Am I a jerk?

[tberube]

I have been at the same company for almost seven years, long enough to see that there is always a really big deal made about weddings in the office. The accounting department is responsible for most of it, they always throw a little shower for anyone getting married or having a baby. It''s really nice, and I have always contributed to it and given gifts, even if I didn''t know the other employee very well.

Now it''s finally my "turn" to be the married-to-be, and it''s rather fun to bask in the glow of it all. However, a new girl started in the accounting department this week, and it turns out that her wedding date is the same as mine. I could be psyched to share in the joy of it, trade experiences and swap notes, but instead I''m a little sad. I don''t want to have to share the attention with new girl.

I haven''t shared that feeling with anyone at work, I''m a little ashamed of it. Am I a total selfish bridezilla?

 

[LegacyGirl]

No its normal to feel that way. It''s supposed to be you and your SO''s big day. You don''t want to think about other people sharing that with you. I understand the feeling so don''t beat yourself up over it and know that other people have felt that way too

 

[mimzy]

i think it is a pretty human feeling. you've been waiting a LONG time for "your" time - 7 years is a long time to watch other people get their time to shine. so it's understandable to be disappointed by having to share it with someone who doesn't have the same kind of time and emotion invested i the event. i bet that your friends at the company will do something to make you feel extra special and that will set you apart, even if it is subtle. because how excited are they really going to be about throwing a shower for someone that they barely know either? i hope you can still enjoy your day!

 

[surfgirl]

I think it''s both normal, and jerky...heh...Really, it''s a normal feeling I think. But I wouldn''t waste another minute on it either. It''s not worth feeling negative over something like that, is it? Naw...

 

[HollyS]

You''re not a jerk. You''ve looked forward to being the center of attention, even on a small scale, and now you have to ''share'' what you wanted as your moment. I had one of those types of experiences at one of my showers, and to some degree at my rehearsal dinner. And no, I didn''t let on that I was bugged. I didn''t want to be seen as (take your pick) needy, impolite, stressed, greedy, self involved, or God forbid, a bridezilla. Somehow, even if it isn''t deliberate, there always seems to be someone around to steal our spotlight (as a bride). Maybe it''s nature''s way of keeping us humble.

So, feel free to vent here. We won''t judge you for it. You can''t really tell the people at work, now can you?

 

[bee*]

Date: 2/21/2008 1:55:41 PM
Author: surfgirl
I think it''s both normal, and jerky...heh...Really, it''s a normal feeling I think. But I wouldn''t waste another minute on it either. It''s not worth feeling negative over something like that, is it? Naw...

Yeah I agree with surfgirl-it''s definitely a normal feeling but unfortunately there''s not much you can do with the situation. I had kind of the same thing when I got engaged and a new girl also got engaged a few days later. We had a brilliant joint party though and the two of us had such a laugh, so while it can be annoying it''s great sometimes having a partner in crime. She could also share all the embarrassment when people called for speeches and things.

 

[tberube]

Thanks for the bright side, surfgirl and bee. And thanks to everyone else for forgiving my stupidness. Heh.

 

[monarch64]

I wonder if the new girl feels the same way?! I think not wanting to share your day is a normal feeling, and you shouldn''t feel like a jerk. I''m not sure what the solution is, or if there actually is one...sorry no great advice from me. Good idea to talk about it here, though, maybe venting about it will help you get through your frustration over it and everything will turn out ok.

 

[Independent Gal]

I agree that having the thought / feeling come into your head is normal. Acting on it or failing to tell yourself to get a grip regarding it would be jerk-y. We all have selfish or childish or even mean thoughts sometimes (not saying that''s what this is! just negative thoughts in general). But so long as we keep them to ourselves and don''t act on them, or even better, push them out of our heads, we are not jerks!

 

[gtn]

Date: 2/21/2008 3:15:02 PM
Author: Independent Gal
I agree that having the thought / feeling come into your head is normal. Acting on it or failing to tell yourself to get a grip regarding it would be jerk-y. We all have selfish or childish or even mean thoughts sometimes (not saying that''s what this is! just negative thoughts in general). But so long as we keep them to ourselves and don''t act on them, or even better, push them out of our heads, we are not jerks!

ditto.

 

[iheartscience]

Nah, I don''t think you''re a jerk for feeling bummed! I think you''re a jerk for a lot of other reasons!

Totally kidding, of course! It''s just the first thing that popped into my head when I saw that title!

But seriously, I would feel exactly the same way about sharing the spotlight after you''ve been there for 7 years. And I always think that knowing you''re being a bit selfish/jerky keeps you from being a jerk!