When people twist your words

[elle_chris]

Date: 2/16/2010 3:47:47 PM
Author: Hudson_Hawk

Date: 2/16/2010 3:36:02 PM
Author: elle_chris

I don''t know about twisted, but I have seen posts taken waaay out of context. Like to a whole new level.

I''ll never forget the one lady who posted about how she hates her e-ring. Next thing I see is how she really has issues with her husband. Not once did she mention anything bad about him or their relationship, and yet- pages and pages of how she has marital problems.

Don''t believe she ever posted again.

I think ''we'' as in the collective PS group, like to psychoanalyze people a lot. Yes, it''s unfair, but we''re only given so much information in a post and so it''s natural to look for additional information that might have been left out on purpose. It''s just as easy to post an idealized view of a situation in an effort to garner responses that validate your feelings as it is to read between the lines and take things out of context.

I don''t disagree, but do think it''s unfair. I also think reading too much between the lines creates a situation that doesn''t usually exist. I just stay out of those threads

 

[VRBeauty]

Date: 2/16/2010 2:42:58 PM
Author:kenny

If a person will twist your words, any untwisting you attempt will just energize them to twist harder.
Some people just see conversations as a sport with a winner and a looser.

Also, it doesn''t take long to learn who the word-twisters are.

Yup.

Some people just delight in the fight.

 

[elrohwen]

Date: 2/16/2010 3:41:09 PM
Author: kenny
About fact vs. opinion...
My opinion (hahah) is that many of us consider lots of stuff to be fact when it is actually our opinion or agreements.

Agreements is a fascinating subject to me.

We agreed the world was flat till we agreed it was round, till we agreed it bulges in the middle, then we agreed that the moon causes tides to change that bulge, then we found out all planets being aligned could change that bulge a little more.
Yet every step of the way we did not consider it to be agreements.
We considered it to be fact.
We were sure.

We feel we know things, but what we base knowledge on is ever-progressing.
Perhaps it would be better to stay only 99.9% sure of what we 'know' today.

I think it's valid for "facts" to change with new research. There's nothing wrong with continuing to research.

However, to have an opinion totally opposite of current research with nothing to back it up isn't a valid opinion, it's just a belief not based in fact. Now if you're going to run out and do some research to prove your belief, more power to you, but I don't this the vast majority of people are in that position.

I can say that I think the world is flat and you would argue 101 reasons why it is actually round. I would be ridiculous to continue thinking the world is flat after seeing the overwhelming information showing that it is round. In that case, my opinion wouldn't be valid, it would be wrong according to all logic and research.

 

[jewelz617]

Sometimes it''s not so much twisting words as genuinely not understanding what point the person is trying to make. It''s very easy to misread people online. If you''re talking to someone in real life you can pick up clues from their body language, tone of voice, facial expressions. Online a lot is left to the imagination and can result in skewed perceptions of what people are actually saying. Is it any wonder that you encounter this more online as opposed to IRL?

 

[purrfectpear]

Date: 2/16/2010 3:10:34 PM
Author: MonkeyPie
I find that only the people that are too sensitive to handle the twisting get offended when it happens, and start shouting, ''You''re twisting my words, that isn''t what I said!''...when in fact, that IS what they said lol.

Preach it. Some people just don''t like being called out on their very own words

I''m of the opinion that if you said it, you should be willing to own it, and live with the consequences.

 

[IloveAsschers13]

Date: 2/16/2010 3:56:54 PM
Author: VRBeauty

Date: 2/16/2010 2:42:58 PM

Author:kenny


If a person will twist your words, any untwisting you attempt will just energize them to twist harder.

Some people just see conversations as a sport with a winner and a looser.


Also, it doesn''t take long to learn who the word-twisters are.

Yup.


Some people just delight in the fight.

Yes, some do, but isn''t it soooooo fun to read sometimes?

 

[dragonfly411]

I''d be worried if we all viewed and read things the same way, if we all thought the same way... how boring would life be.

 

[katamari]

Date: 2/16/2010 4:08:29 PM
Author: elrohwen

Date: 2/16/2010 3:41:09 PM

Author: kenny

About fact vs. opinion...

