What is your budget???

[Clairitek]

To answer the OP''s question:
We originally wanted to spend $15K for a RI wedding. Realized very fast that even $20-$25K would be tough for our guest list (130 people or so). Now we are in Philly with a $25K budget.
I will spend minimal amounts of money on decor. DIY flower, stationary, veil, hair flower, etc. Our venue will be $12,500 for 100 people (food, booze, gratuity, etc.).
We will probably splurge on the photographer and have budgeted around $4500 for it.
The cathedral is going to be pricey at $2000.
That budget doesn''t include wedding bands (probably about $1000) but had about $4500 allotted for our honeymoon though we are putting it off in case our wedding goes a little over budget.
Attire will be around $2000, but probably less. We haven''t decided if we are buying him a suit or renting.

Date: 2/12/2009 4:58:23 PM
Author: FrekeChild

Date: 2/12/2009 12:04:15 PM

Author: wellinsm

I mean no disrespect but I personally could not spend more than that on my wedding. It''s just not my personality or my husband''s personality type to do so. To me personally it is a waste. But if that is what other people want to do and spend I think you should do and have what you want and what you can afford to have. We could have had a much larger and more expensive wedding, but I prefer to have a remodeled kitchen instead. The details that I read about on this board hold no interest to me to plan and organize. I only had a bouquet so I''d have something to hold in my hands during the ceremony!

Since no one else is, I''ll bite.

If you have to put a disclaimer before a judgmental statement, you probably shouldn''t be making that statement in the first place. Your priorities are your priorities, and that''s fine, but making judgmental statements about other people''s wedding budgets (which is a sensitive topic in the first place), is just plain rude. I don''t care that there was an added statement about how we can do what makes us happy, it was clearly making judgments on the posters who posted before you.

For some people they are taking on second jobs, and cutting down on other non-essentials so they can afford the wedding of their dreams, and it is not your job to make people feel bad about the money they are spending on their wedding. I know of many brides who are postponing their honeymoons so that they aren''t paying such a large chunk of change all at one time. Some brides are getting engaged and then putting off their weddings for a couple years so they can save up to have the wedding that they want. And those weddings are not necessarily these extravagant monstrosities that your post made them out to be.

It''s great that you decided to put renovating a kitchen in front of your wedding. But a lot of women have been dreaming of this day since they were little, it is my sincere wish that for everyone here, that it will be one of the best days of their lives, and it is uncalled for your post to make them feel bad about how much they are spending. The economy sucks right now, and EVERYONE is conscious of the dismal financial climate, but they certainly don''t need it rubbed in their faces, which is what your post did to ME, and I''m sure other ladies here.

Not to even get into that the section of your post I quoted has nothing to do with the questions of the original post.

Not cool.

I tend to agree with Freke. I am a frugal person but I don''t see anything wrong with spending my money how I see fit and I think that its unfair to refer to a wedding as a "waste." I would never make anyone feel bad for going the more budget-friendly route or for spending the cost of 5 college degrees at a state institution on their day. Their money, their choice.

I hate to continue this thread-jack but I am curious- why do you post and read on this board if you don''t have any interest in the content?

 

[EricaR]

Wedding #1 (Vegas):
Limo rental: free
Ceremony at a Drive-Up chapel in Vegas: $60
Marriage License: $50
Total: $110

Wedding #2 (Mexico):
Ceremony Location, decorations and planner: $2000
Photography: $400
Dinner: 5000 pesos, so about $370, including booze
Airfare: $600
Hotel for two weeks: $2500
Total, including honeymoon (but not including food and activities for the honeymoon): $5870

 

[kama_s]

We are probably around 30-34K (Canadian), this includes all taxes and tips. Doesn''t include rings and honeymoon.

Here''s our breakdown thus far:

Venue (including linens, chair covers, cutlery): 5K
Food and alcohol: 12K
Photog: 5K
Videog: 1K
Jazz trio: 1300
Harp+violin for ceremony: 250 (!!!!!)
DJ: 500
Stationery: 500
Breakfast next day: 2K

Dress + accessories + hair/make-up: 4K (which is my father''s gift to me

)

Still to get: cake and final florist quote

 

[musey]

Date: 2/12/2009 5:00:00 PM
Author: Gypsy

Date: 2/12/2009 2:58:39 PM
Author: musey

Date: 2/12/2009 2:56:09 PM
Author: tessari
This is scary but mine could be $130,000 for 120 people. The SF Bay Area is beyond crazy expensive!!!

Um, yes. That is BEYOND CRAZY EXPENSIVE. I got married in malibu, and I don't think I could have spent that much if I TRIED!!!

Oh I could spend it. But it would include some amazing wedding bands, and a honeymoon to end all honeymoons.

Ohhhh yes. I forget that many people include those things in their budget.

We didn't. Our wedding budget was the budget for everything used that day (minus wedding bands), and came in at $20k (we spent just shy of $22k, I think). No honeymoon either. If we included that, our budget would have been half again what it was.

 

[Mediterranean]

I''m clocking in at roughly $19,000. Give or take. We said $25,000 originally, and some things turned out to be MUCH less money (we are going to have a MUCH smaller final head count than anticipated--around 50 total down from the, like, 85--100 we thought we''d have).

Other things turned out to be much more money (FI still laughs at me like I escaped from the booby hatch when I tell him I spent $7,000 on my dress. He thought that was actually a prank I was pulling on him until he saw the receipt).

