Why are we doing this?

[GliderPoss]

This is a great thread! I agree it's important to "know thyself" and what is actually important to you rather than just a frenzy of indiscriminate gemstone buying. I've not bought anything for about a year now - decided to focus on setting what I had so I could wear it & enjoy it more. Last Christmas I did a deal with my jeweller - exchanged most of my gems for setting my moonstones into a ring & zircons into a necklace. Now I wear them daily! So my collection is really minimal right now, <5 gems left. I've focused on other passions of mine - perfume & makeup for a while. In fact I'm attempting minimalism by slowly whittling everything down to just the best quality items I really want / love.

 

[theredspinel]

I'm finding it difficult to go to 2 weeks without the need to buy a gem again... I don't think I've taken that feeling as seriously as I do now. Can't imagine not buying for a whole year... It sounds glorious to me!

When does this fun (and it is still so fun) passion turn into a problem? I used to think I could not buy whenever I wanted to but.... I don't think I wana kid myself anymore. I don't think I can actually stop, easily...

 

[ilovegemstones]

If that feeling is coming on then you have to treat it like any other addiction. It can easily become an addiction. We can help you! Do you have someone you can talk to like a therapist? I found it so easy to escape life as a new mother (and PPD) by getting lost in online shopping of gemstones, etc. It is hard! The feeling is not permanent and will pass. I had to cut myself off PS, Ebay and Etsy for a while and it really helped. You are not alone in this!

 

[arkieb1]

That was the point I was trying to make over the page, I wasn't blaming the people on here or indeed any vendors selling paraiba specifically, just that none of us should get carried away buying stones that may not be great quality unless they really make us happy, approach it with the aim of buying things you with either wear and really love, or things you want in your collection. I think it's easy to be carried away by trends if you have a compulsive personality or if you are depressed and you fill that gap with things, be it handbags, clothing, shoes, jewellery or gemstones. I know I have done this, and I have to recognise it and think it's time to stop or slow down and think about things more carefully.

I agree with the others I get just as much please from a Sunstone cab or a Moonstone cab as I do some of the more expensive stones I own. The price of paraiba and spinel has been so over the top lately it means that if you are going to outlay for a stone all I am saying is think about it, don't rush and select carefully.

 

[Lisa Loves Shiny]

I think if you feel like you can't stop yourself then it's time to step back and perhaps take a break from this forum. It is easy to get carried away with gemstones just like any hobby. I've taken a break more than once which has always been a good thing for me.

 

[GLbluegreen]

Interesting thread....are we all collectors by nature?

I've collected jewelry of sorts all of my life going through different phases including costume, silver, pearls, etc.. Right now its colored stones.

When I first started collecting colored stones, I did get carried away on some of the FB pages and have a bunch of stones that I bought because they were very cheap or rare that I regret...fortunately, nothing very expensive. I have since learned that I don't enjoy stones sitting in gem jars. Today I don't buy anything I don't think is worthy of setting.

While I sometimes dream of a killer piece especially when I see them here on PS, I like the variety of collecting too much to afford any high end pieces. I think about putting my money away for a bigger diamond or upgrading some of my pieces but I know that I would find it hard to justify spending that much on one piece unless I'd wear it every day -- even though my smaller pieces do add up. I tell myself that when if my life style changes where jewelry is not an accessory that I like to change up daily, I can trade in what I have for some larger pieces.

But do I go "meh" at what I've bought? Occasionally, but not often...and when I do, I just set it aside for awhile. I have been trying to sell/trade-in things I don't wear often. My downfall is that as I pull things out, I find myself falling in love with again.

Lilmosun..........In regard to this statement that you made , " I have been trying to sell/trade-in things I don't wear often." I am just curious..........have you successfully made any trades with any of the trusted PS vendor's or are you talking trading locally with others in your area ? I guess my real question is if any of the recognized PS vendors work with trades ?
Thanks for any response !

 

[lilmosun]

Lilmosun..........In regard to this statement that you made , " I have been trying to sell/trade-in things I don't wear often." I am just curious..........have you successfully made any trades with any of the trusted PS vendor's or are you talking trading locally with others in your area ? I guess my real question is if any of the recognized PS vendors work with trades ?
Thanks for any response !

