Addressing wedding ivitations

[Sabine]

I''ve got a bunch of questions about wedding invitations:

1. Is there a website that anyone has used that has guidelines that you trust to be correct (just googling I found a ton, and they don''t all say the same thing)?

2. Did you go with the rule of addressing the outer envelope for a married couple Mr. and Mrs. John Smith even if you know Mrs. Smith is a bit of a feminist?

3. Did you go with the rule that the inner envelope should be Mr. and Mrs. Smith if the outer envelope is Mr. and Mrs. John Smith? I''m really thinking about doing the inner envelopes more informal, so if the outer was Mr. and Mrs. John Smith, the inner would be John and Betty Smith (or if you drop the titles, does the woman go first? Betty and John Smith?)...especially for my close friends and family...but I also feel like I should be consistent.

4. Last one-- if you aren''t doing any neat pockets/folders, do all enclosers go inside the inner envelope? If so, in what order? I will be having the invite, a reception card, a response card and envelope (does the card go IN the envelope?), a directions/map insert, and an accomodations insert.

 

[surfgirl]

Sabine, I went with #2, even if I knew Mrs. Smith was a rabid feminist and here's why...I did hand calligraphy and sometimes the double names wouldn't fit on the envelope so I just did "Mr. and Mrs. Jonathan Doe". I had the "and" written out because it's more formal, and I had the state written out in full because that's also more formal. Same for "Street" and "Avenue", etc., I had them written out in full. No abbreviations.

ETA: Mine were wedding announcements since we eloped, so I didn't have any extra info for inside.

 

[cara]

1. Crane paper has a good wedding etiquette section

2.
I did Mr. and Mrs. John Smith for women that had changed their last names, as I wanted to use titles and be correct. If Mrs. Smith is a rabid feminist who happened to change her name, she is going to have to suffer being properly addressed unless she has specifically requested otherwise. In which case, you call people what they request to be called.

Jane and John Smith is also correct (note ladies first except for the Mr. and Mrs. construction.)

Mrs. Jane Smith and Mr. John Smith would be the closest to correct if you want to use titles and the woman's first name. It is not entirely correct because technically Mrs. is used with a man's first name.

Note this is very similar to the form for a woman doctor and her husband: Dr. Jane Smith and Mr. John Smith. Though married women doctors may also use Mrs. as a social title, I went with their professional titles as is more standard today.

Versions that mix titles and names, or separate first and last names are all wrong (Mr. and Mrs. John and Jane Smith, Mr. John and Mrs. Jane Smith, etc.)

3. I went informal on the inner envelope and did "Betty and John", etc., but this is not correct.

4. I don't have a complete order but I believe it should be response, response envelope, invite, reception card, rest. You want the response first, outside of the envelope, so that people see it.

ETA: Everything goes inside the inner envelope. It is designed for the outer envelope to be thrown away after mailing, leaving a nice pretty package in the inner envelope.

 

[Sabine]

Thanks surfgirl and cara, that was helpful!

 

[Pandora II]

According to Debrett''s, consistency is the most important thing. If you go for formal, then everyone should be treated the same - don''t mix styles.

Envelopes should be address to Mrs John Smith (even if she is a doctor etc).

I always address single men as John Smith, Esq - unless the are a Dr etc in which case they are Dr John Smith (Esq is never used when a prefix is) but that may be very British.

Single women are Miss Mary Smith or Mrs Mary Smith if they are divorced or widowed. Dr Mary Smith etc are also correct.

Invitations should be addressed to John & Mary Smith; Mary Smith; John Smith Esq; Dr Mary Smith; Prof. John Smith etc

(We don''t have inner and outer envelopes in the UK, but I am presuming that Debrett''s advises the Outer envelope to be addressed in this way)


I am a stickler for Correct Form and so I am addressing all my envelopes and invitations formally and properly. I stick to one rule for everyone - if people have a problem, that''s tough. I have a huge dislike of being called ''Ms'' all the time, but I don''t make an issue of it.

 

[Courtneylub]

Date: 3/11/2008 7:08:12 PM
Author: cara
1. Crane paper has a good wedding etiquette section

2.
I did Mr. and Mrs. John Smith for women that had changed their last names, as I wanted to use titles and be correct. If Mrs. Smith is a rabid feminist who happened to change her name, she is going to have to suffer being properly addressed unless she has specifically requested otherwise. In which case, you call people what they request to be called.

Jane and John Smith is also correct (note ladies first except for the Mr. and Mrs. construction.)

Mrs. Jane Smith and Mr. John Smith would be the closest to correct if you want to use titles and the woman''s first name. It is not entirely correct because technically Mrs. is used with a man''s first name.

Note this is very similar to the form for a woman doctor and her husband: Dr. Jane Smith and Mr. John Smith. Though married women doctors may also use Mrs. as a social title, I went with their professional titles as is more standard today.

Versions that mix titles and names, or separate first and last names are all wrong (Mr. and Mrs. John and Jane Smith, Mr. John and Mrs. Jane Smith, etc.)

3. I went informal on the inner envelope and did ''Betty and John'', etc., but this is not correct.

4. I don''t have a complete order but I believe it should be response, response envelope, invite, reception card, rest. You want the response first, outside of the envelope, so that people see it.

ETA: Everything goes inside the inner envelope. It is designed for the outer envelope to be thrown away after mailing, leaving a nice pretty package in the inner envelope.

So what IS correct on the inner envelope then?


This is all great information by the way.

 

[cara]

Correct is Mr. and Mrs. Smith on the inner envelope. No first names for adults.

 

[zoebartlett]

Thanks, Sabine, for posting this! I was going to when I got home from school today. This is very helpful information to have, and I have one question (if I can threadjack for a sec).

Someone did our invitations for us. Our printer printed the reply card envelopes as:

Mr. & Mrs. Bill Lastname (I thought "and" should be written out instead)
address
town, state (the state was NOT written out, it was abbraviated), zip code (I thought the zip got its own line)

We''re going to print the larger envelope on our own printer. Should I do it the same way our printer did or should we go with the more proper, formal way?

Thanks again Sabine!

 

[saltymuffin]

If a woman changed her name, then you are totally safe to address it to Mr.&Mrs. John Smith. If she didn''t change her name, or you are addressing the invites to an unmarried couple then you need to squeeze both names on there. I don''t know what the rules are for that. . . Ms. Smith and Mr. Jones?? I think in that case I would do: Betty Smith and Bob Jones.

 

[CJ2008]

I actually didn''t pay attention to etiquette or the proper way to do things at all...but we''re having a very small wedding, I might have done it differently otherwise.

- I addressed the OUTER envelopes as John & Jane Smith.

I really wanted to point out each single person, it kind of meant something to me as I was doing it...but I knew the whole time it wasn''t correct
- The RSVP''s envelopes just had my and my FI''s name, and address