Would you be offended if . . . ???

[hikerchick]

So, the wedding registry info thread got me thinking . . .
Are you offended or would you be offended to get registry info in the invite?
We all know it is considered tacky and we all repeat the same "don''t do it" mantra when the question of putting registry info in the invite comes up but how many of us would be truly offended if we got an invite to a friend or family member''s wedding with the info on a separate card?
I am curious to see the results.

 

[Gypsy]

I''d just assume they didn''t know any better and shrug it off, honestly. Goes along with the "people are idiots" thing.

 

[Mandarine]

I wouldn''t be offended at all.....but I think it may be a cultural thing...In Venezuela most people actually put a little card to say that they want cash instead of gifts....haha, they say it in a "nicer" way, but it doesn''t offend anyone, I think people are just used ot it!

That''s just me though, it''s been hard for me to accommodate to all the US "wedding rules", because in Venezuela is much more relaxed. I think a lot of people (not all!) spend too much time worrying about what others will think instead of doing what feels right for them. I say you put in your invite whatever you feel like

M~

 

[onedrop]

Well since I commented on the other thread, I thought I''d go ahead and vote here too. I voted for not being offended and would welcome the info.

 

[AmberWaves]

For my FI''s cousin''s wedding, they sent TWO registry cards in the invite- I also got two cards (the same ones) in her bridal shower invitation. I was more offended that they felt the need to mention it twice (in the same week both invites were sent out) than I was by their lack of "manners". I mean, four registry cards in a week? Seriously?

 

[Mara]

i would welcome the info because then you don''t have to do the whole song and dance about asking so and so or trying to figure out on your own where they are registered. just make it easy for me and tell me. hehe.

i know that it''s always been considered bad manners because it''s like you ''expect'' a gift, but i am pretty modern thinking about weddings...i figure that people can do whatever they want to do with their wedding and if people don''t agree or think it''s tacky, then just don''t participate.

 

[Mara]

Date: 5/2/2007 1:12:44 PM
Author: AmberWaves
For my FI''s cousin''s wedding, they sent TWO registry cards in the invite- I also got two cards (the same ones) in her bridal shower invitation. I was more offended that they felt the need to mention it twice (in the same week both invites were sent out) than I was by their lack of ''manners''. I mean, four registry cards in a week? Seriously?

most likely the bridal shower was handled by someone other than the bride. so the bride probably included her registry cards in her invites not knowing that the bridal shower invite was going out the same week with the same cards in it. just a case of bad timing it sounds like!

 

[Jas12]

I wouldn''t be ''offended'' per se--but i do think it is still tacky and wouldn''t do it myself

 

[labbielove]

Depends on your definition of offended- i certainly would still buy a wedding gift for them, and i wouldn''t hold a grudge about it,
but i would definitely consider it tacky.
registry information belongs on the shower invitation only, if at all, and/or if people ask for it.

i am very laid back, and definitely no emily post, but even i consider including registry info in a wedding invite tacky.

 

[aljdewey]

I wouldn''t be offended, but I would think it tacky, to be honest.

A way around this: if you have a wedding website or knot page, I''d think it more appropriate to include a separate card that says "we''d love to have you check out our wedding website/knot page/etc. for more details". It would be fine to put registry information on that same page.

I''d think this more subtle and more refined than a card with the invite saying "oh, here''s our registry too (HINT HINT)." LOL

 

[laine]

Are polls working on Pricescope? I can never view the results. I thought it was a firefox thing, but I can''t see the results in explorer either.

I agree with Jas12 and Labbielove: I wouldn''t be offended, but I would definitely find it tacky. I hate to say I''d think less of the couple--I certainly wouldn''t like them any less and it wouldn''t change the way I act toward them. Still though, there''d be that little thought that they did something tacky and inappropriate.

I think registries are easy enough to find that you don''t need the card. Older people usually know enough to ask the family and younger people tend to be internet savvy enough to find them. I suppose I could be giving people too much credit here. I guess I figure if people are too clueless to find a registry, they''re probably too clueless to get the card.

