What's your stance on piercing babies/young children's ears?

[Daisys and Diamonds]

when i was a kid most of my friends seemed to either have it done at 6 or about 12 (as a rite of passage) in the school holidays as we wernt allowed to wear earrings at school in those days
i got mine done about 22, i had a bad reaction to not understanding how to clean them -i was cleaning them but just dabbing the stuff on, i didnt get good instructions
they had to come out
i got them done again about a year latter
i wish i had came from a culture where babies had it done

 

[yssie]

Ehhh. Awful lot of judgy mcjudgeroo happening in this thread. It’s not like a five or ten year old has any more capacity to give fully informed consent about permanent body modification than an infant The five or ten year old can want pierced ears… Can also want eyebrow piercings… Or a facial tattoo… Or a forked tongue… I doubt most parents who will okay ear piercings on a pre-teen would okay all of those too! But earlobes are fine because ear piercings are… Traditional… In their cultures

Yeah, any daughters I have will be pierced at one year old. Tradition. And also lets mum take good care of the piercings so they heal up without any funny business.

 

[newtojewels]

My mother never pierced her ears and wouldn't let me pierce mine, so I also pierced my own when I was around 15 (using the cliche ice, sewing needle cleaned with alcohol, apple strategy). Unfortunately I didn't get the first one into the right spot, so I let them close up and then had them repierced by a tattoo shop when I was 18. Luckily they never got infected and I only have a small scar on that ear. I've since gotten 7 more ear piercings at Association of Professional Piercers (APP) shops over the next 15 years. Most of those shops won't pierce people until they are 10-16 years old for earlobes and 14-18 for other ear piercings. But they are generally very sterile, teach good aftercare techniques, and use hypoallergenic jewelry. I think that people should be able to give informed consent before having piercings done (and be old enough that their ears have settled) and should go to professionals whose job is just to do piercings. Depending on the child, it seems that the 10-14 age range is about right, for someone who has shown lasting interest in it and can/will follow appropriate aftercare.

Edit: but I also don't want to stop someone from doing something different! Just because *I* think that is what's right doesn't make it the only thing that's right. One advantage to infancy is that the parents can manage aftercare, which seems like it would lead to better healing than letting a relatively immature (in age or personality!) kid be responsible for it themselves. And we all know that piercings can act up despite doing everything right.

 

[seaurchin]

...

Ehhh. Awful lot of judgy mcjudgeroo happening in this thread. It’s not like a five or ten year old has any more capacity to give fully informed consent about permanent body modification than an infant The five or ten year old can want pierced ears… Can also want eyebrow piercings… Or a facial tattoo… Or a forked tongue…

Yeah, any daughters I have will be pierced at one year old.

I agree. I think the all-too-common nasty, judgy "mothers need to do things this way or that way, or else they're [Fill in the blank with a character slur] thing is just built-in misogyny. We're better off when it's recognized and stopped.

 

[Lookinagain]

My mother never pierced her ears and wouldn't let me pierce mine, so I also pierced my own when I was around 15 (using the cliche ice, sewing needle cleaned with alcohol, apple strategy). Unfortunately I didn't get the first one into the right spot, so I let them close up and then had them repierced by a tattoo shop when I was 18. Luckily they never got infected and I only have a small scar on that ear. I've since gotten 7 more ear piercings at Association of Professional Piercers (APP) shops over the next 15 years. Most of those shops won't pierce people until they are 10-16 years old for earlobes and 14-18 for other ear piercings. But they are generally very sterile, teach good aftercare techniques, and use hypoallergenic jewelry. I think that people should be able to give informed consent before having piercings done (and be old enough that their ears have settled) and should go to professionals whose job is just to do piercings. Depending on the child, it seems that the 10-14 age range is about right, for someone who has shown lasting interest in it and can/will follow appropriate aftercare.

