Would you date a person with Bi-polar disorder?

[Delster]

Date: 6/9/2007 8:09:45 PM
Author: decodelighted
Pandora -- I SO dig your attitude! I hope more people realize how openness can really help progress -- both in changing perceptions & in bringing attention to the issue/stirring up research $ etc. Usually the folks who are thriving with a certain disorder or while in recovery go below the radar -- while out-of-control, criminal or destructive examples end up high profile!

Pandora I applaud you for being so open and for giving so generously to this discussion. Mental health is the area I do research in, but I don''t know so much about the treatment and management strategies as I probably should do (in my defence, I''m a lawyer!). What I do know for sure though is that stigma and the belief that all people with mental health difficulties must be dangerous is the biggest barrier to progress of all. Deco said it so well.

Gypsy I am so glad your friend has found a doctor with whom she clicks. A mutually respectful relationship is so important to any treatment plan. I wish her the very best and will be thinking of her.

So would I date someone with bi-polar? Yes, once they are open to the kind of self-awareness and reflection that Pandora has shown us here. I expect this of myself and expect it of a mate and any mental health diagnosis is secondary to that for me.

 

[firebirdgold]

WOW Pandora! Your posts are so close to what I would have written it's scary!!

I too was diagnosed with Bipolar. It's unclear wether or not I have bipolar I or II as I have had bouts of bad mania, ultra-rapid cycling, and my favorite: mixed states. (so not fun). But the worst of it was while I was on evil antidepressants so it's muddled the diagnoses a little. I did not have a trigger but rather developed it slowly during high school and college which my doc says is fairly normal for females. (males often get it with more of a manic bang around college age.)

Very first thing I want to say is that how your friend feels when she forgets to take her meds is NOT indicative of how she'd be naturally without the medications. These are some pretty heavy duty stuff, and skipping can cause sort of a backlash effect due to withdrawal. I'm currently backing down on my dosage of Lamictal (lamotrigine). Every month or so I go down by just 25mg and have a couple of days of feeling really weird and emotionally volatile. (first month I shook and cried, second month I was depressed and irritable). SO, the fact that your friend has emotional effects when she skips a dose does not mean anything! (and she bloody well shouldn't skip!)


On to the actual question:
I'm married and before then I had no trouble dating (due to being bipolar anyway

). I've always viewed it as something like diabetes. It's not the first thing you tell someone but there's no reason to hide it. It's chronic and has to be managed for the rest of ones life like diabetes. Otoh, I never tried to date when I was feeling unstable. Anyway. point being I've never gone on a first date and said 'Hi my name is Indie and I'm bipolar', and I've never had a guy cut and run because of it a few dates in. Once they get to know you a little I think people judge you on your behavior not your diagnosis.




About my experiences with medications:
Leading a stable life with regular sleep patterns and a routine is very important to do in addition to a medication. Large amounts of fish oils is also known to help stabilize a bipolar.

I've been on lithium (with zoloft and wellbutrin) which quite frankly sucked. It wasn't terribly effective, the dosage kept having to be raised. It killed off my thyroid, and it caused some serious 'cognitive dsyfunction' (should have read the fine print of the side effects) which turned out to be an inability to remember things, both short term and long term. (I still have long-term memory issues) I then switched to lamotrigine supplemented by wellbutrin and have been extremely stable ever since.
Lamotrigine is currently one of the best bi-polar medications for people with mild symptoms. (Although it's not a super strong anti-mania drug). It has low side effects but it does still have them. The worst is the remote possibility of a fatal rash, but that usually shows up in the first week and is generally only fatal if you don't stop taking the meds. (obviously I've had no problems with that, but a friend did). The only side effect of a high dosage I've experienced is losing some verbal abilities. I had trouble finding words and remembering what I was about to say in a conversation. Did not enjoy that at all.

An important note on bipolar: Self-medication and recreational drug use can permanently screw up one's ability to become stable using real medications. Basically if a bipolar has done certain drugs in the past the likelyhood of their ever finding a medication combo that works long term is pretty small. Unfortunately it's really common, and combined with the fact that most bipolars tend not to stick with their meds leads to the common perception that bipolars can not be medicated effectively and lead stable lives.
(I have never done drugs other than the occasional college party puff on a joint, and having had mixed states and real mania was so very unpleasant that I have never had any trouble staying on my meds).

Genetics:
Bipolar is connected to several genes, not just one, so a person can have all the genes without a strong family history of it on either side. Family members having an incomplete set of the genes that lead to bipolar can present with hypomania, anxiety disorders, depression, etc... Sometimes self-medication can mask family history. For instance my grandfather was an alcoholic. That side of the family is also prone to some pretty bad anxiety issues. My sister is hypo-manic. But the last verifiable person in my family history is on the other side with a cousin who was institutionalized and eventually 'fell' under a train.



DISCLAIMER:
I'm now more stable than most people I know. My doc is a little baffled by it and is wondering if he somehow misdiagnosed me to begin with. Despite my history which does strongly indicate bipolar he says it's just unheard of for a bipolar not to have some kind of small breakthrough episode for a couple of years especially since lamotrigine is not a really strong anti-mania drug. I don't think my husband really believes I'm bipolar because I'm more emotionally stable than he is! So you just may want to ignore my post.




OH, and if I ever meet Sally Fields I'm going to slap her so hard she'll be seeing stars for the next week! That screaming scene did more damage to bipolars' reputation and social image than anything else and had NO bearing on reality! I think she was just reprising her crazy act from whatever movie that was. I swear to god I'll kick her ass and then say 'opps I'm bipolar, I'm crazy, you can't blame me for my actions!' *grumble* media *grumble* lawyers *grumble*

ETA: my doc says that unlike lithium it is possible to keep taking lamotrigine while pregnant. No real problems. Although he doesn't recommend much breast feeding while on it.

 

[Delster]

Date: 6/20/2007 11:26:13 AM
Author: IndieJones

OH, and if I ever meet Sally Fields I''m going to slap her so hard she''ll be seeing stars for the next week! That screaming scene did more damage to bipolars'' reputation and social image than anything else and had NO bearing on reality! I think she was just reprising her crazy act from whatever movie that was. I swear to god I''ll kick her ass and then say ''opps I''m bipolar, I''m crazy, you can''t blame me for my actions!'' *grumble* media *grumble* lawyers *grumble*

Oh my, do I hear you on this one or what?

Or maybe my ire is directed more at lawmakers. Sometimes I despair of meaningful change

Indie yours was yet another very brave and moving response to this amazing thread. I hope when Gypsy passes on the comments to her friend that it will be a big support. I''m sure it will be.

 

[Gypsy]

I've decided to share the thread with her at this point. I think she's much more stable and this morning even said that if she has a mood disorder she's not that scared anymore because her new doctor talked to her about reality and perceptions of the disorder, and how managable it can be. I don't know if this is just... her talking herself into it or what. But I do see a marked improvement of her viewpoint in general, and I'm thinking-- at this point-- this thread will help rather than harm her.

Don't know if she's post, but I hope so. I've told her that I post about my own anxiety/ depression issues and that everyone is very supportive, so maybe.

You guys are really great. As always. (((HUGS))) Special thanks to Pandora and IndieJones... thank you very much ladies for being such great (brave) examples of what the disease is truly like. And Indie? If I see Sally Fields (who is on my **** list for now without my daughter) I will smack her once for you too!