Wanting but Waiting...

[stephbolt]

We had some major financial goals like paying off debt, buying a new home, and DH making partner at his firm...we are making good progress on the debt, bought a house in October, and DH will likely make partner in July so we are on track with all of that.

I realized last week we probably should have switched me over to DH's insurance during open enrollment in October. I currently am a long term temp, and have my own individual policy without great coverage (and with high deductibles). I've had this policy since before we were married. DH works for a small law firm that doesn't offer coverage to employees so he has a policy through the local bar association. We thought about switching me when we got married, but we save a few hundred/month now by keeping the status quo, but I never realized that by not doing it right away we would limit ourselves to only being able to add me once a year in the future.

We may have to delay our TTC timeline depending on what we find out with coverage on each of our plans and whether his plan will consider pregnancy pre-existing. Since we discovered it right before the holidays and TTC is at least six months out we ignored it for the time being, I'm also up for a permanent position at work that would cancel out the issue, as I'd get much better and much cheaper insurance if I was offered that position. Anyway, thought I'd mention it as another duck to get in a row before TTC - hopefully it helps someone else!

 

[sctsbride09]

As far as "prep" for the future bean goes, we really havent done too much besides start a savings account (for health insurance copays, crib/stoller/ etc.) and I have collected a few things in nuetral colors when I find them on sale, and I mean sale. It kinda seems crazy to me to buy stuff for a nonexistent kid, so I justify it by getting stuff on the cheap. Other than that, our main goals have been things WE require. We are hoping to relocate soon,(we JUST decided where) as well as buying our first home, which I really want to have before a kiddo joins us. Also, we are taking one more trip to Hawaii (before it becomes family vacations). Oh, Ive also been reading pregnancy prep books. I would like to get my body into the best shape possible before doing this, as well as cleaning out my system diet wise. Im pretty good for the most part, but damnitt do I love me some sweets. Ive got to quit that.

Im loving this thread, btw.

 

[megumic]

PS -- this thread isn't just for those who are childless and wanting...it's also for those with one or several kiddos and are ready for the newest addition, but not quite ready ready Feel free to chime in as well!

 

[Haven]

PS -- this thread isn't just for those who are childless and wanting...it's also for those with one or several kiddos and are ready for the newest addition, but not quite ready ready Feel free to chime in as well!

Oooh, yes. I'd love to hear from parents about why you're wanting buy waiting. I think you could share some really valuable insight for those of us who have not yet had any kids.

 

[LtlFirecracker]

PS -- this thread isn't just for those who are childless and wanting...it's also for those with one or several kiddos and are ready for the newest addition, but not quite ready ready Feel free to chime in as well!

Oooh, yes. I'd love to hear from parents about why you're wanting buy waiting. I think you could share some really valuable insight for those of us who have not yet had any kids.

I would love to know about this too.

One thing I am thinking about is kids and work. I will always be working, but would love to drop part time. Especially when the kids are little. My husband is not sold on this idea, and I am not even sure how easy it will be to do. I think I can handle full time work and one child, but 2 small children and full time work.....

 

[katamari]

I'll join this club (with some noted hesitation). I never used to want an LO, but seeing my husband get so excited about it has sort of changed my mind. Now, I can see breeding as part of our lives (for the first time in my entire life), but am still very nervous. I mean, I know this is silly, but I watch 16 and Pregnant from time to time and it freaks me out that they have such a hard time even finishing high school and I will have to maintain a demanding, professional career. I will have the money for day care and a very supportive partner, but still. (Remember, I said, I know this is silly). Plus, I read scholarship all day about how women lose in the work/home juggle in every conceivable way. But, I am finally to the point where I can put this out of my head and think about it specifically for DH and I versus the generalizations of research.

Regarding the gendered setbacks, our professional organization has several publications about how parenting impacts women in my field. It shows all women, at every level of the discipline, are negatively impacted by having children.The variation tends to be on how and not if they are negatively impacted based on whether or not they start their families as grad students, Asst. Profs, Assoc. Profs, or Full Profs. The studies show is best to start post-tenure, but I will be 39 at tenure (assuming I earn it) and am unsure I want to wait that long. This is especially true because, as someone who hated growing up an only child, I really want to give our children siblings.

PnP, NEL or anyone who is currently saving, how much if your goal for child-based saving per month, if you don't mind sharing?

