Adoption Thread

[AGBF]

For finding your mother,
There's one certain test.
You must look for the creature
Who loves you the best.
--- David Kirk (Little Miss Spider) ​

 

[pennquaker09]

Ohh IG I am sorry for you. I really am.

Yay to you Bella. I'm sorry I'm so late!

 

[ImperfectGirl]

Thank you Penn...good to hear from you! How is baby Charles?

Bella - How was the flight home? I hope you arrived safe and B is adapting to his new home.

***************************

Before we left the hospital with Avery, the nurses asked us whether we wanted her to receive her Hep B shot and if we were ok with them withdrawing blood from her heel to test her for about 50 different diseases. I reviewed the list of diseases and thought it would be good to know the results from the tests so we agreed. The pediatrician told us that we would not be contacted if all tests came back negative but if there was an issue, we would receive a call.

Fast forward to today...the pediatrician calls us and says that she'd like to discuss an issue with the results of Avery's PKU. I immediately let her know that we were not adopting Avery and that she should contact her mother. She apologized and the call ended. I can't stop thinking about Avery now...I really hope she is okay. I'm praying for her and ask that if you all can spare any dust/thoughts/prayers, to please send them her way.

 

[Bella_mezzo]

Oh IG-I hope that Avery is ok and that you have some time and space to heal!

We are HOME! We are grateful and blessed beyond belief. B did great on the flights, it is really surreal to be home. My job is already hassling me to make sure that I know they still want me to work long hours etc. So, we'll see how it goes...I am already upping ym search.

I got an awful virus or something on our last day in ET or on the plane and have a fever, plus headache, stomache ache, cough, earache, AND jetlag (approx 27 hours of travel time). HOpe I am better soon and I go back to work in a week and a half!

 

[icekid]

Welcome home Bella and B! Hope he loves being a New Yorker

IG- Still thinking of you and little Avery...

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Yay, Bella! Welcome home! What happens to B when you go back to work in a week and a half? You two will barely be over the jet lag by then!

 

[Bella_mezzo]

I think my fever finally broke last night, so hopefully i am on the mend.

DH is a SAHD this semester as he has class at night...hopefully I'll find a new job soon with a less crazy boss and a better work/life balance!

 

[fisherofmengirly]

I've not been following this thread, but I did want to pop on and say welcome home to Bella and her sweet son.

Enjoy all of the journey, including the kinks in the road, lady. I'm sure you will!!

 

[Skippy123]

Bella, yay I am sooooo happy for you to have your beautiful little one home!!!

IP, I will keep A in my prayers all will be okay. sending lots of love your way.

 

[lliang_chi]

Bella, WELCOME HOME!!!! So happy you made it back. How has your family been adjusting?

IG, many thoughts to A, and also to you and your DH. Hope you're doing well. You have so many friends on PS, feel free to say hi somewhere.

~LC

 

[ImperfectGirl]

Hi everyone!

I hope you are all well, I just thought I'd update in case anyone is interested in our saga...

I've visited a therapist a few times since we've been home to work through my feelings about everything that has happened. I'm at peace with what happened and I really do believe that Parker & Avery just weren't the babies meant for us. I know that our baby is out there. I really believe in adoption but I'll also rejoice in the fact that 2 families were able to stay together and will continue to pray for them and their wellbeing. I emailed Avery's birthmom last week and told her that I hoped she was loving being a mommy and that I wished her and Avery nothing but the best in life. I don't expect to hear back from her but that is truly how I feel.

So, now that the dust has had a little time to settle, DH and I talked a great deal and realized that there will never truly be healing for us until there is a child in our lives. We decided that we are going to continue on through this process. We contacted our agency with tighter perameters that we feel will help us should we have to experience this again. We decided that we will only consider being matched with a birthmom in our state (TX) to eliminate the ICPC aspect of things and significantly bring down the cost of attorney fees. If we find a TX baby, we can go straight home from the hospital and not have to camp out in a hotel room. Also, Texas adoption law is a bit more favorable for adoptive parents as it states that a birthmom can't sign consent until 48 hrs after birth but once the document is signed, it's irrecovable. In MN, where both previous birthmoms lived, they couldn't sign before 72 hrs and then had 10 days in which they could change their mind for any reason. We also decided that we will not travel to a hospital for a baby until the 48 hrs has passed and the paperwork is signed. I'm happy to know that I won't lay eyes on another baby until he/she is fully available for us to adopt. Obviously, staying local significantly reduces travel costs since we can drive and won't have to rent a car. We've lost $10K in attorney fees and travel costs for the 2 failed adoptions and we are not weathly by any means. We realize that having stricter parameters could extend how long it takes for us to finally adopt and we are perfectly okay with that.

