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Advice on my dear cat Mittens (long)

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Hi LittleRock and Harleigh!

Thanks so much for your replies. LR, yes I think this is CRF (something-renal-failure or kidney disease) -- everything I''ve read (cause don''t you know I''m on the internet googling all her symptoms like a neurotic, and calling the vet nurses every week!) it seems to fit. Thanks for telling me your story. I know your girl knew you loved her. Please don''t be hard on yourself about not taking her home.

And hihihi Harleigh. I always look for you and something about your story about Maverick and your writing about it just endeared me to you so much. I know it sounds stalker-ish but I swear I mean it so nicely (and normally.)
I will keep you posted. Thanks for thinking of me and Ms. M/mitty/mimi (all the names she goes by).
 
Date: 5/13/2008 12:52:37 AM
Author: matildawong
Hi LittleRock and Harleigh!

Thanks so much for your replies. LR, yes I think this is CRF (something-renal-failure or kidney disease) -- everything I''ve read (cause don''t you know I''m on the internet googling all her symptoms like a neurotic, and calling the vet nurses every week!) it seems to fit. Thanks for telling me your story. I know your girl knew you loved her. Please don''t be hard on yourself about not taking her home.

And hihihi Harleigh. I always look for you and something about your story about Maverick and your writing about it just endeared me to you so much. I know it sounds stalker-ish but I swear I mean it so nicely (and normally.)
I will keep you posted. Thanks for thinking of me and Ms. M/mitty/mimi (all the names she goes by).
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Aww, thanks, Molly...you are always so very sweet, and I feel the same way. Your checking in with me when I went through all that with Maverick meant so much, and I will never forget that. It always has been and always will be taken in the nicest (and most normal
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) way. Thank you, too, for understanding and letting me share Maverick with you and everyone else here on PS. You all were here for me when others in my life weren''t, and it still holds true just a few short months later. I hope to *see* you around more...I love hearing from you!
 
If you ever need to talk about Maverick, I will always listen.
Thanks for understanding what I am trying to say. Can you tell I am a super-emotional, sensitive person?



I feel like I have to ''say'' this out loud about Mittens: I have these flashes of pain that make feel like I will be destroyed when she goes. Like a panic runs through me. And it just seems like I''m crazy. Who thinks that about an animal? But she has been the one to sleep with me on my abdomen when I have a tummy-ache. The one I buried my head in (she used to be quite large!) and cried on when a relationship ended. I lived alone with her, she''s driven across the country with me. She''s flown across the country with me twice! I love her so much.

Josh (bf/fi) understands to a point but he''s never had a pet and he''s too.....logical-guy! My family understands because we''re all in love with our animals. But there''s this deeper, darker, painful feeling in me that when I look at her failing I think, "Part of my heart is going to die when she dies."

Ah. Maybe just writing that icky stuff will make me feel better. Thanks.

molly
 
Date: 5/13/2008 1:34:55 AM
Author: matildawong
If you ever need to talk about Maverick, I will always listen.
Thanks for understanding what I am trying to say. Can you tell I am a super-emotional, sensitive person?



I feel like I have to ''say'' this out loud about Mittens: I have these flashes of pain that make feel like I will be destroyed when she goes. Like a panic runs through me. And it just seems like I''m crazy. Who thinks that about an animal? But she has been the one to sleep with me on my abdomen when I have a tummy-ache. The one I buried my head in (she used to be quite large!) and cried on when a relationship ended. I lived alone with her, she''s driven across the country with me. She''s flown across the country with me twice! I love her so much.

Josh (bf/fi) understands to a point but he''s never had a pet and he''s too.....logical-guy! My family understands because we''re all in love with our animals. But there''s this deeper, darker, painful feeling in me that when I look at her failing I think, ''Part of my heart is going to die when she dies.''

Ah. Maybe just writing that icky stuff will make me feel better. Thanks.

molly
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my gato cat was there for me for 21 years.........its been 3 years now since he passed. there are now 3 other urns beside him........ and i still light a candle for them and talk to them at times. yes, a part of your heart is going to die when she dies, but you know what?! a part of your heart lived because she came into our life. don''t forget that, please.

movie zombie
 
21 years! wow. You are so right, and I won''t forget what you said. I hope I didn''t come across too crazy there. I was sort of letting out my worst moments of emotion.