Edit: but I also don't want to stop someone from doing something different! Just because *I* think that is what's right doesn't make it the only thing that's right. One advantage to infancy is that the parents can manage aftercare, which seems like it would lead to better healing than letting a relatively immature (in age or personality!) kid be responsible for it themselves. And we all know that piercings can act up despite doing everything right.

I agree with this to a certain extent, but I think pierced ears are somewhat different than other body piercings. Pierced ears are extremely common among many ages and cultures. Other body piercings, may, or may not be. I wouldn't pierce my child's nose at a very young age. Some cultures might, but mine does not. I think this has to play into the decision.

 

[newtojewels]

I agree with this to a certain extent, but I think pierced ears are somewhat different than other body piercings. Pierced ears are extremely common among many ages and cultures. Other body piercings, may, or may not be. I wouldn't pierce my child's nose at a very young age. Some cultures might, but mine does not. I think this has to play into the decision.

Yes, you're totally right! I'm coming from the American Caucasian background that already runs later than other cultures, plus have the extra context of my mother be so anti-piercing. I remember the idea first being appealing to me at about 12 years old, which also definitely influences my thinking on appropriate ages.

The good news about earlobe piercings (and even nose piercings!) is that the consequences and thus the stakes are usually pretty low in all directions. My consequence is a tiny scar, some people might have had to struggle through healing things later than they wanted to, but really it's nothing major in the vast majority of cases. Certainly this is not a decision that anyone should be judging parents over either way!

 

[YadaYadaYada]

I have boys, so ear piercing wasn’t anything we had to consider. However I wouldn’t have pierced our daughter’s ears.

Mine weren’t pierced until I was a teenager and then I had a terrible time with them and had to let them close. I also get grossed out by sticking earrings through a hole, so it would have never worked anyways.

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

Ehhh. Awful lot of judgy mcjudgeroo happening in this thread. It’s not like a five or ten year old has any more capacity to give fully informed consent about permanent body modification than an infant The five or ten year old can want pierced ears… Can also want eyebrow piercings… Or a facial tattoo… Or a forked tongue… I doubt most parents who will okay ear piercings on a pre-teen would okay all of those too! But earlobes are fine because ear piercings are… Traditional… In their cultures

Yeah, any daughters I have will be pierced at one year old. Tradition. And also lets mum take good care of the piercings so they heal up without any funny business.

what is this fork tongue you speak of ?
i hope its not a thing

 

[chere]

For anyone who is considering this, I strongly recommend a tattooing/piercing studio where licensed and trained people will perform the piercing. My ears were pierced by a friend/jeweler with ice cubes and a needle. It worked out fine although one of the paths isn't quite straight. I took my daughter to the mall (it was a long time ago) and she seemed fine - after almost a year, she had infection after infection. No lasting damage but it was tough. So have someone properly trained puncture your children!

I couldn’t agree more.

I suggested to my SIL to take her infant daughter to a professional tattoo/piercing studio when the subject came up. I told her they use an ear piercing needle that heals faster and not a gun. And to double check the piercings were even and the angle was parallel to the face.

The next day they came over to show us the diamond earrings they got their daughter at the mall. I died inside. It’s been over 6 months and my niece’s ears are still infected. Her piercings are uneven although my SIL swears they are even and a teenager working at the mall part time is “professional”.

Last week, with my SIL’s permission, I changed my niece’s earrings to higher quality sleepers. It was awful. My MIL had to hold my niece to her chest; one arm around her arms and the other hand keeping her head pressed to the shoulder. My 15 month niece screamed like a banshee and tried to break free as I changed her earrings.

I’m really sad. I could see a (traumatic) core memory forming in my niece. She gave me stink eye the rest of the day and wouldn’t come near me. She gave me the cold shoulder when she saw me today. I hope her ear infection goes away.

 

[Bron357]

It’s a cultural thing and I respect that.
I didn’t have my ears pierced until I was 18, with my daughter I waited until she was 8.
The issue with small children having piercings in my opinion is the risk of infection or damage to the ear lobe. At 17 a friend accidentally caught my earring and caused a nasty tear. It took ages for it to heal, so that would be my concern.