My opinion (hahah) is that many of us consider lots of stuff to be fact when it is actually our opinion or agreements.


Agreements is a fascinating subject to me.


We agreed the world was flat till we agreed it was round, till we agreed it bulges in the middle, then we agreed that the moon causes tides to change that bulge, then we found out all planets being aligned could change that bulge a little more.

Yet every step of the way we did not consider it to be agreements.

We considered it to be fact.

We were sure.


We feel we know things, but what we base knowledge on is ever-progressing.

Perhaps it would be better to stay only 99.9% sure of what we ''know'' today.

I think it''s valid for ''facts'' to change with new research. There''s nothing wrong with continuing to research.


However, to have an opinion totally opposite of current research with nothing to back it up isn''t a valid opinion, it''s just a belief not based in fact. Now if you''re going to run out and do some research to prove your belief, more power to you, but I don''t this the vast majority of people are in that position.


I can say that I think the world is flat and you would argue 101 reasons why it is actually round. I would be ridiculous to continue thinking the world is flat after seeing the overwhelming information showing that it is round. In that case, my opinion wouldn''t be valid, it would be wrong according to all logic and research.

I wholly agree and can often be found discussing this very same topic with students. Facts can be interpreted/explained in many different ways. Here is where there is room for opinion. There is room for very meaningful conversations with people who interpret facts differently. It is not possible, though, to have opinion on the fact themselves. Here, one is only free to critique the method used to establish that fact or test the fact against different data. Our media a terrible proponent of this, often constructing everything as it is worthy of opinion and needs to be understood in terms of two, opposing opinions.

Regarding word twists, I don''t mind if someone twists my words. If I feel they have done it in an interesting way or really want to push the topic further, I will continue talking/posting with them. If they are just doing to push buttons, though, I usually ignore it.

I also agree with elrohwen and PinkAsscher that a lot gets lost in translation online because of the medium of conversation. To make sense of some posters (mostly newer ones), I sometimes have to make assumptions but I do my best to try to ask for clarity and think other PSers are normally good about this, too.

 

[joelly]

Date: 2/16/2010 5:21:10 PM
Author: dragonfly411
I''d be worried if we all viewed and read things the same way, if we all thought the same way... how boring would life be.

Ditto!!

 

[Cehrabehra]

I know exactly what you mean. I haven''t had any of that here in the past year but I have been on other boards where dialog was most indeed sport and people ganged up in teams to do the twist. I easily fall for it. I hate to be misunderstood - it is a basic personality trait of mine - and I hate to be disliked. So the more people go the more I struggle to get myself out of the hole THEY are digging for me. You are a smart and wise man to have the strength to let it lie. I want to be more like you when I grow up

 

[Cehrabehra]

Date: 2/16/2010 2:59:23 PM
Author: Hudson_Hawk

I agree with this, but not necessarily directed at Kenny. I think sometimes the way we phrase our words can naturally put people on the defensive and then they''re more likely to read into what you''re saying, trying to find an invisible jab or dig. However I also think sometimes the original writer is just plain sensitive and reads into what other people are saying in their responses to the original statement.

I agree with this too - but not directed at anyone other than myself. I know sometimes I get things twisted up when I write them so it''s really EASY for someone to take it further. Remember when I was having my ring made? Good lord I am good at not explaining myself AND taking a lot of words to do it. From there the readers are sometimes guilty of assuming the worst and the writer can often be very defensive in response. From there it is a vicious cycle.

Overall, I think Kenny has a good plan to let the comments drop. I should work on that right after I work on my written verbosity lol

 

[kenny]

Date: 2/16/2010 7:55:24 PM
Author: Cehrabehra
I know exactly what you mean. I haven't had any of that here in the past year but I have been on other boards where dialog was most indeed sport and people ganged up in teams to do the twist. I easily fall for it. I hate to be misunderstood - it is a basic personality trait of mine - and I hate to be disliked. So the more people go the more I struggle to get myself out of the hole THEY are digging for me. You are a smart and wise man to have the strength to let it lie. I want to be more like you when I grow up

Like I said, readers with brains see through the twisting.
And who gives a hoot about the ones who can't anyway?

