Updates, anyone?

[pandabee]

yay MF!!!! Congratulations, that is so exciting, on both counts!!!!

 

[audball]

Closing on the house and moving in this week! I expect that after that, I am going to get very antsy for him to propose. He did mention that I would get "what I wanted" for Christmas this year.

SOOOOO awesome MF! Early congrats on both counts!

 

[MBKRH]

Closing on the house and moving in this week! I expect that after that, I am going to get very antsy for him to propose. He did mention that I would get "what I wanted" for Christmas this year.

Congrats on the house, that is so exciting!!! And hopefully you get your sparkly for Christmas!

 

[madelise]

Closing on the house and moving in this week! I expect that after that, I am going to get very antsy for him to propose. He did mention that I would get "what I wanted" for Christmas this year.

Congrats on the house, that is so exciting!!! And hopefully you get your sparkly for Christmas!

Woohoo!!! Congratulations!!!

 

[Chewbacca]

YAY MAYFLOWERS!! SO excited for you!


On that note, all of you soon to be off the list have to promise to bring BWW back to life! Ok deal.

 

[sweetpea&babycorn]

Congrats MF!! With all the craziness around moving, I hope Christmas comes much faster than you expect so you can finally show off that bling!

Here are a couple sneak peeks of my ring. The pictures make it look a little dull, but it's very sparkly and lively. It's currently at my SO's parents house (shipped out of state so we wouldn't have to pay tax) and he will pick it up most likely Wednesday. We're going to my parents house this weekend so he can ask for my mom's blessing/approval, and then it'll be a waiting game from there!

 

[LJL]

THE WAITING GAME CAN SUCK IT

 

[madelise]

THE WAITING GAME CAN SUCK IT

I can't say it as well as you can but yes, the waiting game can.
Sooooooo.. wanna race, ladies?
Not that it would change anything about our SO's and their stupid planning process.

 

[MBKRH]

Your ring is stunning, sweetpea! Lots and lots of dust your way!!! ~*~*~*~*~

 

[maccers]

That's gorgeous sweetpea! I'm sure it won't be long until you have it permanently!

No updates from me, I'm the biggest barrier to the wait - I can't decide on what I want for an e-ring...I've been perusing warm OECs non-stop, and taken a look at AVRs but those AVRs are PRICEY! It's very hard to shop online for loose stones, I get nervous when i'm trying to commit...it seems like a lot can go wrong with OECs.

 

[LJL]

If youre serious about looking maccers, contact Jon at GOG. He spent weeks and weeks looking for a stone that worked for me......damn pricey AVRs

 

[maccers]

If youre serious about looking maccers, contact Jon at GOG. He spent weeks and weeks looking for a stone that worked for me......damn pricey AVRs

Were you able to find an AVR that was manageable for your budget? I've visited their online AVR list and, wow, my money isn't going to go as far with an AVR. Also, did GOG recently change their cut for AVRs? I thought I watched a video from GOG where he mentioned they've further perfected the AVR cut?

 

[lktx]

SO and I are expecting bar results tomorrow. I am a nervous wreck.

 

[pandabee]

If youre serious about looking maccers, contact Jon at GOG. He spent weeks and weeks looking for a stone that worked for me......damn pricey AVRs

Were you able to find an AVR that was manageable for your budget? I've visited their online AVR list and, wow, my money isn't going to go as far with an AVR. Also, did GOG recently change their cut for AVRs? I thought I watched a video from GOG where he mentioned they've further perfected the AVR cut?

I'm not LJL but I'll go ahead and chime in...she didn't end up getting an AVR because they were much more expensive. Jon had to search for a long time for an antique stone that fit her requirements! I think I do remember hearing somewhere that they slightly modified the AVR cut but I'm not sure of the details

 

[LJL]

pandabee is right I have an OEC sourced by Jon that meets my requirements.. .doesnt get rid of the AVR bug but it was so comforting to have someone else's eyes on the stone for me....someone who is picky and just wants to find you what youre looking for. I was very happy with the whole process. If Im not mistaken, there is still a 1.85 K that was sourced for sweetpea that is GORGEOUS and super affordable... you should look at the video

and yea, they tweaked the AVR. Certainly doesnt look any cheaper (maibs more expensive even? idk)


lktx - GOOD LUCK! SO and I will be in your shoes next year. Ohio results were earlier this week and people were pretty crazy there for a few days.

