Advice on my dear cat Mittens (long)

[matildawong]

movie zombie, I thought I replied to you and I didn''t! Sorry -- I wanted to thank you for your mentioning that I could articulate what I was feeling. I appreciate it. I worried I sounded crazy(ier than normal.) ha.

 

[Harleigh]

Date: 6/4/2008 1:46:23 AM
Author: matildawong
movie zombie, I thought I replied to you and I didn''t! Sorry -- I wanted to thank you for your mentioning that I could articulate what I was feeling. I appreciate it. I worried I sounded crazy(ier than normal.) ha.

LOL...don''t we all??? If we can''t be crazy on here, where on earth can we be, I ask you?

 

[matildawong]

(I asked Harleigh to come over here so I could ask her a specific cat dilemma Q. But anyone who feels compelled and isn''t sick of my cat-stuff, please feel free to reply!)


Hi Harleigh, thanks so much for reading. I know you''re terribly busy. Peaches the cat has been adopted (I applied as backup if there were any snafus) successfully so far. So I went to the shelter today to look at cats. There are two that need homes desperately that have been there a long time. Technically, it''s a "no kill" shelter, run by the police and PAWS (non-profit org.) -- but as the woman explained to me, they can''t keep the animals indefinitely.

Micia is 11. I think I am her last chance. No one has wanted her for almost a year. She is a Maine Coon. She''s HUGE and has lots of hair. She''s kind of aloof/cold and they say she is sort of cranky. (She was "relinquished" by her owner, I''d be cranky too! Plus, FI is cranky all the time!

) She meowed at me and I did say hello. The police/shelter employee said they want her to be placed so badly but don''t think anyone will take her.

Melody is 6. She''s kind of frightened and shy. Her owner died and her roomate/brother "Big Boy" was adopted right away. Melody is black and white and seems like, with some coaxing and love (especially Molly love) she would get more laid-back. Unless she picked up on my high-strungedness...but that''s another story. She''s black and white (totally different than Mittens) and I like her alot. But I actually got to pet her, briefly.

I am trying not to make this a crisis. (I''m sure you can see this is my M.O. when under stress...

but I do feel like I''m condemning one or the other by my choice.

My vet nurse (my best friend during my Mittens ordeal) gently suggested taking Melody. Because she knows we cannot afford the cost of another senior cat''s decline anytime soon. Also she said Melody would be so grateful. But Josh (FI) feels like we''ll only be like the rest of the people who never gave Micia a chance if we don''t. I''m like, "Can you handle a Maine Coon!?" and he says he can. But then, what about poor Melody.

I''m taking my time and I think I want to go back and just visit the girls again. I can only take one.

Any thoughts, Harleigh? Or anyone else who actually read this whole thing? I promise I''m handling this better than it probably looks on a message board.

 

[matildawong]

(I just saw the PAWS people named this picture "Mademoiselle Micia")

 

[matildawong]

oops! Here's Micia

ETA: Well fooey.

 

[matildawong]

 

[matildawong]

Melody.

 

[Harleigh]

Hi Hun,

I''m glad you posted. When Maverick died and I finally started to open myself up to the thought of *possibly* getting another one, I happened to come across a Maine Coon that literally could have been his brother. He was about 11 years old and just made my heart break to look at him. At the time, I didn''t think I could handle an older cat because I didn''t know that I could bear to go through what I did with my big guy. I was also leary of getting one that looked so similar and may not be anything LIKE Maverick was and I would be disappointed. I decided right then and there that I COULD have another older cat, because that''s just the kind of person that I am, but I did come to the conclusion that I cannot try to replace Maverick...I don''t know that there''s another kitty out there that could ever play fetch, run to the door, lick you to death and just in general need me so very much!

I never did get to make that decision because Rusty and I agreed to wait until after our marriage and reception to get any more animals (he had to put his Rottweiler down right before we got back together) and he would like a dog, too. He doesn''t particulary care for cats, but I told him it was non-negotiable...you are lucky that your FI is so very supportive of your giving another kitty a loving home so soon...I know how empty your heart must be without Mittens, and I hope that you can make the best decision for you both.