We''re lucky (and GRATEFUL) to have received unexpected gifts and blessings that have saved us lots of money: friends, who (like FI and myself) all work in the film/print/TV industry --as set designers, camera operators, photographers, make-up artists, etc--have offered their services for our wedding, as a wedding gift to us. Even my FI (a Director of Photography by profession) has offered to climb up into the rafters at the reception venue to place ellipsoidal lights so that we have a nifty "Lighting Scheme" that looks like moonlight filtering through tree branches. Awww...my guy

Most of our guests don''t live where we live, so a big, fat, juicy chunk of the wedding budget is dedicated to their entertainment and enjoyment while they''re here. This can be SUCH a cool, fun city. It would be a pity if all they ever saw were their hotel rooms and the beach, so we''re taking them out on a boating excursion, we''re taking them to eat at our favorite spots, we''re taking them to see a show at the new center for the performing arts...stuff like that.

Our only firm, unmovable RULE was that we would only spend what we could afford outright. NO CREDIT USE ALLOWED. We''ve stuck to it, and it has relieved a lot of my stress/orry regarding the expense...

 

[musey]

Date: 2/12/2009 12:04:15 PM
Author: wellinsm
I mean no disrespect but I personally could not spend more than that on my wedding. It's just not my personality or my husband's personality type to do so. To me personally it is a waste. But if that is what other people want to do and spend I think you should do and have what you want and what you can afford to have. We could have had a much larger and more expensive wedding, but I prefer to have a remodeled kitchen instead. The details that I read about on this board hold no interest to me to plan and organize. I only had a bouquet so I'd have something to hold in my hands during the ceremony!

Wellinsm, while you are more than entitled to your own opinion and choices, it's a very personal decision and should not (in my very very humble opinion) be open to criticism from strangers. I'm not sure whether you intended to, but people may indeed interpret it that way.

While the amount spent on our wedding, and indeed how we got married, was unimportant to me - I have no regrets about the money we spent. We planned a very special event that we continue to get comments on from our guests about (a sweet friend sent me a letter the other day telling me that it was "the most special and romantic day of her life thus far"

and that really touched me), and our parents especially had a very special experience. We did a lot of things that required extra money put in, but really made the experience wonderful and memorable.

That is absolutely not to say that someone can't create a special and memorable wedding just by hopping over to the courthouse, followed by a private and romantic dinner for two at home... it's just different. In our case, we had a certain number of people that we wanted to share the experience with, and really create an atmosphere of love and magic. Thankfully, we were able to attain that for ourselves and 60 of our dearest friends and family.


I should disclaim, though, that that was only possible through our parents' generosity. If we'd been going it alone, we would've had an immediate-family-only somewhere in a state park and dinner for 9 at a lovely restaurant

- and I'm sure our wedding day would feel no less special in retrospect.

 

[EricaR]

Date: 2/12/2009 5:22:25 PM
Author: Clairitek
To answer the OP''s question:
We originally wanted to spend $15K for a RI wedding. Realized very fast that even $20-$25K would be tough for our guest list (130 people or so). Now we are in Philly with a $25K budget.
I will spend minimal amounts of money on decor. DIY flower, stationary, veil, hair flower, etc. Our venue will be $12,500 for 100 people (food, booze, gratuity, etc.).
We will probably splurge on the photographer and have budgeted around $4500 for it.
The cathedral is going to be pricey at $2000.
That budget doesn''t include wedding bands (probably about $1000) but had about $4500 allotted for our honeymoon though we are putting it off in case our wedding goes a little over budget.
Attire will be around $2000, but probably less. We haven''t decided if we are buying him a suit or renting.

Date: 2/12/2009 4:58:23 PM
Author: FrekeChild

Date: 2/12/2009 12:04:15 PM

Author: wellinsm

I mean no disrespect but I personally could not spend more than that on my wedding. It''s just not my personality or my husband''s personality type to do so. To me personally it is a waste. But if that is what other people want to do and spend I think you should do and have what you want and what you can afford to have. We could have had a much larger and more expensive wedding, but I prefer to have a remodeled kitchen instead. The details that I read about on this board hold no interest to me to plan and organize. I only had a bouquet so I''d have something to hold in my hands during the ceremony!

Since no one else is, I''ll bite.

If you have to put a disclaimer before a judgmental statement, you probably shouldn''t be making that statement in the first place. Your priorities are your priorities, and that''s fine, but making judgmental statements about other people''s wedding budgets (which is a sensitive topic in the first place), is just plain rude. I don''t care that there was an added statement about how we can do what makes us happy, it was clearly making judgments on the posters who posted before you.

For some people they are taking on second jobs, and cutting down on other non-essentials so they can afford the wedding of their dreams, and it is not your job to make people feel bad about the money they are spending on their wedding. I know of many brides who are postponing their honeymoons so that they aren''t paying such a large chunk of change all at one time. Some brides are getting engaged and then putting off their weddings for a couple years so they can save up to have the wedding that they want. And those weddings are not necessarily these extravagant monstrosities that your post made them out to be.

It''s great that you decided to put renovating a kitchen in front of your wedding. But a lot of women have been dreaming of this day since they were little, it is my sincere wish that for everyone here, that it will be one of the best days of their lives, and it is uncalled for your post to make them feel bad about how much they are spending. The economy sucks right now, and EVERYONE is conscious of the dismal financial climate, but they certainly don''t need it rubbed in their faces, which is what your post did to ME, and I''m sure other ladies here.

Not to even get into that the section of your post I quoted has nothing to do with the questions of the original post.

Not cool.

I tend to agree with Freke. I am a frugal person but I don''t see anything wrong with spending my money how I see fit and I think that its unfair to refer to a wedding as a ''waste.'' I would never make anyone feel bad for going the more budget-friendly route or for spending the cost of 5 college degrees at a state institution on their day. Their money, their choice.