But you are exactly right about part of my heart living because of her. Thanks for sharing that.
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Molly, I just want to say that I know exactly how you are feeling, and that I think it couldn''t be more natural or understandable. I often have a hard time reading threads that are about people''s pets being sick or passing on, precisely because I''m so afraid of the time when my own kitty...ugh. I''m sure everyone else posting here understands the feelings too, we''re a bunch of unabashed pet lovers! I know that doesn''t make it any easier, but you''re giving her everything she needs, most importantly love and attention, when she most needs it--just like she does for you. Hang in there...
 
thank you so much selkie.

And I just wanted to say, I found a doggie-litter tray that has a flap on it that you can remove! I was googling the ''rear-end-hanging-out-of-cat-box'' problem (ha.
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) and found that people were using the trays for handicapped/senior/arthritic cats.

So I ordered one off amazon.com, where users posted that they, too, purchased the doggie tray for their senior cats. Yay! If she can use it, she can have a little dignity back. I know it bothers her that she can''t get entirely into her box. I feel better because it''s like I am trying to DO something for her to help her out.

good night everyone. I am so appreciative of your support.
 
I know exactly how you feel about the panic that you get when you think about losing them. I have the exact same feeling when I think about anything happening Amber-I will be lost without her. It sounds like she is doing as well as can be expected and it also sounds like she''s comfortable which is the main thing. You could normally tell if she was in pain and she wouldn''t be sleeping well, or trying to use the litter. You''re doing a great job minding her.
 
Aw. Thank you, bee*.
 

I just read this thread for the first time. I have little to add as far as advice but I wanted to send you my thoughts and tell you that you’re neither too emotional nor crazy about how you’re feeling about Mittens. I’ve had many cats over the years and loved them with all my heart, but I’ve never felt so deeply emotional about anyone until my Roxy came along. Just the thought of losing her brings such deep dark terror, a feeling I barely recognize. I know many people will tell you “it’s just a cat” but connection is connection whether it’s with people or animals, one just as special as another.


I saw that you asked about being with them during the last moments. I always felt strongly that I need to be there till the very last moment. It’s the most emotional and painful thing to do, yet I just can’t imagine handing them off to someone else and walking away. For me it’s also more about what they need from me, but in the end it helps me to deal with it better too.


I also prefer cremation so I can have the ashes back. I recently put down my cat from FIP, and I have a little space where I put his urn, photos, collar, and a few of his favorite things. For me this really helps with the grieving process and I feel like I haven’t completely lost him.


I am actually very interested in the litter tray you just bought for Mittens. Roxy is a special needs kitty so one of the biggest issue has always been the litterbox and I’m always in the market for something better

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no, you didn''t sound crazy. i''m so glad you have the opportunity to care for her during this time.

movie zombie
 
Hi Babyblue. Here''s the picture of the litter tray. It''s a doggie-training one. This is size miniature. I ordered the ''standard'' sized one on amazon.com. Mittens used to be a lot bigger and we have been using an XXXL box that''s really a tupperware-storage-thingie with litter-box sized sides.

Here''s the link for handicapped animals that I found the box on: http://www.handicappedpets.com/Articles/litterbox/index.htm

Let me know if there''s anything else you need.


and thank you, movie zombie.

catbox.jpg
 
Thank you for posting that. I''ve actually seen that before and considered it, it''s great because it has low entrance Roxy can get in and out of. Her problem though would be that she would fall out of the litterbox once she''s inside
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Right now she''s using a plastic travel carrier with the door taken out - low entrance plus high walls for her to lean against. I''ve heard that litterbox works great for many older or handicapped animals though.
 
Oh. I meant to reply and say that I''m sorry this box won''t work for your Roxy, Babyblue.

Our box will probably get here Monday. I got a tracking email that said it''s on its way. Meanwhile, Mittens has gone from peeing halfway out of her litter box to peeing entirely on our bathroom mat.
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Well, I''ve caught it twice anyway.

Another change is she is desperate to be out on our balcony. FI gets up for work at 4:30 a.m. and she starts pawing the sliding glass door. I worry. She seems to love it. She lies (lays?) in half-sun, half-shade. She sniffs the air. She''s never been an outdoor cat. Do you think I should let her stay out there? She seems so peaceful out there. I just leave the door ajar.

