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why do women worry about the guy cheating on them?...
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Mara
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Kaleigh
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Ahem...don''t they always talk about men changing their style of clothes (usually blamed on a mid life crisis along with buying a porsche!) and wearing more aftershave or a new scent too? The classic cliche!!Date: 5/11/2005 7:52:50 PM
Author: Dancing Fire
MaraDate: 5/11/2005 39
7 PM
Author: Mara
i think that cheating can go both ways....either man or woman. i think that men cheating gets more press...but there are women who cheat as well. i read an article recently that was actually bringing this to attention and saying that more women actually cheated than people knew,
you''re 100% correct.
the first sign of a woman cheating,if she changes the style of clothes that she normally wears, i.e. from a blue jean type to a dress up typel.from a no make-up type of girl to a girl that always wears make-up.
It definately goes both ways as Mara said....I don''t think cheating women is a new phenomenon but a fact of life that some women may not want to acknowledge. Men are traditionally more likely to brag and boast about these things!
Back in the day of Kinsey the results of research showed very much that more men cheated....but as more women work outside the home now the more cheating has increased. I''d be interested to see how much cheating happens in the workplace!
I think an interesting debate would be to consider ''why'' people cheat as from research it would seem most men cheat to boost egos or because it''s there rather whereas with women it is more complicated - lack of emotional intimacy, marriage is already in trouble/not fulfilling or being taken for granted can lead to cheating.
Kaleigh
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I define honesty as communicating with your spouse about your feelings and what has happened.
I define cheating - in the context of this discussion - as having sexual intercourse with someone not your married spouse under the United States concept of marriage or your "Significant Other" under the concept that there is only one significant other; and with someone who you do not have an openly approval and support from your spouse or significant other to be sexually active with (I have heard of a few cases of this - usually involves one person being physically unable but has a freind who...)
I do admit that there are many areas of grey, and not so grey, on sexuality contact prior to intercourse (even a pat or a hug can be sexual); but do not want to get into that disussion as part of this thread.
I also admit that there are places you can live in this world where you can legally have multiple sexual partners (be they wives, concubines, etc). That would not be cheating.
Thus, you could have an honest relationship with your spouse and have some situation develop where you cheated.
Perry
I define cheating - in the context of this discussion - as having sexual intercourse with someone not your married spouse under the United States concept of marriage or your "Significant Other" under the concept that there is only one significant other; and with someone who you do not have an openly approval and support from your spouse or significant other to be sexually active with (I have heard of a few cases of this - usually involves one person being physically unable but has a freind who...)
I do admit that there are many areas of grey, and not so grey, on sexuality contact prior to intercourse (even a pat or a hug can be sexual); but do not want to get into that disussion as part of this thread.
I also admit that there are places you can live in this world where you can legally have multiple sexual partners (be they wives, concubines, etc). That would not be cheating.
Thus, you could have an honest relationship with your spouse and have some situation develop where you cheated.
Perry
aljdewey
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One bit of information: I found that once I admitted my vunrabilities - and that things could happen that I didn''t intend... That I was able to exercise a lot more control over what actually happens.
Also, even though I have my "never say never" line of argument. The fact is that I have never cheated on my Girl Freinds and there has always been a long break between relationships (been tempted a few times though).
Perry
Also, even though I have my "never say never" line of argument. The fact is that I have never cheated on my Girl Freinds and there has always been a long break between relationships (been tempted a few times though).
Perry
Anyone can cheat. Everyone is capable. As my DH says, you just don''t put yourself in situations where it can happen. He won''t even do anything that can have the appearance of it, i.e., be in an office with the door shut with another woman, or go out to dinner, even traveling for business with just one other woman. In a group, yes, but not just one woman with him. Generally people who cheat were looking for it and had made the decision to before it happened. Generally, a woman who cheats is looking for validation or love or attention and likewise generally, a man who cheats is looking for sex. Motiviation is the only real difference. And, BTW, Kinsey has been pretty much discounted since he used inmates and sex offenders as well as a large group of homosexuals in his surveys. A lot of what he said has been disproven over the years.
Sorry. I just still have so much HATE for that guy!!! I have more dog stories involving him, but I''ll keep it to myself. If anyone is interested, though, you can private message me, and I''ll let you know about it.
Some people just can''t be in a totally committed relationship. I think it might even be genetic sometimes...or maybe more environmental. My mama is a cheater, my sister is, my brother is, and I USED to be. My friends are all cheaters. But, since I''m faithful now, if I see a really hot guy, I try to get one of my friends to hook up with him and tell me about it.