Mostly my local jeweler, occasionally friends. My jeweler will pay cash for used pieces but sometimes I just use it for trade-in. I was recently surprised when I brought in some things I couldn't sell on LT or ebay and he gave me the same asking price. It just needs to be something he thinks he can sell. Keep in mind that LT is mostly savvy buyers looking for exceptional/rare pieces or steals.

I just re-read the OP's original post (and I assume concerns) about wanting things that are not affordable within one's budget. To conquer this, I keep a pretty firm range on what I will spend on one piece and seeing the rest is like looking at a Christie's catalog.
I have some things that I never imagined owning by compromising on size but not color (and in other cases, buying pre-loved or just plain luck of finding).

Otherwise, I figure that as long as I am not going into debt over it, not ruining any relationships over it and acting ethically --it's as acceptable as any other hobby. At some point, I will probably spend less on CS and move onto something else - its kind of my nature. At least this one vice doesn't take up a lot of space, is something I will always make use of even when I stop collecting and if I decide to scale down will have some monetary value. That's my justification and I am sticking with it

(Oh...and the first step to recovery is acknowledging a problem and wanting to fix it...guess I am not there yet )

 

[GLbluegreen]

Thanks Lilmosun. I am not fortunate enough to have found a trusted local jeweler that would be so accommodating. I have found out the hard way that some of the mediocre pieces that I bought and over payed for prior to being educated by PS was a waste of good money that could have gone towards a much better and more coveted piece now. And unfortunately it shows when trying to sell them on preloved buying sites.

 

[lilmosun]

Thanks Lilmosun. I am not fortunate enough to have found a trusted local jeweler that would be so accommodating. I have found out the hard way that some of the mediocre pieces that I bought and over payed for prior to being educated by PS was a waste of good money that could have gone towards a much better and more coveted piece now. And unfortunately it shows when trying to sell them on preloved buying sites.

If it helps, I think we've all been in that position (at least those of us who bought jewelry before PS and in my case, the internet). I don't look at it as a wasted if I got enjoyment from wearing...we paid what it was worth to us at the time, right? So I look at any loss as the cost of enjoyment. I did buy a lot of inexpensive learner stones in the beginning -- but I chalk those up as educating before I spent more.

When I price things, I don't look at what I spent so much as "what would I pay for this today if it was something I wanted". If it's worth more than that to me, I keep it. Sometimes I take a loss and sometimes I break even. I think we all do. I've learned not to waste time on LT unless it's a common item people might be looking for (like stack bands) or something an educated buyer would want. Otherwise it goes on ebay or to my jeweler. I've noticed that even great deals on PS quality things are sitting there lately (makes me wish I was just starting right now), so don't get discouraged.

 

[Barrett]

Collecting gems got so bad for me......
It all started out with a couple buddies pushing amethyst on me....
I remembered what my parents and Nancy Reagan had taught me....Just Say No!
It worked for a while, telling the older kids I didn't want or need any amethyst!
but....
it seemed like everyone was doing it and I didn't want to be left out so I jumped in head first!

Next thing I knew, I was smoking sphalerite off a dop stick, and main-lining Mahenge's.

It's only gotten worse..... now I don't even wait for the stones to come to me.......

(Me head first in a pegmatite pocket up in Maine. blue-green and purple Apaite and large smoky crystals coming out of that pocket. I think it was the Outback mine

 

[GLbluegreen]

You are hilarious Barrett. I love your analogy. And you are much braver than me. I love rock hounding but I don't do anything that involves going in or underground !

 

[dk168]

I decided to dedicate next year to just one major CS purchase, to go Paraiba hunting with mochiko42 when I next visit HK in Nov 2017, or go to Yvonne or Adam at PI if nothing suits.

Hopefully the piggy bank will be fattened up sufficiently for a nice gem by then.

After a Paraiba, it leaves an EC Emerald and an Asscher cut medium blue Sapphire on my "must have" wish list (a Mahenge Spinel has been ticked off and it should be with me early next week, woo hoo).

Still have stones to set already planned for next two years (CSs already with the jeweller), and my new purchases since my last trip to HK in Nov 2015 will delay some of them from being set if at all.

