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Calling all the Pregnant PS''ers

Indy, I join with everyone here in sending you and your DH love and peace.
 
indy, i can''t say much that hasn''t already been said. but i am so sorry to hear the news. my thoughts and prayers are with you and your husband.
 
Indy,

I''m so heartbroken for you...but so uplifted at the same time by your strength and grace through all of this. There really seems to be such a kinship I feel with you and DD, as we all started down this journey together, spilling our fears and joys early on in the barely preggo thread. Life is such a strange crazy journey, who knows why things unfold the way they do.

You and your husband and your wonderful family will all get through this together - lean on one another, support each other and take as much time as you need to grieve thoroughly. Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. Since reading your post last night I''ve been a mess of tears and wasn''t able to collect myself to come here and write to you until now.

Please accept all the support you have around you. Your boys gave your mother such hope at a time when she needed it more than anything. I wish you all nothing but the best and am sending you cyberhugs through PS.

-sbde
 
Thanks so much to all of you for your outpouring of support and kindness. I'm feeling kind of guilty that our troubles seem to have hijacked this thread when so many others are in need of support.

I think a lot about how scary it must be for Lindsay & Pandora, facing very complicated, very risky pregnancies, and how NF is holding up at 1.8cm. And about Pave's baby's heart (it was my thoughts of your baby that first gave me the idea of asking about whether our babies organs might be able to save other peoples' babies, though hopefully it won't come to that for you.)

We are all so used to pregnancy, especially once it's so visible, resulting in a baby at the end of 9 months. And for so many, the path is so much rockier and scarier than that. For them 12 week mark brings no comfort or relief.

It can be very isolating when you're the only one you know, and especially when people keep saying 'Don't worry, everything will be fine!' When you know that it may VERY well not be. And for me at least, living in reality can be healthier than living in denial, now and then. So when everyone around you insists on denial, it can feel like standing off on your own somewhere.

What Lindsay said above really touched me. It reminded me of something that our close family friend J said when his wife died last spring. My Dad and J were saying how it's the way of things and life contains sickness and death (which is what DH & and I keep telling ourselves). J is very much like us in this, that nature is nature. These things are natural. Sadness and strength are not incompatible.

But then J. stopped for a few minutes and then he said "Yes. All this is true. But sh!t is still sh!t."

I do feel like our marriage is an utter TANK of indestructibility, though. This morning I made us strawberry pancakes, and we were sitting at the table, listening to the birds. And I look like utter cr@p. My face is spotty, my eyes are red and there are huge dark circles underneath from weeks without much sleep. My hair was a mess and I was in my ugliest old pj's.

And you know what my husband said to me? He said "Honey, you are so very beautiful. You are truly the love of my life."
 
Indy what a man u have there..good men are so rare to come by...it made me smile thinking of how great he is in this time of need for u and how supportive he truly is...im still praying for miracles.

-Im sitting @ work trying 2 read indy''s post 2 my sister and I couldn''t get through it ..had 2 stop...my sister doesn''t understand what happened and honestly neither do I..maybe someone can explain it sometime..as 2 y this couldn''t b prevented etc...im goin 2 meet my ob for the first time wed and I want to bring this issue up to her and see what she says.
 
Awww Indy, this is a hard time, but I know you and your husband will get through it. Sounds like you have a real man in your husband. And please don''t feel bad about dominating anything, but thank you for thinking of all of us too. Your unselfishness and kindness never ceases to amaze me.
 
Date: 10/11/2008 2:12:39 PM
Author: nycbkgirl
Indy what a man u have there..good men are so rare to come by...it made me smile thinking of how great he is in this time of need for u and how supportive he truly is...im still praying for miracles.


-Im sitting @ work trying 2 read indy''s post 2 my sister and I couldn''t get through it ..had 2 stop...my sister doesn''t understand what happened and honestly neither do I..maybe someone can explain it sometime..as 2 y this couldn''t b prevented etc...im goin 2 meet my ob for the first time wed and I want to bring this issue up to her and see what she says.
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NYC, things just can''t be prevented sometimes. If you read back a day or so I posted some information about why they can only do limited things when women go into PTL. As Indy mentioned, the BEST thing we can do right now for women facing problems with PTL is RESEARCH RESEARCH RESEARCH. We just don''t know enough about why PTL even happens. The March of Dimes is a great place to give for this cause.


And Indy I wanted to let you know that my husband and I are making a small donation to the March of Dimes in honor of Isaac and Samuel so that hopefully in the future we can reduce the number of families who have to go through what you guys are.
 
Indy, I''m glad that your husband is giving you so much support. He sounds wonderful. Please don''t feel guilty about dominating this thread.


Date: 10/11/2008 2:28:06 PM
Author: neatfreak

And Indy I wanted to let you know that my husband and I are making a small donation to the March of Dimes in honor of Isaac and Samuel so that hopefully in the future we can reduce the number of families who have to go through what you guys are.
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This is such a good idea. My husband and I just decided to follow your lead.
 
