therapy sounds all taboo and freaky, but really, I gained a lot through a guided thought process. Family drama is hard to talk about with friends and supporters, and not all people can relate, so he probably isn't getting the best advice or the best support. I know I wasn't. No matter how much my BFF's or whomever tells me, "Oh I hate my mom/dad too!", they're completely over-exaggerating when compared to my situation, and yeah.. it's discouraging to hear that crap when you're trying to seek solace with friends.

For my own sanity, my therapist prodded my own self to come up with the conclusion that our relationship is toxic, my childhood with her was toxic and unhealthy, and that I should not feel guilty about leaving our relationship to the past, and moving on. However, whenever my BF would say hurtful things about her, or our relationship, I get resentful towards HIM, and then start feeling backwards and guilty all over again. Let your SO come to his own conclusions about his mother and sister himself. Tell him you'll be okay with whatever he chooses to do, and maybe suggest he talk it out with a therapist, so that he can get some clarity within his own thoughts. He's probably feeling a complete Eeyore cloud over his head about this situation. It's a super sensitive situation, and if you plant any seeds in his head, even the most minute seed.. he may get into an emotional funk over it, and blame/resent you.. the same way I get defensive when SO says anything negative about my situation. It's not logical in the least bit, but a mother-child relationship is extremely delicate, even if it wasn't healthy.

And whatever it is he decides to do, be there to support him. He'll probably get flack from all random corners if he decides to cut them off. I do. I get flack from who I thought would have been very, very supportive of my decisions.. because "it's not natural to not love your mother", blah blah blah. He'll definitely need the support.

 

[MayFlowers]

madelise, I am so excited for our home that it's ridiculous. I seriously can't wait. BF is super excited too. We finally got to go buy our couches and a coffee/end table set for the living room. We are closing at the end of October. So, we will officially be living there in two weeks! That is so soon that it's crazy and we are both beyond excited!!

Now, as for his family situation, I cannot thank you enough for what you wrote. Your relationship with your mother sounds almost exactly how BF is with his mother. We have absolutely gone months without speaking to her, despite him being in the same house. BF definitely had a very rough relationship with her growing up, as did his brother. I can't imagine some of the things that BF went through growing up and any time I think about it, I seriously start to cry. No one should have to experience things like he did. (I'm not talking abuse by the way, but just some serious neglect/lack of a loving, nurturing mother)

Anyways, I'm glad that you told me how it makes you feel when your BF talks about your mother. BF knows how I feel about his mother and I try not to make specific references to her or "bash" her in front of him. But, I do rant about her sometimes. So, I will work to stop that to hopefully help save his feelings. As for talking to a therapist, BF is not the type to do that. I'm sure that when the time comes, he will consult with his dad as well as his "sister" (his brother's fiance). While they may have some biases, I know that he will get their honest opinions and he will be able to predict some of the consequences of inviting/not inviting his mother and biological sister.

At this point, I really have no idea how it will turn out. But, I will definitely support whatever decision he makes.

ETA: Work by the way is great. It's starting to get stressful and crazy busy, but I love it. My stress level has risen dramatically over the past few weeks. I have so many deadlines coming up for assessments and things to get done for work. Plus, the fact that we are moving in two weeks, I am crazy busy. Oh and of course, my body decides this is the best time to get sick as well. I am fighting all the typical allergy symptoms, runny nose, cough, hoarse voice, sore throat, etc.

 

[sweetpea&babycorn]

MF thanks for your input about my ring. I have gotten more excited about seeing it, but more because Nick will be with me. He has been so wonderful handling my neurosis.

I'm so sorry your boyfriend is going through a tough time with his family. It's even harder to lose a brother who he was so close to that he was going to be the best man. I love that you're being supportive of him, and giving him enough space but also staying close enough to know that he's not going through this alone. I can't offer a lot of advice, but you know we're here to support YOU, and we love hearing how you're doing!

 

[madelise]

madelise, I am so excited for our home that it's ridiculous. I seriously can't wait. BF is super excited too. We finally got to go buy our couches and a coffee/end table set for the living room. We are closing at the end of October. So, we will officially be living there in two weeks! That is so soon that it's crazy and we are both beyond excited!!

I'm so excited for you!