I want to be more like me when I grow up too.
This thread is more about describing a goal than about my achievement of it.

 

[elrohwen]

Date: 2/16/2010 7:55:24 PM
Author: Cehrabehra
I know exactly what you mean. I haven''t had any of that here in the past year but I have been on other boards where dialog was most indeed sport and people ganged up in teams to do the twist. I easily fall for it. I hate to be misunderstood - it is a basic personality trait of mine - and I hate to be disliked. So the more people go the more I struggle to get myself out of the hole THEY are digging for me. You are a smart and wise man to have the strength to let it lie. I want to be more like you when I grow up

I think we all want to be more like Kenny when we grow up. I know I do

 

[kenny]

Oh man, don''t say that.
There is nothing like praise to get people to despise you.
Talk about what a butthead I am, then everyone will feel sorry for me and love me.

 

[elrohwen]

Ok, Kenny. You''re a butthead.

But you have a really nice asscher

 

[Cehrabehra]

Date: 2/16/2010 8:13:17 PM
Author: kenny

Date: 2/16/2010 7:55:24 PM

Author: Cehrabehra

I know exactly what you mean. I haven''t had any of that here in the past year but I have been on other boards where dialog was most indeed sport and people ganged up in teams to do the twist. I easily fall for it. I hate to be misunderstood - it is a basic personality trait of mine - and I hate to be disliked. So the more people go the more I struggle to get myself out of the hole THEY are digging for me. You are a smart and wise man to have the strength to let it lie. I want to be more like you when I grow up

Like I said, readers with brains see through the twisting.

And who gives a hoot about the ones who can''t anyway?

I want to be more like me when I grow up too.

This thread is more about describing a goal than about my achievement of it.

Ahhh - well I am really glad you articulated it in such a way because I hadn''t looked at it quite like this and I might actually find it useful lol

And people who complain about their words being twisted are NOT always guilty of wanting to rewrite history or change their mind mid-stream about what they said. Sometimes people just have a tough time expressing themselves and sometimes other people have a hard time understanding what is said - this is all normal and natural - and SOMEtimes people delight in nailing others to the wall and are experts at doing it in what looks to be an innocent way.

 

[Cehrabehra]

Date: 2/16/2010 8:17:59 PM
Author: kenny
Oh man, don''t say that.

There is nothing like praise to get people to despise you.

Talk about what a butthead I am, then everyone will feel sorry for me and love me.

Baaaa - some people see a hurt little lamb and want to hug it and squeeze it and love it and make it feel better.
Other people see a hurt little lamb and want to roast it and eat it for lunch.

 

[Kaleigh]

If people twist my words, it doesn''t bother me. I know what my intent was... But do crack up at threads that get soooo far off track. I will read something and be like how did you get THAT from this??

It''s all very interesting.

 

[joflier]

Date: 2/16/2010 5:21:10 PM
Author: dragonfly411
I''d be worried if we all viewed and read things the same way, if we all thought the same way... how boring would life be.

True. And there''d be absolutely no point in having forums if that were the case.

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

Date: 2/16/2010 8:28:44 PM
Author: Cehrabehra

Date: 2/16/2010 8:17:59 PM

Author: kenny

Oh man, don''t say that.


There is nothing like praise to get people to despise you.


Talk about what a butthead I am, then everyone will feel sorry for me and love me.

Baaaa - some people see a hurt little lamb and want to hug it and squeeze it and love it and make it feel better.

Other people see a hurt little lamb and want to roast it and eat it for lunch.

This made me really hungry....and I like little lambies!

 

[kenny]

Date: 2/16/2010 8:34:50 PM
Author: Hudson_Hawk

Date: 2/16/2010 8:28:44 PM
Author: Cehrabehra

Date: 2/16/2010 8:17:59 PM
Author: kenny
Oh man, don't say that.
There is nothing like praise to get people to despise you.
Talk about what a butthead I am, then everyone will feel sorry for me and love me.

Baaaa - some people see a hurt little lamb and want to hug it and squeeze it and love it and make it feel better.
Other people see a hurt little lamb and want to roast it and eat it for lunch.

This made me really hungry....and I like little lambies!