 

[NewEnglandLady]

Katamari, it sounds like you have a lot to balance, which I know many women can relate to. In my own family, all of my sisters (and my mom) had kids when they were very young--teens to early twenties--and I find it sometimes hard to talk about the decision to have a baby because I do feel that when you're older, have created a career and a life that you really enjoy, it can sometimes feel like there is more at stake, you know? I have had many conversations with friends who made the decision to have kids and often it was not an easy decision, and I can really relate to that. I go back and forth between being "ready" and thinking I could wait many more years all the time.

In terms of saving, it has not gone as planned AT ALL! We have a sick dog and his vet bills have averaged about $3K per month this year, so while we're still able to tuck away some money each month, it's $3K less per month than we'd planned. And that goes into one catch-all savings account. Before we bought our house this year we had several separate accounts--obviously the emergency fund, which is 6 months worth of expenses, we had our "house" account for the downpayment, a travel account and then a vehicle account since our car has 200K miles on it. When we bought our house, we put it all into one account and it's stayed in one account since. So our savings is for everything: emergencies, travel, house renovations, baby stuff, future vehicle, etc. I'm not really sure how much we would set aside each month specifically for baby-related "stuff".

 

[hawaiianorangetree]

Well i 'kind of' fit in here. We are waiting but not 100% sure (probably 90%) that we are wanting.

My huband is nearly 38 and has a daughter that is 16 and i am nearly 31 and I have a daughter that is 10. When we first met I told him that i didn't want any more kids and he was happy with this. We both had a beautiful girl each so why rock the boat? Well, since I turned 30 and got married that switch that everyone has been talking about turned on for me as well.

Even though I have been there done that, am a long way past the sleepless nights and nappy stage and the thought of going back there makes me cringe a little (i love my sleep) I still can't shake the feeling that if I don't have a child now, when I look back in 10 years time I am going to have regrets since the main reasons for not having a baby is that life is pretty easy right now and we don't want to mess that up.

I worry about the age gap between the kids but at the moment I am feeling as though a large age gap will be better than no age gap at all. I know my daughter would love a sibling and she would make a great big sister. I also think it would be a great form of contraception for the older daughter as well.

The biggest thing stopping us trying right now are financial reasons. We both work and are doing well but for me to stop work for a year would put a huge strain on us financially and we certainly couldn't keep up the lifestyle that we have both grown accustomed to over the past 4 years.

Trying to live and save on one wage is a great way to see if you are financially ready for a baby. We are planning to over the next 5 months curb our spending habits (i want that and i want it now!) and see how we go in terms of saving and living on less money.
Our Government just brought in (today!) a paid parenting allowance for mothers who work. I think it is 6 months paid leave at about $500 a week (before tax) so working mums can stay home longer with the baby. The kicker is though, even though we would struggle on one wage, we still earn too much to qualify for the paid leave. And i know i shouldn't be complaining about that when you ladies in the US don't seem to get alot of unpaid leave to have a baby let alone paid.

I'm looking forward to the challenge of saving money and curbing our spending and I am hoping that all the moons and planets align and we decide to go ahead with trying for a baby in the second half of this year.

 

[kittybean]

Okay, I'm giving in and joining this thread, too, but like katamari, "with some noted hesitation."

The facts: I just turned 27, DH is 30. We both have our hands full with very, very busy law practices. We're very thankful for that, but saying it's a lot to handle is an understatement. We both leave the house before 8 am and usually come home around 8 pm, plus we generally work on at least one of our weekend days. I mostly like my job. It can be immensely rewarding, but the volume is really hard to manage. It's hard for us to effectively run our household since DH likes to do most things ourselves, which leads to a lot of things remaining generally "undone" around the house. I'm fine with this at this point (although I think I'm on the brink of convincing him to get a cleaning person). We also travel a lot. We are constantly away on the weekends, which is great and fun, but also terribly time-consuming.

I love kids, and I'm kind of a baby/little kid whisperer. I have no idea where this comes from, but I just seem to get along with kids really well. I'm always the one who can calm a screaming baby, engage a tantrum-prone two-year-old, or play with the kid who's scared of "strangers." DH claims it's because of my stature, i.e. kids think I'm "one of them" because I'm very petite. I think it's the fact that I find kids to often be much more interesting than the adults they belong to, and I'd rather interact with the kids--and they get that. Bottom line is, I like having kids around, and I would really love to have some of our own children.