So we'll either be presented to expecting TX women looking to place or women who have already had their babies and decided to place after the birth.

Maybe we are crazy, or maybe we just really want to get to the end of this journey and become parents. Either way, I'm in good place and feeling confident that this will happen for us. Our agency has already sent our profiles out to a few birthmothers since we called them on Monday afternoon, and they feel confident we'll be matched again soon.

 

[Logan Sapphire]

IG, can I just say once more how impressed I am with your dignity and graciousness in handling a very tough situation? It sounds like you and your husband have really thought of a well-reasoned plan to move forward to, so I wish you all the best and look forward to reading about when you become parents.

 

[lliang_chi]

IG, I'm so happy you've come back and posted again. I 100% agree with Logan, I'm amazed with you and your DH and how you've handled both gut punching situations. I'm so happy your agency is working with you and that you have a plan going forward. The way you have handled everything is a testament of the wonderful mother you're destined to be. I'll be thinking of you and following this thread. I'm hoping you'll be matched soon and you and the baby you're meant for will find each other soon.

~LC

 

[Bella_mezzo]

IG-I am so glad that you were able to talk to someone and that you have a plan going forward. I think that makes a lot of sense and hope that it protects you from any further heartbreak and brings your child into your family soon! Big hugs!

We are so happy to be home, not happy with dealing with the unending paperwork (readoption, health insurance, Social Security, etc) but we're trucking along. I go back to work next week (my boss very very grudgingly let me start Wednesday so I can ease back in--though she keeps saying she'd like it if I can start sooner I am standing firm on this)...

Not thrilled to be going back to work, DH is good but his idea of SAHD is WAY different than mine so this is going to take some flexibility from each of us.

B is doing really well. Went on the subway for the first time yesterday. Finally made his peace with our super scary (not ) 15 lb fluffy dog, and seems to be adjusting. I am SO grateful we had the time in ET to focus on him b/c even though we are both home right now it's not the same and DH and I both have to make a conscious effort to slow down, make lots of eye contact, etc. Toddlers/preschoolers are so busy that it's easy to overlook this, especially somewhere as fastpaced as Manhattan.

We definitely want more children (ultimately we'd really like 3-4 or maybe more kids) so we're getting ready to get back on the TTC bandwagon (once B moves into his own room and are also looking into independant adoptions through the Congo, legally free children in the fostercare system, or AA/biracial infant adoption with very similar parameters to IGs (but in New York State). So, we'll see. Hopefully B will have a sibling or two (I think three kids is all we could handle in our current apartment and we're not moving for another few years) before he turns 4 (he'll be 3 next month).

 

[Dreamer_D]

IG thank you so much for the update I think of you often. I am glad to hear you have a plan and a sense of peace with the past and hope for the future. I think all your new plans sound really really good.

 

[zoebartlett]

IG -- Thank you for the update. You've been amazingly strong through this, and I wish the best for you and your husband. I love learning about how adoption processes work, so thank you for posting the info. It's very interesting. Take care.

 

[ImperfectGirl]

IG -- Thank you for the update. You've been amazingly strong through this, and I wish the best for you and your husband. I love learning about how adoption processes work, so thank you for posting the info. It's very interesting. Take care.

Zoe - I wanted to reply to you because I remember you asking about whether we were planning for an open adoption or not. We are open to continuing contact with our child's birthmother. We feel it's healthiest for everyone involved. We plan to keep in touch via emails, sending photos, and possibly setting up a 'secret' group on FB where we can post photos and have private communication with the birthmother. Obviously if the birthmother doesn't want the ongoing contact we won't force it.

Thank you to Logan, Dreamer, LC, Bella, and Zoe!

 

[orbaya]

Oh IG, I'm so sorry to hear that things did not work out with Avery. You made a difference in her life, even though she may never know. You gave her so much love during her first few days and will have a big impact on Avery's life.

 

[AGBF]

DH and I talked a great deal and realized that there will never truly be healing for us until there is a child in our lives. We decided that we are going to continue on through this process. We contacted our agency with tighter perameters that we feel will help us should we have to experience this again. We decided that we will only consider being matched with a birthmom in our state (TX) to eliminate the ICPC aspect of things and significantly bring down the cost of attorney fees. If we find a TX baby, we can go straight home from the hospital and not have to camp out in a hotel room. Also, Texas adoption law is a bit more favorable for adoptive parents as it states that a birthmom can't sign consent until 48 hrs after birth but once the document is signed, it's irrecovable. In MN, where both previous birthmoms lived, they couldn't sign before 72 hrs and then had 10 days in which they could change their mind for any reason. We also decided that we will not travel to a hospital for a baby until the 48 hrs has passed and the paperwork is signed. I'm happy to know that I won't lay eyes on another baby until he/she is fully available for us to adopt.