I hate to continue this thread-jack but I am curious- why do you post and read on this board if you don''t have any interest in the content?

I''ve gotta back up Freke and Clairitek here. One of the greatest things about this board is the wide variety of weddings we''ve seen here at ALL budget levels. I think that weddings and budgets are very very personal and I don''t think that any of us can judge any other person. I don''t think I''ve ever looked at someone''s thread and though "Ugh! How can she spend $xx on XYZ!!!" Different people value different parts of the wedding process, and those things can cost widely differing amounts of money. It isn''t up to me to judge anyone based on ANY decision they make, be it side of wedding, dress they selected, or budget.

My FI and I are not "big party" people so we are doing the opposite of a large wedding. That doesn''t mean that everyone else is crazy for having a large wedding. I see so many people picking out dresses that would work well for dancing or photos of venues that can hold 500+ people and even though those don''t really relate to my wedding I can still appreciate them.

 

[julabean]

We got married in Vegas, but here was our breakdown:

Ceremony (including minister, 1 1/2 hours of photography, ceremony, wedding planner, goodies): 3500
Rights to our pictures: 2000
Reception: 5000(ish) (I say ish because my parents paid for our entire reception and while our budget from them was 5,000, I think it was more than that and they just never told me.) Could have been more like 6000.
Invitations and STD: 300

Dress: 1100 after alterations
Presents: 300

Airfare: 500
Hotel room: 500

Total(ish): 12000

We had budgeted 10,000 and came in about 20% over, I think. To be honest, since we''re done paying for the wedding, I don''t have an exact total. It was the day we wanted, we enjoyed every minute of it, and that was enough for us. Our wedding was really unique - and we received a lot of comments that it was one of the most fun weddings people have ever been to. Our 1st anniversary is coming up and it''s SO tempting to say, to hell with the economy, let''s go back to Vegas! Alas...

 

[DearBuddha]

The biggest expense for our wedding was our reception venue, and we had a guest list of approximately 100. We ended up with 102 guests total, and when we calculated the cost of meals, we ended up paying just over $5,000.

My in-laws paid for our open bar as a wedding gift, which was wonderful of them to do and saved us an additional $2,500. My cousin is a photographer, so I didn''t have to pay insane amounts of money for pictures. A family friend is a baker, so that took care of our cake.

My dress and veil were a great steal at $800, and I totally rocked my $20 shoes from Payless (I figured it was pointless to spend tons of money on white shoes when I was getting married outside in a garden-and it had rained that day, too!). Also, because I got married in a state park, I only had to pay a $17 permit fee to use the site.

Adding the costs of our rings, entertainment, limos, tuxes, party gifts, favors, and every other wedding staple, I think our grand total was in the $10,000-$12,000 range (I can''t recall the exact amount). And this was at the height of the wedding season here in New England!

Cutting corners where we did saved us A TON of money, and allowed us an AMAZING European honeymoon!

 

[CNOS128]

Date: 2/12/2009 4:58:23 PM
Author: FrekeChild

Date: 2/12/2009 12:04:15 PM

Author: wellinsm

I mean no disrespect but I personally could not spend more than that on my wedding. It''s just not my personality or my husband''s personality type to do so. To me personally it is a waste. But if that is what other people want to do and spend I think you should do and have what you want and what you can afford to have. We could have had a much larger and more expensive wedding, but I prefer to have a remodeled kitchen instead. The details that I read about on this board hold no interest to me to plan and organize. I only had a bouquet so I''d have something to hold in my hands during the ceremony!

Since no one else is, I''ll bite.


If you have to put a disclaimer before a judgmental statement, you probably shouldn''t be making that statement in the first place. Your priorities are your priorities, and that''s fine, but making judgmental statements about other people''s wedding budgets (which is a sensitive topic in the first place), is just plain rude. I don''t care that there was an added statement about how we can do what makes us happy, it was clearly making judgments on the posters who posted before you.


For some people they are taking on second jobs, and cutting down on other non-essentials so they can afford the wedding of their dreams, and it is not your job to make people feel bad about the money they are spending on their wedding. I know of many brides who are postponing their honeymoons so that they aren''t paying such a large chunk of change all at one time. Some brides are getting engaged and then putting off their weddings for a couple years so they can save up to have the wedding that they want. And those weddings are not necessarily these extravagant monstrosities that your post made them out to be.


It''s great that you decided to put renovating a kitchen in front of your wedding. But a lot of women have been dreaming of this day since they were little, it is my sincere wish that for everyone here, that it will be one of the best days of their lives, and it is uncalled for your post to make them feel bad about how much they are spending. The economy sucks right now, and EVERYONE is conscious of the dismal financial climate, but they certainly don''t need it rubbed in their faces, which is what your post did to ME, and I''m sure other ladies here.


Not to even get into that the section of your post I quoted has nothing to do with the questions of the original post.


Not cool.

Okay, so now that Freke has bitten, I will add my part.
You actually do mean disrespect, wellinsm, because your post was incredibly disrespectful. The entire purpose of this thread was to give the OP an idea of possible budgets, and you essentially scolded every poster who came before you for being "wasteful," under the guise of it being your personal opinion. It''s not up to you to allow others to do what they want with their money. In fact, it''s none of your business at all. Your post seemed like it was intended to convey to others who don''t share your ascetic values that you''re somehow superior for spending your money on a kitchen rather than a wedding.
You know what? To people living in dirt-floored huts in developing countries, your remodeled kitchen is a HUGE waste of money and they can''t conceive of why you''d need a new kitchen when they don''t have floors. The details of your kitchen remodeling hold not interest for them (personally). That''s not to say that you shouldn''t do what you want with your money, but to them (personally) it seems like a huge waste. Probably mostly because they don''t have food to cook.


