Adoption Thread

[Bella_mezzo]

IG-You are going to be a great mama! Every family is different, every child is different, and every mama is different and I think it is totally ok and normal to have different reactions to becoming a parent. Whether through birth or adoption, some people process things more slowly and others have this overwhelming rush of emotion. I am so excited to be a mama, but since I have no idea how my busy little toddler will react to me, I am trying to keep my expectations for the first few weeks (and maybe months) quite low Having said that, I know several adoptive parents who did have the immediate ooey gooey surge of love.

I just got back from visiting my 4 week old neice and my SIL said of course she loved her at birth, but she's just now falling in love with her.

I think the trick is to know that it is ok if you don't feel that immediate connection. you are a great mom eitherway. kind of like being married, being a mom isn't just the emotion it's a lifelong commitment At least that's what I am telling myself when I wonder how I will feel and if I'll be a good mom

 

[Bella_mezzo]

We just heard that families who were submitted to court two weeks before us got their court dates for mid-June. Hoping and praying that we get a date in July (preferably after the 5th b/c I have a business trip that of course I would change but would be tricky
It is so exciting that this is actually moving closer and closer!!!

IG and Penn you both must be close to bursting right now It's going to be an exciting summer in the PS adoption thread

 

[lliang_chi]

Wonderful news bella!!!! It will be a fantastic summer for you all!

 

[ImperfectGirl]

Thank you Logan, Diamondseeker, Dreamer, and Bella! I appreciate the advice and hearing your perspectives. I think I panicked for a moment because the thought of not instantly being in love him had just not entered my mind. But, now I've scaled my expectations back a bit and am just going to let myself feel whatever I feel. I don't want to put too much pressure on myself or end up feeling awful about how I feel (or don't).

Birth mom is 36 weeks...she went to the hospital 2 nights ago with contractions thinking it was time but they sent her home. We were just on pins and needles. After we found out she wasn't in labor, DH was sooo disappointed, lol. He said he didn't like the emotional roller coaster, and I said welcome to parenthood.

We've realized that it is likely we will miss Parker's birth so birth mom said that as long as we aren't in flight, she will call me when she starts pushing and leave the phone on so we can hear his cry after he is born. I'm so truly blessed and thankful to have her as Parker's birthmom as she is just so wonderful!

 

[ImperfectGirl]

We just heard that families who were submitted to court two weeks before us got their court dates for mid-June. Hoping and praying that we get a date in July (preferably after the 5th b/c I have a business trip that of course I would change but would be tricky
It is so exciting that this is actually moving closer and closer!!!

IG and Penn you both must be close to bursting right now It's going to be an exciting summer in the PS adoption thread

Wow, awesome news Bella! I'm sure your court date isn't far behind!! It will be an exciting summer around here!

 

[Logan Sapphire]

We just heard that families who were submitted to court two weeks before us got their court dates for mid-June. Hoping and praying that we get a date in July (preferably after the 5th b/c I have a business trip that of course I would change but would be tricky
It is so exciting that this is actually moving closer and closer!!!

IG and Penn you both must be close to bursting right now It's going to be an exciting summer in the PS adoption thread

Great news, Bella!!!!! It's only a few short weeks away!!!! Once you get the court date, what is the process after that?

In other semi-related adoption news, we celebrated Casey's 3rd birthday this week. I chatted with her about her birth parents and told her that we pray for and think of them. I've always wondered if my birth parents, as well as hers, think about me/her on our birthdays...and remember that what is a joyous day for us may be a very bittersweet day for them.

 

[Dreamer_D]

Great news Bella!

IG Even if you don't fall madly in love, you will likely feel some affection and other warm feelings for Parker! Or at least a sense of duty that will keep you going in those long nights And it will be amazing no matter what or how your emotions develop over time, because the feelings are all new and the role is so new. We spent a lot of the first weeks just thinking "Who is this little alien creature we are taking care of??" Newborns are so funny, they make strange noises and faces, they don't react very much to the environment, they eat like little piggies. Its an adventure for sure! Try to enjoy the novelty as well as be a "good mom". They grow up sooo fast

 

[Bella_mezzo]

Thanks everyone!