I''m sorry that Peaches didn''t come to you, but I hope she is in a good home and is happy there, thought I''m sad she didn''t get to get some Molly love! I have to say that I tend to agree with your FI that maybe you are just what Micia needs and she *may* turn out to be a wonderful addition to your household. However, I would really try to spend more time with her and see if she is ever able to warm up to you at all. At 11 years of age, I''m not sure that will ever change, but she really just need some love and a safe environment she is comfortable in to open up and be herself, but you have to keep in mind that what you see may truly be what you get with her. I am a huge supporter of Maine Coon''s...I don''t know when I''ve met one that I haven''t fallen in love with. Her age is a concern, but I know several people with this breed that have made it anywhere from 16-20 years old, so you could have a long time with her, or you could give her a fantastic life for whatever time she has left. It makes me weepy to say that, but I think you would be doing a really good thing for an animal that may have nowhere else to go and could use all of the love you have to give a new feline friend.

Just a thought, something to caution you about with this breed is that they do need a lot of brushing and grooming, and if you don''t keep up on it, they tend to get lots of mats that often need to be cut out. Maverick loved to be brushed and combed, but man, once you hit one of those mats, he was one feisty kitty! I used to shave him from his neck back in the summer (he got so hot!) and would leave his lion''s mane of fur in the front...it was hysterical! (Sorry Mavi!)

As for the other kitty, it sounds as though Melody is eager for attention, but she probably wonders where her roommate ran off to and is lonely. She may NOT like being without another cat if that is what she is accustomed to and she may never come out of her shell. If you''re gone a lot, this could be a difficult thing for her and she may not really warm up. However, she may be very uncomfortable in her current environment and just needs to be able to roam around and make a place her own again. She may also be feeling sad because she also wonders where her owner is...if she was with her deceased owner since she was little, she may have never known another home and is experiencing feelings of abandonment (as much as a dear little cat can experience!) and wondering where her human and feline companionship went all at once. She may just be depressed and a little love and a good home could bring her out of it.

So, I''m not sure I''m any help to you at all, but my suggestion is to spend more time with both of the cats. Will they let you spend 15-30 minutes in a room with each one to just sit on the floor with them and let them come to you and play a little and get a much better feel of their personalities? I think you need to choose the cat that is the best match for you and your FI...maybe even take him with you to help you make the choice?

Gosh, I wish you could just take them both...I''m sorry that you can''t. I hope some of that made sense...it''s getting late and I have been lacking in sleep these past several weeks, so sorry if I rambled unnecessarily! Never mind, I do that all the time anyways!

Did I help at all???

 

[Harleigh]

Oh, I love her...Micia''s eyes are just lovely! I didn''t see that you posted these until after I posted mine, but I adore her. She has the same kind look that Maverick had. Can you tell I''m a long-haired cat lover?

 

[matildawong]

Yes you helped! You know, I''m sorry I had no idea Maverick was a Maine Coon (MC) cat. I thought he was just a really big boy. RIP good boy...

Yes I am so lucky that FI is so supportive of this. He really says that I should decide whatever I think is best but that he is partial to Micia because he feels so very bad for her.

The shelter said she is "cranky." They said her owner said she wasn''t using her litterbox. They haven''t had that problem at the shelter, so we think the owner just sucked.

I saw they had a sign on her (nice, big) cage that said, "Micia isn''t allowed out of her cage to roam unattended anymore." But I couldn''t see why. The lady at the shelter was super cool and told me anything I wanted to know. I can also call the woman that runs PAWS and get more info.

Melody just needs to be an only cat, from what they said. She was ok with her partner, but the mewing kittens and other noises at the shelter seem to agitate her. But she is sweet, I can tell, she just needs love.

I am sort of drawn to Melody because I think she just needs someone to shower her with affection and she will be a great friend. But I am also drawn to Micia because I really don''t think she''ll get adopted otherwise and I feel like she deserves a chance.

I think you''re right about visiting, Harleigh. I think I will just keep going down there and getting to know them.
And try to make the best decision I can. Thanks for taking the time to help me out and I really appreciate the extra MC cat advice!

 

[matildawong]

Oh I'm glad you saw her! That long-hair look sure is something!


Now you go get some rest!

 

[ladypirate]

Both of those cats are beautiful!

Good luck with your decision--whichever way you go, you''ll be giving a cat a loving home.

 

[AmberGretchen]

Oh Molly - that is such a tough decision between those two lovely ladies.

I don''t know that it will help at all, but here''s my $0.02 for what its worth.

Molly sounds a lot (and looks a bit) like my Gretchen. We didn''t see Gretchen at all for the first two months we had her, except very occasionally by accident. She was that scared. With a LOT of patience and love, however, she has come out of her shell and is now delightful and extremely loving and snuggly (though not a lap cat) with me and my DH and a few other people (my mom, a couple of my friends). Over time, she has even started to tolerate strangers a bit, especially if they are female and sound a bit like me.

