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Calling all the Pregnant PS''ers

Gosh it''s been a depressing weekend
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. I''ve been thinking about Lindsey and Natalie a lot and it''s definitely brought up memories and feelings about what happened to Indy as well. I couldn''t even get the words out to DH to tell him what happened. Just pointed at the screen through my tears and had him read it for himself.

It took me a while, but somehow I managed to get back that innocence that comes with never having a loss and I was able to feel safe in this pregnancy and truly believe that because I''m pregnant now, I''ll be bringing home a baby soon. It''s not like I''d never heard of late losses before, but actually knowing someone who''s experienced one just changes everything.

Sorry for the depressing post, everyone. It''s just all I can think about right now. Everything else just seems so insignificant.
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Lindsey, I''m glad to hear you''re healing well physically. I think taking time off from work sounds like a great idea to help you to heal emotionally as well. I''m thinking about you and praying for your family. Please keep us updated on what the autopsy finds.
 
I wanted to add that I stay awake at nite while dh is here on the hospital cot snoring away...and I look out the window and watch the bldgs of nyc glowing in the dark and I think of lindsey and baby Natalie.
Its very hard for me to post about anything else but I will just give a quick update:

Babies are just fine in the nicu...jonathan is started to eat little by little from the bottle...he is up from 5cc to 10 and now 15cc and tolerating it well...
Jackie is tolerating about 23cc of bottle and pooping a lot and is a strong little lady already. They just need to show they can feed and gain a few and they should be good to go.
I will wait on posting pics bc I feel its still inappropriate and im still so sad with our Linds.
I go home tom but I wish I could stay longer not only to be with them but to recover more...the pain when getting up to stand is awful..im still on percocets (painkillers) every 4 hrs.

Thanks guys for caring about the twinks. I really do luv my ps friends and agree that outsiders may say "awww" but don''t have that connection. <3
 
I agree with Pandors that this thread should be a place where people can discuss *all* aspects of pregnancy, even loss. But I also know that when Indy lost her boys, it was hard to switch gears and get back to talking about the happier side of pregnancy... but Indy wanted us to keep talking about everything, and so does Lindsey, so I hope that we can all talk about our feelings about Lindley AND keep posting positive things too without feeling that it is inapproptiate on some level. Life is always a mix of good and bad, and so is this thread sometimes.

On that note, NYC thanks for the update! I can''t wait to see pictures!
 
Lindsey, I just wanted to echo what others have said here about wanting to support you in any way we can. Though I didn''t post here as often as some others through my pregnancy, I always stay up to date on everyone and feel very close to you and everyone here. Your loss is very upsetting and I wish there were something we could do to help you with your grieving and to honor sweet Natalie. Please know that you are in all of our thoughts.

Everyone else, I hope you''re little ones are thriving and that you''re feeling well. Cherish every moment with your child/children (born or unborn) because, as we''ve learned this week, life is fragile and should be treasured.

Wishing you all peace and comfort,
Mrs
 
I am a lurker on this thread, but I just had to post to express my condolences to Lindsay and her family. I have tears in my eyes as I write this. I have no idea what to say except that I am truly sorry for your loss. I admire all that you are doing to honor Natalie''s life. You and your husband are incredible people. Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.
 
I went back last night and read some of Lindsey''s past posts, past threads from BWW, etc. She has a link to her wedding video, and seeing she and her husband together, their eye contact, their connection, helps in knowing they have one another to lean on through this, to heal through this together. I''d seen the video before, but wanted to re-visit it. Kind of odd, I guess.

What she said about knowing her daughter knew of her love and her father''s love is so true. I have no doubt that babies bond, with their mothers particularly, prior to birth. That''s why the mother''s voice and touch is so comforting to new babies. So Lindsey, just know that little Natalie was totally encompassed in your love throughout your pregnancy and time together. And your love for her will continue, and she will know that, as well.