... especially if it has burnt crispy fat and is served with garlic mashed potatoes, apple sauce and a big cabernet sauvignon.

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

Date: 2/16/2010 8:38:58 PM
Author: kenny

Date: 2/16/2010 8:34:50 PM

Author: Hudson_Hawk

Date: 2/16/2010 8:28:44 PM

Author: Cehrabehra

Date: 2/16/2010 8:17:59 PM

Author: kenny

Oh man, don''t say that.

There is nothing like praise to get people to despise you.

Talk about what a butthead I am, then everyone will feel sorry for me and love me.

Baaaa - some people see a hurt little lamb and want to hug it and squeeze it and love it and make it feel better.

Other people see a hurt little lamb and want to roast it and eat it for lunch.

This made me really hungry....and I like little lambies!

... especially if it has burnt crispy fat and is served with garlic mashed potatoes, apple sauce and a big cabernet sauvignon.

Brother, you speak my language!

 

[dragonfly411]

YUM

 

[Arkteia]

I always had a problem with people misunderstanding me - irregardless of the language I am speaking at the moment. Unless I "rehearse" my presentation. I also tend to get sidetracked.

Re. this forum - it is a forum of passionate people. We are passionate about gems. It is interesting to visit "Hangout" because you see that PS-ers are passionate about other things, too. This may lead to misunderstanding and heated discussions. IRL I am polite and hate confrontations so hearing strong words upsets me. I am always trying to "resolve" conflicts but sometimes it doesn''t work.

Online communication may be dangerous; when people do not see each other they get carried away. In some postings I would encounter words like "rude" or something along the same lines. I highly doubt people would use the same words in private conversations.

I also suspect that our jobs may be quite stressful and it could potentially "spill over" forum communications.

This is the first forum I ever visited. The posting made by the girl from France (I am afraid of misspelling her screen name - I think it is stci, I am sorry if I spelled it wrong) moved me to tears. She was thanking PS-ers for being nice to her. She is a foreigner, can not find a gem forum for Francophones and says that people at other forums were either calling her "rude" or saying that her communication skills were poor. She felt PS-ers were very welcoming.

After I read it I lost any interest in other forums. God only knows what happens there.

 

[Cehrabehra]

Date: 2/16/2010 8:42:11 PM
Author: Hudson_Hawk

Date: 2/16/2010 8:38:58 PM

Author: kenny

Date: 2/16/2010 8:34:50 PM


Author: Hudson_Hawk

Date: 2/16/2010 8:28:44 PM


Author: Cehrabehra

Date: 2/16/2010 8:17:59 PM


Author: kenny


Oh man, don''t say that.


There is nothing like praise to get people to despise you.


Talk about what a butthead I am, then everyone will feel sorry for me and love me.

Baaaa - some people see a hurt little lamb and want to hug it and squeeze it and love it and make it feel better.


Other people see a hurt little lamb and want to roast it and eat it for lunch.

This made me really hungry....and I like little lambies!

... especially if it has burnt crispy fat and is served with garlic mashed potatoes, apple sauce and a big cabernet sauvignon.

Brother, you speak my language!

Date: 2/16/2010 8:42:11 PM
Author: Hudson_Hawk

Date: 2/16/2010 8:38:58 PM

Author: kenny

Date: 2/16/2010 8:34:50 PM


Author: Hudson_Hawk

Date: 2/16/2010 8:28:44 PM


Author: Cehrabehra

Date: 2/16/2010 8:17:59 PM


Author: kenny


Oh man, don''t say that.


There is nothing like praise to get people to despise you.


Talk about what a butthead I am, then everyone will feel sorry for me and love me.

Baaaa - some people see a hurt little lamb and want to hug it and squeeze it and love it and make it feel better.


Other people see a hurt little lamb and want to roast it and eat it for lunch.

This made me really hungry....and I like little lambies!

... especially if it has burnt crispy fat and is served with garlic mashed potatoes, apple sauce and a big cabernet sauvignon.

Brother, you speak my language!

Table for 3! I want some asparagus too - gotta have some veg!

