Bad advice within bad advice

[Sabine]

In the MSN lifestyle section there was an article today from The Knot about bad wedding advice. It listed "bad advice," followed by "our advice." Most of it was only slightly amusing, like suggesting the couple sing their vows or only spend $9 a plate on dinner.

But one of the "bad advice" sections said that a bridesmaid was advised by the bride to not wear her engagement ring to the wedding because it was bigger than the bride''s. Now, I don''t disagree that this is bad advice, but here is the "our advice": Being upstaged by a bridesmaid can be a very real fear for some brides. Handle the situation gently -- explain that you''d rather not take off the ring for personal reasons. If she persists, remove it to avoid more drama.

I would definitely take the bride''s feelings into consideration if this ever happened to me, but I''m sorry, if the bride is seriously asking a bridesmaid to not wear her ENGAGEMENT RING I think it would be my duty as a friend to explain to that bride that it is inappropriate to ask that, and help show the bride that the day is about her marriage, not ring size, and that no matter what, the bride will stand out because she will be so glowingly happy to marry the man of her dreams.

 

[Independent Gal]

Wow. Frankly, my advice is not to be friends with someone that childish, self-centered and bitchy in the first place. Geez. I can''t even imagine that crossing one of my friends'' minds and it would seriously never have even remotely occured to me. And I say that as the gal with the smallest ring of them all!

Are people really like that? I mean really? Do any of you know someone like that?

 

[Rhea]

That''s just crazy advice! Who would request that someone take off something very important and symbolic that their friend owns? I can''t imagine having a friend like that and sure wouldn''t keep a friend who made that request.

 

[urseberry]

I saw a post in the IndieBride forums with this exact situation. The bridesmaid posted excerpts from an email she received from the bride with three demands: stop losing weight so the bride doesn''t look "fat and ugly" by comparison, be vigilant about birth control so the bridesmaid isn''t pregnant during the wedding, and take off the engagement ring because it''s larger than the bride''s ring. Unbelievable. The bridesmaid ended up bowing out of the wedding party. I wonder if MSN has been trolling message boards for story material.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

Whoa...

I would never think to ask someone to remove their ring for my wedding because it was larger than mine, and I would never honor that request in return.

How rude.

 

[Independent Gal]

Yeah that''s for sure! In fact it''s beyond rude! It''s pathetic!

 

[bee*]

That''s ridiculous! I would never ever ask my bridesmaid to do that. I remember reading something ages ago about how someone didn''t pick their best friend as they wanted amazing photos and she didn''t think that the friend was pretty enough to be in the pictures-I just couldn''t fathom that.

 

[diamondfan]

I understand not announcing your engagement at your friend''s wedding, but I cannot believe it is that competitive in terms of ring sizes that you should have to remove your ring if it is larger than the brides. Yes, I notice bling, I love it, but I cannot imagine being focused on that the day my friend gets married.

 

[Pandora II]

Wow, I''m afraid I would just tell them to grow-up. I can''t imagine having a friend that petty.

I also can''t imagine even thinking about such a thing on your wedding day. I''m so happy to be marrying FI that I don''t care how big a rock anyone wears to my wedding - to be honest, I so love my own ring, I wouldn''t even have a flicker of jealousy if theirs was a 15ct D IF ACA (although I''d want to try it on please!)

 

[musey]

Okay, some brides really ARE this crazy.

On theKnot there was a thread all about this bride who wanted her 'maids to look IDENTICAL. In every way. Her bridesmaids were all Japanese and had black hair, and she wanted them to look like "matching China dolls." They were to wear matching updos, matching dresses, matching shoes, matching jewelry... not just matching necklaces or earrings--they were NOT ALLOWED to wear any of their own jewelry, only what the bride bought for them, because she didn't want ANYTHING to throw off their identical looks.

Yeah. I'm not even kidding. I wish I were.