 

[tanyak]

I wouldn''t be offended at all. Actually, there are a lot of things that I didn''t know were "tacky" until I started visiting wedding boards about three years back. For example, growing up, we never sent "thank you" notes. We certainly thanked people in person when opening gifts or if we got something in the mail, we called and said thanks right away. We just never went the note route. It wasn''t common in our family or with my parents friends. I now know that we were "tacky."

 

[Blenheim]

I''m not offended, but I do wonder what they''re thinking.

Laine -- it''s currently 10% very offended, 46% wouldn''t offend but would think poorly of the B&G, 17% not offended, 27% welcoming the information.

 

[Mandarine]

This is a really interesting poll!....based on this I guess I won't be asking for cash on my invites! haha...just kidding!!! I know it wouldn't be appropriate here in the US...it would be kind of funny to see people's reactions though! haha.

I really do think it depends on the Bride and Groom, the type of wedding (very private vs. 400 people guests) and obviosly culture. I would say go with your gut feeling...if you think the people *you* are inviting will be offended, then don't include it.

M~

 

[robbie3982]

I would welcome the info actually. It''s funny though because I think things that our generation sees as no big deal, older generations still consider to be a huge deal. This past weekend was my sister''s bat mitzvah and I saw lots of family members. One great aunt made a comment to my cousin who''s getting married this summer that she addressed their save the date incorrectly and told her how it should be addressed for their invitation.

We were laughing about it later because we never honestly thought that anyone other than the person addressing the invites really cared if it was completely correct or not.

 

[hikerchick]

Date: 5/2/2007 2:14:12 PM
Author: robbie3982
I would welcome the info actually. It''s funny though because I think things that our generation sees as no big deal, older generations still consider to be a huge deal. This past weekend was my sister''s bat mitzvah and I saw lots of family members. One great aunt made a comment to my cousin who''s getting married this summer that she addressed their save the date incorrectly and told her how it should be addressed for their invitation.


We were laughing about it later because we never honestly thought that anyone other than the person addressing the invites really cared if it was completely correct or not.

Totally agree, Robbie . . .
I really appreciate when the invite includes all the info because then I don''t have to go through the riga-ma-roll of finding out the info I need. I have never thought this was tacky and have gotten this sort of "info card" for atleast 3 weddings I can think of . . . but then again, I thought cash bar was the norm and nothing to get your panties in a bunch about till I started reading the wedding boards about a year ago . . .
go figure . . .

In any case, this poll was set up by me for the sake of curiosity, we are likely not registering for gifts so this won''t be a personal concern to me. Interesting results though . . . I wonder what the age breakdown for the responses are?

 

[dtnyc]

I am 30 and went w/ the "thought badly" option.

Then again I live on the E. Coast- in a state that is borderline Southern and I am sitting here drinking sweet tea as I type. I went to Junior Cotillion, etc.
To me a wedding w/ a cash bar is a unicorn- mythical if you will- something of legend.

Honestly if I got an invite w/ registry info I would either just give money, or go out of my way to get the couple a really nice personalized gift that wasn''t on their registry- like have the invite professionally matted and framed, an engraved crystal ice bucket, etc.

 

[bee*]

I''d welcome the info

 

[Gypsy]

Date: 5/2/2007 2:25:24 PM
Author: dtnyc

To me a wedding w/ a cash bar is a unicorn- mythical if you will- something of legend.

Me too! I have no idea what I''d do if I went to a wedding with one. Half the time we don''t carry $$ with us to weddings. Just enough for the valet (or parking, I guess) and emergencies plus a credit card. Can you start a tab??? LOL.

 

[hikerchick]

Date: 5/2/2007 2:29:58 PM
Author: Gypsy

Date: 5/2/2007 2:25:24 PM

Author: dtnyc


To me a wedding w/ a cash bar is a unicorn- mythical if you will- something of legend.

Me too! I have no idea what I''d do if I went to a wedding with one. Half the time we don''t carry $$ with us to weddings. Just enough for the valet (or parking, I guess) and emergencies plus a credit card. Can you start a tab??? LOL.