 

[madelise]

I second LJL's rec for Jon. IF YOU WANT GREAT OPTICS in a true antique, go with Jon. He will run all those funky tests on them and show you how they perform. I prefer the comfort of knowing HOW mine performs vs. saving a few bucks. And any funky ideas that he up charges a bunch just isn't true. I was truly shocked at the GREAT performers he was able to find for LJL, sweetpea and myself.. all within or near budget. If you yearn for an AVR but don't want to pay the $$$ for the brand/proprietary cut, have him look for a true antique that DOES perform excellent. He can make videos for you, comparing them to AVRs even.. I love that mine is like, what.. 90-95% there for an antique cut? It's a great peace of mind to have if you truly want to find something that won't get those cut grades by GIA, and you can't just stick in #'s in the HCA tool like you would for a MRB.

And yes, he has come out with the AVR 2.0. I prefer the first one. I don't think he rolled out a full line of 2.0's. I think it was just designed, and released a few.. but I'm not sure. Call him and ask!

 

[CaprineSun]

We've hit a rocky patch. We're at an impasse. Yesterday, I told him we needed a break. We haven't spoken since. My friend isn't worried and thinks it''s our typical fight, where we get mad, but always come around within a few days. Our fights had been lasting less than 12 hrs recently. It's been 24 hrs now.

So, that's my update. I was hesitant about posting it here because IRL people always shake their heads at me when I get worried about this since our fights are usually about little things and never last long. So, everyone usually shrugs off our disagreements with a "yeah, yeah. You guys love each other & are getting married. You'll be back together..." They are usually right and find that I was worried for nothing. But... I don't know this time. Don't want to remove myself as a waiting lady just yet. Hoping I'm being too dramatic over this.

 

[Chewbacca]

Sweetpea, how exciting! It looks lovely! Let us know how your weekend goes.

lktx, GOOD LUCK!

CaprineSun, I'm so sorry to hear that. Many hugs for you! I hope you are able to sort through it ASAP. In the meantime, make sure to look after yourself! Know that the LIW are all here to lend a virtual ear.

 

[madelise]

We've hit a rocky patch. We're at an impasse. Yesterday, I told him we needed a break. We haven't spoken since. My friend isn't worried and thinks it''s our typical fight, where we get mad, but always come around within a few days. Our fights had been lasting less than 12 hrs recently. It's been 24 hrs now.

So, that's my update. I was hesitant about posting it here because IRL people always shake their heads at me when I get worried about this since our fights are usually about little things and never last long. So, everyone usually shrugs off our disagreements with a "yeah, yeah. You guys love each other & are getting married. You'll be back together..." They are usually right and find that I was worried for nothing. But... I don't know this time. Don't want to remove myself as a waiting lady just yet. Hoping I'm being too dramatic over this.

Doesn't it always feel the worst, like it's the end of the world? Then you look back and laugh?

Why aren't YOU approaching HIM to talk, though? I hate silent treatments. It's very juvenile. I hate the "I'm not calling him first" crap, either. SO pulls this crap on me, all the time, but I'm the type of person that ALWAYS wants to talk, so I always fold. It doesn't work if BOTH of you are being stubborn!

CALL HIM! Talk whatever it is out. You need to be open about this kind of stuff, NOW, before you get engaged and before you get married. CALL HIM! NOW, now now!! What're you waiting for? NOW! You can't just ignore each other for 24+ hours when you're married! What if there's an emergency?? And you're throwing a fit, and ignoring him?? Or vise versa?