Indy, I''m really sad to hear what you''re going through right now. Your strength is so inspiring. Please do take the time to grieve over this when you feel able to. That really helps with the healing process. All the best to you and your DH - sounds like you both get a lot of strength from each other.
 
Indy, your last post brought tears to my eyes. You and your DH are so strong and I am in awe of you two. Your family continues to be in my thoughts. Hugs.
 
Indy, I still have my fingers and toes crossed for you! I''ll be praying for a miracle.
 
Indy please don''t be afraid to hold your babies. I couldn''t bring myself to hold mine and I have regretted it every day. I really am so sad for you right now.
 
sorry, posted moved to correct thread.
 
Thanks NF- I guess I just don''t want to believe that this can happen in this day n age but I understand what u r saying. I am just now so scared that all of us carrying twins are at such a risk..I am going 2 c one of the top high risk ob''s in nyc on wed...and I will def bring this issue up...I think I will want to have an appt every week bc of the high risk issue...duno what she will think of that but the fear is just engulfing me...
I can''t stop thinking of indy and have been very depressed.
 
Date: 10/11/2008 8:18:52 PM
Author: nycbkgirl
Thanks NF- I guess I just don''t want to believe that this can happen in this day n age but I understand what u r saying. I am just now so scared that all of us carrying twins are at such a risk..I am going 2 c one of the top high risk ob''s in nyc on wed...and I will def bring this issue up...I think I will want to have an appt every week bc of the high risk issue...duno what she will think of that but the fear is just engulfing me...

I can''t stop thinking of indy and have been very depressed.
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NYC: We are certainly at a higher risk of preterm labor. But really, an appointment every week is going to do nothing but make you crazy. If you go into PTL the most important thing is recognizing it and getting meds quickly to try and stop it. But just because we have twins doesn''t mean you will go into PTL or have troubles, it simply means you are at a higher risk.

Just be diligent in later pregnancy about making sure that they check your cervix regularly and that you know the signs of PTL so you can get yourself to the doc quickly.

And because your twins are IVF twins they are the least risky kind. Mine are the same. Unfortunately, Indy''s were one of the most risky kinds because they shared a sac.
 
NF thanx again u are soooo keeping me sane! I didn''t know u had ivf as well I thought I was the only ivfer here on the thread...see what ur saying is that if they catch it in time it can be contained?? So does that mean indys doc didn''t catch it in time ..how did hers get so advanced b4 anything could have been done?
 
Indy - Just wanted you to know that you and your family are in my thoughts. I hope you continue to find strength and comfort in your DH. I wish there was something I could do or say...

And I think NF''s idea to donate to the March of Dimes in your sons'' names is a wonderful one. We''ll be doing the same.
 
Date: 10/11/2008 10:23:24 PM
Author: littlelysser

And I think NF''s idea to donate to the March of Dimes in your sons'' names is a wonderful one. We''ll be doing the same.
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As will I.
 
Date: 10/11/2008 8:37:06 PM
Author: nycbkgirl
NF thanx again u are soooo keeping me sane! I didn''t know u had ivf as well I thought I was the only ivfer here on the thread...see what ur saying is that if they catch it in time it can be contained?? So does that mean indys doc didn''t catch it in time ..how did hers get so advanced b4 anything could have been done?
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What NF meant is that her twins are also fraternal, like yours, not identical, NF didn''t use IVF.

And I''m sorry to say that with Indy it wasn''t an issue of "in time". Indy was under the best possible medical care and a whole team of specialists and saw her doctors regularly. All of us pregnanct women just have to accept and somehow get used to the fact that terrible things like this happen, and can happen to any of us, and sometimes there is simply nothing that we can do about it. There is no one to blame except the randomness of life. I can understand why this is hitting you hard if you are the type to worry anyways and also since you are carrying twins, but Indy''s situation is really very different from yours: she carries identical twins who share a placenta, and this very rare type of identical twins is very risk with a 25% mortality rate due to the difficulty that the placenta has coping with keeping two babies healthy. Your twins are fraternal and so do not share a placenta nor an amniotic sac and so do not carry this same risk.

Honey, you seem to be having a really tought time staying calm and cool being pregnant, and that is not good for your little babies! As NF said, seeing your specialist every week won''t actually help things since it will only make you feel better for the 10 minutes you are talking to the specialist! Do you have someone in your life whom you can talk to about all this to help you cope and remain calmer, like a pastor or counsellor? You just seem to be having a tough time. {{HUGS}}
 
Date: 10/11/2008 8:37:06 PM
Author: nycbkgirl
NF thanx again u are soooo keeping me sane! I didn't know u had ivf as well I thought I was the only ivfer here on the thread...see what ur saying is that if they catch it in time it can be contained?? So does that mean indys doc didn't catch it in time ..how did hers get so advanced b4 anything could have been done?
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I didn't have IVF, but my twins are in separate sacs like yours as DD explained. But I WILL tell you something that has been linked to preterm labor. STRESS. So just please calm down and don't worry until you have to ok? For the sake of your babies!
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And DD as usual is right about it not being the doctor's fault in Indy's case...it was just an unusual situation.
 
