What details are important to you (or not) for your future wedding?

[Anna0499]

Date: 7/24/2008 3:40:29 PM
Author: IndyGirl22

I think that''s a lovely idea! I might do the whole donation-in-lieu-of-favors route, though I''m undecided. I think so many favors are simply thrown out - I know the ones I''ve gotten usually are...I mean, my pictures are the memories, I don''t need a pen to remember my friend''s wedding! Haha I agree that I would feel weird if people were pulling out their wallets to dance with me, but I definitely don''t see anything wrong if OTHER people want to do it and I understand the whole helping the young couple bit for weddings where gifts aren''t usually cash. Also, judging from some of the gifts I''ve seen people give (don''t flame me but they were way less than adequate), it might help defer part of the wedding costs if the couple had to pay for it.

Anyways, just so I stay a little bit on topic, my sister''s wedding here in Indiana cost about $25,000 for everything. Things are probably A LOT cheaper here than on either cost, but she had a beautiful dress, church ceremony, lots of flowers, reception in a hotel ballroom, DJ all night, appetizers, best photographer in town, sitdown dinner, etc. I wish I had more detailed numbers but I don''t. Hopefully with the economy how it is now and increasing numbers of couples having small weddings you can barter with vendors.

OMG I''m going PS crazy - please excuse that "stay a little bit on topic" part. It''s been a long day and I confused this thread with the one about "Average Cost of a Wedding" one in the Hangout. Apologies abound all!

 

[WishfulThinking]

Date: 7/24/2008 11:10:30 AM
Author: ladypirate

Date: 7/24/2008 10:52:00 AM

Author: Pushin40

Trillionare - just curious - what''s the deal with a ''real'' marriage licence?

I think that was WishfulThinking that posted that, actually--she and her FI are waiting to see if California keeps marriage legal for everyone this fall.

Thanks LP!
Yes, we will be having a ceremony regardless, but it would be very special [not to mention convenient] if our marriage were to be allowed recognition by the state. As the law stands now in CA we can, but it may change in a few months.

 

[gwendolyn]

I don't care about much of it at all, to be honest, except how to figure out how to get my peeps (US) and his peeps (UK) in the same location without breaking the bank for everyone.

Oh yeah, and that we end up married at the end.

 

[Haven]

Thank you for the Hobby Lobby suggestion for a frame, there''s a store near where I work so I''ll stop in once the school year starts (which is WAY to soon!)

I''m so surprised there are so many people against video. I absolutely wanted a videographer because we LOVE watching old home movies, AND they are especially nice to have of people who are no longer with us. My hubby''s mom died a few years ago, and we pulled out his old bar mitzvah video and had so much fun seeing how everyone looked 25 years ago, and he was really happy to see video of his mom. I can''t wait to see our wedding video.

The other thing about video is that there is SO MUCH that you miss as the bride and groom--the bride doesn''t see anyone walk down the aisle (I hear one of my flower girls was disdainfully tossing the flower petals over her shoulders and everyone was laughing), and I love it when people say nice things to the camera. I don''t care if it''s "so 1993" I cannot WAIT to see our wedding video! I''ve watched a ton of my friends'' videos too, and we always get a kick out of them.

 

[Lauren8211]

Date: 7/24/2008 4:35:31 PM
Author: Haven
Thank you for the Hobby Lobby suggestion for a frame, there''s a store near where I work so I''ll stop in once the school year starts (which is WAY to soon!)

I''m so surprised there are so many people against video. I absolutely wanted a videographer because we LOVE watching old home movies, AND they are especially nice to have of people who are no longer with us. My hubby''s mom died a few years ago, and we pulled out his old bar mitzvah video and had so much fun seeing how everyone looked 25 years ago, and he was really happy to see video of his mom. I can''t wait to see our wedding video.

The other thing about video is that there is SO MUCH that you miss as the bride and groom--the bride doesn''t see anyone walk down the aisle (I hear one of my flower girls was disdainfully tossing the flower petals over her shoulders and everyone was laughing), and I love it when people say nice things to the camera. I don''t care if it''s ''so 1993'' I cannot WAIT to see our wedding video! I''ve watched a ton of my friends'' videos too, and we always get a kick out of them.