 

[CaprineSun]

We've hit a rocky patch. We're at an impasse. Yesterday, I told him we needed a break. We haven't spoken since. My friend isn't worried and thinks it''s our typical fight, where we get mad, but always come around within a few days. Our fights had been lasting less than 12 hrs recently. It's been 24 hrs now.

So, that's my update. I was hesitant about posting it here because IRL people always shake their heads at me when I get worried about this since our fights are usually about little things and never last long. So, everyone usually shrugs off our disagreements with a "yeah, yeah. You guys love each other & are getting married. You'll be back together..." They are usually right and find that I was worried for nothing. But... I don't know this time. Don't want to remove myself as a waiting lady just yet. Hoping I'm being too dramatic over this.

Doesn't it always feel the worst, like it's the end of the world? Then you look back and laugh?

Why aren't YOU approaching HIM to talk, though? I hate silent treatments. It's very juvenile. I hate the "I'm not calling him first" crap, either. SO pulls this crap on me, all the time, but I'm the type of person that ALWAYS wants to talk, so I always fold. It doesn't work if BOTH of you are being stubborn!

CALL HIM! Talk whatever it is out. You need to be open about this kind of stuff, NOW, before you get engaged and before you get married. CALL HIM! NOW, now now!! What're you waiting for? NOW! You can't just ignore each other for 24+ hours when you're married! What if there's an emergency?? And you're throwing a fit, and ignoring him?? Or vise versa?

I texted him that I wanted to talk right after my post. No response. I also called. No answer. I dunno.....

 

[katiefofatey]

Caprinesun, I'm sorry to hear of your fights. Sorry if this is overstepping the line - but my advice (from experience) is to never let a.fight go for more than a couple of hours. Just say you're sorry - even when its not your fault (its never our fault). Even if you say "I'm sorry we are fighting, I love you, let's make up". Especially if the fights are about little things. My partner and I have been together since we were teens, so we've.had to learn techniques like this the hard way. Another thing I do when he does something that pisses me off is just compliment him on something unrelated or tell him I love him.

Its hard but you have to pick which is more important, this fight or your relationship.

Again, sorry if this is unwelcome advice, but I know these techniques have made us stronger.

 

[madelise]

Haha, he sounds like my SO, and you sound like me. When he finally DOES come around, though, talk to him. In person. Face to face. Figure out whatever the heck you guys fought over, and resolve it. There doesn't have to be an answer, there just has to be closure and acceptance that you don't always have to agree. THEN, talk about the fact that you guys just had a day of the silent treatment, and work out a pact to never allow that to happen again. Build a strategy. I get this same anxiety you're feeling now. I don't know why, but when he's mad and isn't talking to me, I feel like he's going to leave me forever. It's a poor feeling to have, and one that reflects my separation anxiety due to (probably) my father leaving me, and my first real boyfriend leaving me. BUT, that separation anxiety isn't healthy. And him giving silent treatments is only making it worse.

BUILD A PLAN. My SO hates talking when he's mad, but HE KNOWS NOW that he has to at least reply to my text messages. Even if it is, "I'm still really mad, and don't want to talk right now, but I'm safe, I'm not dead or kidnapped, and we will be okay in the end. I still love you. I'm just mad. I'll talk to you when I'm ready."

And sometimes he forgets this plan, and I prompt him with a text, "Hey honey, just let me know you're okay and that we'll be okay."

 

[madelise]

Again, sorry if this is unwelcome advice, but I know these techniques have made us stronger.

Ditto. If I've overstepped my boundaries, sorry. *HUGS*. I can definitely relate.

 

[CaprineSun]

No, no, no. You ladies did not overstep any boundaries. I really really appreciate it. Your advice is sound. I should have called him earlier. Texted or something-- even if I thought I was right.

Well, I called again, and he answered. Once again, it did not go well. He answered with an attitude, I asked him to stop, but when he didn't, it went down hill from there. You see, I'm not quite the passive flower-type.
Now, it's at the point where the little things have piled up into harsh words and hurt feelings, and now, a big, bad situation.

