Will people stop making assumptions

[steph72276]

I don''t think anyone disagrees that when someone post a title "give me your honest opinion" then an honest opinion should be given, but there is also a way say things without hurting people''s feelings. Many people have been educated on diamonds this way and many here give great advice. However, when a person is showing off their new engagement ring in the SMTR thread, that is not the place to say "it is not my taste" or "I prefer smaller diamonds than your 4 carat ring". I think some people lack a certain level of tact and that can offend people. No need to rain on people''s parade when they did not ask for opinions. If you don''t like it, move on and don''t respond to the thread. It''s pretty simple.

 

[Bliss]

Date: 7/4/2008 10:04:05 AM
Author: steph72276
I don't think anyone disagrees that when someone post a title 'give me your honest opinion' then an honest opinion should be given, but there is also a way say things without hurting people's feelings. Many people have been educated on diamonds this way and many here give great advice. However, when a person is showing off their new engagement ring in the SMTR thread, that is not the place to say 'it is not my taste' or 'I prefer smaller diamonds than your 4 carat ring'. I think some people lack a certain level of tact and that can offend people. No need to rain on people's parade when they did not ask for opinions. If you don't like it, move on and don't respond to the thread. It's pretty simple.

Steph, I totally agree! I also agree (not WOWing..haha) with what everyone said, especially diamondfan.

In addition to being peeved about assuming everyone loves huge stones, how about the other side? Lately I read a lot of, "The 1 carat was too big and ugly so I opted for .5 carat." OK. Lovely.

Good for you! But then the next sentence is, "I'm hoping for an upgrade in the future." So which is it?

For the record, I don't think any diamond is ugly...

 

[Dreamer_D]

I agree about the assumptions thing, Pandora. Another one that gets me is cavalierly throwing out the "I/J stones are yellow! Or tinted! Or low quality!" It's just not true and get's my goat a little.

I do think honesty is always the best policy. They ask for an opinion, then give it. They just want to show off their ring and you don't like it, then don't say anything.

But I do think that sometimes people use the excuse of "just being honest" to flame or be royally rude. Instead of saying, "I'm not crazy about it, not my style" they say, "Well I think it is clearly a crappily made piece of junk, did your two-year old make it?" And then when someone calls them on that rudeness, they say, "Oh I am just being brutally honest, the OP shouldn't ask if they don't want opinions!"

Though of course, one person's frankness can be another person's rudeness

, so Storm's points about cutting people slack are really really good in most cases.

 

[LaurenThePartier]

Date: 7/4/2008 10:32:28 AM
Author: Bliss

Date: 7/4/2008 10:04:05 AM
Author: steph72276
I don''t think anyone disagrees that when someone post a title ''give me your honest opinion'' then an honest opinion should be given, but there is also a way say things without hurting people''s feelings. Many people have been educated on diamonds this way and many here give great advice. However, when a person is showing off their new engagement ring in the SMTR thread, that is not the place to say ''it is not my taste'' or ''I prefer smaller diamonds than your 4 carat ring''. I think some people lack a certain level of tact and that can offend people. No need to rain on people''s parade when they did not ask for opinions. If you don''t like it, move on and don''t respond to the thread. It''s pretty simple.

Steph, I totally agree! I also agree (not WOWing..haha) with what everyone said, especially diamondfan.

In addition to being peeved about assuming everyone loves huge stones, how about the other side? Lately I read a lot of, ''The 1 carat was too big and ugly so I opted for .5 carat.'' OK. Lovely.

Good for you! But then the next sentence is, ''I''m hoping for an upgrade in the future.'' So which is it?

For the record, I don''t think any diamond is ugly...

Completely agree.

Though, we have all trolled the Ebay ads for 5 ct. $9,000 solitaires that looked like frozen spit with bits of Oreo cookies in them. I''m not too keen on those.

 

[diamondfan]

I agree that some people just want the validation. Maybe in their life no one really loves diamonds or they have not gotten the excited responses from people around them and so they come here where people love diamonds in order to get that feedback. We all have read posts which say, my best friend though my asscher was a princess cut or someone asked if my ring was real...There are so many well educated gem people here that if someone DOES ask about specific things, more than likely they will get many responses. I am certainly in the camp of "if you do not want to know do not ask", BUT I also think one needs to examine their own motives. If you are kind and fair, even if you are very frank, that is cool. If you are trying to help someone get something better for their budget or return a stinker of a ring while they still can, great. However, being bitchy or personally nasty is just so wrong. OF COURSE not all rings will appeal to all people. And even with noticeable issues or flaws there are people who still love their ring and are happy no matter what.

