Adoption Thread

[lliang_chi]

IG, I'm so encouraged that you're matched so quickly. I'm really hoping for you and your DH. You'll be in my prayers as well.

~LC

 

[zoebartlett]

Wow, IG, that was quick! I'm crossing my fingers that all goes well this time.

Bella -- I'm glad to hear that you're adjusting to life at home with B. I'm sorry that your boss isn't understanding about family life. Does she have a family of her own? Maybe she can't relate.

 

[Lanie]

IG!!!!!!! This is wonderful news!!!!! I'm tearing up for you AGAIN over here in Texas. Your story is so amazing, and it's one you'll tell this little baby. I truly hope everything works out! Out of everyone, you, your DH, and this little baby deserve this!

Also a question, and I really hope I'm wording it correctly so as not to offend you, because that is not my intent at all. I keep hearing about how adoptions in the US are such a looooong process. And with your first shot, you were matched pretty quickly, and then the second, and then the third. Granted, maybe your agency is fighting for you hard since the first time, and you are at "the top of the list" bc of your heartbreaks. But I was always under the impression that it could take YEARS to adopt within the US. Does it depend on the agency? The amount of money you are spending? The availability in the area you selected? The same happened with a friend of a friend of mine. They decided to adopt here, and within about a year, she had a brand new baby in her arms. I have no other reason to ask all of this other than curiosity.

Bella -- sorry your boss is being a punk. I'm glad you are back in the US though. How is your DH adjusting? And more importantly...are you going to dress B up for Halloween??? Are you planning a party for him? Such fun stuff for your new little toddler!!!!

 

[ImperfectGirl]

IG!!!!!!! This is wonderful news!!!!! I'm tearing up for you AGAIN over here in Texas. Your story is so amazing, and it's one you'll tell this little baby. I truly hope everything works out! Out of everyone, you, your DH, and this little baby deserve this!

Also a question, and I really hope I'm wording it correctly so as not to offend you, because that is not my intent at all. I keep hearing about how adoptions in the US are such a looooong process. And with your first shot, you were matched pretty quickly, and then the second, and then the third. Granted, maybe your agency is fighting for you hard since the first time, and you are at "the top of the list" bc of your heartbreaks. But I was always under the impression that it could take YEARS to adopt within the US. Does it depend on the agency? The amount of money you are spending? The availability in the area you selected? The same happened with a friend of a friend of mine. They decided to adopt here, and within about a year, she had a brand new baby in her arms. I have no other reason to ask all of this other than curiosity.

thanks Lanie, we are crossing everything we can in hopes that this is our baby.

Your question isn't offensive at all. I, too, have heard of many adoptions taking years and some adoptive families at our agency do wait a very long time. I think the main reason things have moved so quick for us is the fact that we are an AA family looking to adopt an AA baby. AA children are labeled hard to place and there aren't a great deal of AA families looking to adopt. Most of the families who wait to adopt a very long time at our agency are caucasian and are looking to adopt caucasian babies. Our agency reports that AA families typically wait less than 2 weeks to be matched while others may wait months and in some cases years.

The other reason things have moved quickly is that our agency (who is actually a facilitator) works with birthmothers and adoptive families in all 50 states so there is just a wider pool of birthmothers. We considered working with an agency in Texas (that would only work with TX birthmoms and adoptive families) since adoptions where everyone is in the same state tend to be a bit less involved but in the end we liked having the wider pool of birthmoms viewing our profile in hopes that it would speed up the process for us.

 

[ImperfectGirl]

Thank you Skippy, LC, Zoe, canuk-gal, thing2, and shiny! We are amazingly encouraged at this point although I have no idea how we could be. Hope is a pretty powerful thing.

So we talked with birthmom (D) and her mom (S) last night. It was a nice conversation and we mostly talked with S. She basically said that D was just too young to raise a baby and she wanted her to still have a chance to do something with her life. D has hopes of going to college and just feels that adoption is the best decision for the baby. S says there is no way she can raise this baby for D as she has other children in the home. They haven't told most of their family and don't intend to. S says she'd like for the transition to be as smooth as possible and for them to just move on with their lives after the birth. D will be 28 weeks tomorrow and will find out the gender of the baby on Wednesday.