Anyway, I would have posted about my budget, in the interest of helping others out, but it is because of posts like yours that I will not do this. My budget is larger than many (but not all) of the aforementioned. I don''t have to justify spending that money to you or anyone else (Although apparently now I feel the need to). Do I feel guilty about it? Yes. Am I donating a large amount to people less fortunate to acknowledge that not everyone can afford such extravagant things? Yes. Do I spend practically all my free time doing volunteer literacy and law work? You betcha.

 

[wellinsm]

Well, I''ll probably regret posting a reply, as I did not expect my comments to cause such a stir. I guess that is what I get for posting on a message board.

My comments were not meant to insult, disrespect or cause anger amongst posters here. My opinion is my opinion and I COULD not spend that much on a one day. All I was doing was stating my opinion. If anyone took offense to it, that was not my intention. My statements could be applied to anyone at anytime. Someone might never be able to comprehend spending hundreds of dollars on shoes, while others save and budget for them. It''s a matter of priorities and what each individual person wants to do with their money. Others spend tons of money on gadgets and gizmos, again, not my passion, not my priority, but it''s your money, do with it what you will.

"it is my sincere wish that for everyone here, that it will be one of the best days of their lives, and it is uncalled for your post to make them feel bad about how much they are spending"

I think that you were reading too much in to my comments. When I said that to me personally it is a waste, I meant because to me personally it is a waste, FOR ME, my life and my lifetsyle. The wedding planning, organizing, details, once I got in to it held no interest and I found it more irritating than fun. Why would you think that I was trying to make anyone feel bad about what they were spending on their wedding. All I said was that I couldn''t do it, because of my personality and my preferences.

That being said, why do you post and read on this board if you don''t have any interest in the content?
While I didn''t enjoy planning my own, it doesn''t mean that I don''t enjoy reading about others concerns, looking at the wonderful pictures and hearing the stories about how happy and fullfilled someone was when they finally married the person that they want to be with for the rest of their life.

The economy sucks right now, and EVERYONE is conscious of the dismal financial climate, but they certainly don''t need it rubbed in their faces, which is what your post did to ME, and I''m sure other ladies here.

Wow....I really never thought that my simple comment on spending alot of money for a wedding for ME was a waste would turn in to a bashing of every person on this board who chooses to spend money, which is why I said, do what you want if you can afford it and it makes you happy. I wrote it because its what I believe.

I feel as if my little post was over reacted to. I never said that I couldn''t appreciate a larger wedding, destination wedding, smaller wedding etc. All I said was it was a waste FOR ME. Again, sorry if my comments were taken the wrong way.

Now back to the original thread, where in some opinions, I am reading and judging and crinkling my nose is disbelief and shaking my head in judgement!

 

[wellinsm]

Once again, comments taken out of context...for ME it is a waste...ME ME ME....my lifestyle, personality, preferences....

Was not meant as a judgement on anyone else BUT me. I did not say, the amount of money that you are spending on a wedding is a waste

Perhaps I should have written the comment as, " Due to my personality, lifestyle and preferences I chose to have a wedding that was smaller and a smaller budget, as my husband and I made the personal choice to spend the money we could have spent on a large wedding on other things do with our home blah blah blah"


Can I make this any more clear??

 

[Haven]

wellinsm--I believe you that you did not intend to offend or insult anyone, and it''s clear from your responses that you were merely trying to express your own opinion on the matter. Thank you for coming back to clearly state your intentions.

It seems like the issue people have with your response is that by saying spending over $X would be wasteful, you are inherently making a statement about your opinion of what others have chosen to spend. Are you free to have this opinion? Of course. Is it nice to state it in this thread? No. And of course your statements are all your own personal opinion, that is all any of us know and all we can write about on here, anyway.

Had the thread been titled "What do you think of people who choose to spend over $20,000 on a wedding?" then perhaps your response would have been taken differently.

My real point is that it''s been my experience here on PS that unless you have something nice or constructive to say, don''t say anything at all. (Unless, of course, the OP explicitly asks for criticism.) In other words, basic manners and common courtesy still apply. (In a real-life conversation with three other women about wedding budgets, would you look at them after hearing that they each spent over $30,000 on their weddings and say "I would never spend more than $18,000. That would just be wasteful, in my opinion." I think not. Unless you don''t really care to keep your relationship with any of these women intact.

I imagine that since you meant no ill intent with your original response, it''s difficult for you to see this, and I totally appreciate that. I''ve grossly misrepresented my intent here on PS more than a few times, and I know how frustrating it can be to be misunderstood. My response is only an attempt to help you see what so many others are seeing, and to possibly save you from this same frustration in the future.

 

[wellinsm]

Apparently my point isn't getting across here....let me attempt to clarify once more as I think people are looking for mean spirited comments/intentions when there was none....

I never meant or said that I think it is wasteful for YOU (whoever was offended) to spend $XXX on a wedding, I said for ME in my current circumstances, priorities and with what I have going on in my life currently to spend a lot of money (and my perception of a lot is probably different from someone elses or my neighbors or someone I work with) on a wedding. Perhaps I should have been clearer, as it was lost in translation, but hindsight is 20/20.

Then, to come back and read, "Anyway, I would have posted about my budget, in the interest of helping others out, but it is because of posts like yours that I will not do this. My budget is larger than many (but not all) of the aforementioned. I don't have to justify spending that money to you or anyone else (Although apparently now I feel the need to). Do I feel guilty about it? Yes. Am I donating a large amount to people less fortunate to acknowledge that not everyone can afford such extravagant things? Yes. Do I spend practically all my free time doing volunteer literacy and law work? You betcha."