We''re (me, FI and the nerd patrol boys -- hee hee) going up to Hollywood for the day today (returning late tonight) to see an old movie at the Egyptian Theater. And record stores and book stores and stuff. I''m nervous about leaving Mitty but the vet''s office said just leave plenty of water and food.

Ah thanks for just letting me post my ups and downs here. I went in this morning and she was on the bathroom mat, trying to "go" and I picked her up and she yowled and my heart kind of cracked.
 
It is very understandable and very human to feel that way for an animal companion who is hurting. In a similar sense to when a child or elderly person is in pain it hurts to see a helpless creature of any type suffering in any way shape or form. It is natural for that to be painful to deal with. When you are in a caregiving role the best thing to focus on (to help through the pain) is the difference that you are able to make by
caring for a creature in need. You are making a huge difference and that is something that you can feel good about even in the darkness of it all.
 
Hi Molly,

I just wanted to stop by and say hi...I''m sorry Mittens is having a hard time, I know how frustrating that is.

Please know we are here for you...hugs!
 
Thanks for your comforting words, 2Artists and Harleigh.

I''m taking Mitty in tomorrow for a blood test so we can check her numbers. I called the vet and they''re not charging me for an exam and they''re going to keep the lab work "in house" to keep my costs down which helps me out a lot.

The vet may give us a supplement to give her, for nutrients, too.
 
That is so nice of your vet to do that for you...I hope everything goes well! I''ll keep my fingers crossed for you!
 
Hello.

We were at the vet''s yesterday for 2 and 1/2 hours. The vet who has Oscar, her cat who is also 18 and also in similar shape and stage of CRF as Mittens, came out and sat down next to me in the waiting room. By this gesture and by her eyes, I knew it was bad.

Mittens'' numbers are very bad. The Dr. gave me a pill and some liquid meds and we will try Sub-Q daily. I asked the Dr. what would happen if we did nothing. She said she would give Mittens a week or so before the vomiting and downturn started. So I bought the meds. But I feel horrible inflicting the meds on both mittens AND myself (is that selfish?)

The vet asked me Mittens'' quality of life now. I said fair to fairly good. So, we decided to try the meds/fluids. If they upset mittens too much then we will not submit her to it. Also, the meds may not even help at this stage. So we are on alert and the vet told me to use this time to get my head together (she said it nicer than that) and at the first change/flag/gut feeling; we let her go. (We don''t want to let her die painfully from CRF)

I feel like maybe I should have just refused meds but I just couldn''t do it. But I find myself scared to give them. Anyway. I am numb but sad and FI keeps saying ''wait until she''s gone before you grieve hard. Be loving and happy around Mittens so you don''t stress her even more.'' And I know he''s right. She''s still sleeping right next to us and she ate a bunch of food yesterday.

So we wait and love and I have to stay sort of strong right now. But I have a lump in my throat that won''t go away.
 
I am so sad and sorry for you. My thoughts are with you and Mittens!
 
Thank you so much, OUpeargirl.


I mixed the contents of the capsule I''m supposed to give her with some food and she ate the WHOLE thing.
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I know that you feel bad giving the meds, but I think that as long as her quality of life is good and she''s not in pain and happy, then I would give them. I agree with your vet though that when you think that her quality of life is going downhill, then it is the kindest thing to do to put her to sleep. Sending hugs to you and Mittens.
 
Thanks, bee*

I agree, esp. now that I''ve gotten the first doses down and she''s still OK.
 
personally, i think its ok to begin grieving now.....its ok to say goodbye and cry. and to thank Mittens for allowing you to walk with her on the path of life for awhile. i found i had a lot to say to my Gato cat knowing that time was short.

movie zombie
 
I''m so sorry, Molly...I hope Mittens responds well to the medicine. You''re in my thoughts and prayers.
 
Hi everyone.

I put Mittens down this morning. She took a turn for the worse on Monday and I just knew. I can''t tell you how many times I''ve heard that from pet owners, especially from people who had pets with chronic renal failure. I also (in my hours of online research on the subject) read not to count on a sign or a "just knowing" feeling.

But yesterday I knew it had to be as soon as possible. I called the vet at 7:30 a.m. and they booked us for 10:20 a.m. I would like to say that our Dr. was amazing. She kissed Mittens and stroked her head and talked to her like mittens was her own. (My vet has her own 18 yr old, Oscar, with CRF.)