I''m also, like so many others, in awe of you and your husband and family while going through this. Taking time for yourself is a wonderful thing to do right now, and in honor of you and your baby, when pregnancy finds it''s way into our family, I will make extra efforts to embrace it and cherish each moment.

This truly is a place that I come to in order to share with friends, and even though most of us will never meet in real life, I pray for my friends all the time, in all areas I know about that they''re going through, good and bad, and I think that''s the heart of what a friendship is, you know? Sometimes when I''m feeling really emotional about things baby/TTC related, talking to my PS friends is what helps me feel better, knowing others are walking where I''m at in my life, too. Not many of us have walked where Lindsey and Marc are walking right now, but I still hope that we can be part of a support system for them as they work on healing and holding onto precious memories.

Also in honor of what Lindsey has asked this thread to do, move forward, I would like to thank NYC for the update on her kiddos. We''re all eager to see them and hear about your experiences as a new mother.
 
Linds, I just wanted to drop out of lurking to add to the chorus of those that are thinking of you. I am so, so sorry for your loss. I pray that you find strength to get you through this difficult time. In 1981 my mother lost a baby the same way. She named her Angel. Unfortunately, she never had any pictures taken or had an autopsy done (not sure if either was common back then?). I am so glad that you will forever be able to remember her beauty, and that you may get some answers.

Stories like this just break my heart. It does bring back memories of Indy. Like some of you, my DH couldn''t really understand why I was crying about someone I only knew on the internet. At the time, I didn''t really understand either. But in this online community we have the bittersweet ability to really connect with our fellow posters, even if we are just lurking on a pregnancy thread.
 
Fisher, I don''t think it''s odd that you went to look at Lindsey''s posts. I just watched the wedding video also and it made me pretty emotional. I can tell how beautiful her and Marc really are...inside and out.

I still think about Indy a lot too and wonder if she still posts on PS anymore.
 
I am so utterly sorry Lindsey my heartbreaks for you and Marc for the loss of your beautiful girl you will all remain in my thoughts and prayers.

Take care of yourselves.
 
I don''t post here often but I would just like to give my condolences to Lindsey.

My thoughts are prayers are with you and your family.
 
Call out to the BTDT mothers and those of us in the final few weeks...

Help! My legs have been stolen by aliens and replaced with someone elses!
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Seriously, even DH was aghast last night when he saw them. I have no ankles and even my knees seem to have disappeared - and worst of all, my thighs actually touch now so I have to walk like a waddling duck - plus it''s actually very uncomfortable.

I had nightmares last night that I would wake up with elephantitis or something. They have gone down a bit this morning, and I''ve fished out the pair of hospital socks (the anti-DVT ones) that I had lurking in a drawer in the hopes of improving matters.

I only have one pair of shoes that my feet will fit into - on Friday I fitted them all!
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Is this normal? My face and hands still look the same, so I''m not panicking about pre-e or anything of that sort. Geez, all you ever think is going to be unpleasant about baby-making is the birth itself - good thing no-one tells you about all the other bits or half of us would never do it!

Please someone promise me (or even lie to me
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) - once the baby is born, do I deflate back down quite quickly? Does it feel like a wonderful weight has been lifted from you (physically anyway) or do you continue to stagger around like an out of breath heffalump for weeks?

Pandora
36 weeks tomorrow and getting larger by the hour...
 
Hi Ladies....Sorry Ive been gone for a few weeks. Just been sooo busy! I want to start out by telling Lindsey that I am genuinly sorry for you loss. It hit me really hard when I read what had happened to your darling daughter. Tears just started pouring down my face. Even tho most of us dont know eachother in real life...you still form a bond and feel a closeness with these people that you share such intimate, exciting, and at times down right heart wrenching things with. Please know that I am not a very religious girl...BUT you, your DH, your families and most of all your beautiful little angel are all in my thoughts!