 

[seaurchin]

I couldn’t agree more.

I suggested to my SIL to take her infant daughter to a professional tattoo/piercing studio when the subject came up. I told her they use an ear piercing needle that heals faster and not a gun. And to double check the piercings were even and the angle was parallel to the face.

The next day they came over to show us the diamond earrings they got their daughter at the mall. I died inside. It’s been over 6 months and my niece’s ears are still infected. Her piercings are uneven although my SIL swears they are even and a teenager working at the mall part time is “professional”.

Last week, with my SIL’s permission, I changed my niece’s earrings to higher quality sleepers. It was awful. My MIL had to hold my niece to her chest; one arm around her arms and the other hand keeping her head pressed to the shoulder. My 15 month niece screamed like a banshee and tried to break free as I changed her earrings.

I’m really sad. I could see a (traumatic) core memory forming in my niece. She gave me stink eye the rest of the day and wouldn’t come near me. She gave me the cold shoulder when she saw me today. I hope her ear infection goes away.

Yikes!

I’m surprised about all the infections mentioned in this thread. Mine were home done in three places and no infections at all. I didn’t realize it was a common problem.

Do you all think it’s from improper after care or using an earring metal besides 14k gold or from a piercing gun instead of a sterile needle? Or just luck? Or maybe it’s not so common over all?

 

[pearlsngems]

I kept mine scrupulously clean, as did my daughter. They just healed very slowly.

Besides infection, there is another risk. Some people are prone to keloid scarring (overgrowth of scar tissue, sometimes severe). A friend of mine could not pierce her ears because she knew she prone to keloid.

 

[Avondale]

what is this fork tongue you speak of ?
i hope its not a thing

It is.

It's a body modification of the tongue which makes it resemble the forked tongue reptiles have.

I'm hiding the picture behind a spoiler tag so that you (or anyone else) don't have to see it if you don't want to.

Spoiler: picture

 

[GliderPoss]

I wouldn't do it personally, nor was I allowed to until I was 15 from memory. My mum thought it "tacky" so forbid it. Each to their own... *shrug*

 

[newtojewels]

Yikes!

I’m surprised about all the infections mentioned in this thread. Mine were home done in three places and no infections at all. I didn’t realize it was a common problem.

Do you all think it’s from improper after care or using an earring metal besides 14k gold or from a piercing gun instead of a sterile needle? Or just luck? Or maybe it’s not so common over all?

I mentioned having 9 ear piercings, so I feel somewhat experienced to answer! A lot of people think they have infections but really have an irritated piercing from an inappropriate metal, cheap jewelry that isn't smooth, picking at the piercing, not keeping it clean, whacking it, etc. A healing piercing can have white/clear/slightly yellow discharge and be swollen and still not be infected. I got a cartilage piercing that is close to mask ear loops so definitely had it very grumpy at times, but it was never infected. My SO looked at it and thought it was, but a doctor friend who has several piercings said it was not - so it's very easy for an uninformed person to miss that distinction. It cleared right up in a couple of days with being more careful in wearing masks and using sterile saline wound wash. No antibiotics necessary!

Earlobes are basically the easiest piercing to heal, so most people never have issues even if they don't do everything 'right'. Obviously people have been getting piercings for thousands of years without sterile wound wash and carefully machined implant grade titanium or gold. But due to luck, some people are more sensitive to cheap metals or whatever than others and those are the stories we hear about. And of course, some people really do get infections!

 

[Tonks]

Mine were pierced when I was very young (six-ish), and that is what I did with my daughter.

I actually regret not waiting to pierce hers until she was older, because at that point I would have known enough to take her to a tattoo shop where they pierce with a needle instead of a piercing gun. Piercing guns are awful and she has had no end of trouble with her piercings. Needle piercings are far better.

Also, for those who do not know this—if you have a child who gets braces. The arch wires in traditional braces are 95% nickel. This gave my daughter a nickel sensitivity and made wearing any sort of cheap fashion earrings impossible. We opted for invisalign for her second round of braces.