I did stay in the room and it was hard but I''m so glad I did. I am alternately crying big tears of missing my beloved partner and heaving huge sighs of relief; for her and for me. I''m told that''s normal, but I do feel a bit guilty about it.

I cannot thank you enough -- each and every one of you -- for sharing your experiences, suggestions, and support with me. This little thread has been a source of great comfort to me. I am so grateful to you all.
 
Oh, God, Molly, I am so, so sorry. I have been dreading opening up my email and finding this had happened..I wasn''t sure I could handle it yet. I know you know you did the best thing you could for your dear Mittens, and that she is no longer in pain. I am so sad for your having to go through this today or any day. I was already sad tonight for many reasons...a woman who is like a mother to me and her daughter who is like a sister to me just lost their wolf mix that they''ve had for over 13 years today from brain cancer, and I feel like all of our hearts are bleeding for these dear souls that have given us so many years, days and hours of comfort and love and are now gone but never forgotten. I wish I was closer to you so I could give you a great big hug right now and share your tears. Bless you and Mittens and know you''re in my thoughts tonight. Hugs, my friend...please let me know if there is anything I can do, even from afar. Hang in there and know we''re all here for you.

{{HUGS}}
 
I''m so sorry. I haven''t contributed on this thread before because I didn''t have much advice, but I can only imagine how much your heart is hurting right now. I''m sure that Mittens is grateful that she didn''t have to suffer, but that doesn''t make it easier for the person left behind. But please know that we''re all here to support you, and that Mittens knows how much you loved her. I''m sending healing thoughts your way, and a big hug.
 
Thank you, Octavia, for taking the time to post your kind words. I appreciate it so much.

And dear Harleigh, sorry to hear there''s sadness lingering around you right now. I read your thread about the bailing BM. I couldn''t think of anything to say except that it sucks and I''m sorry. I was going to see if there''s a way to send a message directly to you but I don''t know the etiquette on that so I''m just going to post it here and hope I don''t look like a freak/attention fiend/weirdo/loser. I knew yesterday that I would have to put mittens down asap. I went to see The Police (FI babysat Mitty) and I promptly drank about 4 giant concert beers. I had a month shy of 8 years of sobriety last year and had a relapse (one day long) in Sept. Yesterday I chucked my 258 days because I knew what was coming today.

I put this down because I''m so ashamed of myself. I''m sort of holding myself accountable by typing it out. Or something like that.
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Date: 5/28/2008 2:29:48 AM
Author: matildawong
Thank you, Octavia, for taking the time to post your kind words. I appreciate it so much.

And dear Harleigh, sorry to hear there''s sadness lingering around you right now. I read your thread about the bailing BM. I couldn''t think of anything to say except that it sucks and I''m sorry. I was going to see if there''s a way to send a message directly to you but I don''t know the etiquette on that so I''m just going to post it here and hope I don''t look like a freak/attention fiend/weirdo/loser. I knew yesterday that I would have to put mittens down asap. I went to see The Police (FI babysat Mitty) and I promptly drank about 4 giant concert beers. I had a month shy of 8 years of sobriety last year and had a relapse (one day long) in Sept. Yesterday I chucked my 258 days because I knew what was coming today.

I put this down because I''m so ashamed of myself. I''m sort of holding myself accountable by typing it out. Or something like that.
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Oh, sweetie, I am so very sorry. You know, I commend you on being able to fight those demons, but sometimes, there is just no help for it. I am proud of you for being able to stay sober for as long as you have, and I hope you can again do so. There is no shame in being human, and you are hurting so bad right now that I understand. I hope you can find your way back to the place you were before...you''ve done it twice nice now and I''m sure you can do it again. Please come here to talk to me/us here on PS...we''re all here to help you, and let me tell you, I completely understand the need for oblivion upon occasion...hopefully you can find something else to use for that, but I understand how difficult putting Mittens down was for you. Are you seeing someone to help you through this where you live? It also sounds as though your dear FI is understanding, as well...I hope he is a support for you and will also help you get back on the right track. I''m not sure if I am making any sense as I haven''t been in your actual shoes, but I''ve helped some friends and family in hard times such as these and wish there was something more I could do for you. Hang in there and try to be strong. I''m thinking of you and sending you some hugs, hun.
 
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