We are excited but are going to try not to focus on this for the next few months. Work will be pretty busy for both of us going into the end of the year so hopefully that will serve as a distraction. We also won't be keeping in touch with S or D leading up to the birth unless we have to share pertinent information. I'm perfectly ok with that because I wouldn't even know where to begin to talk to a 14 year old about her pregnancy. We won't be telling anyone IRL.

So, we are officially matched...again! I just hope 3rd times the charm. I'll let you guys know if it's a boy or girl on Wed!

 

[Kunzite]

Wow IG, that's such good news!! I'm thrilled for you and your DH that you were matched so quickly. I'm just so, so happy for you!!! (I wish there was a huge *beaming* smile emotie, but none of them seem quite happy enough!)

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Oh, IG!!! I pray that this one is YOUR baby! {{{{hugs}}}}

 

[JGator]

Amazing news IG! I am rooting for you and your DH. I really hope that the 3rd time is the charm! Keep us posted.

 

[AGBF]

I'll let you guys know if it's a boy or girl on Wed!

It's incredibly exciting, IG! I don't remember, now, if you already finished a nursery in anticipation of Parker or Avery! Please remind me!

Deb/AGBF

 

[ImperfectGirl]

I'll let you guys know if it's a boy or girl on Wed!

It's incredibly exciting, IG! I don't remember, now, if you already finished a nursery in anticipation of Parker or Avery! Please remind me!

Deb/AGBF

Yes, we do have a beautiful sage green, chocolate, and white nursery just waiting for our baby. The door has remained shut since we came home from MN the first time, but hopefully I'll get to open that door soon. It's pretty basic right now, only containing essentials like furniture and bedding because I'm waiting until our baby actually comes home to add art and other decor.

It's really so heartwarming to have so many people thinking of us and rooting for us! Thank you from the bottom of my heart!

 

[AGBF]

Yes, we do have a beautiful sage green, chocolate, and white nursery just waiting for our baby. The door has remained shut since we came home from MN the first time, but hopefully I'll get to open that door soon. It's pretty basic right now, only containing essentials like furniture and bedding because I'm waiting until our baby actually comes home to add art and other decor.

Yeah...you're gonna have to break the seal eventually! You'll need to do an inventory, if nothing else. And we'll want to see detailed pictures. If you have any quilts and blankets, for instance, take some close up shots so that we can see the colors really well! Even if you have a baby quilt that goes with your bumper pads, sometimes you can get another great quilt in a complementary color. I found a place near where I lived that had baby items made in Appalachia. Whitney was shaded from the sun in huge calico bonnets that looked right out of, "Little House on The Prairie" and had pastel baby quilts on her wall that could have been hand quilted at any time between 1620 and the present! This is going to be great fun for you!

Hugs,
Deb

 

[Dreamer_D]

IG I am hoping this is it for you. Gosh I sure hope so, not only for you but for poor D and her mom. I hope she is able to be strong and resolute in this decision, because if there was *ever* a situation where adoption is the right thing to do for everyone involved -- D, her mom, the birth father, the baby -- THIS is that situation.

 

[AGBF]

IG I am hoping this is it for you. Gosh I sure hope so, not only for you but for poor D and her mom. I hope she is able to be strong and resolute in this decision, because if there was *ever* a situation where adoption is the right thing to do for everyone involved -- D, her mom, the birth father, the baby -- THIS is that situation.

My advice, which is worth very little really, is to, "Let go and let God". I just know that the plan is right. If this is not the right baby, the right baby is around the next corner. But the footwork has all been done. There is nothing more ImperfectGirl and her DH can do. So I am extremely optimistic. As I said, this reminds me of when we reached the top of the list for babies when we were adopting from CRAN in Colombia. We knew that we would get the next baby girl that was legally released by her birthmother. We just didn't know which baby it would be or when the baby would be born.

