Calling all the Pregnant PS''ers

[Independent Gal]

One thing is - and forgive the gallows humor here, but gallows humor is kind of a family tradition - I cannot TELL you have DESPERATELY I have needed a scotch over the last 5 months, with the move, the new job, mom''s cancer, my family breaking all their bones, my visa troubles, my husband''s AND my employment troubles, all the stress of trying to get a year''s worth of work done in 6 months, and then everything with the babies.

Boy, I have never needed a drink so badly in my life. And at least soon I can have one. Chin chin, folks!

Heck, I could probably have one now. But it seems somehow fitting to wait.

That just seems right somehow.

 

[sk8rjen]

Oh, Indy, I am so heartbroken for you and your DH right now. I am praying for you all.
jen

eta: i'd buy you that scotch if you were anywhere near here... in your shoes, a drink and a smoke would be on my mind as well (((hugs)))

 

[littlelysser]

Indy - I am so sorry. I''m sending you and your DH much strength and peace. You, your DH, and your sons will be in my prayers.

 

[E B]

Indy,

I''m so, so sorry. My thoughts and prayers are with you, your husband, and your baby boys.

 

[Kaleigh]

Indy,
I am so sorry, my heart aches for you and your husband. I pray for your son's in this most difficult time. I can't say anything to make you feel better, but know I am thinking of you.....

 

[Mrs]

Indy, I'm so sorry to hear about your sweet boys!
Wishing you and yours as much comfort as possible,
Mrs

 

[LAJennifer]

Date: 10/10/2008 5:22:28 PM
Author: Independent Gal
Hi Ladies,

What NF says is true. Those drugs only work for 48 hours at a time. Doctors do all kinds of ''heroic'' things like emergency cervical cerclage or putting women on those horrible drugs for weeks at a time, because it feels better for both the patient and the doctor to be doing ''something'' rather than ''nothing''.

The thing is, PTL often stops on its own (just as often as it ''stops'' with the tocolytic drugs) and so it can feel like the drugs must be the cause of it stopping. But the evidence (and there''s a tonne of it) says otherwise. A woman says her cerclage kept her baby in for 10 critical extra days. My lack of a cerclage kept my babies in for an extra 10 days too. See? Difference is, her cerclage tore her cervix when her contractions started up again. Who knows if that will affect her next pregnancy.

It''s kind of like leeching. Makes you understand why people kept up with the leeching thing for centuries, even though...

Anyway, I''m just stopping in to report that I''m back from the doctor and 1.5cm dilated, so it''s game over for our tiny sons. We are just waiting for active labor to get going, which I feel like will happen at any time (feeling lower back pain, contractions feel different).

The doctors are wonderful and explained what will happen through the labor and afterward. They are ready for me at the hospital and provide wrap-around support throughout and afterward. The head doctor said I could call him day or night, 24 hours, regardless of who was on call if I felt I wasn''t getting what I needed from the on call doctors or if wanted support or had questions.

We were hoping that our sons might be able to save other peoples'' babies through organ donation (something we both believe in for our own bodies too), but apparently this is not possible. That made me extra sad.

Right now, we''re just trying to stay in the sunshine, go sit in beautiful places (bedrest is pointless at this stage), and let ourselves feel our grief without letting it overwhelm us. We have decided, when this is over, to take a trip. Possibly trekking in Morocco.

We will always love and remember our tiny palm-sized sons. I''m a little afraid to see and hold them when they are born, but I think it is for the best in dealing with the grief.

I have decided to call them Isaac and Samuel, because, like Sarah and Hannah, I longed and prayed to be blessed with children, and God gave them to me and then he took them back.

Such is life.

Indy, I think that is beautiful. I am very touched by your story. Prayers to you and your family.

 

[mrssalvo]

oh Indy..you are such a strong lady. you will continue to be in my thoughts and prayers. I shed tears reading your story just now and the names you choose for your sons are very fitting. My sister had a m/c last year and never new the sex of the baby but her and her hubby decided to call the baby Samual for the same reason. My heart goes out to you and your hubby. ((hugs))

 

[Sabine]

Indy I''m so sorry for you and your husband. I will continue to keep your family in my prayers.

 

[fisherofmengirly]

Oh Indy,

Wow. I''m praying for you and your hubby and those boys. Miracles sometimes happen. I''ll be praying one finds its way to you!!

 

[robbie3982]

Indy, I''m so sorry

 

[Gemma12]

Indy I am so, so sorry.

You and your DH are in my thoughts and prayers. My eyes are welling up in tears for you.

 

[katebar]

Dear Indy I am so sorry. You, your husband, Isaac and Samuel are in my prayers.