Logan, we find out our court date (hopefully in the next 2-3 weeks and the court date would likely be in July). Then we book our plane tickets, arrange for travel and maternity leave, and go to ET a few days in advance of the court date to meet B!

If we pass court within a week of our court date (which is about 80% likely), we plan to stay in ET through embassy, so we'd take custody of him as soon as we pass court and live in ET for 3-8+ weeks while his Embassy paperwork is being prepared. Then we come home as a family!

The two remaining hurdles are passing court (then we're a family) and passing embassy (then we all can come home to NYC)!

 

[ImperfectGirl]

Can't wait to hear that you recevied your court date Bella!!

As for us...full term/37 weeks today! It's an excitng milestone.

 

[lliang_chi]

IG congrats!!! So exciting for you and your family!!!

 

[Dreamer_D]

Can't wait to hear that you recevied your court date Bella!!

As for us...full term/37 weeks today! It's an excitng milestone.

It IS an exciting milestone IG! Any parent can give a little sigh of relief to know that if their child is born that day, there is the best chance of no issues or complications that you can get! Its pins and needles time. He could come tomorrow, or in 4-5 more weeks

 

[Bella_mezzo]

ooohhhhh....any day now!!!

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Very exciting news, IG! You and Bella both have a short time left!

Logan, I do think of Anna's birthmother at various times, but especially on her birthday (which may not be accurate, but...). I only wish she could know the joy Anna has brought our family and how beautiful and happy she is.

 

[ImperfectGirl]

Thanks liang_chi, Bella, & Diamondseeker!

Can't wait to hear that you recevied your court date Bella!!

As for us...full term/37 weeks today! It's an excitng milestone.

It IS an exciting milestone IG! Any parent can give a little sigh of relief to know that if their child is born that day, there is the best chance of no issues or complications that you can get! Its pins and needles time. He could come tomorrow, or in 4-5 more weeks

Exactly and I'm such a control freak so I know the not knowing is going to keep me on edge.

I'll be sure and post a quick note when we get the call and are heading out and then pics and the birth story after the legal papers are signed.

 

[Logan Sapphire]

Good luck IG!!! Very exciting and good luck to Parker's birthmom!

 

[Dreamer_D]

Thanks liang_chi, Bella, & Diamondseeker!

Can't wait to hear that you recevied your court date Bella!!

As for us...full term/37 weeks today! It's an excitng milestone.

It IS an exciting milestone IG! Any parent can give a little sigh of relief to know that if their child is born that day, there is the best chance of no issues or complications that you can get! Its pins and needles time. He could come tomorrow, or in 4-5 more weeks

Exactly and I'm such a control freak so I know the not knowing is going to keep me on edge.

I'll be sure and post a quick note when we get the call and are heading out and then pics and the birth story after the legal papers are signed.

I hope it is soon! It is one nice thing that the birthmom has had a number of births before, her body will be ready and it will be (knock wood!) that much liklier to be an easy entry into the world for your son!

 

[Bella_mezzo]

IG, I am so excited for you, can't wait to hear that you got the call! There is a Director at my company who has a three year old son who was adopted at birth and apparently they decided to adopt again but didn't tell anyone at work. Their daughter's birth mother went into labor yesterday and they welcome their daughter last night I thought of you...SQUEE!!!! Parker is almost here!!!!!!

 

[icekid]

Love this thread and keeping up with all of your stories.

Bella- I am soooo thrilled for you that everything seems to be moving along as planned with little B. Ahhhhh mommyhood is so close

 

[pennquaker09]

Got back in from a Disney cruise and I was expecting Parker to be here! I even said to Nate that one of the ladies on the PS board was expecting a child from adoption any day. He looked at me like I was crazy!

IM, I'm on pins and needles with you! And I'm happy that things are moving along for you Bella!

 

[ImperfectGirl]

Got back in from a Disney cruise and I was expecting Parker to be here! I even said to Nate that one of the ladies on the PS board was expecting a child from adoption any day. He looked at me like I was crazy!

IM, I'm on pins and needles with you! And I'm happy that things are moving along for you Bella!