Ok so I did read it wrong about ivf sorry about that...but I don''t want anyone 2 think im goin nuts 24/7 and I need psychiatric help lol....I just meant these are all concerns I would def want to understand and make sure I know what to do and when n how to do it beforehand...its impt to react quick as I understand so to do that u need to be prepared. And just like everyone else I am very touched by her story and it upsets me a lot ..I don''t think im the only one here.
But me asking questions about her situation is because I am new at this and this is all very difficult stuff so im sorry if I seem very "stressed" but its not that...its just so many things I need to know and prepare..esp to ask my doc on wed. Im not stressing myself or babies ..I just want want to understand these things because again never did this before and its all very new n scary that''s all.
 
O and 1 other point (since my dh just came home from work n now I can''t sleep lol)...since I am the only ivf person here I don''t expect anyone to quite understand my situation..im used to going to the doc every single day and being on edge all the time..it comes with the territory...also being high-risk is a diff mentality than any reg preggo..it has to be. Im not only high risk bc of ivf and bc of twins...many other factors as well...so if im extra concerned ...I sure should be. In High risk u have 2 b very diligent in the care u receive..that''s y im trying to pick the best doc as well as understand all I need to on my own...just recently one of my friends almost had a scare bc the doc didn''t catch the cervix issue!!..u better believe she switched docs immediatley..all these things u have 2 be aware of and make sure u make the best choices...there are things u can''t control but then again there are many u can.
Well I think I will try 2 sleep...very annoying when ur woken up @4am and can''t go bak to sleep...again comes with the territory when u have a dh with a dangerous job n his hours are all over the place..as u can see im used 2 worrying...about many things unfortunatley...but I still take it in stride ;)
 
Oh sweetie, you don't need to apologize! No one is mad at you! We just wanted to point out that most likely your pregnancy will be fine, and that while these are all things to be aware of, there's no need to stress yourself out over them unless they happen to you. It's obviously very smart and prudent to read all you can and be aware of symptoms and things to look out for, we just didn't want you to think that the same things that are afflicting Indy and I will also afflict you just because you have twins.

Obviously if you are high risk for other reasons than just the twins then you should read up on what might affect you so that you can be as prepared as possible if something should happen. But unfortunately as we all have learned this week sometimes even the most diligent mammas with the most diligent and experienced teams of doctors just can't do anything. Such is life sometimes...
 
NYC then by all means see a high risk specialist girl! My comment about you seeming a little stressed wasn''t just from your comments on Indy, it was just a general impression from your posts here. I''m glad you are getting great care, that should help a lot in keeing your babies safe and your mind at ease.
 
DD I was goin 2 seek a high risk specialist anyway but thanx lol....my posts here have been for example that I had bleeding all of a sudden and I got freaked out...hmm...I wonder if anyone else had that happen n also freaked out lol...or that I did not have symptoms n was scared about that..all valid concerns...im not offended im just saying for 1st time high risk moms...I think its well understandable that I can get scared at any sign...so if I seem on edge..u betcha I am..and anyone in my position should b. Again totally get there are things u can''t control...but there are things U can. Thanks ladies ;)
 
IG, shoulda known you were a Scotch drinker (knew I liked you for a reason). I am truly sorry and please know I will toss back one (or two or three) with you. Cheers to your indomitable spirit, to your loving husband, and to your sons who gave us all joy through you here in the last few months.
 
Date: 10/10/2008 9:38:02 PM
Author: Dani
Oh, Indy, I am SO SORRY to hear this news....Please try to stay positive..Miracles CAN and DO happen...The decision has not been made for you and these little boys just yet...
I will be praying for you...
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Gosh Dani, I really really hope so!!
 
Indy, I am so sorry for what you are going through, and all that you have been through in the last 5 months.
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I am thinking of you and your family and sending lots of dust to you all. Stay strong!
 
I haven''t been able to post because of shear dumbfoundedness. Indy. You are constantly in my thoughts. I cannot even fathom the depth of what you are going through, and likewise, cannot fully grasp the strength you are mustering. It is truly awe inspiring.

Part of me really related to what you said earlier about how many women in the past have been through this. My greatgrandmother (who had the three sets of twins) gave birth to 11 children total, only 3 of which survived. Some died at birth, others due to childhood disease/illness. So sad.

That said, it''s just so difficult to accept in our era of modern medicine. Where miracles do happen every day and scientific advancements are making the impossible, possible.

In the end, it''s just heartbreaking that you have to go through this. May you and your DH be each other rocks. Thinking of you constantly.
Ps. I love your choices of names. Perfectly fitting.

emunlove.gif
mela lu
 
Date: 10/12/2008 11:34:32 AM
Author: TravelingGal
Date: 10/10/2008 9:38:02 PM

Author: Dani

Oh, Indy, I am SO SORRY to hear this news....Please try to stay positive..Miracles CAN and DO happen...The decision has not been made for you and these little boys just yet...

I will be praying for you...
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Gosh Dani, I really really hope so!!
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Me too, TG... I have seen plenty of miracles happen though related to this type of issue.

I am staying positive and sending you lots of good luck vibes, IG!!!!
 
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