Wow...just wow......my comment was taken very out of context....so far out of context I really don't know if I can clearly respond to this.....

If I can't clearly convey what my original post was trying to state, I will just stop and let others get back to what the OP was asking.

Sorry--guess I'll stick to lurking.....just was trying to chime in

 

[Bia]

Date: 2/13/2009 12:07:17 PM
Author: wellinsm
Apparently my point isn''t getting across here....let me attempt to clarify once more as I think people are looking for mean spirited comments/intentions when there was none....

I never meant or said that I think it is wasteful for YOU (whoever was offended) to spend $XXX on a wedding, I said for ME in my current circumstances, priorities and with what I have going on in my life currently to spend a lot of money (and my perception of a lot is probably different from someone elses or my neighbors or someone I work with) on a wedding. Perhaps I should have been clearer, as it was lost in translation, but hindsight is 20/20.

Then, to come back and read that people aren''t posting general numbers for the OP for fear of being ''judged'' by ''people like me'' was kind of shocking.

If I can''t clearly convey what my original post was trying to state, I will just stop and let others get back to what the OP was asking.

Sorry--guess I''ll stick to lurking.....just was trying to chime in

Definitely don''t refrain from posting because of this wellinsm. Things get lost in translation here ALL OF THE TIME. As someone else said, money, or budgets, can sometimes be sensitive topics. We all agree that we disagree at times, so I''d hate for you to stop posting based on this one thread or heated topic.

Don''t go back to lurkdom...lurking is not as much fun. No way.

 

[Definitely. Maybe]

No need to go back to lurkdom. Disagreements happen.

I think we all, at least now, understand you meant no ill will towards anyone. As others have said money is a sensitive topic to discuss. I think this thread was meant to be purely informative where people give there budgets and where/ how they spent it, not to post personal opinions. I think that is why your opinion was taken so personally.

 

[BeachRunner]

Date: 2/13/2009 12:13:27 PM
Author: Bia

Date: 2/13/2009 12:07:17 PM

Author: wellinsm

Apparently my point isn''t getting across here....let me attempt to clarify once more as I think people are looking for mean spirited comments/intentions when there was none....


I never meant or said that I think it is wasteful for YOU (whoever was offended) to spend $XXX on a wedding, I said for ME in my current circumstances, priorities and with what I have going on in my life currently to spend a lot of money (and my perception of a lot is probably different from someone elses or my neighbors or someone I work with) on a wedding. Perhaps I should have been clearer, as it was lost in translation, but hindsight is 20/20.


Then, to come back and read that people aren''t posting general numbers for the OP for fear of being ''judged'' by ''people like me'' was kind of shocking.

If I can''t clearly convey what my original post was trying to state, I will just stop and let others get back to what the OP was asking.


Sorry--guess I''ll stick to lurking.....just was trying to chime in

Definitely don''t refrain from posting because of this wellinsm. Things get lost in translation here ALL OF THE TIME. As someone else said, money, or budgets, can sometimes be sensitive topics. We all agree that we disagree at times, so I''d hate for you to stop posting based on this one thread or heated topic.


Don''t go back to lurkdom...lurking is not as much fun. No way.

I second this. Please don''t feel like you can''t post on PS any longer, just because of one incident of being misunderstood. It happened in the past, and will happen again I''m sure.

 

[NovemberBride]

Since a few people chimed in that they didn''t know how it was possible to run up a bill of 100k + for a wedding, I thought I''d chime in and share my budget. I had a large wedding with 250 guests at a 4-star hotel in Washington DC. While it was beautiful and amazing, I did not have any crazy, out of the ordinary things like you see on some tv shows (live animals, celebrity appearances, etc - no offense to anyone who did, just trying to show those things aren''t necessary to run up a budget). Just great food and wine, good entertainment and beautiful decorations. It adds up quickly. My approximate wedding budget (I was very lucky to have my parents pay for the entire wedding - not including parent and bridal party gifts, rings and honeymoon, so I don''t know exact numbers) was:

Dress - 7k
Accessories - 1k
Hair and make-up for me, 8 bridesmaids and mom and mil - 2.5k
Reception (food, alcohol, etc) for 250 guests- $125K
Band - 10k
Flowers - 35k (I know this was a huge splurge, but I love flowers and they were worth every penny to me)
Lighting - 3k
Linens - 2k
Photographer - 10k
Videographer - 5k
Limos - 2k
Total - a little over 200k

Yes, it was an extremely extravagant wedding and could have paid for a house (but DH and I already had one - which we bought ourselves). Yes, I could have had a beautiful wedding for a lot less money (and would have if my parents hadn''t been so generous). However, it was the wedding of my dreams. I still feel happy inside everytime I think about it, I look at the pictures often and will remember that day for the rest of my life. So it was worth every penny. As I mentioned, my parents were extremely generous to pay for the entire wedding and were in the fortunate position of being able to do so without taking on any debt - which I would not have wanted them to do. I am so thankful to them for that. I will also always cherish the memories of planning my wedding with my parents and DH. I know not everyone would want this type of wedding, but it was perfect for me and that''s what matters. DH and I have been to many weddings with varying budgets from probably $10,000 to $200,000 and each one was beautiful and amazing because it reflected that couple.

 

[CNOS128]

Date: 2/13/2009 12:07:17 PM
Author: wellinsm
Apparently my point isn''t getting across here....let me attempt to clarify once more as I think people are looking for mean spirited comments/intentions when there was none....