As for remainder for this year, I have started to pay towards my 6ct+ EC Aquamarine that JW will be cutting for me, and shall start paying towards a 3-stone set of blue/green EC Tourmaline from JW again after paying for the EC Aqua.

As for setting, the next ring is the SoC mabe, then the natural blue EC Topaz from Doug. Taking a break from CS after that to focus on getting a diamond bracelet made using the a suite of carre cut diamonds gifted to me from my mum. Hopefully, I shall have JD's trillion EB Topaz and one other CS set before the year is out.

Although I have scaled down my CS purchases significantly compared to last year, I have goodies to look forward to throughout the year to keep me going and satisfy my jewellery habit!

DK

 

[Lula]

Hi,

I also think that your feeling of "meh" for some of your stones may be from the difference in looking at photos of gems and seeing them in real life terms. The pictures are large, colorful and look gorgeous. A 5mm stone is small, and looks nothing like the picture.
I also learned I would buy nothing below a 7mm stone.

I agree that the more we have the less satisfying the acquisition. This holds true in many areas. My son told me to stop buying large shrimp because we were having it so much it was losing its specialness for him.

The upside to your interest is you are learning about something you never knew before. That, in itself, may give you satisfaction without having to buy more and more.

We have different people, with differing wants and needs on here and different budgets. We do have high end buyers. Acinom. has the most gorgeous paraiba. It blows me away, but its not for everyone. I, like you, like moonstone. I have a brooch that has amethyst and rainbow moonstone in sterling sliver. I adore it and keep it in my safe deposit box because even though it was inexpensive, I couldn't replace it.

Take more time, slow it down, keep learning and sharing on here.

Annette

Great thread. Thanks for posting it. Good timing for me, too, because I've recently emerged from a nearly two-year break from buying diamonds and gems. But I'm trying hard to focus on setting what I already own, rather than buying new. It's hard

I agree, AGBF --I found that 7 mm and above is a good benchmark for me. Several of my early gemstone purchases in the 5 mm range, and that's just too small for a ring or a stand-alone pendant on me. But several of my smaller gemstones have great color and saturation, so I don't necessarily want to sell them. I'm considering having them sett into fancy clasps for multi-strand pearl (or other beads) necklaces. Similar to what Fly Girl did with an aquarmarine and pearl bracelent (though her aquamarine was a larger size stone).
https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/pearl-and-aquamarine-diana-bracelet-is-home.157752/
I really regret selling some of the things I sold over the past several years (and, frankly, right now it seems like it's a better time to be a buyer than a seller on LT), so I'm trying to be more judicious in what I buy (like several of you, I have a long-term jewelry "plan" to keep me on track) and I'm trying to think beyond the "rings only" jewelry rut I'd gotten myself into.

 

[Lady_Disdain]

Barrett! Long time no see!

 

[Barrett]

Barrett! Long time no see!

Hey D! Hope all is bright and shiny in your world these days(no pun intended )

What I still don't get is all the hoopla about Paraiba tourmalines?? I counted 7 or 8 threads, on the first three pages alone, that were titled, "Paraiba".
I wish we had had this much cuprian cavorting back in the day, here on CS!

 

[NKOTB]

Barrett! Long time no see!

Hey D! Hope all is bright and shiny in your world these days(no pun intended )

What I still don't get is all the hoopla about Paraiba tourmalines?? I counted 7 or 8 threads, on the first three pages alone, that were titled, "Paraiba".
I wish we had had this much cuprian cavorting back in the day, here on CS!

Barrett - first of all, loved your first post. Very funny!

Secondly, yes, there do seem to be trends on this forum - mahenges, spesses, blue sapphs, pads...it's the paraiba's turn. How I dearly wish I had been around "back in the day" when they first came out and were affordable! (we all do! )

 

[theredspinel]

WOW. So a whole year since I posted this and it's been... refreshing... to read through it again.

I can happily report, the feelings of meh did/have gone!

I did take a really tiny break from PS for a bit but not intentionally. I just had other areas in life I had to focus on and found I was spending less and less time here.

I guess that led to a "break" from obsessing over gemstones; I still loved and wore my rings/necklace etc everyday but they felt "enough" for me.