I was teasing.

It''s just not our style -- but if you''d enjoy it, that''s all that matters!

 

[PrincessDijon]

Things that are important:
Location: BF and I agree on a beach wedding since we both are a fan of our warm-climate environment in Florida..
Size: We probably will have a small(er) wedding approx 40 guests since we don''t really want to pay for a bunch of "moochers" that aren''t close to us.
Dress: I got married once in an "okay" dress, I want it to be my dream dress this time (since it will be the last)
Family: All close family members in attendance (my side of the family refused to attend my last wedding so I had no one on "my side" and it stung quite a bit to walk down the aisle with an empty side of the room for me. )
Photos: Photos mean the world to me and are cherished memories forever...so yes, I need a great photographer.
Invites: These are things that people keep to remember the wedding. I usually scrapbook with them for other''s wedding days. So these IMHO, are more important than the "favor" aspect.
Cake: Last time, I didn''t even want a cake (I also had 72 hours to plan it) but my ex''s parents sent his friends out to go get us a cake which ended up being a glorified birthday sheet cake with YELLOW (the color I despise most) flowers and writing....My color was lavender....So, this time, I want an awesome cake...My BF even suggested a cupcake tree...which I thought was pretty awesome!
Love: The wedding day will mean nothing without it!
Reception: A quality reception with just the small invited group...Quality food, good music, open bar and good company!

 

[Anna0499]

Date: 7/24/2008 4:35:31 PM
Author: Haven
Thank you for the Hobby Lobby suggestion for a frame, there''s a store near where I work so I''ll stop in once the school year starts (which is WAY to soon!)

I''m so surprised there are so many people against video. I absolutely wanted a videographer because we LOVE watching old home movies, AND they are especially nice to have of people who are no longer with us. My hubby''s mom died a few years ago, and we pulled out his old bar mitzvah video and had so much fun seeing how everyone looked 25 years ago, and he was really happy to see video of his mom. I can''t wait to see our wedding video.

The other thing about video is that there is SO MUCH that you miss as the bride and groom--the bride doesn''t see anyone walk down the aisle (I hear one of my flower girls was disdainfully tossing the flower petals over her shoulders and everyone was laughing), and I love it when people say nice things to the camera. I don''t care if it''s ''so 1993'' I cannot WAIT to see our wedding video! I''ve watched a ton of my friends'' videos too, and we always get a kick out of them.

Haven - I agree! I think pictures are great, but I want to be able to see everything when I look back on my wedding day. I also really want to have sound recording of our vows...I think that''s the most touching part of any ceremony and photos won''t capture it fully enough for me. I think when people think of videographers they think of old, grainy VHS tapes, but my sister''s wedding video was a beautiful DVD with chapters, features, etc. and she can skip to what she wants to watch. Also, if a videographer is doing his job right he won''t be in your face or in the way, but very discreet.

 

[Guilty Pleasure]

I actually would love to have a videographer, but I know it will be out of my budget, so I''m not even thinking about it. I''ve seen some incredible wedding videos - one that was so well done that the bride and husband said that whenever they fight i8n twenty years, they will have to just take the video out and watch the little five minute montage at the end so they can remember why they are married! I will probably buy a new digital recorder and have someone "take footage" and then create my own video on my mac.

 

[Guilty Pleasure]

Although I''m not offended by the idea by any means, I don''t get the "donation" favors. Unless it''s something like, the MOB survived breast cancer and it''s a way of honoring her since everyone knows her as well... that type of thing. If I went to a wedding and they had a donation to a charity, I would think there was no need to tell everyone about it. Just donate the money and don''t give favors. It seems a bit superfluous to me. They don''t owe me a favor, and I don''t need to know what they do with their money. I certainly don''t consider it a favor or gift to me, so I''m not sure why it is called that.


I also don''t like the idea of giving charitable donations as gifts to people. I knew someone who''s aunt gave everyone in the family cards that said she had donated money in their name to some random charity as their gift. That seems so weird to me! Just say that you don''t want to spend money on gifts and would rather give to the poor... don''t call it a present to the person. If it were a present, then they would recieve the money and be able to decide on their own to donate the money or keep it or whatever. I guess what I am saying is that I am 100% FOR donating to charities instead of spending the money on gifts for people who don''t need anything or who wouldn''t want anything, but I don''t understand the need to publicize or call it a present.