I never meant or said that I think it is wasteful for YOU (whoever was offended) to spend $XXX on a wedding, I said for ME in my current circumstances, priorities and with what I have going on in my life currently to spend a lot of money (and my perception of a lot is probably different from someone elses or my neighbors or someone I work with) on a wedding. Perhaps I should have been clearer, as it was lost in translation, but hindsight is 20/20.


Then, to come back and read, ''Anyway, I would have posted about my budget, in the interest of helping others out, but it is because of posts like yours that I will not do this. My budget is larger than many (but not all) of the aforementioned. I don''t have to justify spending that money to you or anyone else (Although apparently now I feel the need to). Do I feel guilty about it? Yes. Am I donating a large amount to people less fortunate to acknowledge that not everyone can afford such extravagant things? Yes. Do I spend practically all my free time doing volunteer literacy and law work? You betcha.''


Wow...just wow......my comment was taken very out of context....so far out of context I really don''t know if I can clearly respond to this.....

If I can''t clearly convey what my original post was trying to state, I will just stop and let others get back to what the OP was asking.


Sorry--guess I''ll stick to lurking.....just was trying to chime in

Certainly don''t let me scare you away. I''m just not a very nice person.

 

[FrekeChild]

Oh whatever TheBigT, you''re awesome and not mean at all.

I think lovely Haven said it best. She really is a star, and she''s always considerate of other people''s feelings.

Wellinsm While it may not have been your intention to make people feel bad, that''s what your post did. I did not post to criticize you, I was actually trying to get you to reread your posts through other people''s eyes before you posted them and seriously offend someone. I personally am ok with spending what we will on our wedding. I could spend a lot more if I took interest in it. In actuality we took the cheap route, if we didn''t do it in Vegas with under 40 people, it would have been here in town with probably closer to 250 people and obviously a much larger budget. But that just ain''t my style.

I think it''s interesting that you were really only taking yourself into account when you posted what you did, and didn''t think of how other posters would react, because there are plenty of brides here who have spent far less than you, and could even consider what you spent to be wasteful. But adding the disclaimer "I mean no disrespect, but I consider spending that to be wasteful (in my situation)" doesn''t make anyone feel better.

I have a blue spinel engagement ring. It cost less than $500. But I do not run around the SMTR forum saying, "for me and my personal situation, having FI spend over that would be wasteful (like you obviously did)"
because that makes other people feel bad. They focus in on that word--wasteful, and the underlying message. But you see? If I did that in a thread in SMTR, it''d be essentially what you came here and did, only even more personal. It would be offensive. I have said, "FI and I are poor college students, and I didn''t want to ask him to have to finance something we couldn''t afford out of pocket" (in reality I''m getting exactly what I wanted, so there isn''t a need to spend more money there anyway) but that doesn''t have a judgmental tone at all.

I took your words at face value. I don''t think that anyone blew them out of proportion or took them out of context. Read this part again:

I mean no disrespect but I personally could not spend more than that on my wedding. It''s just not my personality or my husband''s personality type to do so. To me personally it is a waste. But if that is what other people want to do and spend I think you should do and have what you want and what you can afford to have. We could have had a much larger and more expensive wedding, but I prefer to have a remodeled kitchen instead.

The bold and italicized words is how I read it and where I put the emphasis in my head.

If you had said something like this, "I think everyone''s wedding budgets are very personal, and only the couple knows what they feel comfortable spending. We personally felt that we needed a kitchen remodel more than a larger more expensive wedding, so we took a more conservative route." it would have gone over better. Same message, gets rid of that "waste" word, and no disclaimer needed.

I do not want to see you go back to lurkdom either. You and I have a bit in common it seems (I''m not interested in a bouquet at all, but I also have no idea what to do with my hands) and I''m sure you have something to contribute.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Date: 2/13/2009 12:07:17 PM
Author: wellinsm
Apparently my point isn''t getting across here....let me attempt to clarify once more as I think people are looking for mean spirited comments/intentions when there was none....

I never meant or said that I think it is wasteful for YOU (whoever was offended) to spend $XXX on a wedding, I said for ME in my current circumstances, priorities and with what I have going on in my life currently to spend a lot of money (and my perception of a lot is probably different from someone elses or my neighbors or someone I work with) on a wedding. Perhaps I should have been clearer, as it was lost in translation, but hindsight is 20/20.

Then, to come back and read, ''Anyway, I would have posted about my budget, in the interest of helping others out, but it is because of posts like yours that I will not do this. My budget is larger than many (but not all) of the aforementioned. I don''t have to justify spending that money to you or anyone else (Although apparently now I feel the need to). Do I feel guilty about it? Yes. Am I donating a large amount to people less fortunate to acknowledge that not everyone can afford such extravagant things? Yes. Do I spend practically all my free time doing volunteer literacy and law work? You betcha.''

Wow...just wow......my comment was taken very out of context....so far out of context I really don''t know if I can clearly respond to this.....

If I can''t clearly convey what my original post was trying to state, I will just stop and let others get back to what the OP was asking.

Sorry--guess I''ll stick to lurking.....just was trying to chime in

Just wanted to say that I didn''t see that you did a thing wrong. You have a right to express what you feel is a reasonable amount for your own circumstances. I imagine many people reading this thread are intimidated by the huge budgets and won''t post because theirs are MUCH smaller! In fact, I''ll bet the majority are! When my daughter gets married (and she is a LIW, not engaged yet), we''ll have a small, beautiful, intimate wedding with good food,a DJ, and a lovely location. And the total for the wedding day will be under $10,000. She is very practical and would not want more than that spent. In fact, we''ll have a lot of fun bargain shopping! Plus, in our area, nicer locations such as country clubs charge around $30 a head for dinner per person, so we are definitely looking at different areas of the country on this thread!

