another setback

[radiantquest]

ok for those who are following my story, and those who havent, i have had when i am going to get my ering changed so many times. first it was tomorrow, then august 1st and then sometime in december. and now maybe not then. i am soooo frustrated and when i complain it just makes him feel bad.
we talked about it tonight and he kept making comments about how bad the ecoonomy is and how that is alot of money and that i live in fantasy land. eeerrrggghhhh. so then i said "so now not even december?" and he says "i didnt say that" so then i said "december yes or no?" and he didnt give me an answer. i wish i had one of those nerf bats so that i could beat the poo out of him without causing real harm. please ladies i need words of encouragement!!!!!

 

[FrekeChild]

Hon. You're married, you got the man. The ring is unimportant and he's being smart about it. He's right, the economy is in the s-hole and it's probably going to be getting worse before it gets better. So what if you have to put getting the ring off for a year or longer?

Frankly, I'm more after the marriage than the ring. I wish we could just run to the courthouse and be done with it, but that's not how he works.

(((((Hugs))))) You'll get your ring someday, it may not be as soon as you like, that's all.

 

[radiantquest]

thanks freke, i did notice that it became a little less important when we got hitched, but i still want it really bad!

me: i got married!
them: oh, congrats, let me see your ring
me*frown* i dont have it yet.

it takes some of the fun away. and also it wouldnt be so bad waiting if i didnt get myself ready for a certain time and be ok with it for him to change it. if he cant get it til next year than tell me that. dont tell me i will get it in 2 months and then tell me no.

thank you so much, i guess maybe im a brat.

 

[FrekeChild]

You''re not a brat! You''re just impatient, that''s all. And aren''t we all here on the LIW board?

I know what you mean about taking the fun out of it, and I totally hear what you''re saying. He needs to just tell you when you''re getting it (is he going to formally propose or anything?) and be honest and upfront about it. Trust me, I hear you.

I''ve been waiting for my ring since...February 2007. Thats when we first went ring shopping. Soon enough it will be 2 years, and THAT makes me want to borrow your nerf bat.

Bah. Men.

 

[radiantquest]

and we continue to love them anyway. *takes a deep breath* we will get them someday i suppose. thanks for listening/reading my rant. feel free to have one, i will be there for you.

 

[FrekeChild]

I might just have to take you up on that.

 

[BlueSki231]

Ouch.. I hate the "fantasy land" comment. I''ve gotten that one before!

Maybe I AM living in a fantasy land - so what!

I dunno if I have any words of encouragement for ya tho.. Just try and stay patient! It will come eventually!

 

[Lauren8211]

Date: 10/8/2008 9:44:25 PM
Author:radiantquest
ok for those who are following my story, and those who havent, i have had when i am going to get my ering changed so many times. first it was tomorrow, then august 1st and then sometime in december. and now maybe not then. i am soooo frustrated and when i complain it just makes him feel bad.

we talked about it tonight and he kept making comments about how bad the ecoonomy is and how that is alot of money and that i live in fantasy land. eeerrrggghhhh. so then i said ''so now not even december?'' and he says ''i didnt say that'' so then i said ''december yes or no?'' and he didnt give me an answer. i wish i had one of those nerf bats so that i could beat the poo out of him without causing real harm. please ladies i need words of encouragement!!!!!

LOL. Nerf, indeed! That solves so many relationship problems for me

It''s funny how LIWs say "I dont care about the ring, I just want to marry him!" but marrieds without rings just get focused on the bling. The grass is always greener on the other side.

The economy IS bad, I''ll give him that. Try to enjoy being married and not put too much pressure on him, he loves you, wanted to marry you, he''ll come around. You can make it!!!

 

[dcgator]

Hey ladies,

I would also love to borrow that bat..BAM on the boy''s head, LOL

Elle is sooo right.." It''s funny how LIWs say "I dont care about the ring, I just want to marry him!" but marrieds without rings just get focused on the bling. The grass is always greener on the other side."

I totally agree, I won''t care if I had a $200 crappy ring with a chip of diamond, as long as I knew we were getting married, but the grass is always greener indeed.

On that note, Radiant, didn''t you say you had a "stand in" ring for the ceremony at the court? Couldn''t you wear that and show it off till you get the real one? Just say your other one is getting sized, or cleaned, or whatever else will shut people up. I think the real point is that you got the man and the committment, and that should be what matters, right?

And just for the record, you are not being a brat. I think ALL of us on here complain about some aspect of the LIW process, be it a ring or a proposal, including me (on many occasions, hehe).

Just stay strong, and you shall have everything your heart desires in due time. Big hug!