However, love of children notwithstanding, I can't imagine our current life with kids in it. It is way, way too crazy, and there's no way we could handle a child unless we had a nanny who was willing to work close to twelve-hour shifts. Also, since I work in public interest, having such a nanny would basically negate my salary (lovely), so I might as well just quit and stay home with the kid. Which I'm emphatically not ready to do. At all. At the same time, killing myself at work all day and only seeing my child during nighttime feedings when I'm frustrated and exhausted sounds equally terrible. (DH staying home is totally out of the question as we couldn't live on just my salary--whereas we can easily live just on his.)

And so we reach an impasse. Career and motherhood are incompatible at this point. I know something will have to give, but I hate hate hate that women are the ones who bear the brunt of that incompatibility the vast majority of the time.

 

[hawaiianorangetree]

kittybean, would it be possible for you to work part time and have a nanny come in for the days you are working? I know that this would still negate your salary but it seems to me that you don't need be working for the money anyway. This would give you the best of both worlds.. you get to be home with your baby for part of the week and still keep your foot in the door at your practice. I'm not too sure if this a possible solution for you but it seems like a good compromise between the two extremes. Just a thought.

 

[monkeyprincess]

I have not been on this site forever, but found it very useful when I was engaged. We've been married about 5 months, and I am definitely in the wanting phase. Most of my friends and relatives have started their families, and their pictures on facebook are killing me. Definitely ready for that phase of life. Plus, I am 30 and my husband's 40, so we definitely need to think about starting a family soon.

But the timing is not great. I just started working at a large law firm in September and having a baby right away is definitely frowned upon. If I were to get pregnant now, I will have been there a year by the time the baby is born and qualify for 12 weeks paid maternity leave, but I know they will not be happy with me, and it will likely affect my advancement. Fortunately, I am not that concerned about having a high-powered career and will probably try to transition to a part-time or in-house position once I have a few years of experience. Honestly, if it were up to me, I would stop preventing pregnancy this month, but my husband is more responsible and wants to wait awhile longer. We will likely start trying in 2011, but we haven't agreed whether that will be in a couple months or toward the end of the year.

In the meantime, I've decided to get as healthy as possible in the next few months to prepare by eliminating junk food and being more consistent with exercising. We are also saving my entire salary and living off my of my husband's.

 

[MuffDog]

Okay, I'm giving in and joining this thread, too, but like katamari, "with some noted hesitation."

The facts: I just turned 27, DH is 30. We both have our hands full with very, very busy law practices. We're very thankful for that, but saying it's a lot to handle is an understatement. We both leave the house before 8 am and usually come home around 8 pm, plus we generally work on at least one of our weekend days. I mostly like my job. It can be immensely rewarding, but the volume is really hard to manage. It's hard for us to effectively run our household since DH likes to do most things ourselves, which leads to a lot of things remaining generally "undone" around the house. I'm fine with this at this point (although I think I'm on the brink of convincing him to get a cleaning person). We also travel a lot. We are constantly away on the weekends, which is great and fun, but also terribly time-consuming.

I love kids, and I'm kind of a baby/little kid whisperer. I have no idea where this comes from, but I just seem to get along with kids really well. I'm always the one who can calm a screaming baby, engage a tantrum-prone two-year-old, or play with the kid who's scared of "strangers." DH claims it's because of my stature, i.e. kids think I'm "one of them" because I'm very petite. I think it's the fact that I find kids to often be much more interesting than the adults they belong to, and I'd rather interact with the kids--and they get that. Bottom line is, I like having kids around, and I would really love to have some of our own children.

However, love of children notwithstanding, I can't imagine our current life with kids in it. It is way, way too crazy, and there's no way we could handle a child unless we had a nanny who was willing to work close to twelve-hour shifts. Also, since I work in public interest, having such a nanny would basically negate my salary (lovely), so I might as well just quit and stay home with the kid. Which I'm emphatically not ready to do. At all. At the same time, killing myself at work all day and only seeing my child during nighttime feedings when I'm frustrated and exhausted sounds equally terrible. (DH staying home is totally out of the question as we couldn't live on just my salary--whereas we can easily live just on his.)