Deb/AGBF

 

[Bella_mezzo]

IG-I'm glad that it was a good conversation and hope that third time is the charm and the next few months fly by...please keep us posted as much as you want b/c we are totally on this journey with you (you know in the non-creepy, totally supportive PS way )

Lanie My aunt just gave us a racecar driver costume for B so since he's obsessed with cars I think he'll wear that and carry on of his fave cars and we'll call it a day and do a little trick or treating in our building. His birthday is just before Halloween so we'll probably do a little party for that (he'll be 3) so October is going to be a crazy month.

Have my first interview tomorrow, so hoping that something works out in the next few months!

 

[lliang_chi]

IG, I'm so hopeful for you. You really have a ton of people really hoping and praying for you and your DH. I hope that helps you a little bit knowing that. As AGBF says, so much of it is out of our hands, but I really really really hope this miracle comes for you. And I agree with Dreamer, this will hopefully be a happy outcome for everyone. Lots of prayers for your family.

Bella, I'd LOVE to see pics for B's birthday and his Halloween costume. If you don't post here, make sure you post in the toddler thread. So great you'll be able to have a small party for him. How is he adjusting in NYC? Good luck on your interview. I hope it pans out for you in the next few months. How's your DH adjusting to being the SAHD in the day time?

~LC

 

[Clairitek]

I am near tears of happiness for you, IG. It is wonderful to come back here and see that you are matched again. I'm sending all the goodwill I can to TX in hope that this is it for you and your DH and that you will be holding your new baby come 2012.

 

[Puppmom]

IG, I hope this is it for you! Lady, you are on the ride of your life! From here on out, you can handle anything that comes your way.

On another note, I had no idea that employers (including my own) offered Adoption Assistance. My company was just recognized for our AA program. I don't know how much time or money goes into adoption other than what I've read here but we offer $13,000 in expense reimbursement and 3 weeks of paid leave. Surely, you need (or want in the very least) more than 3 weeks of leave but I guess it's more than most employers offer if we were recognized for our program.

Do/did any of you receive any assistance from your employers?

 

[AGBF]

Bella-

I had never been able to find your blog, and I finally found it. I wanted to let you know that it was fascinating, riveting. It was full of the color of Ethiopia that you couldn't convey in the middle of the Adoption thread. I feel very lucky, eventually, to have found it!

I want to hear continuing news of B. Will you still be posting here, or only in the Toddlers thread? (I realize it is appropriate for you to move there now, but I had never thought of our losing you until someone mentioned it above. You are such a part of this forum, that it seems unimaginable!)

Love and Hugs,
Deb

 

[Logan Sapphire]

IG, I hope this is it for you! Lady, you are on the ride of your life! From here on out, you can handle anything that comes your way.

On another note, I had no idea that employers (including my own) offered Adoption Assistance. My company was just recognized for our AA program. I don't know how much time or money goes into adoption other than what I've read here but we offer $13,000 in expense reimbursement and 3 weeks of paid leave. Surely, you need (or want in the very least) more than 3 weeks of leave but I guess it's more than most employers offer if we were recognized for our program.

Do/did any of you receive any assistance from your employers?

Wow, that's excellent!!! I'm super impressed. I work for the federal government and we get nothing at all. There's no paid maternity or paternity leave- you have to save up your annual and sick leave, take leave without pay, or use advance leave. And technically, with adoptions, you are not allowed to use your sick leave unless it's for a dr's appt or adoption-specific meeting.

When we adopted our daughter, I used up a good portion of sick/annual leave to stay home with her 3 months and then DH stayed with her for 3 months. Both of our supervisors were cool about it- I did invoke FMLA just in case but DH never did.

 

[ImperfectGirl]

IG, I hope this is it for you! Lady, you are on the ride of your life! From here on out, you can handle anything that comes your way.

On another note, I had no idea that employers (including my own) offered Adoption Assistance. My company was just recognized for our AA program. I don't know how much time or money goes into adoption other than what I've read here but we offer $13,000 in expense reimbursement and 3 weeks of paid leave. Surely, you need (or want in the very least) more than 3 weeks of leave but I guess it's more than most employers offer if we were recognized for our program.

Do/did any of you receive any assistance from your employers?