Now, I'm at the stage where I open my jewellry box and fall in love with each and every piece again! I think the biggest thing I've learnt this past year is to *stop* comparing my treasures to everyone else's treasures here and I've truly learnt, what I do have, I shouldn't take for granted!

I feel blessed to own some truly beautiful pieces of nature; and nature is/can be the most beautiful thing.

I'm also over lusting after things just because they include the word "rare" in it. When I first started this thread, if I saw an "ugly" gemstone but read about how rare it was, somehow I'd fall in love with it. I'm glad I'm over that now.

Yes there are countless "rare" gemstones, some are truly beautiful and others..arent. Either way, I don't *have to* own them

Oh and I love jewellery. Not just diamonds, not just CS but jewellery and this past year I've learnt... that's ok!

 

[Lisa Loves Shiny]

I really liked that you posted this last year. Colored stones can be addictive and as we all know expensive. It's easy to covet a gem or jewelry piece that another PS has posted, and your thread was a good reminder for us to not break our banks. I am okay with not having some of the rare stones that our fortunate PS members have but I still love it when they post them. BTW- if you did buy a rare and ugly gem you won't be the first person to have done this. Been there, won't do that again. Lol.

 

[chatoyancy]

I am just wondering how many stones I will buy before I actually start setting them. Hmmm. I do have plans for all of them.

 

[Arcadian]

I've also slowed way down. Prices just keep getting higher and frankly I don't really NEED anything, you know? So I went to perfumes...why the hell did I do that??? but I'm reaching saturation on that and space is becoming a bit of an issue. Besides the fact I won't ever finish them all in my lifetime...

red, maybe you should look at cuprians (unheated) instead? I have an unheated cuprian and you know what? Its amazing. I love the violet color of it. I wouldn't ever be able to heat it given it could likely explode. Paraibas are beautiful but I'm too picky and too poor to be that way...lol I get my vivid blue fix from other stones.

 

[kenny]

We do this if, when, and because we like it.

If you don't like it, don't do it.
Simple.

 

[normanintheskywithsapphires]

On a evolutionary level, this desire to collect instinct may be a left-over from the monkey-saves-for-winter instinct.
On a more rational level, I like the idea of value accumulation without cluttering my life with ungrateful 'stuff. I have all I need for life, and rather than buying this and that, here and there, I will spent my available funds on something durable and pretty that my descendants are not going to curse me for, when they have to dispose them after I kick the bucket (is that how you say it?).
Already now, I can get my nephew's attention showing my gems (away from his video game, yes!) and I marvel at the natural fascination and his big round eyes when I tell him of the countries the gems come from and we discuss the different colors. it's just a great way to spend time here in our cold winters and with arthritis in the bones.

 

[theredspinel]

On a evolutionary level, this desire to collect instinct may be a left-over from the monkey-saves-for-winter instinct.
On a more rational level, I like the idea of value accumulation without cluttering my life with ungrateful 'stuff. I have all I need for life, and rather than buying this and that, here and there, I will spent my available funds on something durable and pretty that my descendants are not going to curse me for, when they have to dispose them after I kick the bucket (is that how you say it?).
Already now, I can get my nephew's attention showing my gems (away from his video game, yes!) and I marvel at the natural fascination and his big round eyes when I tell him of the countries the gems come from and we discuss the different colors. it's just a great way to spend time here in our cold winters and with arthritis in the bones.

That's beautiful!

I've come to accept I'm not buying for value accumulation as you say. I'm buying because these are gorgeous pieces of nature, I can wear. I can also scratch them, lose them or have them stolen. If they do survive my lifetime and I get a whole lifetimes enjoyment out of them (yay)! Then it's just bonus my kids will continue to receive some enjoyment from them too.

I used to look at buying things with the idea in mind, my daughter would inherit them. Not anymore. I buy them because I love them and they give me long moments of pleasure as you say to just stare at them in awe and ponder upon the places they have come from etc.

That's probably why my pallasite peridot and black opal pendant will always (metophoricaly and literally) be close to my heart... I wear it almost everyday and I love looking up at a night sky and knowing I have a tiny little piece of that

 

[theredspinel]

I really liked that you posted this last year. Colored stones can be addictive and as we all know expensive. It's easy to covet a gem or jewelry piece that another PS has posted, and your thread was a good reminder for us to not break our banks. I am okay with not having some of the rare stones that our fortunate PS members have but I still love it when they post them. BTW- if you did buy a rare and ugly gem you won't be the first person to have done this. Been there, won't do that again. Lol.

