Becky P
Shiny_Rock
- Joined
- Sep 7, 2006
- Messages
- 272
Mandarine - Yes! I 100% agree with this. It''s just that sometimes we need reminding that, hey, I have a say in this too, and my opinion matters. The only person I have control over is myself - my own actions and reactions. That''s exactly what I went into last night thinking.
So, now, for the update... Things went REALLY, REALLY good last night! And, in part, that''s thanks to you ladies - both the tough love and the well wishes were tremendously helpful. I can''t remember exactly who said that he was always changing the subject on me, and he did that last night! It actually took about 5-6 tries to really get him to realize that I needed answers and I was serious this time, but once he realized that I wasn''t just going to roll over and fall for his mushy routine, he got real with me, which is what I wanted.
Moving: Sounds like the NC thing might not happen as fast as he thought. After talking with some more of his colleagues, it seems as though a new finance director has it out for him because he''s got one of the highest salaries, so transferring may not even be an option. He''s gonna talk to his boss to see what the possibilities are, but after 48 hours to think about it, he''s realized that it would probably be silly to move to NC when he could end up losing his job anyway. So, we actually talked last night about where we would move, since neither of us see ourselves being in Pittsburgh for forever. We''ve got it narrowed to a list of 4 cities, and he''s gonna put feelers out and see what''s available in the places that we''re both interested in living.
Parents/Religion: Many of you ladies have pointed out that I hadn''t answered any questions about the religious differences and what his parents thought, but that''s because until last night, I didn''t know. We talked about his parents feelings toward our relationship, and he said that I''m the only girl they''ve ever asked about. They really like me, etc. I specifically asked how they felt about our different religious backgrounds, and he said that they know I make him happy, and that''s what''s important to them.
Marriage: Now, for what you''ve all been waiting for!! Last night, he actually said the words, "I want to marry you." And, I finally got a reason why he''s not ready. He said he''s "not ready to share". He basically feels like this is his last chance at freedom before settling down and having kids. He doesn''t understand why people can''t just be happy with where they are, and is worried that once we get married, people are gonna be pressuring us into having kids right away. Ironically, these are the EXACT same reasons that he was worried about me moving here, and that''s gone better than he could ever imagine. Promises are a HUGE deal to him. He''s probably made 3 or 4 total promises to me the entire time we''ve known each other, so when he says, "I promise...." it''s a really big deal, and he means it and follows through on it. Last night, he made two promises! First, he promised that if we were looking at moving to another city, we''d talk about moving the timeline up for getting engaged/being married because he does understand that I can''t move without being his wife or fiance. Second, I again asked what type of a timeline he was looking at, and he of course hemmed, hawwed, etc. Then, I point blank asked, do you think we''ll be married before I turn 30? He said, how old are you again? (He does know how old I am, but under the stress of the moment, he forgot.) I said 27, I''m 28 in April. Without hesitation, he said, yes, definitely, I promise we will definitely be married before you''re 30. So, that''s 2 1/2 years away... He and I will definitely be married sometime in the next 2 1/2 years. That''s a little longer than I had hoped for, but if that''s the timeframe he needs, then I''m willing to work with that.
So, what am I gonna do now? Well, last night he said that he didn''t really think about "it" (marriage/engagement) that much, so I asked him if he could, for me, really start to think about it. He agreed. So, for now, now that I have some answers, I''m gonna back off and give him some time and space to think about things. He said he would, and I''m not gonna drive him nuts asking about it all the time. Once we get close to March, if we haven''t gotten to the point where we''re looking at rings and he''s taking some initiative, I''ll bring things up again. So, that''s where it stands, and I feel really happy that I stood up for myself and got some input as to where he is with things. Thanks again ladies for all of your help!
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