Wow, that's excellent!!! I'm super impressed. I work for the federal government and we get nothing at all. There's no paid maternity or paternity leave- you have to save up your annual and sick leave, take leave without pay, or use advance leave. And technically, with adoptions, you are not allowed to use your sick leave unless it's for a dr's appt or adoption-specific meeting.

When we adopted our daughter, I used up a good portion of sick/annual leave to stay home with her 3 months and then DH stayed with her for 3 months. Both of our supervisors were cool about it- I did invoke FMLA just in case but DH never did.

I'll be back later to address everyone individually especially since we find out the gender today, but I wanted to comment on Pupp's post as well. I agree with Logan, that is a wonderful benefit! I've never seen one so generous! My company does not offer any adoption assistance at all nor do they have any sort of maternity leave. All that is availabe for women is short term disability but of course since I'm not giving birth, I'm ineligible for that. All I've got is my PTO and FMLA. I did get one unexpected perk though. I work for a very small company and our CEO's wife is an adoption attorney. She has been a godsend and has insisted on representing us for free! She's been there since day 1 and said she'll be there until we finally finalize.

DH is in the Air Force and we will get a $2K reimbursement from the government once we finalize the adoption. He also gets 10 free days of paternity leave and 21 days of adoption leave. He's very fortunate that he'll have 30 days off without touching his accrued leave.

Gotta run to a meeting but I'll be back once I know if we are on team blue or pink!

 

[ImperfectGirl]

What a day! Still short on time for a proper reply but I wanted to let you all know that we are on

Team PINK!

It's a girl! S reports that baby is 2lbs and the tech could see hair on her head already. She is sending the ultrasound photo to our caseworker who will then send it to us. We are excited!

Names: We very much like to pick names early so we can refer to the baby by name. We've pretty much decided on Olivia, which I love! I hate how popular it is but since girl names are hard for me, I'll stick with it. No thoughts on a middle name yet...any suggestions? It can't end in the letter N because it won't sound good with our last name.

 

[AGBF]

What a day! Still short on time for a proper reply but I wanted to let you all know that we are on

Team PINK!

It's a girl! S reports that baby is 2lbs and the tech could see hair on her head already. She is sending the ultrasound photo to our caseworker who will then send it to us. We are excited!

Names: We very much like to pick names early so we can refer to the baby by name. We've pretty much decided on Olivia, which I love! I hate how popular it is but since girl names are hard for me, I'll stick with it. No thoughts on a middle name yet...any suggestions? It can't end in the letter N because it won't sound good with our last name.

Fabulous name. Fabulous sex! I can't wait to fantasize about middle names and get vicarious pleasure!

Hugs,
Deb

 

[tammy77]

Delurking to say... IG, I've been silently following your thread and I'm so happy for you! I know it's cliche but what about Olivia Faith or Olivia Grace because your journey to your LO has been full of both...or Olivia Michelle, because I think that's a fantastic middle name (my daughter's!).

I'll go back to lurk mode, but know you have my thoughts and prayers too.

 

[zoebartlett]

That's exciting, IG! I love Olivia Grace!

 

[Puppmom]

IG, congrats on team pink! Olivia is a gorgeous name! It's popular but not trendy and I love it! It's great that you have an adoption attorney around you. I'm sure it's nice to be able to bounce things off of her.

 

[Bella_mezzo]

IG_YAY!!!!! Olivia is an awesome name (one of our top 3 for girls if we are ever so blessed to also have a daughter I really hope that this goes smoothly for you!!!!!!!

Zoe-no, my boss has no family here in NY, no cat, no hobbies, nothing...it's really sad and if she wasn't such a jerk at work I'd really just want to give her a hug (most of the time I just feel bad for her).

AGBF-No worries, this is and the 6+ months TTC are "my" threads I could never leave...so glad you found the blog and hope it gives you a bigger picture of the whole crazy experience...