Thank you! That was exactly the point of this last year, a reminder to myself to not break the bank! I was at a stage (I'd never go into debt thankfully) but I was eating into savings (Which isn't a major issue for my husband is the "breadwinner") but whilst I got the high from buying a new gem I always felt the low of 'I'm depleting my personal savings'. I was also on and off with work last year so I'm sure it was more about that.

Now I'm in a stable place again job wise, I'm much happier enjoying my hobby! I also love the fact the *urgency* feeling of *neeeeding* to buy a gem any gem (!) has passed. I hated that feeling but also thrived off it. Weird.

 

[OTL]

I have done the same thing. Love my stones, lost feeling about my stones, sold my stones, then purchase something else again. The shame part is I never do self examine.....I've collected camera lenses 10years ago, like really old and manual lenses. I went a little crazy, then I found out about gemstones and the rest is known. Now all my cameras and lenses are collecting dust in my drawer. I think I will do the shameful buy and sell until someday, something more attractive appears!

 

[theredspinel]

I have done the same thing. Love my stones, lost feeling about my stones, sold my stones, then purchase something else again. The shame part is I never do self examine.....I've collected camera lenses 10years ago, like really old and manual lenses. I went a little crazy, then I found out about gemstones and the rest is known. Now all my cameras and lenses are collecting dust in my drawer. I think I will do the shameful buy and sell until someday, something more attractive appears!

Thank you for this; it's posts that spell it out clearly like yours that made me realise I'm *not* a collector!

A while back then I was in the mindframe I had to have ALL the colours or had to get a specific colour just to "complete" my collection and I realised I hated that feeling. Or I had to have ALL the saturated stones or ALL the rare stones etc etc.

I know now I just love jewellery and love wearing it. I also love science and nature and hence love gems.. gems made into jewellry is like all my loves in one place!

When I was in the collector mindframe I felt like I was running to keep up (keep up with what I have no idea) but it just didn't feel like me. I'm glad I've found my feet now, it's (gemstone owning) enjoyable again.

 

[OTL]

Thank you for this; it's posts that spell it out clearly like yours that made me realise I'm *not* a collector!

A while back then I was in the mindframe I had to have ALL the colours or had to get a specific colour just to "complete" my collection and I realised I hated that feeling. Or I had to have ALL the saturated stones or ALL the rare stones etc etc.

I know now I just love jewellery and love wearing it. I also love science and nature and hence love gems.. gems made into jewellry is like all my loves in one place!

When I was in the collector mindframe I felt like I was running to keep up (keep up with what I have no idea) but it just didn't feel like me. I'm glad I've found my feet now, it's (gemstone owning) enjoyable again.

I'm 200% a collector
I actually like stones better in gem jars but I like the design part as well. Not so much when wearing them, just don't feel much joy wearing jewelry, so definitely a collector It makes things easy though, I don't have much guilty. I know I should just keep buying them...And I know someday, a new hobby will find me, rescue me, dig me out from my gem jar

 

[deorwine]

I love this discussion (and I missed it the first time around because I was taking a break ) - I definitely have a drive to Acquire Stuff in general, and shiny things in particular. My husband likes to say that he used to never understand why people would buy jewelry until he met me. Most people, in his experience, would wear a ring but never look at it, while the whole POINT of wearing a ring, to me (and I know a lot of you ), is that you can look at it all the time, admire it in different lighting, etc.

I seem to value quantity over size, and in the past I've prioritized color over clarity. I'd rather have ten 5-6mm gemstones than one 8mm gemstone, because I'm such a magpie and that way I have ten times the stones to split my attention between, plus which I lose things all the time so I've learned expensive gemstones aren't really the way to go for me. I also have a collection where all my best-colored gemstones (including my most beloved stone, the sapphire in my avatar, although you can't see it in the avatar "glamour shot") have at least one fairly large inclusion, although for several of them you can only see the inclusion in the right lighting.