I'm glad PS brides are so low-key about this stuff. I initially told my MOH (my only bridesmaid) that I liked the idea of her wearing burnt orange. A couple minutes later, I said "Well actually brown might look nice, too... or green... or maybe yellow? Blue even! I don't know, I'm confused!!" So I ended up telling her I'd send her our other color scheme type things and she should just pick something she thought would look good, because I'm so indecisive

ha!

 

[diamondfan]

Sometimes this being the center of it all for that day just brings out the most heinous sides of a bride. I know people who had total personality transformations and were SCARY. The minute the wedding was over and they were back from the honeymoon, it was like it never happened. FREAKY. And people go along with this drama a lot of the time.

 

[Independent Gal]

Date: 3/2/2008 3:50:19 PM
Author: diamondfan
I understand not announcing your engagement at your friend's wedding, ...

WOW! I think I finally just figured out how to quote someone. 14 months on PS. About time.

Anyway, what about announcing your friend's engagement at YOUR wedding! I just found out that it's looking very much like my MOH might be engaged before the wedding. I hope so. Raising a toast to her and her sweet man would make me SO FRAKKING HAPPY!

Some friends of mine did the same for us at their wedding last summer. It was totally unexpected and we were so touched.

OK, end excited-bff threadjack...

 

[diamondfan]

Well, to me, that would be very loving and generous on your part. And it would be YOUR choice, and you would be doing it happily. My cousin, at my own wedding, announced her engagement and was showing off her ring, which was, by the way a 3.5 carat yellow diamond with trillion white diamonds 1 carat each on the sides, MUCH bigger than my first e ring, which was a 1.5 carat round...boy, I was not thrilled about that!!!

But, if you are the one, as the bride, giving her a shout out, it is not about HER taking focus off of you.

 

[Independent Gal]

Oh Diamondfan, I agree, your cousin''s behaviour was very not cool!

I more slipped that in because bff/moh just mentioned that she was being drilled up and down about a variety of sapphire options by her boyfriend, and I was just, well, SO EXCITED!

 

[diamondfan]

I think it can be a nice thing to do, again, because you are truly excited for them and it would be done with love. I had to grit my teeth. And, 17 plus years ago, a nearly 4 carat center stone, a square fancy yellow, was not typical, so of course everyone was ooohhing and ahhhing over her ring. I could not have cared less if it were any other day than my wedding!!!!

 

[Harleigh]

Oh, my...all I can say is: Some people really just have NO class!

That is just crazy! I cannot imagine anyone asking that of me, nor of my obliging them!

No, no, no, no, no!!!

 

[happy in love]

Let''s just go ahead and encourage future brides to be "bridezillas" I mean, why not? Ha!

I don''t care if it is my day or not, I would never think it was ok to ask my friend to not wear her e-ring as not to oversadow me, if I was that jealous er, I mean concerned then I have bigger problems

 

[Gypsy]

Date: 3/2/2008 4:24:45 PM
Author: musey
Okay, some brides really ARE this crazy.
I initially told my MOH (my only bridesmaid) that I liked the idea of her wearing burnt orange. A couple minutes later, I said 'Well actually brown might look nice, too... or green... or maybe yellow? Blue even! I don't know, I'm confused!!' So I ended up telling her I'd send her our other color scheme type things and she should just pick something she thought would look good, because I'm so indecisive

ha!

Musey, that sounds like the conversation Ihad with my MOH. I said. Colors are orange, green and white. Please don't wear white. Brown and champagne are fine. Oh and black. Blacks good.

She said, I just got some great satin blacky strappy shoes. You sure you're okay with a black dress.

Me: The shoes sound great, definitely a black dress then. Oh, just no pattern okay?

Her: Okay.

That's IT.

I called her a little while later told her I would pay for her hair and makeup. And I'm planning on MAYBE getting her some jewlery, if I don't buy her some I'll loan her some. She's a grad student, so $$ are seriously tight and I want to make things easy for her.


I can't IMAGINE asking someone NOT to wear their ENGAGEMENT ring ever. That's just C R A Z Y. Woo Hoo crazy.