I have NO idea how we got here. I mean just 4 days ago, we were thinking up a budget for our wedding. Now.... this. I have to wake up EARLY, but being on the internet & typing helps to keep my mind off it-- well, except when I see an e-ring/proposal. Sigh. We HAVE to get through this. We've been through much worse. This can't really be the end.

ETA:
I think the idea to find something nice to say that's unrelated is a GREAT idea.
Also, making the pact to avoid the silent treatment. You are right-- it's juvenile. And my SO is the same-- doesn't like to talk when he's mad. He has gotten better over the years, but it used to be like pulling teeth.

 

[maccers]

CaprineSun - I do not handle the silent treatment well at all - that's the one thing that someone can do if they want to make me completely insecure and really really anxious. I feel really badly for you. But I know it will all work out and you guys will make up.

pandabee is right I have an OEC sourced by Jon that meets my requirements.. .doesnt get rid of the AVR bug but it was so comforting to have someone else's eyes on the stone for me....someone who is picky and just wants to find you what youre looking for. I was very happy with the whole process. If Im not mistaken, there is still a 1.85 K that was sourced for sweetpea that is GORGEOUS and super affordable... you should look at the video

and yea, they tweaked the AVR. Certainly doesnt look any cheaper (maibs more expensive even? idk)


lktx - GOOD LUCK! SO and I will be in your shoes next year. Ohio results were earlier this week and people were pretty crazy there for a few days.

LJL - The diamond you're referring to, is that the 1.83 for about 12K? The video was about a month ago, comparing a great OEC to a nailhead OEC? 1.83 is bigger than what I"m looking for, at most I'm looking at 1.5 - I've been diamond free most of my life so having any bling at all is an adjustment (however, talk to me in 5 years and see what i say THEN)

 

[sweetpea&babycorn]

Thanks everyone for the kind words! I wonder if he'll let me see it before he proposes so I can try to get better pictures with a better camera. I know he is bringing it with him to show my mom this weekend.

CaprineSun - I'm so sorry to hear you are going through a rough patch. I think it's great you reached out, even if the conversation didn't go well. I'm sure he's still very emotional right now, as are you, and that soon you will be able to talk rationally and clear the air. Please keep us updated, lots of *hugs*

LJL - The diamond you're referring to, is that the 1.83 for about 12K? The video was about a month ago, comparing a great OEC to a nailhead OEC? 1.83 is bigger than what I"m looking for, at most I'm looking at 1.5 - I've been diamond free most of my life so having any bling at all is an adjustment (however, talk to me in 5 years and see what i say THEN)

Maccers, this is the stone LJL was talking about that Jon called in for me, it's a 1.84 J SI1 which might be larger than what you're looking for, but it's GORGEOUS, and DSS sinks in much quicker than you might expect! http://www.goodoldgold.com/diamond/9830/
It really is as close to an AVR as you can get without paying the AVR price. And for what it is, this stone is very very competitively priced, I think Jon was asking around $10.5K bankwire. The microscopic pics show the inclusion quite obviously but you can't see it at all in the video. I didn't get this stone because it did not work out well with our budget. My SO was unwilling to go overbudget for a stone unseen and didn't want to drive the 4+ hrs to see it. He also didn't want to compromise on getting a temporary setting because he believes firmly that the ring he proposes with should be the ring I keep forever. We ended up going overbudget anyway, but not as much as we would have if we purchased this stone and I was still able to get a gorgeous ring that I don't think skimps on anything.

 

[lktx]

SO AND I BOTH PASSED THE BAR EXAM!!!!

Caprine, so sorry to hear that you've hit a rough patch. Hope things get better soon.