I just put most of my collection into gem jars. I, uh, have a bunch -- not as many as I could, but enough that it will take me a while to set them. I'm trying to be good about limiting my purchases until I've set all the ones I currently have. Also, I now have several lovely bright blue sapphires, a bright green tsavorite, a darker saturated green tsavorite, a blue color-change garnet, a reddish pink Mahenge spinel, and a bright red-orange-pink changeable Burma spinel, which is basically my entire gem wish list (well, okay, I would not say no to a truly bright red non-orange stoplight Burma spinel, but I don't think one is going to fall in my lap). (All of these are 0.5 ct to just over 1 ct.) So I keep telling myself I do NOT need to buy any more sapphires! Or spinels! Or tsavs! That color-change garnet is photogenic but probably not as nice as the one you already have! Every so often I have to talk myself out of it fairly harshly, though... I've started to shop my jewelry box more -- the other day I found one of the sapphires I hadn't worn for a long time and it was like getting a new stone but without the pricetag! And these days I try not to buy gemstones unless I can get precision cutting and interesting faceting designs, where it's the cutting that's the star, not necessarily the gem material.

So here's something that is really weird. When I was pregnant with my second child, the greedy drive to possess gemstones that I've had my entire life... went away. When I got emails about gem drops, I would look at them and think they were pretty, but wouldn't feel the slightest tendency to want to own it. (this is the "break" I referred to above.) This lasted through breastfeeding. When I stopped breastfeeding, bam! I wanted to buy gemstones again. The whole mind-body thing is so weird!

 

[Seaglow]

Nice thread! I am a collector (sounds better than a hoarder though this one more or less hits the spot). I agree and recommend to buy within ones means. And not skip those family trips or go on debt. I am privileged to be able to buy at dealer/wholesale cost and go on gem hunting expeditions. Downside is I see the stones in person so it's total self control! The struggle is real! The last trip I had in Laos, I find myself controlling not to buy very nice Laos sapphires with great cornflower blue color as 'souvenir'. On buying, I buy for color first and foremost so I don't mind some inclusions as long as it is not poorly cut and won't crack when set. I admire the nice work-of-art ring designs here on PS...they are beautiful but my penchant for simple, classic designs such as halos and half band pavés for everyday rings makes setting stones affordable (I like the diamonds small). I have some nicely cut clean stones with decent weight but I'm usually wearing my imperial jade, white ru yi jade, red included spinel, and small less than a carat emerald, interchanging my spinel ring with a paraiba ring. So I think one should buy what one finds beautiful, not the trend, to avoid regrets (I regret buying my 2 carat windowed spinel. Lol). The quest for perfection by many have kept many of my purchases affordable with the exception of the imperial and paraiba (paraiba is a push present though). Thanks that many are clamoring Paraiba to be windex blue, because I prefer mine a lighter blue or sea foam color which is lesser priced, glowy just the same. Thanks many prefer very clean stones, I got a top color red spinel at a fraction of the cost. There's a tolerance for included paraibas and emeralds, so I don't see why an included top color spinel won't look good. Thanks many prefer big, I have a small bright emerald. I'd get a stone with character even when not perfect and even dealers notice them. But even when I buy gems I can afford, I do have thoughts that one of my rings is someone's salary for a month or a year...and that I should help the community a bit more... and yes, the 'novelty' or 'the stone being special' is muted down when one has too much or if one can acquire whenever one wants to. I still buy and go crazy when I know it will be a slim chance to encounter such gem again....such as a nice imperial jade, a huge purple garnet or a fantastic colored padparadscha or a Luc Yen cobalt spinel. But I'd pause and skip if I feel I can find such stones in the future. But I do this because I'm fascinated with colored stones. I buy because I appreciate them even if they aren't perfect.

 

[Siameseroo]

Such an interesting thread! And honestly, this is the key reason why I don't post in CS anymore. I'm a wearer, not a collector. Having unset, loose stones stresses me out and I prefer to have a small collection of beautiful pieces I regularly wear than a large collection of jewellery sitting around, unworn.

I just got to the point where my small CS collection satisfied me, and I have no desire to keep collecting. In fact the only CS jewellery I wear regularly are my chryso ring from Niel, Gene blue green tourm, Barry moonstone set by Sally and a tiny vintage jadeite ring.

But then I got started on pearls...