Now, as for his family situation, I cannot thank you enough for what you wrote. Your relationship with your mother sounds almost exactly how BF is with his mother. We have absolutely gone months without speaking to her, despite him being in the same house. BF definitely had a very rough relationship with her growing up, as did his brother. I can't imagine some of the things that BF went through growing up and any time I think about it, I seriously start to cry. No one should have to experience things like he did. (I'm not talking abuse by the way, but just some serious neglect/lack of a loving, nurturing mother)

Don't make excuses for mommy dearest. Neglect *IS* abuse.. regardless of what type. Recognizing that, and not making excuses to bandaid the pain, makes it easier to move forward. I'm sorry he and his brother had to go through what they did in the past. Did she specifically choose the sister to 'spare'? I used to be jealous of my younger sister, but after therapy, and talking to my sister, and realizing her own struggles NOW with our mother, I realize that I was probably better off knowing nothing but the truth. This tug-of-war of emotions.. "she likes me because she bought me a new laptop! she hates me because she screamed at me, 2 inches from my face.. oh! she forgave me because we went to church together, so she bought me another pretty thing! she yelled at me and stalked me at school because I was 15 minutes late coming home for the last few weeks…" It was torturing for my sister. My sister continued being her "favorite", in the twisted situation that it was. She's struggling to cut off my mother emotionally. She's torn because of the tug-of-war. Reality got mixed up with the sick fantasy that mommy-dearest might actually care.

I don't know what happened to your SO's sister, but I suspect that if all the kids grew up in a messed up environment, and she grew up just as messed up.. it could be just a psychological effect of the neglect. Sharper people see past the mirages, weaker ones fall into those same mirage's traps. (Not that she may not be sharp.. sometimes it's easier to trick yourself into not seeing things.) She may grow up being more hurt, more confused, more whatever.. whenever she finally sees through the mirage. **OR** she may end up being a complete duplicate of mom, and impose those same things on her own family (monkey see, monkey do). It's sad. It's so so sad. I've helped my sister a lot recently, but I can't do things FOR her. My words can only add confusion to her already confused state. Only a few people IRL know about my situation, and those people usually only know bits and pieces. One of my best friends, ever, who now employs my sister and is helping her tremendously, can't even believe the crap we went through. I'm still tempted to turn this negative into a positive, and hopefully pen my own book one day… possibly bringing some peace, or at least $..

Just shedding an extra light on a possibility for the tension between him and his sister.. There can be reconciliation there (Not that it needs to happen for the wedding, though! That may be an unnecessary rush!) I used to resent mine. I don't anymore. We're not BFF or anything, but at least I can understand her.

Anyways, I'm glad that you told me how it makes you feel when your BF talks about your mother. BF knows how I feel about his mother and I try not to make specific references to her or "bash" her in front of him. But, I do rant about her sometimes. So, I will work to stop that to hopefully help save his feelings. As for talking to a therapist, BF is not the type to do that. I'm sure that when the time comes, he will consult with his dad as well as his "sister" (his brother's fiance). While they may have some biases, I know that he will get their honest opinions and he will be able to predict some of the consequences of inviting/not inviting his mother and biological sister.

At this point, I really have no idea how it will turn out. But, I will definitely support whatever decision he makes.

No problem. It's not something we naturally think twice of. We see what we see, and love our partners and are so darn open with them about every minute detail in life, that we don't realize the harm in some things we choose to share. It's different when you're agreeing with him, than when you're making your own opinions heard. It's hard to heal, enough, on your own. There's a wound, and it needs to heal naturally. Some support is great, but other "words of encouragement" can be likened to splashing an open would with alcohol. Yes, the intentions are great, but it still stings a great amount! He's lucky to have you, though, that's for sure. After living with strange, non-textbook healthy homes.. it's extremely refreshing and helpful to have "normal". Heck, it's that resilience that he has, to bounce back after experiencing a rougher childhood, that makes him a much stronger person in the end. Some people never get their resilience tested Lucky them. They'll never know how much they can handle. Your SO will be an amazing partner in life, because he can handle whatever crap life will want to toss at him!

ETA: Work by the way is great. It's starting to get stressful and crazy busy, but I love it. My stress level has risen dramatically over the past few weeks. I have so many deadlines coming up for assessments and things to get done for work. Plus, the fact that we are moving in two weeks, I am crazy busy. Oh and of course, my body decides this is the best time to get sick as well. I am fighting all the typical allergy symptoms, runny nose, cough, hoarse voice, sore throat, etc.