I love my ring and all of my things. If someone here says, Ohh, I would NEVER want anything that big or I hate emerald cuts or Tiffany''s is a rip off, I do not own that and thus feel terrible about myself. For the most part comments about my material items roll off of my back. I just get totally steamed when some people here are hypocrites, or decide that it is fine to make assumptions or negative attributions about someone based on minimal information. But again, it takes all kinds. Overall the people here (both long term and newbies) are mostly lovely, fair and appropriate.

 

[Harriet]

Re: The assumption that people with smaller diamonds are jealous of those with bigger ones (the point of this thread).

It may be true of some, but it is too sweeping a generalisation.



Re: Honesty (a tangential issue that has been raised, as are the ones that follow).

If someone asks for an opinion, then they should be prepared for an honest one. That said, honesty can be tempered by diplomacy.



Re: SMTR.
It''s heartwarming when two people make such a big commitment to each other and I try to offer my sincere congratulations as often as possible. However, I cannot and will not ooh and aah over each ring as some are not to my taste (as mine may not be to yours). In those cases, I shut up. NB. My recent post on a SMTR thread was directed at an act, not a ring.



Re: Hypersensitivity.

I was recently guilty of that myself, which is why Purrfectpear and I are headed to MickeyD''s. She is right. There is no need to get one''s knickers in a knot over someone one will probably never meet. As in real life, some people are just lost causes.



Re: The recent references to queen bees / an inside club / a coven.

I am flummoxed.



PS. Gwen, I''d like a pair of porcine slippers.

 

[gwendolyn]

Date: 7/4/2008 2:24:20 PM
Author: Harriet
PS. Gwen, I''d like a pair of porcine slippers.

Excellent, we can have matching footsies!

Here are mine:

 

[purrfectpear]

Speaking of queen bees / an inside club / a coven, or cliques, has anyone ever noticed that at their 10 or 20 year high school reunions the head cheerleader & quarterback did not become the leading citizens of the town? Mine had a baby out of wedlock & dropped out of college and the quarterback was driving a taxi cab

The "nerdy" group that no one paid any attention to went on to become doctors, lawyers, engineers and CPA''s. Just something to think about when there''s temptation to worry about who is popular and who isn''t.

Be happy in your own skin, and with your own ring, and supersize those fries please.

 

[justjulia]

Time for pie?
Don't you think we really need some pie now?

 

[steph72276]

Date: 7/4/2008 3:24:43 PM
Author: purrfectpear
Speaking of queen bees / an inside club / a coven, or cliques, has anyone ever noticed that at their 10 or 20 year high school reunions the head cheerleader & quarterback did not become the leading citizens of the town? Mine had a baby out of wedlock & dropped out of college and the quarterback was driving a taxi cab

The 'nerdy' group that no one paid any attention to went on to become doctors, lawyers, engineers and CPA's. Just something to think about when there's temptation to worry about who is popular and who isn't.

Be happy in your own skin, and with your own ring, and supersize those fries please.

Wow, speaking of generalizations...but actually no. Maybe your school was different from mine, but when I attended my 10 year high school reunion last year, I met up with several of my cheerleading buddies and all of us graduated college, 2 became medical doctors, 1 a lawyer and another an architect. Our high school quarterback finished up his master's degree about a year or two ago, so no didn't really notice that, strange. But really what does that have to do with this discussion?

 

[justjulia]

Okay, okay, this, too...

 

[Harriet]

Justjulia,
I''m not one to turn down pie, but I don''t think that this thread is ripe for it yet. We''re having a lively and congenial disucssion, aren''t we?

 

[justjulia]

Date: 7/4/2008 4:00:59 PM
Author: Harriet
Justjulia,

I''m not one to turn down pie, but I don''t think that this thread is ripe for it yet. We''re having a lively and congenial disucssion, aren''t we?

Um, uh, yeah...

(Running for cover.)
(I''m so old I can''t even remember high school. Scary, huh?)

 

[justjulia]

Date: 7/4/2008 4:03:40 PM
Author: justjulia

Date: 7/4/2008 4:00:59 PM

Author: Harriet

Justjulia,


I''m not one to turn down pie, but I don''t think that this thread is ripe for it yet. We''re having a lively and congenial disucssion, aren''t we?

Um, uh, yeah...

(Running for cover.)

(I''m so old I can''t even remember high school. Scary, huh?)

Actually, it''s time for one of these really good Omega-3 cookies I found yesterday in the health food section of the grocery store. Darn these things are good. The margarita will come later, with the fireworks.
I love you guys, but hate it when people might be hurt. No need for all the hurtin, ya know?
Peace.

 

[Pandora II]

Oy, no pie on my thread!

This one goes to the end sans pie. Pie is sometimes just too concillatory!

 

[Harriet]

Justjulia,
Don''t run from me.

I don''t bite. But I will run from you if you feed me Omega-3 cookies!