 

[AllAboardTheBlingTrain]

I pierced my own ears with a special hoop earring that had a point on one end and a hole at the other. Every day you were supposed to press on it so the tension would slowly make its way through to the other side. I think I was around 8 or 9 years old. I saved my allowance to buy the earrings. I can’t believe I got them perfectly centered at that age!
I am Italian..I grew up in an era where it was very common to get your baby’s ears pierced. My father didn’t want mine pierced..so I didn’t get them done. All my friends had them done already so I did it myself..lol

Holy crap, you did it yourself? That's crazy! I'm impressed but also mildly terrified. There's no way I could've stabbed my ear myself, haha.

 

[AllAboardTheBlingTrain]

My mother never pierced her ears and wouldn't let me pierce mine, so I also pierced my own when I was around 15 (using the cliche ice, sewing needle cleaned with alcohol, apple strategy). Unfortunately I didn't get the first one into the right spot, so I let them close up and then had them repierced by a tattoo shop when I was 18. Luckily they never got infected and I only have a small scar on that ear. I've since gotten 7 more ear piercings at Association of Professional Piercers (APP) shops over the next 15 years. Most of those shops won't pierce people until they are 10-16 years old for earlobes and 14-18 for other ear piercings. But they are generally very sterile, teach good aftercare techniques, and use hypoallergenic jewelry. I think that people should be able to give informed consent before having piercings done (and be old enough that their ears have settled) and should go to professionals whose job is just to do piercings. Depending on the child, it seems that the 10-14 age range is about right, for someone who has shown lasting interest in it and can/will follow appropriate aftercare.

Edit: but I also don't want to stop someone from doing something different! Just because *I* think that is what's right doesn't make it the only thing that's right. One advantage to infancy is that the parents can manage aftercare, which seems like it would lead to better healing than letting a relatively immature (in age or personality!) kid be responsible for it themselves. And we all know that piercings can act up despite doing everything right.

That's interesting that the APP won't pierce kids younger than 10. I think I come at this from a different cultural background, but here I would say its pretty standard to go to a doctor to do it to your infant child. Going to a piercing parlour is actually pretty frowned upon, I'd say.

 

[Ally T]

On the opposite end of the spectrum, my mother had hers pierced for the first time for her 70th birthday

 

[MamaBee]

On the opposite end of the spectrum, my mother had hers pierced for the first time for her 70th birthday

That’s so great! Has she picked out special earrings to wear?

 

[newtojewels]

That's interesting that the APP won't pierce kids younger than 10. I think I come at this from a different cultural background, but here I would say its pretty standard to go to a doctor to do it to your infant child. Going to a piercing parlour is actually pretty frowned upon, I'd say.

This is not an APP-specific rule, it's shop and piercer dependent. That's just the age range vibe I got from when was reading the FAQ at various places (edit: over the years, from memory). I just specifically looked up the two APP shops in my area: one of them will do earlobes starting at age 5, depending on the child; the other says 14 and up, though they don't have a separate section for earlobes and might do those younger.

On the opposite end of the spectrum, my mother had hers pierced for the first time for her 70th birthday

Love that! How did they heal, and does she like the whole new world of jewelry?

 

[Ally T]

That’s so great! Has she picked out special earrings to wear?

She treated herself to diamond studs (bigger than mine at .90ct each) & she also has some pearl studs that she inherited from Flashy Great Aunty Amy. It was the pearls that prompted her to get them pierced, as she really wanted to wear them!

 

[Ally T]

This is not an APP-specific rule, it's shop and piercer dependent. That's just the age range vibe I got from when was reading the FAQ at various places (edit: over the years, from memory). I just specifically looked up the two APP shops in my area: one of them will do earlobes starting at age 5, depending on the child; the other says 14 and up, though they don't have a separate section for earlobes and might do those younger.



Love that! How did they heal, and does she like the whole new world of jewelry?