Some people just can''t be in a totally committed relationship. I think it might even be genetic sometimes...or maybe more environmental. My mama is a cheater, my sister is, my brother is, and I USED to be. My friends are all cheaters. But, since I''m faithful now, if I see a really hot guy, I try to get one of my friends to hook up with him and tell me about it.
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Kaleigh
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I did have some morals, though. I never talked to guys that had girlfriends, and certainly not a wife. I was not married, either.
I do have some advice for people.... if you enter into a relationship with a person that is cheating on their partner with you... even if they do leave that person for you... they will do the same thing to you one day. It may be a couple of years, but it will happen. Maybe there are some exceptions, but this is for the most part.
I do have some advice for people.... if you enter into a relationship with a person that is cheating on their partner with you... even if they do leave that person for you... they will do the same thing to you one day. It may be a couple of years, but it will happen. Maybe there are some exceptions, but this is for the most part.
I will just add that until recently I travelled a LOT for work and I can not begin to tell you how many times I was propositioned by married men! Usually happened on a plane in business class (I was usually the token female) and hand on heart I can tell you the line I was given "my wife doesn''t understand me"!
My reply... "well if your wife doesn''t understand you after years of being married, why do you think I will after a 2 hour flight?!"
I am thankful I no longer travel for work and don''t have to deal with that bull!
My reply... "well if your wife doesn''t understand you after years of being married, why do you think I will after a 2 hour flight?!"
I am thankful I no longer travel for work and don''t have to deal with that bull!
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sjz
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Bottom line on this, here''s my theory...taking into account there is no such thing as absolutes. Cheating is cheatin, no matter who does it. The biggest difference between men and women who cheat is why they do it. I believe that most men cheat for superficial reasons. Easy sex, opportunity, for the thrill of it, or even just to prove their virility. I''m sure there are some men who are honestly looking for love, but I feel they are the exception.
Women, on the other hand, pretty much cheat for totally different reasons. It doesn''t make it any less wrong, but I think society in general is more forgiving and tolerant of the reasons why women cheat. I still believe, even after reading all of your posts, that most women who cheat aren''t doing it to hurt anyone, or to get a thrill, or just for the sex (with the possible exception of people like Windy that is...). I honestly believe that the majority of female cheaters are looking for love, affection, and some emotional component that is missing in their relationship with their significant other.
The other reason I think that it seems like more men cheat than women...men are more likely to brag about it, or to feel guilty and "confess". I think women are more cautious and have a better ability to keep a secret or live with the guilt. JMO.
Women, on the other hand, pretty much cheat for totally different reasons. It doesn''t make it any less wrong, but I think society in general is more forgiving and tolerant of the reasons why women cheat. I still believe, even after reading all of your posts, that most women who cheat aren''t doing it to hurt anyone, or to get a thrill, or just for the sex (with the possible exception of people like Windy that is...). I honestly believe that the majority of female cheaters are looking for love, affection, and some emotional component that is missing in their relationship with their significant other.
The other reason I think that it seems like more men cheat than women...men are more likely to brag about it, or to feel guilty and "confess". I think women are more cautious and have a better ability to keep a secret or live with the guilt. JMO.
Mara
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I will be entirely honest and blunt here with my opinion.
The 'big deal' is that you are continuously sharing information that is, for me and possibly others, entirely unwelcome. Do *I* need to know that you hated your ex and cheated on him with pleasure? Do *I* need to know that your dog sniffed other men on your clothes and you thought it was funny? Do *I* need to know that your ex beat the dog? Do *I* need to know that you have 'other stories' involving the dog which I don't even want to guess at but you think would be fun to share via private message? NO...this is all entirely information that *I* as some random Pscoper do NOT have any interest in learning about, amongst other things.
My two cents? Please learn what is appropriate to share on these forums and what is not, and I don't just mean on this particular thread. AKA you didn't like having to mingle with the 'poor local people' in St. Thomas? How inconvenient for you. AKA 'My breast implants are shifting around'....again not information I am at all keen on having.
Yes, this is an open forum where we discuss more than diamonds, and yes, people share parts of their lives with each other, but honestly, more often than not, when I see one of your posts, you are saying something that again, crosses the line for me, and I find entirely too personal to share with a public forum.
Please find that fine line, and please don't cross it.