Micia its tougher to get a read on from your posts. I do feel the tug you are feeling towards and older kitty that you could give a good home too. I don''t know if you saw my whole story about little Diana a few weeks ago, but it was a similar situation, except we knew that Diana didn''t have much time left. Micia could live quite a long time yet - of course there are no guarantees, but most indoor cats these days do seem to be living longer and longer, and she could easily make it, as Harleigh said, to 16 or even 20. But of course, there are no guarantees. I will say for what its worth that as heartbreaking as it was, taking Diana for that 15 months or so is something neither my mom nor I would change. It does still hurt though, and I suspect it will for quite some time to come.

Both cats are of course under a lot of stress at the shelter - most animals relax dramatically when they are in a loving, stable home vs. a shelter environment, and of course cats are incredibly susceptible to stress in general and thrive on stability and routine. They are both beautiful kitties, that''s for sure.

I think that Harleigh''s suggestion to spend more time with both kitties is a good one. Hopefully once you''ve done that, your decision will become more clear to you. I agree its a shame you can''t take both, but either way you will be giving and incredibly loving and special home to an amazing animal that deserves it.

(p.s. I''m partial to long-haired kitties too, and I have to say Micia''s story just touched my heart - probably the same way your FI feels about her. but you have to make the best decision for the two of you, whatever that may be).

 

[2Artists]

Hi there- I hope you are doing well. Both cats are so lovely. I agree with what others have said as to spending time with them. If I were in your shoes I would spend as much time (FI too) as possible with both kitties-to get a better sense of them as individuals and to see how you mesh. I would also take what the vet says to heart and think about it. I bet she really knows her stuff so I would really think about what she suggested. Again both are cutie pies.

 

[matildawong]

Thanks, ladypirate. I do feel good that whichever one we get, she will have such a good home. If that makes sense.

 

[matildawong]

AmberGretchen, you are such a nice (online) friend. I just wanted you to know that I appreciate all your thoughtful posts on my crazy cat life. I do remember the story of little Diana. It really struck me hard because it was right when Mittens was failing, too. I''m glad to hear neither you nor your mom would trade the time. I''m the same way. The good far outweighs the heartbreak. Tell your mom I am thinking about her and hope she''s feeling better. (And you!)

 

[matildawong]

Thanks, 2Artists. I did follow Harleigh''s advice and go see the cats today.

I also called the PAWS.org lady -- talked with her about the two cats for a long time. And spent 1/2 hour talking to the (seemingly) tough-guy animal control cop at the shelter. He has NINE pets. All saved from the two shelters he works at. :> He showed me pictures of his dog he just put down a few weeks ago...wah!

He was great. He said (as did the PAWS woman) that if I don''t take Micia, I am not condemning her. They will find a foster or something home. They will do their best. He said if I would just take either one, I would be helping the shelter out so much because they have both been there almost 6 months.

 

[matildawong]

Finally, for anyone who might know about this: Micia recently had a small mass removed. They found pre-cancerous cells but I guess they got them all. She''s fine now, is what they told me. Though they mentioned that the vet said something about radiation treatment if any more masses show up. (I think I''ve got that correct. I may be off)

I wouldn''t NOT take her if she had a lesser life span. But would I be taking on a cat that is very likely to have large bills (cancer treatment) in her future that I cannot afford? I want to be responsible.

 

[brazen_irish_hussy]

First let me say this decision, no matter what you do, will not be easy. We fostered kittens and gave them to the humane society, but I always wonder if they had nice homes and are happy. I have concluded they are for my own piece of mind, but these things are never easy.

If I were you, I would take Melody and donate money for Micia''s care. I understand your draw to helping an older cat, but it could be expensive, it sounds like they will take care of her and I don''t know about you, but losing another cat so soon, even if she does have a number of years, would break my heart. Also remember, the sooner you take one, the sooner you make room for another cat that needs a place at this shelter.

Either way, you are doing the right thing for the shelter and a cat, so you have to ask what is the right thing for you, which from your posts, sounds like Melody.

 

[movie zombie]

sometimes a shelter and/or vet will donate medical care if someone adopts an older cat. please explore that possibility.

the maine coon looks like my cebastian that died march 2007 and the black and white looks like my Brita girl.......i think you should take both!

movie zombie

 

[matildawong]

thanks, brazen. I totally get what you are saying. And I know I need to think of what is right for me, too.