 

[nycbkgirl]

I''ve just been balling like a baby and just stopped enough 2 reply..indy..u are one of the most amazing ppl I have encountered and I wish everyone 2 b as strong and inspiring as u r. I am hoping for a miracle still and if anyone deserves one its u!
I don''t ever ask the ? Why...but can anyone please explain how medically speaking this could not have been prevented? I am in such amazement that in this day and age things like this still have 2 happen..I don''t understand any of the med talk about ptl and those medications...ugh im so devastated I need 2 have a few drinks myself..but I will get a glass of milk instead (thanks indy for always giving advice). We love u here and ur just amazing!

 

[zoebartlett]

I''m so sorry to hear this Indy. My thoughts continue to be with you, your husband, and Isaac and Samuel.

Zoe

 

[Miranda]

Oh Indy, you are in my thoughts and prayers. You are such an amazing and strong woman. Huge hugs to you and your family.

 

[ladypirate]

Indy, I''m so so sorry. You and your family have been in my prayers for the last few weeks and my heart is breaking for you right now. *Hugs* Isaac and Samuel are beautiful names. I''m sure that they will be watching over you always.

 

[lili]

Indy
*hugs* i''m so sorry to hear.

 

[tiffanytwisted]

Indy- I''m so sorry. Your outlook on life and what you are being faced with right now is truly inspiring. I''ll be praying for you.

 

[icekid]

Indy, sending our love hope and prayers to you, your hubby, and your boys. I am so sad for you, tearful as is everyone else. You are one strong and inspiring chica. I wish your family all the best...

 

[Dreamer_D]

Indy I know there is nothing that I can say right now to make you feel better, but I want you to know that my thoughts are with you and your husband and your sons right now. I cannot imagine going through what you are going through, but I know what it is to love a "palm sized" child and I can clearly imagine the depth of your grief. A week ago when this all started you commented that our great grandmonthers and women for ages have known what it is to love and lose their little babies, and they got through it and so can you... this is such a profound observation and just so so true. It has stuck with me and resonated with me deeply. I think of some of my favourite historical women who lost 5, 6 and even 10 babies in their lives, and I think you are right that as women we are all connected by this too human, too female, and too tragic, aspect of life. The joys we experience are always heightened by our sorrows, and just as our joys pass, so too do the sorrows. I think your husband and you are so lucky to have each other to lean on, and cry with, and drink scotch with! A trip to morocco sounds like a wonderful and fitting escape, and, dare I say, a tribute to your little boys'' all-too-short lives.

All my sympathies and affection are with you right now, please don''t be a stranger over the coming days, weeks, and months, I consider you a friend and I am thinking of your ordeal every minute.

 

[Blenheim]

Indy, I''m so sorry. What beautiful names you chose for your cubs. I''ll be thinking of you.

 

[dani13]

Oh, Indy, I am SO SORRY to hear this news....Please try to stay positive..Miracles CAN and DO happen...The decision has not been made for you and these little boys just yet...
I will be praying for you...

 

[LaraOnline]

Far out, Indy!
This is a very turbulent time for you, and you are handling it with so much class.
My prayers and very best wishes are with you.
All the best to you, your husband, and your extended family may you draw even closer together through these tough days.
I am so sorry.
*heart*
L.

 

[nycbkgirl]

DD so beautifully said...I am just at such a loss of words and emotions and can''t make sense of all of this..im such a mess I can''t even think straight ...this has affected me so much... but im happy indy is strong and amazing.

 

[snlee]

Indy, I had tears in my eyes reading your post. I am so sorry to hear this and heartbroken for you. You and your family are in my thoughts during this difficult time. I know nothing we say can make you feel better but know that we are all here for you. Isaac and Samuel has one amazing and strong mommy. Lots of hugs.

 

[AmberWaves]

Indy, I don''t venture over here much, but I wanted to tell you that I am so so sorry to hear about your loss. You''ve always been such strength and courage for me, and it just breaks my heart to hear that. Please please please take time for you and your husband and heal. Take all the time it takes. Gallows humor I am a friend of, as well.

You are strong and I am in awe of you. You and your boys are in my prayers. I''m so sorry.

 

[Kay]

Oh Indy, I am so, so sorry this is happening. I have been amazed by your strength, grace and continuing humor over these very rough months in your life. I think the names you have chosen for the cubs are beautiful. A trip to Morocco sounds like a great idea. I wish I could give you a hug and a really good glass of Scotch. My thoughts are with you and your family.

 

[cdt1101]

Indy - I''m so so sorry.

 

[ljmorgan]

Indy, I am so sorry for what is happening. I''m praying for a peaceful time, I''m praying for you, your husband, and your babies. When I was diagnosed with aggressive cancer and was dealing with it, everyone told me "you''re so strong, what a hero" but I didn''t feel like that. I was just doing the best I could, just like you''re doing the best that you can. I could have fallen apart or I could continue to put one foot in front of another. You''re obviously putting one foot in front of the other. I hope that this painful time brings you and your husband together in such a strong bond that some never experience.