Healed absolutely no problem & she puts in her earrings every single day

 

[Petalouda]

I’m of southern Mediterranean culture. Not sure there are rules or common practices I’ve seen. My daughter is 4 and I’m waiting for her consent before I pierce her ears. Similar to Ally’s mother, my MIL didn’t have her ears pierced until her 60s! Hers were very slow to heal but I believe it’s because she’s a diabetic.

 

[Asscherhalo_lover]

Mine were done when I was a baby (I'm Northern European descent) and I wish they hadn't been. My Mom said the first one was easy and then I fought the second, it's WAY off from the first one since I turned my head so much. Later on when I decided I wanted more it wasn't an issue. If I had had a daughter I would have waited until she wanted it. That's the option I've given my sons, so far they don't want to.

I have the same feelings regarding circumcision. We did circumcise our first, but since then we learned more and did not have it done for our second.

 

[purplesilk]

Ehhh. Awful lot of judgy mcjudgeroo happening in this thread. It’s not like a five or ten year old has any more capacity to give fully informed consent about permanent body modification than an infant The five or ten year old can want pierced ears… Can also want eyebrow piercings… Or a facial tattoo… Or a forked tongue… I doubt most parents who will okay ear piercings on a pre-teen would okay all of those too! But earlobes are fine because ear piercings are… Traditional… In their cultures

Yeah, any daughters I have will be pierced at one year old. Tradition. And also lets mum take good care of the piercings so they heal up without any funny business.

1) No one is judging no one; we're just sharing our opinions based on our experience which means telling facts+associated feelings.
As humans (well, as animals) we tend to give advice based on our experience.
2) Children at 5 or 6 y.o. are opinionated and making their own choices is a way to perceive themselves as individuals.
3) What is acceptable and what is not acceptable is obviously influenced by cultural background.
As a mom, I tend to lead my child towards cultural accepted choices because I don't want him to be emarginated.
Ear piercing is almost worldwide culturally accepted; facial tattoos or fork tongue do not belong to my culture and I 'm sure my child would be socially emarginated if he had these procedures. When he's an adult, he can do whatever he wants and bear the consequences of his choices.

 

[purplesilk]

...


I agree. I think the all-too-common nasty, judgy "mothers need to do things this way or that way, or else they're [Fill in the blank with a character slur] thing is just built-in misogyny. We're better off when it's recognized and stopped.

No misogyny.
It's a real fact that my mom and my grandmom took me to the jeweller 's in order to get my ears pierced.
It's a real fact that almost of other PSers were taken by female family members/friends to get their ear piercing.

 

[Betty Baguette]

If I had kids I don't think they'd like me because I'd make them wait until they were at least age 18 for any body modifications. Oh, and age 18 for driving, too.

 

[RMOO]

I wanted my ears pierced in my teens, but my mother forbid it until age 18 (Why?, Got no idea, my parents have some pretty kooky ideas about women and how they look ) I felt this was ridiculous. I now have three piercings in each ear. I allowed my my daughters to get them at age eight if they wanted them. I felt this was old enough that they would understand a little better how to keep them clean and take care of their earrings.

Edited to add, that both of my sons got a piercing (one in his eyebrow, the other in one ear.) Neither took care of them well enough, and they got infected often. To my relief, they have both removed them, and the holes have healed over.

 

[jaysonsmom]

I'm Asian American, and I got my baby's ears pierced at 4 months. It was literally 10 seconds of crying, stuck a bottle in her mouth and it was over. Easy to care for an infant, because they are not yet crawling around getting dirty at that age, all the care was done by dh and I, and my kiddo still has the original piercings plus a few more now that they're 19!

I had my first piercings done for my 10th birthday after months of begging, I was in South Africa at the time, and most of my Caucasian South African classmates had their ears pierced in elementary school. I secretly got my second and third piercings around 13, and wore nude colored band-aids and had my hair down hiding it from my parents for months. They ended up getting infected and I got them re-pierced at 18.

To each their own, but I never regretted getting my baby's ears pierced at 4 months, and neither does my kid.