So funny how geographical differences determine what is norm or what is the proverbial "unicorn" . . .
Here in the Northeast, cash bars are quite the norm.
Actually more than 70% of the 2 dozen or so weddings I have attended in my life have been cash bars and most if not all have in small writing at the bottom of the invite or the attached card a phrase that says "cash bar". I always bring money to weddings, always have and never thought twice about it.

 

[dtnyc]

Date: 5/2/2007 2:29:58 PM
Author: Gypsy

Date: 5/2/2007 2:25:24 PM

Author: dtnyc


To me a wedding w/ a cash bar is a unicorn- mythical if you will- something of legend.

Me too! I have no idea what I''d do if I went to a wedding with one. Half the time we don''t carry $$ with us to weddings. Just enough for the valet (or parking, I guess) and emergencies plus a credit card. Can you start a tab??? LOL.

I can honestly say I probably wouldn''t drink much at one,- my friend went to one where she said they charged for soda... - it''s like inviting someone over to your home for a dinner party and charging them for drinks. I would also probably make as early an exit as possible.

 

[njc]

I voted that I would welcome the information, beacuse its true. While I wouldnt think badly of the B&G, I would think huh, thats not proper and thats not what *I* did, but wouldnt think badly and be happy I had the info.

I''ve never thought of registry info as the B&G asking for gifts... more of a suggestion and a way for you to know where they are registered.

Tacky is what my future SIL did with their wedding invites... she used old 37 cent stamps (the ones with the flags) on the invites and the response card envelope. So, yes, she had to put 2 stamps on each. I''m all for using old stamps, but come on... thats for like mailing bills in a crunch! You couldnt make the SLIGHT effort to at least get proper postage, if not more wedding appropriate stamps!? My southern mother and I gave up a while ago...

 

[hikerchick]

Date: 5/2/2007 2:38:40 PM
Author: dtnyc

Date: 5/2/2007 2:29:58 PM

Author: Gypsy

Date: 5/2/2007 2:25:24 PM


Author: dtnyc



To me a wedding w/ a cash bar is a unicorn- mythical if you will- something of legend.

Me too! I have no idea what I''d do if I went to a wedding with one. Half the time we don''t carry $$ with us to weddings. Just enough for the valet (or parking, I guess) and emergencies plus a credit card. Can you start a tab??? LOL.

I can honestly say I probably wouldn''t drink much at one,- my friend went to one where she said they charged for soda... - it''s like inviting someone over to your home for a dinner party and charging them for drinks. I would also probably make as early an exit as possible.

Charging for soda is unacceptable in my book however, I really am still baffled at how judgemental people are about this stuff. I guess I am lucky to be blessed with family and friends who wouldn''t ever consider being offended outraged or leave my wedding early if I had a cash bar . . . and maybe if there were those who would be this way, well . . . there''s the door. No offense intended, I just don''t get this way of thinking.

 

[tanyak]

Date: 5/2/2007 2:38:31 PM
Author: hikerchick

So funny how geographical differences determine what is norm or what is the proverbial 'unicorn' . . .
Here in the Northeast, cash bars are quite the norm.
Actually more than 70% of the 2 dozen or so weddings I have attended in my life have been cash bars and most if not all have in small writing at the bottom of the invite or the attached card a phrase that says 'cash bar'. I always bring money to weddings, always have and never thought twice about it.

Yeah. I live in North Carolina and in my circle of friends, we've never had a cash bar, but no one's ever had an open bar, either. It's soda, beer and wine. Completely common here, but I'm always amazed how people in other parts of the country can't imagine a reception without an open bar! Sure, it can happen around here - I just don't think it's a given like it is in other places.

 

[whatmeworry]

Date: 5/2/2007 2:41:56 PM
Author: njc
I voted that I would welcome the information, beacuse its true. While I wouldnt think badly of the B&G, I would think huh, thats not proper and thats not what *I* did, but wouldnt think badly and be happy I had the info.

I''ve never thought of registry info as the B&G asking for gifts... more of a suggestion and a way for you to know where they are registered.