 

[LJL]

Oh no Caprine... I hate fighting. I too agree that fights need to be resolved ASAP... when they last longer, you start doubting EVERYTHING. sucks. SO and I have never had a fight that went beyond going to sleep. We resolve what we can, I wake up the next day having forgotten it all. I hope you guys work it out... or that you get clarity about what youre supposed to do.

maccers, yea thats the one sweetpea posted.. its awesome. If my stone hadnt been the greatest deal of all time (and I didnt plan on upgrading in 5 years), I would have traded in right away for that beautiful stone. They dont come around often. There is a video of the sweetpea stone and it kills me.


CONGRATS LKTX! HOLY FREAKIN CRAP MUST THAT BE A RELIEF!@#! (im taking the mpre this weekend. MOST BLAH)

 

[CaprineSun]

I couldn't sleep last night and, I guess, neither could he. He texted me how heartbroken he was, and I texted back the same. We may not see eye to eye on things, but being apart kills us more. We haven't spoken today yet (I think texting keeps things calm for now), but we've texted a few things to each other.
Sigh.... so maybe I did freak out for nothing, but it was sure a wake up call on how we should change procedures on our disagreements. Thanks ladies!

Sweetpea, that is a beautiful stone!

lktx, CONGRATS!!

Thank you madelise, katiefofatey, Chewbacca, maccers, sweetpea, lktx, and LJL for the advice and kind words.

 

[madelise]

I couldn't sleep last night and, I guess, neither could he. He texted me how heartbroken he was, and I texted back the same. We may not see eye to eye on things, but being apart kills us more. We haven't spoken today yet (I think texting keeps things calm for now), but we've texted a few things to each other.
Sigh.... so maybe I did freak out for nothing, but it was sure a wake up call on how we should change procedures on our disagreements. Thanks ladies!

Sweetpea, that is a beautiful stone!

lktx, CONGRATS!!

Thank you madelise, katiefofatey, Chewbacca, maccers, sweetpea, lktx, and LJL for the advice and kind words.

I'm glad you've got in contact with each other. I think that learning that you don't HAVE TO see eye to eye is a big hurdle to climb. It's always a very individualistic achievement to 'win' a disagreement, but winning isn't important when you've got a relationship to nurture, maintain, save. You're two individuals, you don't have to agree at all. There just has to be respect that you don't agree, and that it's okay. Move on, and that's it. Collective achievement, to move over those hurdles. That's what I meant when I said there doesn't have to be an answer, just closure.

It's hard to change habits, though, and that's why I say it's okay to prompt each other. The most important thing is each other, not winning silly fights.

Oh, and working off the other advice you got, I have to add: don't apologize for whatever it is you disagreed on, if you still feel you are right. YOU DON'T HAVE TO CAVE IN. It's not about changing your opinions to appease the other person. Apologize for fighting, for raising your voice, for being curt, for hanging up, for whatever.. FOR HURTING EACH OTHERS' FEELINGS. But you don't have to apologize for your opinions or whatever. Sorry, I have no idea what you guys argued about, so I'm working off imagining you were fighting about who to vote for, for this upcoming election and using it as my example I think apologizing, and caving into things that you truly do not believe in, ie. He insisted Romney is whom needs to win, and you insisted Romney's the devil reincarnate (or vise versa), will lead to harboring resentment. Yes, sure, you can suck it up for the moment, but what if HIS political party choice won, and $hit hits the fan next year, and life is hard and you have a million things on your shoulders…. and you decide to blame him all because it was his fault his choice won. Small resentment and annoyances can lead to a break meltdown. He doesn't have to agree with you, and you don't have to agree with him. The point that you kiss and makeup, that you value each other more than a political party, or friend, or television show character or whatever you argued about.. THAT's what's important. After a few times of running through this, you'll naturally start just accepting differences, and not arguing about things that you know aren't worth your relationship.


And for anyone else feeling in the slump about an argument with their significant other, I present to you this blog:
http://thebloggess.com/2011/06/and-thats-why-you-should-learn-to-pick-your-battles/
I laughed my ass off. I still laugh my ass off when I think of Beyonce, the metal chicken.