bridal party drama

[kellybelly]

so i can''t possibly be the first one to have such an issue, which is why i am posting-- in an attempt to get some suggestions.

my fiance and i have chosen our respective attendants-- 7 girls and 6 guys. my sister, his two sisters, my brother, his brother, and the rest are friends. seems easy enough, right? wrong.

i gave his two sisters little "will you be my bridesmaid?" homemade cards the last time i saw them, and they were both excited, which made us happy. however, later on that evening, apparently his one sister''s fiance (getting married this May) said to her "i guess C (my fiance) isn''t going to ask me to be a groomsman?" and then sister told this to FMIL, who tonight told this to my fiance. FMIL says "well couldn''t you just make him an usher, along with J (other sister''s long-time boyfriend)?".

grrrrrr....fiance and i already had this discussion, that it was either siblings OR siblings and friends, and then we agreed on the latter. to add any more would verge on the ridiculous mathematically, since our wedding will only be about 150 guests.

so i guess my question is this-- how do we handle this? my argument is that by making everyone special, you are really making NOBODY special, and that these two guys are neither siblings nor friends, so they should not be included. i just don''t like that we''ve only been engaged for 2 months, aren''t getting married for about a year, and crap like this is happening already.

frankly, since WE are paying for everything, i don''t want to hear anyone''s opinions other that my fiance.

what do you think ladies?

 

[luckystar112]

How weird that he would even expect to be asked! I mean, if he''s not a friend or a relative. Does your FI feel bad now?
Maybe his sister''s BF thought they were closer than they really are?

 

[kellybelly]

well we are both in their wedding-- it''s his sister, but i''m not technically family, and we were not even engaged when she asked me to be in the bridal party. AND they are not having the other sister''s BF (even though they will very likely be married in a few years too) so it''s awfully strange to be upset about the very same situation.

what i''m quickly learning is that everyone is going to have something to say about every aspect of this wedding. at the end of the day, i care about the two of us being happy.

seriously, why would someone add stress to our lives when we already have a million things to think about?

 

[sera]

I wouldn''t ask anyone I didn''t want to ask. And really, I wouldn''t ask my FI''s sisters (if he had any) if I wasn''t close to them. You ask those who are close to you... obviously you can''t ask everyone so they should just basically get over it. I really can''t fathom this "I''m not family, I''m not a friend, but I expect to be asked to be a part of your wedding party." Weird.

 

[ringster]

sorry to hear that you are experiencing wedding issues already

if it isn''t too much trouble to make him an usher than that seems to be the best way to go - just let him feel that it is a very important task and that you are both really honored/happy that he wanted to be an important part of your special day. or are there any other tasks he could help out with on the day of the wedding or any tasks leading up to the wedding? i''d hate to turn away some help if he is someone who knows how to be useful.

hopefully no one else will come out of the woodwork. some people don''t get enough help from family and friends and others too much! it is nice that everyone wants to feel special and a part of your big day but if you really don''t need his help then just gently let him know that it was a tough decision for you to choose your bridal party as you had many people you''d love to choose from but you felt it was fair to choose X, Y and Z family/friend.

don''t know if that helps but hang in there

 

[gtn]

I vote that you don''t invite anybody you don''t want to be in your wedding party to be in your wedding party. As Surf suggested, ask him to play another roll. If he doesn''t like it, tough. It is your wedding not his.

 

[surfgirl]

I think qtn meant ringster...! But actually, I wouldn''t ask these two to be in your wedding. They''re nothing to you really, just the SOs from other relatives and for that you should add MORE people to your wedding party? I think not. Enough is enough...Stand tough and dont give in. Just "family relatives and close friends" is all you need to say to anyone and to be honest, you dont need to say anything if these people aren''t man enough to ask you directly, then I dont think you need to address the issue. Period. I hate the nerve of some people...

 

[gtn]

Date: 2/19/2008 2:54:34 AM
Author: surfgirl
I think qtn meant ringster...! But actually, I wouldn''t ask these two to be in your wedding. They''re nothing to you really, just the SOs from other relatives and for that you should add MORE people to your wedding party? I think not. Enough is enough...Stand tough and dont give in. Just ''family relatives and close friends'' is all you need to say to anyone and to be honest, you dont need to say anything if these people aren''t man enough to ask you directly, then I dont think you need to address the issue. Period. I hate the nerve of some people...

oops, I did mean ringster, thanks for the correction

 

[swingirl]

So these two fellas will be your brothers-in-law for the rest of your married life and you''ll be spending holidays together and you''ll be in their wedding parties? Hmmmm... seems like you better handle this one carefully and not hurt any feelings or you''ll be reminded of it for a long time. Out of 3 weddings I''ve stood up to for friends I have only stayed in touch with one of the brides. But I am in touch will all of my family and in-laws.