WOW - I have been told how $$$ to pay for my plate, including due date for payment!

[Shoopy]

Hi brooklyn

I think she was referring to and I was ditto-ing the comment that if you can''t afford to go to a wedding, you shouldn''t go. It appeared like that comment was saying that if you can''t afford to cover your plate with the gift, then you shouldn''t go. Sorry if that''s not what you meant.

 

[mintve]

WOW! That is madness. I had to re-read your original post two times to make sure I read it right. I know financial times are tough, but that is just tacky.

 

[lesco]

Date: 12/17/2008 11:09:18 AM
Author: Guilty Pleasure
For those of you from areas where it is customary to 'cover your plate':

Do you take int oaccount what kind of wedding it will be before deciding how much to give? Like for a Sunday brunch wedding outside the city, you give xx amount of dollars, but for a Saturday night affair in the city, you give twice as much?

I usually try to give as much as possible so the couple has a little extra left. I am mindful of the possible costs involved not because I want to "cap" my gift to exactly what the couple paid for my plate but because I don't want to give too little. I give what I can comfortably afford.

Also, I'm a little bit of a biatch myself. I tend to decline going to any event in which I feel that I was invited out of courtesy. I hate to show up to events held by people I barely know. Since most weddings I've been to were held by close friends/family, I like to think that they cared less about how much I gave them... ( My friend is now the exception to this rule, of course

).

 

[oobiecoo]

I think its perfectly reasonable to not attend if you feel it was a courtesy invitation... I''d do the same. Or if I did go, I''d give a small gift since Im not that close to them.

 

[princesss]

I just read the OP to my BF, and he looked horrified and said, "Yeah, that''s taxi -"

Yeah. This had him so stunned he couldn''t even come up with the word "Tacky".

 

[sap483]

Wow, I just saw this. I'm completely shocked. I remember the post a few weeks ago about the cash envelope included in the wedding invite- seriously, do brides no longer care that they are being extremely rude not to mention severely breaching etiquette?

I also wanted to comment on the concept of covering your plate. I just had a discussion with one of my colleagues about that and I realize that it's customary in certain regious/cultures- however does that really make it ok? IMO, I would feel so guilty if my guests felt obligated to pay for my choices. My cost for the food/bar per person including taxes and gratuity ended up being about $280. That means a family of four would be obligated to give me $1120. That's absurd. In reality a lot of our guests were very generous and we are very grateful; however I hope their generosity was a result of what they actually wanted to give and could afford to give and not some notion of what was expected to cover their plate because that would really taint the event for me. Also some of our guests didn't give us anything or gave us a small gift. I would have been sad if they hadn't attended because they couldn't afford to cover their plate. The fact that they attended was gift enough for me (not that a bride should ever expect a gift

)!

 

[BlueKeet]

Lesco, I think you need to talk to your close friend/relative and let her know why some people including yourself will be put off by this request to pay up front. Just try to do it in as non-offensive way as possible. It seems like if you are friends you'll just decide to pay up, go, and enjoy yourself. It really isn't worth it to go if you can't get over her rude request or better yet, talk some sense into her. There is also the option of skipping the boat ride as the other guests intend to do and just attend the ceremony. Of course if I charged for just the ceremony it still would have been $15 per head. It just takes away from the whole idea of having a party to celebrate your wedding when you're expecting guests to cover their entry.

 

[lesco]

Date: 12/18/2008 9:08:20 PM
Author: BlueKeet
Lesco, I think you need to talk to your close friend/relative and let her know why some people including yourself will be put off by this request to pay up front. Just try to do it in as non-offensive way as possible. It seems like if you are friends you''ll just decide to pay up, go, and enjoy yourself. It really isn''t worth it to go if you can''t get over her rude request or better yet, talk some sense into her. There is also the option of skipping the boat ride as the other guests intend to do and just attend the ceremony. Of course if I charged for just the ceremony it still would have been $15 per head. It just takes away from the whole idea of having a party to celebrate your wedding when you''re expecting guests to cover their entry.

You make a whole lot of sense, Bluekeet.

I wish I had the guts to confront her, but I know it will be taken the wrong way. I know that in her mind she is not doing anything wrong. She was raised to believe she deserves everything, being mama''s little girl and all. I don''t want to be the one ruining her wedding day as I know she will take the criticism to heart.

I will certainly attend the ceremony. I don''t think I will go to the reception unless I am 100% sure I''ve moved past her rudeness. Sometimes you have to accept people for who they are. This is a perfect example of who she is.

 

[DiamanteBlu]

UFB! I think I would have just blurted out "Then I''m not coming." and hung up.

Although, I do like the PB&J, kool aid and flask of vodka idea!

 

[SarahLovesJS]

 

[Sha]

Total madness.

But guess what? I saw an invitation the other day that had the Bank and Account Number for the "wedding funds" (i.e gifts) to be deposited. It was on the back of the invitation (an invitation card). There was no "we would prefer a monetary contribution if possible" or anything like that- just "Please deposit to this Bank and this Account Number etc. etc.

!!!

 

[trillionaire]

Date: 12/19/2008 12:09:53 AM
Author: Sha
Total madness.

But guess what? I saw an invitation the other day that had the Bank and Account Number for the ''wedding funds'' (i.e gifts) to be deposited. It was on the back of the invitation (an invitation card). There was no ''we would prefer a monetary contribution if possible'' or anything like that- just ''Please deposit to this Bank and this Account Number etc. etc.

!!!

you should send that bank account info to one of those poor people who always send the email about needing a money transfer

 

[lesco]

Date: 12/19/2008 12:09:53 AM
Author: Sha
Total madness.

But guess what? I saw an invitation the other day that had the Bank and Account Number for the ''wedding funds'' (i.e gifts) to be deposited. It was on the back of the invitation (an invitation card). There was no ''we would prefer a monetary contribution if possible'' or anything like that- just ''Please deposit to this Bank and this Account Number etc. etc.

!!!

Really??? People have no shame! OMG, that''s crazy.

 

[BlueKeet]

Lesco, sorry to hear reasoning with her is out of the question. A boat ride does sound like fun. Be sure not to bring the camera, she''ll probably hold it against you if you don''t get pictures of everything she desires.

By the way, your ring is stunning!