 

[Anna0499]

Date: 7/24/2008 6:20:46 PM
Author: Guilty Pleasure
Although I''m not offended by the idea by any means, I don''t get the ''donation'' favors. Unless it''s something like, the MOB survived breast cancer and it''s a way of honoring her since everyone knows her as well... that type of thing. If I went to a wedding and they had a donation to a charity, I would think there was no need to tell everyone about it. Just donate the money and don''t give favors. It seems a bit superfluous to me. They don''t owe me a favor, and I don''t need to know what they do with their money. I certainly don''t consider it a favor or gift to me, so I''m not sure why it is called that.


I also don''t like the idea of giving charitable donations as gifts to people. I knew someone who''s aunt gave everyone in the family cards that said she had donated money in their name to some random charity as their gift. That seems so weird to me! Just say that you don''t want to spend money on gifts and would rather give to the poor... don''t call it a present to the person. If it were a present, then they would recieve the money and be able to decide on their own to donate the money or keep it or whatever. I guess what I am saying is that I am 100% FOR donating to charities instead of spending the money on gifts for people who don''t need anything or who wouldn''t want anything, but I don''t understand the need to publicize or call it a present.

I understand what you''re saying, but "in lieu of" simply means "instead of," and I don''t think anyone considers favors as "gifts" as much as a "thank you for coming" extra or something to remember the day. I would do it for a cause very near to my family that we contribute to regardless of any wedding (helping the poor in my parents'' homeland) and I didn''t mean that I would have a huge sign that says, "Look at me, I''m donating to charity!" or anything...I think it can be tastefully done and if I was a guest at such a wedding I would

it and not think negatively about the couple at all.

As for donations as presents, I would not mind receiving information about a charity that was given money in my name instead of a gift. I think it would be better than getting nothing at all and it would raise awareness about the charity itself. Sort of like when people adopt endangered animals or buy a star for someone...that''s just me and MHO though...

 

[Guilty Pleasure]

I hope I didn''t sound like I would think ill of someone doing that at their wedding because really, the majority of favors are kind of pointless. I guess I just don''t expect a favor, so I don''t see why anyone would need to say "in lieu of" in the first place unless like I said, it was a way of honoring a person or cause that was important to the guests as well.


And as for a gift being a charitable donation, I think it just depends on the gift and the person giving it. I wouldn''t mind receiving it because I don''t need a present anyway. It just depends on the person''s intentions or attitude about it.

 

[Anna0499]

Date: 7/24/2008 6:47:27 PM
Author: Guilty Pleasure
I hope I didn''t sound like I would think ill of someone doing that at their wedding because really, the majority of favors are kind of pointless. I guess I just don''t expect a favor, so I don''t see why anyone would need to say ''in lieu of'' in the first place unless like I said, it was a way of honoring a person or cause that was important to the guests as well.


And as for a gift being a charitable donation, I think it just depends on the gift and the person giving it. I wouldn''t mind receiving it because I don''t need a present anyway. It just depends on the person''s intentions or attitude about it.

No worries, I knew what you meant! I don''t expect favors either, but every wedding I''ve been to has had them in some form or another. I completely agree with you about the attitude/intention being the main thing - I''m not big on people who flaunt their charitable contributions either.

I forgot that I would also NOT care about what my BMs were wearing...I would want them to be comfortable and somewhat match, but no need for similar jewelry, hair, etc. Although the last wedding I attended the BMs all had on Tiffany silver jewelry because the bride had given it to them as a BM gift...very nice.

 

[Haven]

Date: 7/24/2008 4:38:14 PM
Author: elledizzy5

Date: 7/24/2008 4:35:31 PM

I was teasing.


It''s just not our style -- but if you''d enjoy it, that''s all that matters!

I know! No harm done.

I''m really excited to watch us say our vows to each other again--I wish we could post our videos on PS to share with everyone, I love seeing people say their vows, it always makes me cry.