And so we reach an impasse. Career and motherhood are incompatible at this point. I know something will have to give, but I hate hate hate that women are the ones who bear the brunt of that incompatibility the vast majority of the time.

I just came to *join* this thread/group, and what Kittybean wrote really spoke to me. DH and I have been married for 2 years and we have always been on the "not sure kids are for us" train. I guess I always thought that I'd have kids eventually - that eventually I'd get that feeling that women are supposed to get and want to change my life with a sweet little baby. Eventually right?

Anyways - over the past year we've been talking about it more - and have finally come to the conclusion that we need to really think about it in the next year or so. I'm 31 now and I personally don't want to be 35 for my first child (if we decide to have kids). You know?

So we are thinking we'll talk about it in the fall. I started a new job last fall and I think that if we decide to go for it, it wouldn't be fair to get KU too soon.

Anyways - similarly to Kittybean, we both have jobs and a life that doesn't really seem child-friendly. Lots of hours, a career that isn't really supportive of babies/mothers and a house that was purchased and decorated without kids in mind (haha - is that awful to admit that?!).

Great idea for this thread!

ETA: I've been on PS for a long time with a different username - but for privacy reasons I made up a new one (I asked admin if that was okay so I'm not breaking the rules

 

[lliang_chi]

For the ladies that are on the "Yes, but we're not sure when" train of thought, don't stress about it. It's more important for you (and your husbands) to know/feel that you really want children. It sounds like all of you ladies (MuffDog, Kitty, Kata, etc) have an open and clear dialogue which is the most important part. Bravo for you guys.

Right now I'm off hormonal birth control (HBC) and we're not using protection, but not keeping track of ovulation, trying to get the timing right etc. I'm 30, DH is 33. We've cracked our 1st anniversary this Oct 2010.

We're talked about starting a 529 plan for our not-yet-existing children. That's about it. Eventually we'd move out of our 2 bdrm condo in the city, but there are other factors on where we'd go from here: aging parents, jobs/career paths, proximity of family.

 

[sunnyam]

I guess my biggest concern is money, however Iam already considered high risk if I do get pregnant. I was diagnosed with PCOS when I was a teenager. I have had a couple of larger cysts on my ovaries this year because I went off birth control to try. Both my husband and we be 29 this year and its hard because everyone is having babies right now. I have two close friends that just got pregnant. One went through two miscarriages and the other one tried for two years. So I have to wait to lose weight and get healthy and hopefully give myself the best chance.

 

[kittybean]

Anyways - similarly to Kittybean, we both have jobs and a life that doesn't really seem child-friendly. Lots of hours, a career that isn't really supportive of babies/mothers and a house that was purchased and decorated without kids in mind (haha - is that awful to admit that?!).

No--I've definitely thought the same thing! We can do one child in our house easily, but we don't have a yard, and I'm not quite sure where we'd put a second child without giving up our home office, which is something DH and I both really need. Also, we've just gotten to the point where most of our house feels *pretty* and *done*. We have actual nice furniture. We also have a ton of stairs, which would mean baby-gates everywhere. It feels like the moment I actually have a grownup place, it's time to turn it back into a kids' place again!

HOT, the part-time thing is potentially an option for me. There are some moms (and dads!) who job-share at my office, and they seem to be happy with the arrangement. I need to put in about a year or two more before I get to the level where that's possible, depending on how quickly people are moving up and out in my office (our promotion system is based on attrition). Job-sharing isn't a bad gig, but it also means that there's no potential for additional upward movement, and it's less likely that other, more lucrative opportunities come along, which is definitely a downside. That said, it's something I would absolutely consider further down the line, especially because it gives me the chance to keep learning and doing and working in my field. I think going back after an extended hiatus would be very hard, career-wise.

Monkeyprincess, I can definitely understand where your hesitation is coming from at this point--it is so hard to get a caseload/a bunch of projects, begin to get your feet under you, and then leave on maternity leave. I know it's hard for women at my husband's firm. I really like your goal of getting as healthy as possible while you wait. I'd love to do the same (said as I sit in my office, working on a Sunday evening, drinking a sugary Starbucks latte).

Lliang chi, I agree that it's really important to be on the same page with your spouse. I know DH wants kids, and we always talk about plans for our children, etc., but I think he's not looking forward to the parenting part nearly as much as I am. In his mind, I think he'd be "wanting but waiting" forever, except he knows that eventually time will run out, especially since we want more than one child.