How sweet that you thought of us Penn. We are on pins and needles too. Everyone (including birth mom's OB) thought he would be here by now but I guess he has other plans.

How was the cruise? Did the kids have a blast?? And your birth mom and LO? Everything ok there? You're getting close too!

It just dawned on me that all the soon to be adopted LOs on this thread are boys! I love little boys.

 

[pennquaker09]

Got back in from a Disney cruise and I was expecting Parker to be here! I even said to Nate that one of the ladies on the PS board was expecting a child from adoption any day. He looked at me like I was crazy!

IM, I'm on pins and needles with you! And I'm happy that things are moving along for you Bella!

How sweet that you thought of us Penn. We are on pins and needles too. Everyone (including birth mom's OB) thought he would be here by now but I guess he has other plans.

How was the cruise? Did the kids have a blast?? And your birth mom and LO? Everything ok there? You're getting close too!

It just dawned on me that all the soon to be adopted LOs on this thread are boys! I love little boys.

Even though I don't spend a lot of time on PS, I do think of posters quite often. I'm so used to babies being born early. I've never known anyone that has carried a baby to term. Parker is going to be a boy that does his own thing! I picture him in his BM just chillin' with him thumb in his mouth.

Ohh the cruise. We sailed on Disney's newest ship, the Dream and boy was it. I've been on cruises before, but this was the best. The kids had so much fun they couldn't contain themselves. This was a surprise for us. I knew my family (Dad, Stepmom, brothers and sister) were going, but when they asked us, I told them that it wasn't in our budget. But my dad is kind of sneaky, so the twins, "birthday gift," was the cruise.

Charlie is still doing great as is him mom. I talk to her almost daily. I even added an international plan to my cell phone so she could call me while I was gone. It's likely that we'll be in Massachusetts when our BM goes into labor. We're supposed to be on Martha's Vineyard with my in laws.

I'm still not 100% sure if I want to name him Charles Dallas. I'm glad I haven't bought anything monogrammed. I keep second guessing myself.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Oh, the Disney cruise sounds like so much fun, Penn! What a great experience for your children! And it was a good time to go before you have a newborn to care for! It must have been hard taking a trip so soon after moving, though! Gosh, that would have blown my mind last summer when we moved!

For some happy adoption news, a teacher friend of mine and her hubby had been waiting a looong time to adopt and they got a call 3 weeks ago that a birthmother had chosen them! They met her and a week later she had the baby and they are now at home with their new baby boy! I never cease to be amazed and thrilled anytime a little one comes home to his forever family! And I am extremely thankful to birthmothers who are so unselfish as to give their babies life and a family they are unable to provide.

 

[ImperfectGirl]

Got back in from a Disney cruise and I was expecting Parker to be here! I even said to Nate that one of the ladies on the PS board was expecting a child from adoption any day. He looked at me like I was crazy!

IM, I'm on pins and needles with you! And I'm happy that things are moving along for you Bella!

How sweet that you thought of us Penn. We are on pins and needles too. Everyone (including birth mom's OB) thought he would be here by now but I guess he has other plans.

How was the cruise? Did the kids have a blast?? And your birth mom and LO? Everything ok there? You're getting close too!

It just dawned on me that all the soon to be adopted LOs on this thread are boys! I love little boys.

Even though I don't spend a lot of time on PS, I do think of posters quite often. I'm so used to babies being born early. I've never known anyone that has carried a baby to term. Parker is going to be a boy that does his own thing! I picture him in his BM just chillin' with him thumb in his mouth.

Ohh the cruise. We sailed on Disney's newest ship, the Dream and boy was it. I've been on cruises before, but this was the best. The kids had so much fun they couldn't contain themselves. This was a surprise for us. I knew my family (Dad, Stepmom, brothers and sister) were going, but when they asked us, I told them that it wasn't in our budget. But my dad is kind of sneaky, so the twins, "birthday gift," was the cruise.

Charlie is still doing great as is him mom. I talk to her almost daily. I even added an international plan to my cell phone so she could call me while I was gone. It's likely that we'll be in Massachusetts when our BM goes into labor. We're supposed to be on Martha's Vineyard with my in laws.