That''s the best thing about this forum, we get to get a peek into other people''s weddings that might not necessarily be our style, but it''s fun to see anyway. I definitely fall into the less-is-more elegant category, but I''ve loved seeing some really no-holds-barred weddings, too. They''re all beautiful.

I agree with you on the donation favors, Guilty Pleasure. If you want to make a donation, please do, that''s so kind! But there''s something odd about informing everyone that they were made in place of giving out favors, it just seems odd.

On the other hand, though, we rarely take home favors unless they''re something useful. Those little picture frames just don''t suit our style. The best favor we ever got was a great bottle of wine from our dear friend who owns a wine store.

 

[WishfulThinking]

Haven- Youtube?

I would love to see peoples'' vows. I am such a sap, and stuff like that makes me say "awww!" and tear up. One of my favourite things about PS is getting to see everyone''s unique choices for what they do and say and have for their weddings!

 

[ListlessLiz]

Is it weird that the closer I get to actually planning a wedding the less I care about it? Pre-LIW, I planned for my wedding all the time - cakes, flowers, favors, dresses, etc. But it''s like the longer I wait, the more I couldn''t care less about the little details.

Who knows? Maybe it''s a defense mechanism I''ve developed as a LIW - like if I can fool myself into thinking I don''t really care then it''ll make the waiting easier. I guess only time will tell if I go into full-on wedding mania once the ring''s on my finger. (Speaking of which, the ring has been purchased! Yay!)

 

[pinkstars]

Even though I have years to worry about this.
What is extremely important to us is: food, cake, photography, music and invitations are moderately important.
A DJ isn't that big of a concern because BF is a volunteer DJ and friends could easily do that, but music is important...I'm pretty sure we want a lot of upbeat-happy tunes (nothing cliche that you would probably expect to hear at a wedding.)

Everything else probably just has to be pretty. Although I'm already worried that since BF is the best person at telling me what looks good on me and what doesn't, I'm really terrified about going dress shopping and having other people give me their input.
Ah yes, and alcohol is not important at all, we probably won't have it...I drink, but I don't think it's something that I need for my wedding. And I just don't want to deal with anybody I know being drunk on a day that will be the most meaningful day in my life.
Oh well!

 

[trillionaire]

I plan to elope (crosses fingers), so I kind of like the idea of a video so that my family could see, but then if it seemed to "planned" that might make them more mad that they weren''t there?

They want to be, but a "wedding" is just not my style... the more I go to, the more I don''t want one, lol!

 

[bee*]

Date: 7/24/2008 5:52:55 PM
Author: IndyGirl22

Date: 7/24/2008 4:35:31 PM

Author: Haven

Thank you for the Hobby Lobby suggestion for a frame, there''s a store near where I work so I''ll stop in once the school year starts (which is WAY to soon!)


I''m so surprised there are so many people against video. I absolutely wanted a videographer because we LOVE watching old home movies, AND they are especially nice to have of people who are no longer with us. My hubby''s mom died a few years ago, and we pulled out his old bar mitzvah video and had so much fun seeing how everyone looked 25 years ago, and he was really happy to see video of his mom. I can''t wait to see our wedding video.


The other thing about video is that there is SO MUCH that you miss as the bride and groom--the bride doesn''t see anyone walk down the aisle (I hear one of my flower girls was disdainfully tossing the flower petals over her shoulders and everyone was laughing), and I love it when people say nice things to the camera. I don''t care if it''s ''so 1993'' I cannot WAIT to see our wedding video! I''ve watched a ton of my friends'' videos too, and we always get a kick out of them.

Haven - I agree! I think pictures are great, but I want to be able to see everything when I look back on my wedding day. I also really want to have sound recording of our vows...I think that''s the most touching part of any ceremony and photos won''t capture it fully enough for me. I think when people think of videographers they think of old, grainy VHS tapes, but my sister''s wedding video was a beautiful DVD with chapters, features, etc. and she can skip to what she wants to watch. Also, if a videographer is doing his job right he won''t be in your face or in the way, but very discreet.

I agree with both of you-I have a videographer booked-I cannot wait to see the video after our wedding.