 

[bee*]

Ours is coming in at about €23000 so a bit over $26000. D and I are paying a third, my parents are paying a a third and so are his. We originally wanted to keep it to under €20k so I''m a bit pissed at having to spend more than that, but we decided to spend a bit more on some things such as the photographer and the band.

 

[Kim N]

Date: 2/13/2009 1:59:45 PM
Author: diamondseeker2006

Date: 2/13/2009 12:07:17 PM

Author: wellinsm

Apparently my point isn''t getting across here....let me attempt to clarify once more as I think people are looking for mean spirited comments/intentions when there was none....


I never meant or said that I think it is wasteful for YOU (whoever was offended) to spend $XXX on a wedding, I said for ME in my current circumstances, priorities and with what I have going on in my life currently to spend a lot of money (and my perception of a lot is probably different from someone elses or my neighbors or someone I work with) on a wedding. Perhaps I should have been clearer, as it was lost in translation, but hindsight is 20/20.


Then, to come back and read, ''Anyway, I would have posted about my budget, in the interest of helping others out, but it is because of posts like yours that I will not do this. My budget is larger than many (but not all) of the aforementioned. I don''t have to justify spending that money to you or anyone else (Although apparently now I feel the need to). Do I feel guilty about it? Yes. Am I donating a large amount to people less fortunate to acknowledge that not everyone can afford such extravagant things? Yes. Do I spend practically all my free time doing volunteer literacy and law work? You betcha.''


Wow...just wow......my comment was taken very out of context....so far out of context I really don''t know if I can clearly respond to this.....

If I can''t clearly convey what my original post was trying to state, I will just stop and let others get back to what the OP was asking.


Sorry--guess I''ll stick to lurking.....just was trying to chime in

Just wanted to say that I didn''t see that you did a thing wrong. You have a right to express what you feel is a reasonable amount for your own circumstances. I imagine many people reading this thread are intimidated by the huge budgets and won''t post because theirs are MUCH smaller! In fact, I''ll bet the majority are! When my daughter gets married (and she is a LIW, not engaged yet), we''ll have a small, beautiful, intimate wedding with good food,a DJ, and a lovely location. And the total for the wedding day will be under $10,000. She is very practical and would not want more than that spent. In fact, we''ll have a lot of fun bargain shopping! Plus, in our area, nicer locations such as country clubs charge around $30 a head for dinner per person, so we are definitely looking at different areas of the country on this thread!

Ditto. I don''t think you did anything wrong either. I read what you said as you meant it.

And in response to the OP, our original budget was $10K, but it''s coming in about 50% over.

 

[JSM]

I don''t really have a budget - but I don''t mean I''m spending whatever I want.

I''m a grad student, my fiance makes a modest living, and neither of our parents are financially able to help us with a wedding.

I''m also not really someone who has dreamed of my wedding day forever. I have dreamed of my ring, perhaps (I''ve always loved diamonds!), but not the day itself. So, due to budget/job/moving/etc issues, we are eloping in early April.

I''ve been saving very diligently for the two years I''ve been engaged. Whatever I have saved (plus a couple hundred dollars my mom was able to send me, I love my mom!) has thus far paid for plane tickets, a hotel, and a down payment for a photographer. I don''t have a budget, I just know what I need/want for the day, and I''m doing the best I can to save on each individual aspect.

I think all together, with dress, plane, hotel, photographer, tickets, and other expenses, the total will be somewhere around $2800. Which is still a LOT of money and two months take home as a grad student. But it will be SO worth it!

 

[PilsnPinkysMom]

Major, Major thank you to everyone! It was very enlightening and interesting to read about people''s budgets & opinions on budgets!

I''m still swaying between "It''s only one day..." and "It''s only one day so we should go ALL OUT!!," but FI and I will eventually come to a conclusion. I sort of hinted that I felt 30k would encompass allll costs for the day (luckily Cleveland, overall, isn''t too costly

), including extras (paying for BM hair, corsages for the moms, etc) that would otherwise be left out of the budget. We also need a pet-sitter for 1.5 weeks

Every single photo of every single wedding I''ve seen on PS has been to-die-for-- which gives me lots of hope I know we''ll still pull off a fun, beautiful, meaningful event, regardless of the budget! I wish it was sooner, though!!! 10 long, long, long, long months away. Boooo...

My mom also dropped the bomb that she thinks I should invite a certain four cousins and their spouses (they''re all MUCH older than I... late 30s-40''s). I''m sort of annoyed with it-- we literally DO NOT KNOW one another. At all. And I think they''d be annoyed upon receiving an invite, feeling obligated to attend... And they aren''t in very great financial positions right now. 8 x $81 is a lot of money, too! I still haven''t made up my mind. The sassy side of me wants to say, "Well, if you and dad want to cough up $700, suuure.. I''ll be glad to invite them. Otherwise- NO! I''d rather have fresh flower centerpieces!!!"

But anyway-- thanks kindly for all your responses & willingness to share!

 

[Gypsy]

PPMom... I'm glad our sharing of our budgets was helpful to you. I can't wait to see your pics!