Oh movie z, how I WISH I could take both.

 

[matildawong]

Just an update. I went in today while the cat-petter was there (volunteer). We got Melody out and she stayed low on the table but purred the whole time I brushed her. After we put her back in her cage, the volunteer opened the door to give her a few more (shh!) treats and Melody jumped out and straight up to the table where I was brushing her at. Was that my sign???

Micia came out and she''s, man she''s just one of those fabulous, Grizabella-type cats. She''s pissy and haughty but you have to love her. Though I brushed her carefully because she gets irritated. And when they put her back in the cage they had to put a towel on her and she was grrrrowling.

As I left, the police lady (not volunteer) was tearing up when I was telling her I was partial to Melody. She said the volunt. org. has great intentions but they don''t answer to the chief of police like the actual shelter people do. I don''t know if she was giving me the hard sell or she knows something we don''t know about Micia being transferred to the big city shelter, or what but I totally lost my somewhat-resolve I had.

I told FI the story and he feels just like me: Micia is tougher and handles the shelter better than Mel. But Mel probably has a longer time allotment just because she''s not mean. (Micia may well not be so mean out of the icky shelter, too!)

I do love them both. I will take one. I know this. Even my mom in VA is going; "Can you bring Micia to me when you get married? And you can keep Mel?" None of us know what to do.

 

[AmberGretchen]

Date: 6/6/2008 3:18:19 AM
Author: matildawong


I do love them both. I will take one. I know this. Even my mom in VA is going; ''Can you bring Micia to me when you get married? And you can keep Mel?'' None of us know what to do.

I like your mom''s idea - is there any way you could take Melody and foster Micia and then take her to your mom? Or if your mom could promise to give her a home and you could promise to transport her, could the shelter guarantee her in the meantime?

 

[matildawong]

Not sure about that, yet, AmberGretchen. I''m thinking I would have to be sort of sly and just say I was taking both. That sounds horrible! But they do a home review first and they wouldn''t know where the heck Micia was going off to. I think they''d nix the idea on principle.


I''m going down there now to visit again. It''s the best way for me to decide, I think.

 

[2Artists]

I don''t have anything super clever to say-I am just sooo excited for you. This is so exciting! Just curious has your FI met them yet? If so how do they vibe with him? Thanks for the update-it is such wonderful news.

 

[matildawong]

Yay! After careful consideration (I went to the shelter 3 days in a row and visited the girls) and a night of NO sleep (I ended up at the gym at 6:30am -- this for a girl who sleeps from 2am -5am and then 6am -9am IF that -- today because I was near nervous overload) and talking to all my friends here, on a pet loss support forum and you know, people I actually know in real-life.. I felt much better.

I put my formal application in on Melody today. The PAWS folks are going to do the home visit on Sunday early afternoon, so I can go to the shelter if I am approved and pick her up to spend the rest of Sunday with us before work on Monday.

I''ll probably start a new thread as soon as I get the official word that she''s mine. Just because I want to post a picture of her and this was Mittens'' thread.

I still love Micia and it pains me to think of her sweet face. There was a different animal control person in the office and she AND the paws people were a little concerned I had been given the impression that Micia would be put down. They reassured me that the right person will find her. I just had to look at everything and finally felt that the more I saw Melody, the more I felt she was turning within herself inside that cage. Micia is so much tougher.

I just have to say to everyone here, you all are the best. You got me through my beloved pet-partner''s illness and death, a relapse and a potentially self-destructive spiral of despairing over the two kitties. Words don''t come close but I thank you all from the bottom of my heart.

And now, good news, I have that pre-Disneyland feeling of total excitement and anticipation to welcome a new kitty into my life.

 

[Harleigh]

Molly, your post just gave me chills...I am so happy to hear that Melody will soon be yours. I know this was a huge struggle for you, and I''m glad you were able to make the decision that was best for you and your FI. I''m also happy to hear that Micia will not be put down and hopefully that can put your mind to rest.

I can''t wait to see pictures of your new addition! (Have you started a new thread yet? I just got home from being gone all weekend and am trying to catch up!)

 

[matildawong]

Hee, I was ''looking'' for you last night to give you the news that Melody is here now. I know you really liked Micia, too. I have to try not to obsess on if I made the right choice.

Currently, Melody is hiding. We have her set up in our bedroom and she''s under the bed. I heard her exploring in the night, though. And she''s eating and using her box.

I''ll start a thread as soon as I can get a picture of her. Did you have a nice weekend?