Tacky is what my future SIL did with their wedding invites... she used old 37 cent stamps (the ones with the flags) on the invites and the response card envelope. So, yes, she had to put 2 stamps on each. I''m all for using old stamps, but come on... thats for like mailing bills in a crunch! You couldnt make the SLIGHT effort to at least get proper postage, if not more wedding appropriate stamps!? My southern mother and I gave up a while ago...

Heh, heh. I got yelled at for getting the wrong stamps (the Statue of Liberty). I picked up a roll of stamps when I bought the DIY invitations. Then FI said oh no, we have to get the stamps with the hearts, doves, etc. Anyway back to the original topic, I wouldn''t be offended or think one way or the other, but on the other hand we didn''t include registry info on the invites or the website.

 

[njc]

Date: 5/2/2007 2:52:13 PM
Author: whatmeworry

Date: 5/2/2007 2:41:56 PM
Author: njc
I voted that I would welcome the information, beacuse its true. While I wouldnt think badly of the B&G, I would think huh, thats not proper and thats not what *I* did, but wouldnt think badly and be happy I had the info.

I''ve never thought of registry info as the B&G asking for gifts... more of a suggestion and a way for you to know where they are registered.

Tacky is what my future SIL did with their wedding invites... she used old 37 cent stamps (the ones with the flags) on the invites and the response card envelope. So, yes, she had to put 2 stamps on each. I''m all for using old stamps, but come on... thats for like mailing bills in a crunch! You couldnt make the SLIGHT effort to at least get proper postage, if not more wedding appropriate stamps!? My southern mother and I gave up a while ago...

Heh, heh. I got yelled at for getting the wrong stamps (the Statue of Liberty). I picked up a roll of stamps when I bought the DIY invitations. Then FI said oh no, we have to get the stamps with the hearts, doves, etc. Anyway back to the original topic, I wouldn''t be offended or think one way or the other, but on the other hand we didn''t include registry info on the invites or the website.

Plain old stamps are one thing... having to double up on old stamps is another. Even buying 2 cent stamps to go with the 37 would have been better IMO! Funny that your FI was the one that got upset!

 

[dtnyc]

I lived in NY for 6 years and have been to weddings in Mass, NJ, NY (not NYC) MD, SC, IL, OH and DC and never encountered a cash bar- I have been encountered the "limited" bar, but never a register at the reception.

 

[Linda W]

I welcome the info. Both of our nieces were married last year and sent us the info online. It didn''t bother us AT ALL. We welcomed it.


Linda

 

[hikerchick]

Date: 5/2/2007 3:14:18 PM
Author: dtnyc
I lived in NY for 6 years and have been to weddings in Mass, NJ, NY (not NYC) MD, SC, IL, OH and DC and never encountered a cash bar- I have been encountered the ''limited'' bar, but never a register at the reception.

Then maybe it isn''t a geograhical thing? Don''t know what to say except that I also have attended weddings in ME, VT, NH, MA, RI, NJ, CO, NY (not NYC), CT, NJ and have been to atleast 1 cash bar in each of those states except CO and NJ . . .

It might well be the "circles" we run in . . . most of my friends are super laid back, grad students, hikers, etc . . . I come from a middle class family, never needed for anything but never super well off either. Most of my friends are the same, they come from families who don''t have a ton of money and they have student loans, etc. and most of them paid for the weddings themselves. All of the limited alcohol and open bar weddings have been paid for by the parents and not the bride and groom.

There has to be some reason why some of us are not shocked by cash bars and some of us think they are "unicorns" . . . I am hard pressed to believe I am just a bad mannered and tacky person surrounded by other bad mannered and tacky people . . . who determines this stuff anyway? Do we blindly follow the masses and accept mind conditioning ???

 

[tanyak]

Like I mentioned in my post, I think it is definitely a "circles" thing as well as regional. There are lots of upscale hotels around here and I'm sure most of the weddings held in them have open bars. But my friends and I, who are all middle class (journalists, teachers, etc.) couldn't afford that kind of service. Most of us had a little bit of help from parents, but we footed at least half - and sometimes more - of the bills ourselves.