That's great to hear! Poo on getting sick. Isn't that always the worst? $hit always seems to hit the fan on the immune system when you have a bajillion things that need to be done! Stay hydrated and get plenty of rest! I hope you don't disappear for a while, again, and let us know about how the new house is going!! I'm seriously SO excited for you! Being a homeowner is one of my biggest life goals. Unfortunately… living in SoCal.. it may possibly never happen.. or happen REALLY late in life So I'm always super excited for others when they reach that point in their lives!

 

[MayFlowers]

I don't know what happened to your SO's sister, but I suspect that if all the kids grew up in a messed up environment, and she grew up just as messed up.. it could be just a psychological effect of the neglect. Sharper people see past the mirages, weaker ones fall into those same mirage's traps. (Not that she may not be sharp.. sometimes it's easier to trick yourself into not seeing things.) She may grow up being more hurt, more confused, more whatever.. whenever she finally sees through the mirage. **OR** she may end up being a complete duplicate of mom, and impose those same things on her own family (monkey see, monkey do). It's sad. It's so so sad. I've helped my sister a lot recently, but I can't do things FOR her. My words can only add confusion to her already confused state. Only a few people IRL know about my situation, and those people usually only know bits and pieces. One of my best friends, ever, who now employs my sister and is helping her tremendously, can't even believe the crap we went through. I'm still tempted to turn this negative into a positive, and hopefully pen my own book one day… possibly bringing some peace, or at least $..

Note the bolded part, you hit it dead on. This is exactly what the issue is. She has always seemed similar to his mom for the time that I have known her, almost 6 years now. However, over the past year and a half since his brother's passing, she has acted exactly like his mom. So, while I don't think she was "spared" growing up, I think that she chooses to ignore it. BF's parents are obviously divorced and have been since BF was too young to remember. Since I have been with him, I can't even tell you the number of times I have heard from his mom's side nasty things about his dad. While his sister doesn't necessarily believe those, I think she sympathizes with her mom. His mom's side tends to make up their own truths about people. Sometimes this means they place unnecessary blame on people, and other times they ignore other's toxic character flaws.

That's great to hear! Poo on getting sick. Isn't that always the worst? $hit always seems to hit the fan on the immune system when you have a bajillion things that need to be done! Stay hydrated and get plenty of rest! I hope you don't disappear for a while, again, and let us know about how the new house is going!! I'm seriously SO excited for you! Being a homeowner is one of my biggest life goals. Unfortunately… living in SoCal.. it may possibly never happen.. or happen REALLY late in life So I'm always super excited for others when they reach that point in their lives!

I hope that you get to reach your goal of being a homeowner at some point! I'm so glad that where we live, we got a great deal on a house. We have both had the goal to get a house for a while. We have been saving up for quite some time. I really do feel blessed that we both have the money and jobs to be able to purchase a house at our age.

I will try to keep posting more often. I have had some time to post lately because BF is out of town right now for work. I might be a little spotty here next week because I have some big things to get finished for work and I really need to pack my stuff. But, I will be sure to keep everyone updated!

 

[madelise]

I hope that you get to reach your goal of being a homeowner at some point! I'm so glad that where we live, we got a great deal on a house. We have both had the goal to get a house for a while. We have been saving up for quite some time. I really do feel blessed that we both have the money and jobs to be able to purchase a house at our age.

I will try to keep posting more often. I have had some time to post lately because BF is out of town right now for work. I might be a little spotty here next week because I have some big things to get finished for work and I really need to pack my stuff. But, I will be sure to keep everyone updated!

Enough jaded talk

Yes, I do hope so! SO really wanted to purchase a house in the beginning of this year, but we realized that I don't even know where I'll be this time next year, due to grad school. So we're waiting. But honestly, *I* want to put money in, and hold that "homeowner" title.. not just have someone else buy it and slap my name onto it. It's a huge accomplishment in life! I know many, many people who are full into midlife and on, who do not own. I remember wondering as a kid why one would drive a BMW or Mercedes, and buy huge flatscreen TVs (LOL! remember THAT excitement? When TVs first got flat SCREENS to their bulky bodies?), but still have to deal with the drama and crap of landlords and rent.

And yes please, post more! We miss you around these parts!

 

[MayFlowers]

Closing on the house and moving in this week! I expect that after that, I am going to get very antsy for him to propose. He did mention that I would get "what I wanted" for Christmas this year.