Mara, I entirely agree. I''ve read some of these other posts too and either thought I really don''t need to know that and is she that clueless or just enjoys talking about herself so much that she''ll tell anything. There are things you just don''t share. Windy, the big deal is no one really wants to know some things about you. Just like in any relationship, there are lines you don''t cross, no matter how well you know the person.
Jennifer5973
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3 facts that some of you might find disconcerting.
1. my ex wife ran off with her running partner - they just kept jogging
2. my new wife is 10 years older than me
3. There was a genetics study summerised in the economist last year? that shows that there are significantly fewer male genes passed down than female genes. That means that very few men have impregnated a larger number of women. This is a statistically very long term study. And it gave very similar results across every cultural and ethinic group they have studied so far. Naturally the same is true in the other animals Kingdoms.
1. my ex wife ran off with her running partner - they just kept jogging
2. my new wife is 10 years older than me
3. There was a genetics study summerised in the economist last year? that shows that there are significantly fewer male genes passed down than female genes. That means that very few men have impregnated a larger number of women. This is a statistically very long term study. And it gave very similar results across every cultural and ethinic group they have studied so far. Naturally the same is true in the other animals Kingdoms.
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Oh Garry, but of course men can have more children than women can - it is so much easier for them !
Given the cost disparity of parenthood, any social law preventing male cheating should be at least as as harsh on tresspassers as nine months of pregnancy plus child care are on women. That's probably unconstitutional... although some say marriage is just that punishment.
Perhaps the Economist should read that data again ? If they think past performance is predicting the future, that's fine with me. To say that history has some God given right to be upheld is a bit much.
DF, is your initial post trying to say that the right retribution to other's unfaithfulness is being unfaithful ? Now, that's some interesting social dynamic if there ever was one
Given the cost disparity of parenthood, any social law preventing male cheating should be at least as as harsh on tresspassers as nine months of pregnancy plus child care are on women. That's probably unconstitutional... although some say marriage is just that punishment.
Perhaps the Economist should read that data again ? If they think past performance is predicting the future, that's fine with me. To say that history has some God given right to be upheld is a bit much.
DF, is your initial post trying to say that the right retribution to other's unfaithfulness is being unfaithful ? Now, that's some interesting social dynamic if there ever was one
icekid
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i think that this is very well said, Momoftwo. my relationship w/ my future hubby is the most important thing in the world to me. thus, it makes sense that i do everything i can to protect it. and this definitely includes not putting myself in a situation where cheating could happen. and i hope my bf does the same!
sjz
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Actually, that genetics study you refer to doesn''t necessarliy mean that fewer men have impregnated a larger number of women. All it means is that some of the genetic markers they used in that study are more dominant in the female chromosomes than male. You could also look at it in another way...the female of the species is the more dominant and STRONGER of the genders, otherwise the human race would have died out and become extinct billions of years ago...
Well, Mara, I will be entirely blunt with my response.
First of all, people come on here asking other people''s opinions about things... such as someone was asking about St. Thomas and St. John. I gave them an exactly account of how it is there. There ARE lots of local people that are very poor in St. Thomas... digging in trash cans to find food to eat. Some people may not want to see this when they are on their honeymoon. What can make you feel worse when you''re all dressed up, ready to go eat at a fancy restaurant, and on your way, you see a person digging for their meal in the trash? Some people may not want to deal with this reality on their honeymoon. I was comparing it to Cancun where the resort area is totally separated from the local living areas. Some people might prefer this, instead. I also said that I ended up having a great time there, and it is something you have to get used to. I wasn''t trying to make anyone feel sorry for me at all. I was just telling the person that asked about St. Thomas how it is.
Secondly, I brought up the breast implant issue only because I was in pain, and I was wondering if anyone else had had a similar issue happen to them. I was about to get married and be on my honeymoon for over ten days, and I couldn''t see the doctor until I got back. I didn''t know if it was a serious issue or not. I was not trying to be gross... I was seeking advice.
Thirdly, yes, I did get immense pleasure cheating on my ex. It pleasures me talking about anything mean that I might have done to him. I''m sure that there are some girls on this forum that are dating someone that is mean to them and enjoys my stories. If I can just help one girl... then it was all worth it.
I find you like a lot of women that I meet in real life... you can''t handle another woman that is open about things. I consider my openness a gift. I am not ashamed of anything that I say. I would feel bad if I had said something to hurt someone''s feelings, but that is not the case. Men can say anything they want... but let a woman say it, and she is BAD!!