 

[Deelight]

Well i 'kind of' fit in here. We are waiting but not 100% sure (probably 90%) that we are wanting.

My huband is nearly 38 and has a daughter that is 16 and i am nearly 31 and I have a daughter that is 10. When we first met I told him that i didn't want any more kids and he was happy with this. We both had a beautiful girl each so why rock the boat? Well, since I turned 30 and got married that switch that everyone has been talking about turned on for me as well.

Even though I have been there done that, am a long way past the sleepless nights and nappy stage and the thought of going back there makes me cringe a little (i love my sleep) I still can't shake the feeling that if I don't have a child now, when I look back in 10 years time I am going to have regrets since the main reasons for not having a baby is that life is pretty easy right now and we don't want to mess that up.

I worry about the age gap between the kids but at the moment I am feeling as though a large age gap will be better than no age gap at all. I know my daughter would love a sibling and she would make a great big sister. I also think it would be a great form of contraception for the older daughter as well.

The biggest thing stopping us trying right now are financial reasons. We both work and are doing well but for me to stop work for a year would put a huge strain on us financially and we certainly couldn't keep up the lifestyle that we have both grown accustomed to over the past 4 years.

Trying to live and save on one wage is a great way to see if you are financially ready for a baby. We are planning to over the next 5 months curb our spending habits (i want that and i want it now!) and see how we go in terms of saving and living on less money.
Our Government just brought in (today!) a paid parenting allowance for mothers who work. I think it is 6 months paid leave at about $500 a week (before tax) so working mums can stay home longer with the baby. The kicker is though, even though we would struggle on one wage, we still earn too much to qualify for the paid leave. And i know i shouldn't be complaining about that when you ladies in the US don't seem to get alot of unpaid leave to have a baby let alone paid.

I'm looking forward to the challenge of saving money and curbing our spending and I am hoping that all the moons and planets align and we decide to go ahead with trying for a baby in the second half of this year.

Just lurking on this thread but I thought I would just post in regards to this - HOT[/b} I have done some research on the PPL and FBT and all that as I am expecting at the moment - the thing with PPL it will only go on your wage not you and your partners wage combined- so depending on how much you earn you may still be eligible - it is currently $570 a week for 18wks before tax in addition to any leave entitlements you get through your work however dependent on when the baby the baby is born during the financial year you may be better off tax wise going the baby bonus instead of PPL as the baby bonus is tax free - Centrelink has calculators that you can estimate based on incomes and possible due dates what you would be better off receiving - you also do not receive family tax benefit while receiving PPL not that you get much

Hope that helps some - and I hope all the planets align for you chickie good luck

 

[rosetta]

Like LTF, my FI are living in different cities.

We can't afford a child with the expense of maintaining two households.

I am 30, FI is almost 34. We feel, and look, much younger, but the clock is ticking.

I'm not ready for kids yet, but FI is keen to ttc after our wedding in July.

Argh!

I hope my desire for kids kicks in, and we find a way to live together, before my time runs out.

 

[LtlFirecracker]

Like LTF, my FI are living in different cities.

We can't afford a child with the expense of maintaining two households.

I am 30, FI is almost 34. We feel, and look, much younger, but the clock is ticking.

I'm not ready for kids yet, but FI is keen to ttc after our wedding in July.

Argh!

I hope my desire for kids kicks in, and we find a way to live together, before my time runs out.

It does sound like we are in a very similar situation. We look and feel much younger too, but we know we need to make a decision on this. I have a condo in SD we are working on selling. Once I get rid of that, we will be in a good situation financially for a child.

Do you guys know how long you have to be apart?

 

[Dreamer_D]

One thing I am thinking about is kids and work. I will always be working, but would love to drop part time. Especially when the kids are little. My husband is not sold on this idea, and I am not even sure how easy it will be to do. I think I can handle full time work and one child, but 2 small children and full time work.....

