what would you all say if i told you...

[SailorsSweet<3]

if congratulations are in order.. congratulations! let us know what happened

 

[Pandora II]

Fantastic! I thought this might happen.

As you know my DH had very similar sentiments and is now the happiest of husbands.

It''s a very different situation to being someone who doesn''t want to marry you, or doesn''t want to marry yet or who doesn''t know if they want to get married.

I hope you''ll both be as happy as we are!

 

[NewEnglandLady]

First and foremost, a big congratulations to you both! It sounds like his decision is from the heart and I am happy for you both.

I realize I''m just a random woman on the internet but please continue to have these conversations about his change. I know the first time D proposed it was because he really wanted to just jump into marriage with both feet. He figured that if he just embraced it, the fear would subside. And it worked pretty well for about a week--he was excited to buy the ring and was helping to plan the wedding. I slowly saw the fear take over the excitment, though, and I realized that he was doing two things by proposing: 1. He was trying to want marriage as much as I did and 2. He was trying to give me what he knew I wanted.

As Ds therapist would say, a man with legitimate fears of commitment (marriage) can''t take the "rip the band aid off" approach to marriage--this is what he said D did when he proposed. It is possible for men with cold feet, though (whch is different). It''s not uncommon for a man with cold feet to analyze the relationship for a long period of time before making a decision.

Only you know how sincere he is and it does sound like you''ve really made an effort to get to know the REASON behind the changes so that he can give you more than "I just decided to go for it!" So long as you are both happy, then everybody should be happy for you!!

I am certainly happy for you and wish you both the best!!

 

[tberube]

I say if it''s everything you wanted, then it''s great! Congrats!

 

[PrincessDijon]

Congrats Radiant!

I did something similar to you with my first marriage. I basically planned it in 48 hours....I told my mom and originally she was cool with it (but a bit shocked) a few hours later she went nusto on me and threatened me that if I got married to my (now ex) husband that she would basically disown me....ect ect....

Long story short she never showed up to the small ceremony and all I had there were his immediate family and friends and my side of the chapel was completely empty....I look back on those pics and I was in tears (trying to hold them back) and looked so distrought...That is never how a bride should look on her wedding day, regardless of the size, planning or cost...I was heartbroken...so heartbroken I didn''t have a chance to take all of the positive energy of marrying in....

After the wedding my mother and I didn''t speak for 2 months solid...at the time, she was the one who gave me my car and she took it away from me so basically I rode the bus for many many months after (until I bought my new car) and I was in counceling for almost a year and a half.....

To this day, my mom is in "I told you so" mode about me and the ex hubby divorcing and now that I am finally happy with a new BF and we have been talking about engagements and weddings (down the line) she freaks out on me everytime and says that I should be focusing on other things....Needless to sy I have permanently botched relations with my mother (who is my only surviving parent).

Also, my "sudden change of heart" to get married immediately was sort of driven by the "wrong reasons" but regardless, we tried to make it work....and it didn''t. He was in the military, going to be deployed to Iraq, ect. He also was one of those men who was not faithful and I knew it going in but I was insecure at the time and for my own selfish reasons wanted to get married....he did eventually too but we were only engaged 8 months at that point and were still in a LDR.

So just my 10 cents on how mine didn''t work out long (about 2 years) and how if you''re not on the same page all the way around, it can be a pretty emotionally damaging experience, especially if you are close to family members..

Sorry if I seem like a downer, I am not trying to be, I am just sharing my "eloping" story from my last marriage...although it is brief...

Regardless, best of luck to you and Mr. Radiantquest and much happiness for you on your special day!

 

[diamondringlover]

Congrats, hope everything works out for you

 

[SparklyLibra]

Date: 9/12/2008 12:28:29 PM
Author: radiantquest
thank you all! we are both very happy.

kittybean and all who agree- i respect that you feel this way and i knew that there would be some replies like yours. i am glad that you were honest and that is why i asked. and to answer some of your questions. we have already discussed the major issues that goes into marriage. ie children, religion, finances etc. i appreciate your concern and it makes me happy that you care enough to bring these things up. i know that you have your reservations about its suddeness and all, but trust me, before we said ''i do'' i made sure this is what he wanted. he said yes with a smile on his face and tear in his eye and that is what tells me that we made the right decision. i feel that you are all in a way my friends and vaue all your opinions even if they differ from mine. thank you

Well, I''m a little bit late but..... Congratulations and Best Wishes for your marriage.