Pandora,
Yes, ma''am. How about a chocolate covered Marks and Sparks biscuit instead?

 

[Skippy123]

Date: 7/4/2008 6:06:17 PM
Author: Harriet
Justjulia,
Don't run from me.

I don't bite. But I will run from you if you feed me Omega-3 cookies!

Pandora,
Yes, ma'am. How about a chocolate covered Marks and Sparks biscuit instead?

I am all for a biscuit Harriet!!! Add Nutella on mine please!! Justjulia I will take a margarita to wash down that biscuit!

Holly, thanks, darlin; you're too sweet!

 

[Dancing Fire]

we need a "why do you hate my ring thread"

 

[RxTechRN2b]

Well, I sure do get a kick out of reading threads like this. I''ve been in my easy chair watching Christmas movies on Lifetime while surfing PS on my Blackberry cell phone all day (didn''t have to go to work since it is July 4th). I''m easily entertained, aren''t I?

Found the thread with the 4+ carat halo ring Leon made and named "Scott" as the "last laugh" and have no clue how it turned so ugly. I''d be afraid to guess if there was jealousy going on, so I won''t. However, it is likely that to someone who received a small diamond from Zales but lusts after a big custom made honker, there might be some twinges of jealousy. To me, I like seeing all the pictures of peoples diamonds whether or not they are my taste. I don''t care where they buy them from, either. The only thing that is important is that I want what I have, not what someone else has.I did the research and decided what I wanted and where to purchase. You''ll see me giving compliments to items I think are classy and elegant. You''ll see my opinion leaning towards the more refined, understated, and low-set styles. But I''ll say it again, I enjoy seeing what EVERYONE is wearing, whether or not is my taste.

My peeve on that whole issue is that the one with a small non-designer ring gets a couple of pages of "that''s pretty" while the huge ones or branded ones get 8 - 10 - 12 or more pages of "WwwOOWW I have to pick my jaw off the floor GOOD GOD that thing is HUGE your ring is GORGEOUS." That could spark the jealousies if one is so inclined.

And of course, no one should make assumptions about anything -- not jealousy, not the High School cheerleaders or nerds, not anything. For example, you''ve probably heard the generalization about minorities being the ones on welfare, but since I deal with billing insurances for prescriptions, I can tell you that only 95% of our welfare customers are young/middle-aged able-bodied minorities. My co-workers and I get so angry when the older people who worked for a living all their lives can''t afford to refill their diabetes and cardiac prescriptions, while we see the same group of young healthy people on welfare hit the ER every weekend (headache, backache, sore throat, colds) and then come to the pharmacy with their hands sticking out for the *free* hydrocodone/APAP 5/500 (Vicodin). So that leaves 5% of our welfare customers who aren''t in a minority group. Keep in mind that those statistics are just for one pharmacy in one small city and only on the weekends, I couldn''t tell you what they are throughout the US every day. Even what I see first-hand about who is on welfare is skewed because I only work weekends (so I can go to school weekdays).

As you can see, it is wise to not make generalizations or assumptions about anything or anyone -- there''s always those who will fall outside of what you are saying.

BTW, I chose that particular example because it really shows how what you think you know for sure might not be the whole picture.

 

[AGBF]

I was just browsing, "The New York Times" online and I saw the article for which a link is provided below. It reminded me of this thread. I used to rail about the McMansions that loomed over the small streets of my hometown where once houses and lots were more in proportion. In this article residents of Forest Hills, Queens are upset over oversized homes, too. But if one reads how the new homeowners feel, they just have different values. They want to use their space for different things. And why shouldn't they? I mean, maybe there is a reason why they shouldn't (a zoning reason)...but it isn't a reason given by God .

My point is that I can look down my nose at a new immigrant's house because he paves his lawn or at someone's ring because it is large but poorly cut with visible inclusions and a yellow cast...but who am I? Every person has a right to his own dream.

I loved this article.


http://www.nytimes.com/2008/07/05/nyregion/05forest.html?_r=1&oref=slogin



Deb

 

[diamondfan]

I do not think everyone who makes nasty comments about large rings is jealous of the size of the stone. Maybe so, sometimes, but it is so hard to make a generalization like that. I can see how people might think that is at the root, but that might be oversimplifying matters. The green eyed monster exists of course, and I would not say it never pops up here, but I think most of us can appreciate a range of sizes and styles well.

I like many rings here, and not just large or blingy ones. And I certainly understand that my ring is not to the taste of all people here. Again, it is how such comments are stated, and when, that can be troublesome. I am not insecure and I have my own mind about what I like to buy, whatever it is. I do love to share, and welcome feedback. But at the end of the day it is my choice and my stuff, and I feel pretty confident about my decisions. I can also stand by my comments almost all of the time, because I come from a place of trying to be positive, give constructive comments when asked and have learned to avoid posting if I can do neither of those two things.