I think these are the sorts of things that you will figure out once you have kids. You never know how you will feel. You may *think* you want to work part time, but realize that you prefer working to staying at home, or vice versa. You just cannot know until you are in the situation. I have had friends go both ways, though for most of us who have careers we love and worked hard for, the decision to work more and be home less tended to win out

The contrbution your husband makes to the household makes the biggest different IMO. Many men work hugely demanding jobs and have lots of kids, but they have partners who pick up the slack, or stay at home. If you can finagle a situation where your husband is truly a co-parent, which is rare in my experience, then you will have a much easier time. Start paving *that* road now if you can, rather than talking about leaving your own job, it will pay the bigger dividends by far. My husband is a co-parent in the true sense of the word and I find that there is no trouble balancing work/family because of it.

 

[enbcfsobe]

Thanks so much for starting this thread! I've been away from PS for a while but I've been back and lurking for a bit as things have been slower around the holidays. I'd guess "wanting but waiting" is a good description, although we've taken some steps closer to gearing up to TTC (getting shots updated, genetic testing, etc.) so that when we feel we're ready my body is as ready as possible. I had to get a new MMR so we're waiting at least 3 months to be safe, plus we're just not quite ready to 'pull the goalie' as DH says. I have so many of the reservations and worries expressed above, and it is so reassuring to know that those aren't unreasonable anxieties, but worries shared by many other intelligent ladies contemplating motherhood. It makes me feel very reassured and much more confident that people regularly overcome these worries and go on to be successful parents! Many thanks

 

[Octavia]

Thanks so much for starting this thread! I've been away from PS for a while but I've been back and lurking for a bit as things have been slower around the holidays. I'd guess "wanting but waiting" is a good description, although we've taken some steps closer to gearing up to TTC (getting shots updated, genetic testing, etc.) so that when we feel we're ready my body is as ready as possible. I had to get a new MMR so we're waiting at least 3 months to be safe, plus we're just not quite ready to 'pull the goalie' as DH says. I have so many of the reservations and worries expressed above, and it is so reassuring to know that those aren't unreasonable anxieties, but worries shared by many other intelligent ladies contemplating motherhood. It makes me feel very reassured and much more confident that people regularly overcome these worries and go on to be successful parents! Many thanks

Oh my goodness, lady, it's great to see you around here! It's been forever, welcome back!

 

[enbcfsobe]

Thanks, Octavia! I came back for a bit on the CS board last year but had so much trouble with the 2.0 upgrades that I fell out of the habit (probably good for other aspects of my life!). Glad to feel remembered

 

[hawaiianorangetree]

quote]


Just lurking on this thread but I thought I would just post in regards to this - HOT[/b} I have done some research on the PPL and FBT and all that as I am expecting at the moment - the thing with PPL it will only go on your wage not you and your partners wage combined- so depending on how much you earn you may still be eligible - it is currently $570 a week for 18wks before tax in addition to any leave entitlements you get through your work however dependent on when the baby the baby is born during the financial year you may be better off tax wise going the baby bonus instead of PPL as the baby bonus is tax free - Centrelink has calculators that you can estimate based on incomes and possible due dates what you would be better off receiving - you also do not receive family tax benefit while receiving PPL not that you get much

Hope that helps some - and I hope all the planets align for you chickie good luck

*Does a little happy dance around the room*

Hello Deelight!

Yes I was researching a little myself yesterday and must have read over the eligibility 100 times! "individual tax assessment". I am so happy to have you confirm it for me though! With our combined income we earn over the limit for the FTB, baby bonus, childcare benefit.. well everything and i had seen examples of the PPL where they were taking both incomes into account so i thought that we weren't going to be eligible for that either! But i am so glad someone had some sense to make the PPL dependant on the individual income! Woo hoo!!

Knowing that there would 18 weeks with a little bit of extra income coming in does help a lot, and with the 6 weeks paid from work, thats almost 6 months paid leave!!

I hope your baby is baking away beautifully! I stalk the preggo thread a lot and love to see how you are going! (Crazy alert! ) lol

Thanks for popping in and clarifying that for me!

 

[MuffDog]

Happy Tuesday everyone

Here's a question - wondering if anyone else feels this way.

I can totally picture myself pregnant (and kind of really want to experience it), and with a newborn, but I can't really picture the rest (toddler/etc).

Am I normal?

Annnd....discuss.

 

[rosetta]

Like LTF, my FI are living in different cities.

We can't afford a child with the expense of maintaining two households.

I am 30, FI is almost 34. We feel, and look, much younger, but the clock is ticking.

I'm not ready for kids yet, but FI is keen to ttc after our wedding in July.