 

[Pushin40]

Date: 10/8/2008 9:44:25 PM
Author:radiantquest
ok for those who are following my story, and those who havent, i have had when i am going to get my ering changed so many times. first it was tomorrow, then august 1st and then sometime in december. and now maybe not then. i am soooo frustrated and when i complain it just makes him feel bad.
we talked about it tonight and he kept making comments about how bad the ecoonomy is and how that is alot of money and that i live in fantasy land. eeerrrggghhhh. so then i said ''so now not even december?'' and he says ''i didnt say that'' so then i said ''december yes or no?'' and he didnt give me an answer. i wish i had one of those nerf bats so that i could beat the poo out of him without causing real harm. please ladies i need words of encouragement!!!!!

Oh Radiant - I''m sorry. I know you want your ring and you are NOT a brat.

Reality is reality though, and you can''t change this.....this country is falling apart and unfortunatly it''s only the beginning. It will get worse before it gets better.

Get your priorities in check. This is not meant to be mean-spiritied, but like the saying goes "you can''t always get what you want". Now is the time to make wise financial decisions and you should thank your DH for keeping things in perspective.

I''ve been with my guy for 7.5 years and I highly doubt a ring is in my near future..... but I''m still hoping for a 2010 wedding. Do I still want a ring? HELL YEAH, but I''m also realistic and need to be a grown up about the situation. I''m more focused on paying two huge mortgages right now and trying to find extra money for Oil this winter. I would never dream of pushing the ring subject right now. I know better. He would think I was insane.

I totally know what you mean. but the bottom line is this: you got your hubby, and it''s the life you have together that is important.

Hang in there! I hvae a feeling this economy will keep that LIW list pretty large for a while....

 

[Guilty Pleasure]

You could just save for it yourself... you''re married now, so him buying it is the same as you buying it right? (unless y''all are keeping completely separate finances, and then I guess not.)

My boyfriend made a joke about not needing a "silly" ring to express our love and be married. I gave a big grin, wrapped my arms around his neck, and said, "I''ll marry you tomorrow if you ask me. Then in two weeks, I''ll still go out and buy myself something sparkly if you don''t want to. I have the money."

That shut him up.

 

[jcarlylew82]

i understand the waiting can be terrible - married or not.

maybe there is a rhr that is affordable for the both of you that you can wear now?

 

[radiantquest]

thank you all. and i really do live in a fantasy land sometimes. he worries about all that stuff for me. he said that he doesnt need to bother me with it even when i ask to know. we do have seperate finances for now and i pay my little bills ie. car payment, insurance and cell phone. i give him some $ for the house and he does the rest. i dont know how much the mortgage is, i have no idea who the home owners insurance is through, i hear electric is expensive, but he keeps all that from me. i guess it makes him feel like the provider to pamper me so that i dont have to deal with it so maybe i do live in a fantasy land because i dont "get" when money is low. i never know. he was talking about trading in my car for a new one a couple weeks ago. that doesnt sound like a man that cant afford his wifes engagement ring to me. you are probably right though. i shouldnt pressure in times like this even if i am a princess. thanks again. you guys always help.

 

[Guilty Pleasure]

Date: 10/9/2008 9:11:42 PM
Author: radiantquest
thank you all. and i really do live in a fantasy land sometimes. he worries about all that stuff for me. he said that he doesnt need to bother me with it even when i ask to know. we do have seperate finances for now and i pay my little bills ie. car payment, insurance and cell phone. i give him some $ for the house and he does the rest. i dont know how much the mortgage is, i have no idea who the home owners insurance is through, i hear electric is expensive, but he keeps all that from me. i guess it makes him feel like the provider to pamper me so that i dont have to deal with it so maybe i do live in a fantasy land because i dont 'get' when money is low. i never know. he was talking about trading in my car for a new one a couple weeks ago. that doesnt sound like a man that cant afford his wifes engagement ring to me. you are probably right though. i shouldnt pressure in times like this even if i am a princess. thanks again. you guys always help.

really??? YOu don't know how much the mortgage is for the house you live in? with your husband? And you don't have any idea when money is low? You might want to discuss this with your husband. It's fine for him to "take care of you" but if I was married ot someone who had no idea about our finances while I took care of everything, I think I would be resentful if they wanted a luxury item worth several thousand dollars without any concept of our finances. Your husband needs to share that with you, and you need to show an interest because really, marriage is a partnership, both financial and emotional.

 

[radiantquest]

i know, i know. i ask all the time. his answer is always dont worry about it, i have it handled. i know that it better not stay this way. i am all about having our own money. but i think that i should know if we are in a tough situation. remember that it has only been a few weeks since we were married and we havent ironed out all the wrinkles quite yet.