I am so happy that you have this plan, IG! It reminds me a great deal of the way that we adopted Whitney...minus the fingerprinting by the FBI; the translation of documents into Spanish; and the trip to Colombia! It sounds safe and sane. I wish you ever so much happiness! You so much deserve it and your baby is waiting for you!

Hugs and love,
Deb

 

[zoebartlett]

IG -- Thank you for the update. You've been amazingly strong through this, and I wish the best for you and your husband. I love learning about how adoption processes work, so thank you for posting the info. It's very interesting. Take care.

Zoe - I wanted to reply to you because I remember you asking about whether we were planning for an open adoption or not. We are open to continuing contact with our child's birthmother. We feel it's healthiest for everyone involved. We plan to keep in touch via emails, sending photos, and possibly setting up a 'secret' group on FB where we can post photos and have private communication with the birthmother. Obviously if the birthmother doesn't want the ongoing contact we won't force it.

Thank you to Logan, Dreamer, LC, Bella, and Zoe!

Thanks so much for replying, IG. That sounds like a good idea.

Take care!

 

[ImperfectGirl]

Well, that was fast! We have a phone call scheduled to speak with a birthmother (D) and her mother (S) tomorrow evening. Our caseworker feels that this is just a formality as they've stated that they 'know' we are the right family and aren't asking to talk with anyone else. It's very sad...birthmother and birthfather are both only 14 yrs old. I cannot even imagine how scary it must be for her. She is due on Christmas Day. They live about 4 hrs away from us. S told the caseworker that D was previously matched with another couple but it was done without an agency/attorney and it was a friend of a friend of a friend. The couple backed out 3 weeks ago. So S said that they would go the agency route and wanted to ensure that the couple they chose wouldn't back out. Our caseworker gave her a brief rundown of our adoption history and basically said that we were hoping for the same thing. Seems like we've experienced the same thing but on different sides of the fence.

I'll let you all know how it goes.

Thanks Deb & orbaya! I appreciate your support!

 

[Bella_mezzo]

OH wow IG!!!

and oh wow "D" 14 is so young, she must be terrified.

It sounds like it would be an incredible Christmas for everyone...I really hope that this works out for so many reasons!

 

[ImperfectGirl]

OH wow IG!!!

and oh wow "D" 14 is so young, she must be terrified.

It sounds like it would be an incredible Christmas for everyone...I really hope that this works out for so many reasons!

Thanks Bella! We were pretty surprised to get the news so quick but then again all of our matches happened really quickly. It's the other part that never seems to work out the way we want it to.

Yes, she is incredibly young. I've seen a few photos of her and she looks like a baby. Well, that's because she is a baby. It's just heartbreaking.

 

[lili]

IG--
Oh wow....fingers and toes crossed that third time is a charm.

 

[dcgator]

IG--
Oh wow....fingers and toes crossed that third time is a charm.

IG - I echo the sentiment. I really hope that this is it for you hun! I think the Christmas baby thing is a good sign Btw, any news on the possible move to the South?

Bella - Sorry your work is being such a pain, but I hope the transition is not too bad. As for the little man, I look forward to some more pics when you get a chance.

 

[ImperfectGirl]

IG--
Oh wow....fingers and toes crossed that third time is a charm.

IG - I echo the sentiment. I really hope that this is it for you hun! I think the Christmas baby thing is a good sign Btw, any news on the possible move to the South?

Thanks DC! It's still too early to tell where we'll PCS to. DH starts school in Jan and it's a year long. Hopefully we'll find out where we're going about halfway through his training.


Thank you Lili!

 

[somethingshiny]

Oh, IG, such wonderful news for you and your DH! It's got to be terrifying for the young girl. I think she must be an amazing young woman to choose to proceed with the pregnancy at her age. I'll pray for you all.

 

[iheartscience]

Fingers crossed that this works out, IG. And wow-14 is SO young.

 

[canuk-gal]

HI:

I'll be glued to this thread--IG; hope and prayers for your successful adoption!

cheers--Sharon

 

[Skippy123]

HI:

I'll be glued to this thread--IG; hope and prayers for your successful adoption!

cheers--Sharon

me too!!! keeping you all in my strongest prayers.