First of all, people come on here asking other people''s opinions about things... such as someone was asking about St. Thomas and St. John. I gave them an exactly account of how it is there. There ARE lots of local people that are very poor in St. Thomas... digging in trash cans to find food to eat. Some people may not want to see this when they are on their honeymoon. What can make you feel worse when you''re all dressed up, ready to go eat at a fancy restaurant, and on your way, you see a person digging for their meal in the trash? Some people may not want to deal with this reality on their honeymoon. I was comparing it to Cancun where the resort area is totally separated from the local living areas. Some people might prefer this, instead. I also said that I ended up having a great time there, and it is something you have to get used to. I wasn''t trying to make anyone feel sorry for me at all. I was just telling the person that asked about St. Thomas how it is.
Secondly, I brought up the breast implant issue only because I was in pain, and I was wondering if anyone else had had a similar issue happen to them. I was about to get married and be on my honeymoon for over ten days, and I couldn''t see the doctor until I got back. I didn''t know if it was a serious issue or not. I was not trying to be gross... I was seeking advice.
Thirdly, yes, I did get immense pleasure cheating on my ex. It pleasures me talking about anything mean that I might have done to him. I''m sure that there are some girls on this forum that are dating someone that is mean to them and enjoys my stories. If I can just help one girl... then it was all worth it.
I find you like a lot of women that I meet in real life... you can''t handle another woman that is open about things. I consider my openness a gift. I am not ashamed of anything that I say. I would feel bad if I had said something to hurt someone''s feelings, but that is not the case. Men can say anything they want... but let a woman say it, and she is BAD!!
sjz - I think you are right with your analogy for the majority of men and women.
Actually, I did cheat for the ''girly'' reasons that you listed. I was not happy... didn''t get the attention I needed, was looking for a way out. But, I guess how I differ is that not every guy that I cheated with was a potential boyfriend. Some of them were just hot and for fun... I did not want any kind of relationship with them. But, the reason that I cheated in the first place goes along with your girl reasons. If I was happy at home, I would not have cheated with even the hot guys.
Well... there was one time where I had just broken up with an ex of four and a half years. I started dating someone else, and in the beginning, I did like him, but I still went out with the ex behind his back. I just wasn''t ready to move on completely. But...I think that''s a whole differently kind of cheating, don''t you?
Actually, I did cheat for the ''girly'' reasons that you listed. I was not happy... didn''t get the attention I needed, was looking for a way out. But, I guess how I differ is that not every guy that I cheated with was a potential boyfriend. Some of them were just hot and for fun... I did not want any kind of relationship with them. But, the reason that I cheated in the first place goes along with your girl reasons. If I was happy at home, I would not have cheated with even the hot guys.
Well... there was one time where I had just broken up with an ex of four and a half years. I started dating someone else, and in the beginning, I did like him, but I still went out with the ex behind his back. I just wasn''t ready to move on completely. But...I think that''s a whole differently kind of cheating, don''t you?
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Mara
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Honestly, I don't need to hear your reasons or excuses why you speak the way you do on here...I just needed to tell you that I find it horribly inappropriate AND as you have seen, I am not the only one. So please, take a hint. And if you really feel the need to be crass, please take it to private message.
In real life, I actually am far from a prude or being closed-minded and can be comedic vulgar with the best of them...but I don't bring that online with me. Instead, I try to respect that there are all types of people here, young and old, forthright and others quiet, and I try to speak appropriately to the crowd without using foul language or alluding to things that people who don't know me may not want to know!
Telling your best friend some of this stuff in private may be appropriate for you, but online to people from all walks of life, just think before you speak who your audience may be. I honestly can't believe that I even have to tell you, a grown woman, this most basic of respects. Done.
Dancing Fire - what you says makes no sense. How is sleeping with someone even though you don''t want a relationship with them the same as prostitution? Some people are not worth having a relationship with... they might have a bad personality or no personality... but that doesn''t mean that they aren''t human and don''t need a little bit of loving. Just not relationship worthy.
Sorry, but sleeping with someone while dating someone else is not loving either one or receiving love. It's cheating. No matter what the reason, it's never right. There are a lot of things that people explain away by saying "I'm only human". But that doesn't make the behavior right or appropriate. So, your boyfriend was mean. So, break up with him and then start a new relationship. Sleeping with someone you dont want a relationship with makes me think of another word. But, I'm not going to say it because it would be inappropriate. You seen prepared to defend your previous lifestyle. That's fine, but no one has to agree with you. What I see in your previous statements is that you really didn't like men very much and thought you could use them. And, no, men can't say anything they want. A man who came on and posted like you did would get flamed, probably even worse.
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