I'm still not 100% sure if I want to name him Charles Dallas. I'm glad I haven't bought anything monogrammed. I keep second guessing myself.

How awesome of your dad to sneak that surprise in! What a great trip to take with the twins before Charlie comes home. It's great that you'll likely be in Mass when she goes into labor...avoiding that rushed travel will be nice. I love Charles Dallas but I understand second guessing as I did it too. I'm sure you'll feel settled with a name soon enough.

 

[ImperfectGirl]

Oh, the Disney cruise sounds like so much fun, Penn! What a great experience for your children! And it was a good time to go before you have a newborn to care for! It must have been hard taking a trip so soon after moving, though! Gosh, that would have blown my mind last summer when we moved!

For some happy adoption news, a teacher friend of mine and her hubby had been waiting a looong time to adopt and they got a call 3 weeks ago that a birthmother had chosen them! They met her and a week later she had the baby and they are now at home with their new baby boy! I never cease to be amazed and thrilled anytime a little one comes home to his forever family! And I am extremely thankful to birthmothers who are so unselfish as to give their babies life and a family they are unable to provide.

So exciting for your friends Diamondseeker!

 

[ImperfectGirl]

Question for you all regarding anemia & pregnancy. Parker's birthmom is anemic which has been known for about 4 weeks. She was put on supplements right away. Her Dr. was set to induce next week (39w +) but called today to say she isn't comfortable doing so before 42 weeks due to the anemia. Is this pretty serious for mom and baby? I great with him staying in for the full 42 if he needs to...just hoping there isn't an increased chance of serious complications now.

 

[Bella_mezzo]

IG-I just got in from our Mem Day weekend trip and thought Parker might be here too Hope that you get good news soon. I don't have any info re anemia, so I'll let other mamas answer that.

Penn--thinking of you too and hoping that Charles Dallas (or name TBA is here soon too. Glad the cruise was great! I am going to pass that info along to a friend as she really wants to do a Disney cruise and couldn't decide...

On our end, WE GOT ASSIGNED A COURT DATE TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We're in shock as it is July 1 which is way earlier than we thought (and when I am in Russia for a business trip)...so we have petitioned to see if a court date after July 6 is possible (this is a very unusual request but since we both really want to be there and both of us being there have ramifications on his US Visa/citizenship and the likelyhood of us passing court, we are trying to work it out and a later court date would be the easiest solution). If not, DH will go on his own (which will be interesting as he has never traveled out of the country before) and I will join him on July 6 when I am done in Russia, OR I will tell my work that this is an unavoidable/emergency situation and start my FMLA early and go to Ethiopia instead of Russia (This would be a big issue at my work and since DH isn't working--he's in-school and going to be a SAHD for at least the rest of this year--I'd prefer to limit the issues at my job)

AAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH! DH and I are so excited and so terrified to become parents. We were both pretty much like "YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sh$t, now what do we do?" when we got the call.

We also learned more about B's story and how his parents died and we are grieving/processing that as it is very sad and things that probably could have been prevented/treated in the developed world.

So, we have a list of things to do a mile long right now to get ready to travel and to bring B home, and I have 4 months of work to do in 4 weeks at work, and I have to figure out how to tell my boss that I am taking my FMLA effective in July (I will hopefully have an exact date to tell her).

My boss is insane and my company is not very family friendly so I am just going to present them with my plan for how I want to use my FMLA, be as professional as possible and hope for the best. Off to finish the plan that I have been drafting for months, but keeps changing as the potential court dates changed in my imagination

AAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!

 

[lliang_chi]

Bella!!!! OMG OMG OMG!!! I'm SOOOOO happy for you!!!! July is *right around the corner* this is so exciting!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Logan Sapphire]

Congrats Bella!!!! What wonderful news! How super exciting and I'm sure a bit scary too. I hope it all gets worked out with your work and that your boss will be reasonable.

How old is B?

 

[Bella_mezzo]

thanks Logan and Lliang!

B is 2 1/2 (will be 3 at the end of October).

 

[Loves Vintage]

Bella!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So happy for the way early court date! How I wish the timing were more ideal, but I'm sure you guys will work it out. I hope your job is reasonable. YAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!