Well, my first day back at work wasn't so bad. B was delirious to see me (his reaction was to start squealing, drop on the floor and roll around, and then be too shy to give me a hug ) I fed him dinner, read a ton of books with him, held him a lot and put him to bed a little late. I need to find something else in the next few months though as this will not be sustainable long-term, mostly my BS threshold for dealing with my boss is way lower now, there's a lot more to my life than work and I will work very hard, but I am leaving work at the office when I leave and whenever possible, I am leaving on time...that's totally not compatible with how she works, so I'll keep pounding the pavement and hopefully be out before it reaches a boiling point.

 

[AGBF]

Delurking to say... IG, I've been silently following your thread and I'm so happy for you! I know it's cliche but what about Olivia Faith or Olivia Grace because your journey to your LO has been full of both...

I like Olivia Faith and Olivia Grace both for the names themselves and the meaning of the names. I think that Olivia Grace flows a little better, as the word, "grace" itself implies. I also think that we have used the word , "grace" to describe you, many times, IG, and that grace is a wonderful characteristic to have, one we have admired in you, one we hope you will bestow on your daughter.

Having said that, I can also see Olivia Joy or Olivia Chérie. Both names have meaning, and in my opinion, both flow well. ("Chère" means "dear" in French and "chérie" means, "dear one" or, "my dear".) I could also see an Olivia Charlotte. I think that that name has grace and dignity. It sounds literary to me.

My personal favorite, however, is Olivia Grace.

Deb/AGBF

 

[Bella_mezzo]

oooohhhh, I forgot to chime in on the middle name thread I love 1 syllable middle names with Olivia...I've thought about it a lot since it's so high on our list of girl names too and my top faves are:

Oliva Grace
Olivia Anne
Olivia Claire
Olivia Faith
Olivia Jane
Olivia True

 

[JGator]

IG, great news!! I love Olivia Grace and feel that is particularly fitting for your daughter. Whatever you and your DH decide on will be perfect and fitting though.

Bella, I am glad B was so happy to see you and adorable when you got home today. I'm sure you will find something new soon. And, you know what to look for in a new boss now when you are interviewing - someone who has a life outside of work and understands the demands of motherhood. Your new boss doesn't have to be a mother or father to be understanding. I have never had a child and feel that I am particularly empathetic and understanding to the employees I have had over the years who are parents. Maybe because I have nieces and nephews whom I love dearly or just because I love all kids so much. But, you will find a great new opportunity - I am sure of it.

 

[ImperfectGirl]

Ok, finally a few minutes to post...

Dreamer - thank you! I agree and as of right now, all parties involved strongly feel that the adoption placement truly is the best decision for everyone involved.

Deb - Yes, "let go" is something I'm repeating to myself daily. I realize that I have zero control over the outcome of this or any other adoption situation we find ourselves in so I'm refusing to dwell. Sometimes that can be hard to do though, especially for a control freak like me Glad you like Olivia...it's just such a beautiful name and I'm so excited by the thought of having a daughter. Your middle name suggestions are so lovely! I'll have to bring them up the next time we discuss the name. I expecially like Olivia Charlotte.

LC- thank you lady! btw - you have such a cute bump!

Claritek - thank you! I appreciate your well wishes and prayers...we sure could use them.

Pupp- thanks so much! Yes, our attorney has been invaluable. So glad you like Olivia. I worried it was too popular but in the end I've got to go with a name I love.

Tammy77 - Your comment made me tear up. Thank you so much for your name suggestions, kinds words, and support!

Zoe - I love Olivia Grace too!

Bella - thank you!!! I guess Olivia really is popular! I love Samuel so it seems like we have similar taste in names. I tend to agree with you on the 1 syllable middle name and have thought of a few of the combinations you suggested. I'm so sorry about the issues with your job/boss. Sending tons of job dust your way! B's reaction to you coming home is so cute! How did your DH say he did thoughout the day while you were away?

JGator- thank you for your support and for weighing in on the middle name! I appreciate it

********************************************
DH & I talked a lot about the baby this evening and we are just so hopeful that this is it for us. We discussed names as well and I'm pulling for Oliva Grace but DH isn't liking it. He is suggesting Olivia Rae or Oliva Noelle. I like them both, particularly Olivia Rae, but I'm not ready to decide on one yet.

thank you all for the name suggestions and for your continued support! It means so much!