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

Crasu you''re right. We are a very passionate forum and I think there''s a risk sometimes with those of us who''ve been around for a few years and know each other''s internet personas well. We forget that what we''re saying, while understood and accepted by others who know us, could come across as rude it brisk to people who don''t know us. We forget that there are newer people here who aren''t as comfortable speaking their minds. I think one thing that PS''ers are great with is understanding that there are going to be spats and differences in opinion between posters, but we''re all still friends who care about each other and want to see everyone succeed and see their dreams come through.

 

[janinegirly]

Date: 2/16/2010 8:13:17 PM
Author: kenny

Date: 2/16/2010 7:55:24 PM

Author: Cehrabehra

I know exactly what you mean. I haven't had any of that here in the past year but I have been on other boards where dialog was most indeed sport and people ganged up in teams to do the twist. I easily fall for it. I hate to be misunderstood - it is a basic personality trait of mine - and I hate to be disliked. So the more people go the more I struggle to get myself out of the hole THEY are digging for me. You are a smart and wise man to have the strength to let it lie. I want to be more like you when I grow up

Like I said, readers with brains see through the twisting.

And who gives a hoot about the ones who can't anyway?

I want to be more like me when I grow up too.

This thread is more about describing a goal than about my achievement of it.

I still think the "readers with brains" comment is a bit unnecessary. Someone might disagree with you, or read into your "opinion" based on the words you wrote differently than you intended or someone might have deep seeded views that come out more heated than necessary. Or it could just be a big misunderstanding. Or maybe, just maybe...you (not you personally, but in general) just don't like what a person says about a comment you made.

 

[Nomsdeplume]

I haven''t posted that much but I have browsed through a lot of threads and I don''t see that much twisting going on. To be honest, all I observe sometimes is that someone posts something which might be offensive or insulting to another poster (but could also be rather harmless) and then it gets taken out of proportion because someone else is protective of their ideas/stones/loved ones (understandable). The next thing you know, insults are flying around and it becomes quite unpleasant.
We are all practically strangers. Why care so much about what a complete stranger thinks that you allow yourself to get that upset, and in some instances, lose your dignity? It''s just not worth it. If someone posts something which offends you, take a deep breath and tell yourself that they probably didn''t mean it that way, and if they really meant for it to insult you, it''s not worth stooping to their level anyway.

 

[arjunajane]

Date: 2/16/2010 3:36:02 PM
Author: elle_chris

I don't know about twisted, but I have seen posts taken waaay out of context. Like to a whole new level.

I'll never forget the one lady who posted about how she hates her e-ring. Next thing I see is how she really has issues with her husband. Not once did she mention anything bad about him or their relationship, and yet- pages and pages of how she has marital problems.

Don't believe she ever posted again.

elle, just a couple small corrections - mufiin top has actually been quite a prolific and enthusiastic poster in a number of forums since that initial thread.
And I do not like to nit-pick, but if you go back and read the first post there is a reasonable number of references to complaints / points of contention in the relationship.
I don't believe any reading between the lines was required in that situation, imho.

Okay, that is all I want to say on the subject, as I don't wish to re-hash for mufiin's sake.

 

[arjunajane]

Date: 2/17/2010 7:09:22 AM
Author: kribbie
I haven''t posted that much but I have browsed through a lot of threads and I don''t see that much twisting going on. To be honest, all I observe sometimes is that someone posts something which might be offensive or insulting to another poster (but could also be rather harmless) and then it gets taken out of proportion because someone else is protective of their ideas/stones/loved ones (understandable). The next thing you know, insults are flying around and it becomes quite unpleasant.

We are all practically strangers. Why care so much about what a complete stranger thinks that you allow yourself to get that upset, and in some instances, lose your dignity? It''s just not worth it. If someone posts something which offends you, take a deep breath and tell yourself that they probably didn''t mean it that way, and if they really meant for it to insult you, it''s not worth stooping to their level anyway.

well said kribbie, ditto.

I do believe there have been posters, and may be currently, who deliberately try to stir the pot in any situation.
But their motivations quickly become transparent (and honestly quite boring), and unless you like to constantly argue with those types, you learn how to avoid them I suppose..


To be clear, I am certainly not referring to Kenny - I find your topics more than often fun and insightful.