 

[AGBF]

Date: 7/4/2008 10:45:06 PM

Author: diamondfan

I do love to share, and welcome feedback.

diamondfan, I would like to see your ring(s). Since you were speaking of sharing, can you tell me where there are pictures of it (or them) posted? I do not have a good memory for the rings of regular members as many people here do. Unless there is a very specific reason that I have been called upon to remember someone''s diamond I may see it, love it, then forget that I have seen it. (I am also like this with many other things in life, too, unfortunately.)

Deborah

 

[diamondfan]

Deb, my eternity band, my new pave Cartier, my emerald cut and my tanzanite ring are all here somewhere. I did a shoot with Kaleigh but I know my emerald cut is in it''s own thread. If you go to section with all topics by this user, it should come up. If not let me know. I always had Irina or someone help me post...I am a spazz at it.

 

[Kaleigh]

Methinks we are beating a dead horse here, good points were made. But now?? It''s time for PIE.

 

[AGBF]

Date: 7/4/2008 10:57:44 PM

Author: diamondfan

Deb, my eternity band, my new pave Cartier, my emerald cut and my tanzanite ring are all here somewhere.

Well, I had been referring to your diamond ring(s), Caroline, but I am certainly glad that you pointed me towards this tanzanite! This is absolutely magnificent! Just magnificent! And I have a nice tanzanite ring, too, but yours casts mine completely in the shade. I am so glad that I got to see it! I will have to pursue your diamond rings tomorrow!


https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/halo-tanzanite-ring-pictures.55490/


Deb

 

[diamondfan]

Deb, just wanted to be thorough! I have a few rings on here so wanted to make sure you saw what you wanted!

 

[diamondseeker2006]

I agree that there should not be the assumption that we all aspire to huge rocks in blingy settings. I could have gone with a much larger stone if I had gone with lower color and clarity. But I didn''t want a stone one-tenth of a mm bigger than the one I got, so there was no reason for me to do that! I haven''t had DSS one single moment! I also chose a plain Leon setting because I love it''s simplicity next to a diamond wedding band. I do enjoy seeing stones of all sizes on here and post mostly Wow/beautiful comments on SMTR even if the style is not what I would personally choose.

However, when someone asks for an opinion, I do generally answer honestly. There are times when I will even ask if they are still within the return period before giving my answer! I HATE seeing people get ripped off and I hate seeing them get poor quality stones. I feel like if the person has doubts, they do need to resolve it sooner rather than later. It is much easier to do a return or exchange during the first month as opposed to months later.

My personal feeling about large stones is this...some are set in elegant simple settings and are as classy as can be. Others can look like the person is trying too hard. But that is just my take on it.

 

[~*Alexis*~]

But what if I don''t like pie???? I WANT cake.... LOL....


I think everyone should have an etiquette class before they own a computer.....just my thought...

If you post something and ask for an opinion you should expect to get an answer on all sides of the spectrum. There are rings on this forum I would never wear but I don''t make comments to them about how its ugly or not my taste or you should have done this or that.

Everyone has an opinion and sometimes people can misconstrue a post or an email the wrong way just because they are words typed on a page and you do not get an emotional connection affiliated with a conversation that you would have with someone that you would see in real life.

Ex: I hate yellow gold, it looks horrible on me and does nothing for my albino skin tone.

Someone posts something in yellow gold I don''t tell them I think its hideous. (unless its in the ugly ring thread.)

Case and point: I you don''t want an HONEST answer don''t ask for someones opinion. I do think that there are hyper sensitive people on here and they could just be a hypersensitive person in real life as well, however, if you would not say something to someones face, then don''t say it in an email or post.

I don''t post often just because I don''t feel I need to "rack up posts" to get to a certain number or whatever. I feel that if I am going to post something then I should put some quality of effort into what I write or contribute.

...its the nations birthday today...so its Freedom Of Speech...


I mean this post nicely btw....

Now about that nice piece of PIE????? Or just skip the dessert and go for the Tiki Bar????? I will take a Dirty Martini......2 olives.....

 

[Pandora II]

Okay, I think we have established the following:

1) If opinions are asked for, then feel free to be honest - but not snarky

2) When being honest do so tactfully

3) Critical comments are not (normally) a sign of jealousy/envy etc

4) People have different tastes

5) Not everyone would pick the bigger rock - even if both stones were identical cut, clarity and colour. Bigger does not equal better in a lot of people''s minds.

 

[Madam Bijoux]

Gems are such special creations of nature. Considering how many millions of years it takes to form one under the right conditions, every gem is WOW-worthy. Settings and designs are a reminder of the creativity of the human mind - again, reason to celebrate. Even if a particular design wouldn''t look good on my hand, I love looking at all of them.