 

[K&L]

So I got married in August 2008 in a small town, and honestly I''ve been scared to add up the totals for the cost of the wedding ever since! We had a pretty large wedding with 300 guests, 7 bridesmaids, 7 groomsmen, 7 ushers, and one flower girl. When I ran across this thread, my curiosity got the best of me. So here''s my situation: I was really thankful that my parents paid for the majority of the wedding costs. That is what I considered to be my "budget," but I was also curious just how much the entire wedding cost - including things that they didn''t pay for like our honeymoon, tuxes for the groomsmen, etc. Here''s how it played out:

Initial budget: $20,000

Actual spent:
Church w/day of coordinator: $500
Pastor (plus his hotel room): $400
Organist/guitarist: Free (friends graciously offered their services)
Florist (all bouquets, two large arrangements in the church, pew markers, etc): $900
Programs (bought nice linen paper and printed them ourselves): $100
Flower girl dress: $40 (bought material and a pattern and my grandmother made it)
Bridesmaid''s dresses: $525 (we paid $75 toward the cost of each dress)
Photography: $3200 (included two photographers)
Videography: $500 (turned out horrible - we should have set up our own camera)
Guest book, garter: $25
Bridesmaid & attendant''s gifts: $80 (I made earrings for each of them, using crystal beads I bought online)
Dress: $700 (including $75 for alterations)
Shoes & veil: $220
Makeup: $150
Hair: $80
Manicure/pedicure for my mom and I: $130
Reception: $12,000 (a buffet dinner for 300 at $35 per guest including champagne, $500 for our cake, cleaning fees, etc)
DJ: $250 (a friend of ours who had experience)
Decorations: $1900 (flowers from Sam''s Club, vases from thrift stores, photos in frames, moss initials, table runners)
Invitations: $1000 (including stamps, we designed and had them printed)
Thank Yous: $300

Total spent: $23,000

Other costs not counted toward budget:
Rehearsal dinner: $1200 (paid by groom''s family)
Honeymoon: $6000 (to St. Martin)
Earrings: $300 (given as a Christmas present)
Groomsmen/usher''s gifts: $210 (basketball shorts/ties)
Our rings: $7200 total
Tuxes and shoe rental: $900 (paid by groomsmen)
Bridesmaid''s dresses: $1050 (paid by bridesmaids)
Wedding Album: $425 (after applying print credit)

Total cost of our wedding: $40,285

Whew! Well, I''m glad to say we didn''t go too far over out budget ($3000 isn''t too bad right?). At least my parents were fine with it - they said they were just grateful that the wedding went so smoothly. As for the total cost of the wedding - wow! It doesn''t seem like we spent that much last year! There are of course other things that I didn''t include - like gas for the endless trips around the state during wedding planning, countless wedding magazines and books, etc, etc, etc! I am happy to say that I never plan on doing this again! Good luck to all the 2009 brides!

 

[idreamofcushions]

Thank you all for your posts! I have read through the entire thread and as a LIW, found it very enlightening. I''m thinking when SO and I start planning, perhaps I''ll set my budget 20% below what we actually intend to spend -- maybe I can trick myself into not going over!

We intend to spend $20k, but will probably spend around $25k. SO''s sister is getting married this June and we are using many of the same vendors, locations, etc. That was her budget and I think we''ll come in at around the same.

Sorry to keep this thread jack going, but I feel compelled to comment. Wellinsm, while I think your original comment was a bit offending, I think you made it clear that it was not your intention. Please don''t stop posting because of this! To be honest, when I first started posting on PS I made a comment on a political thread (already a touchy subject) that was completely taken the wrong way. I''m an extremely sensitive person so when I read peoples responses to my seemingly innocent comment, I was near tears! I call it my "PS spanking". After rereading my post, I could see how it could be taken the wrong way. I issued an apology and probably stayed away from PS for a few months, feeling shamed and embarrassed. But I enjoyed this site too much to stay away entirely, and I now only avoid discussing issues I feel passionately about. I try to reread my comments before I post and remember that there are people here from all walks of life...just a humble suggestion that worked for me

 

[that_someone_special]

I hope to have a wedding as close to $1 as possible..

But I''m expecting to go over that by a few thousand percent

No really, I don''t care much about the actual wedding part.. (flowers, music, etc) But I really would like to have a fun reception! That''s all I care about.

 

[Pandora II]

My breakdown was approx:

Venue hire - £3,300
Reception - £4,400
Wine - £750 (bought direct from vineyard in Italy so much cheaper than buying via venue)
Cake - £60 (4 tier, but I DIY''d it so cost is just for ingredients/cake boards etc)
Music - £500
Flowers/Centrepieces/Decoration - £600 (cost of flowers and equipment only as they were also DIY)
My dress - £1,200
Bridesmaids - £150 (cost of fabrics - my mother made all the dresses)
Invitations & other stationery - £500
Officiants Fee + licence - £500
Photographer - £750
Favours - £40

Total - £12,750 ($26k US in July 0

No of guests - 120

Since the average in the UK is £22k and I live in one of THE most expensive areas I was pretty happy with the total.

Ceremony started at 3.30pm, Champagne & cream tea from 4.00pm to 6.00pm, Reception from 6.15pm to 8.30pm, Dancing from 8.30pm to Midnight with cake and dessert wine at 10pm.

I paid for the music, the officiant, the licences, about half the flowers, half the stationery, the favours, the bridesmaid''s dress fabrics and the cake.

My parents paid for the rest. They''ve had a savings account for weddings (3 daughters) since the day I was born...

Not included in the above list are DH''s morning suit, my veil, wedding party gifts, our rings or the honeymoon - all of which probably came to another £8k, and were paid for by DH and I.

We had a 19 month engagement so I spread the cost of a lot of things by buying bits and pieces as I went along. DH''s morning suit was around $2k - but was an investment as he will get plenty of wear out of it and it should last a very long time as they don''t date (my father wore the same morning suit that he wore to get married in and that his father had also worn to get married in before him).

DIY saved me a huge amount of money - but it was a heck of a lot of work and I wouldn''t recommend it unless you are pretty confident about what you are doing.

Was it all worth it? Definitely - we had an amazing day and it was worth every penny.