Argh!

I hope my desire for kids kicks in, and we find a way to live together, before my time runs out.

It does sound like we are in a very similar situation. We look and feel much younger too, but we know we need to make a decision on this. I have a condo in SD we are working on selling. Once I get rid of that, we will be in a good situation financially for a child.

Do you guys know how long you have to be apart?

We have at least a 1.5 years apart, possibly more. I don't feel like we have a suitable "nest" yet for bringing up kids in.

 

[Lauren8211]

Happy Tuesday everyone

Here's a question - wondering if anyone else feels this way.

I can totally picture myself pregnant (and kind of really want to experience it), and with a newborn, but I can't really picture the rest (toddler/etc).

Am I normal?

Annnd....discuss.

That's funny! I can picture myself with a newborn or toddler, but not with an 8 year old!

 

[LtlFirecracker]

One thing I am thinking about is kids and work. I will always be working, but would love to drop part time. Especially when the kids are little. My husband is not sold on this idea, and I am not even sure how easy it will be to do. I think I can handle full time work and one child, but 2 small children and full time work.....

I think these are the sorts of things that you will figure out once you have kids. You never know how you will feel. You may *think* you want to work part time, but realize that you prefer working to staying at home, or vice versa. You just cannot know until you are in the situation. I have had friends go both ways, though for most of us who have careers we love and worked hard for, the decision to work more and be home less tended to win out

The contrbution your husband makes to the household makes the biggest different IMO. Many men work hugely demanding jobs and have lots of kids, but they have partners who pick up the slack, or stay at home. If you can finagle a situation where your husband is truly a co-parent, which is rare in my experience, then you will have a much easier time. Start paving *that* road now if you can, rather than talking about leaving your own job, it will pay the bigger dividends by far. My husband is a co-parent in the true sense of the word and I find that there is no trouble balancing work/family because of it.

I know. I actually just had 4 days off and I was board. I was kind of ready to go back to work...but than of course since it was the first day after a holiday it was crazy and I am burnt out.

My concern is not that I won't know what is right when the time comes. My concern is my husband's negative reaction when I discuss wanting to keep these options open. I know he wanted to marry a women with her own career, but I did not expect this sort of negative reaction. It is almost like me working less is not "pulling my weight." He asks why I didn't say much about it before I got married, but I feel like I did, but only to a point because you really don't talk about that stuff when you are dating. I think he still has this unrealistic idea that kids raise themselves. I have been slowly showing him that is not true, but I know how important the early years are for development and want to be a part of that.

I have started paving that road with my husband. When I met him he literally did nothing during the week (because he said he was too tired) and just played during the weekend and I told him that would be fine if I was staying at home, but if we both work, we will both work around the house. His mother was a SAHM so I am sure he is used to the women doing all the work for the men, but I told him it is not fair to expect me to do both. We just had a major argument because he had still not unpacked his house after a year. He has really turned around the last few months. He keeps his place clean, he is unpacking and setting up. He also cleans up after I cook. Overall he is pulling his weight, but we don't have much time to enjoy each other.

 

[LtlFirecracker]

We have at least a 1.5 years apart, possibly more. I don't feel like we have a suitable "nest" yet for bringing up kids in.

In what way do you not have a "nest?" Because you don't live together or because you are not in a good place in life to have kids? How far apart are you.

I feel you pain.

 

[LtlFirecracker]

Happy Tuesday everyone

Here's a question - wondering if anyone else feels this way.

I can totally picture myself pregnant (and kind of really want to experience it), and with a newborn, but I can't really picture the rest (toddler/etc).

Am I normal?

Annnd....discuss.

I used to not be able to picture myself with a child in grade school, but as my friend's children are getting older, I am getting more used to the idea.

 

[MuffDog]

Happy Tuesday everyone

Here's a question - wondering if anyone else feels this way.

I can totally picture myself pregnant (and kind of really want to experience it), and with a newborn, but I can't really picture the rest (toddler/etc).

Am I normal?

Annnd....discuss.

That's funny! I can picture myself with a newborn or toddler, but not with an 8 year old!

Haha so I guess I'm normal, but we are all different If you can't picture yourself with an 8 year old - do you still think you want kids? Will that come as time passes?I mean, the feeling that you will one day have an 8 year old and that is okay?