And BLEN: Lady...you ARE super woman! I read your story about your home breech birth with baby George (whom is adorable by the way) and was in awe of you! Glad you're doing well.

And as for ME...Ive missed the past 3 or so BPF's so Im going to post a dshot taken today at 19wks. Tomorrow is my next U/S! Last one I had a few weeks ago I coulda found out what the baby was...BUT the lil booger kept its knees up and tucked. SOOOOOO keep your fingers crossed for me this time ladies! lol. My appt is at 1pm. I personally have had a gut feeling from like the 1st week that I found out I was PG that its going to be a boy. If anyone wants to take a guess...NOW would be the time to do so. Hope everyone esle is doing well!

19wks....

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Date: 4/20/2009 7:38:36 AM
Author: Pandora II
Call out to the BTDT mothers and those of us in the final few weeks...

Help! My legs have been stolen by aliens and replaced with someone elses!
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Seriously, even DH was aghast last night when he saw them. I have no ankles and even my knees seem to have disappeared - and worst of all, my thighs actually touch now so I have to walk like a waddling duck - plus it''s actually very uncomfortable.

I had nightmares last night that I would wake up with elephantitis or something. They have gone down a bit this morning, and I''ve fished out the pair of hospital socks (the anti-DVT ones) that I had lurking in a drawer in the hopes of improving matters.

I only have one pair of shoes that my feet will fit into - on Friday I fitted them all!
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Is this normal? My face and hands still look the same, so I''m not panicking about pre-e or anything of that sort. Geez, all you ever think is going to be unpleasant about baby-making is the birth itself - good thing no-one tells you about all the other bits or half of us would never do it!

Please someone promise me (or even lie to me
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) - once the baby is born, do I deflate back down quite quickly? Does it feel like a wonderful weight has been lifted from you (physically anyway) or do you continue to stagger around like an out of breath heffalump for weeks?

Pandora
36 weeks tomorrow and getting larger by the hour...
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LOL Pandora...your post gave me the giggles. It''s totally normal and I hear the swelling goes down really quickly after delivery. It''s all water of course! I''ve been wearing my engagement ring on my pinky finger until the middle of the day because it doesn''t fit on my ring finger just yet. I feel like P Diddy with a pinky ring. I haven''t had too much swelling until the last few weeks, but my feet and ankles were the first to swell!

38 weeks, 5 days...come on Alila!! "Hey there, Alila. It''s time to get out of Mommy''s tummy."
 
Pandora Sadly it is normal to get so puffy. I got huuuuuuge towards the end-all I coould wear was flip flops-in Wisconsin-In December! It'll go down a lot in the first week after and I am sure you will be back to normal within a few weeks. I was.
 
Pandora- I feel your pain with the swelling...mine was/is on on left side...hand and foot..other side is minimal. in my case it did not go away after delivery but im assuming mine got worse bc of iv fluids. at night it was the worst...id wake up totally a puff unable to move my hand. Docs just said it will pass. My only shoe option were my croc slippers. But don''t worry it won''t last forever ;)

Im still in hospital...waiting to be discharged and going to feed munchkins.
 
Sapphire-You look wonderful

Pandora-Sorry about the swelling but wow 36 weeks! Every time my mom sees me she first comments on how wide my hips are and second that I''m going to swell up like a huge balloon. Thanks mom.

Come on Alila! I''m guessing you''re giving her the eviction notice right Courtney?
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NYC-Are you formula feeding or BF''ing?
 
Pandora Around 36 weeks is also when my water retention got really bad! My ankles were the worst. I couldn''t sit for any extended period of time without having my feet up, or the fluid would pool in my feet and it HURT! I found that those special socks they make to minimize swelling really helped! And YES you will lose it all. I lost 30lbs in the first 10 days post-partum, and at least half of that wat fluid so you can imagine how much retention I had
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One thing to watch, though.... my midwives wanted to see that the swelling was gone/better after a night of rest. So the swelling should be lower in the am. Since your swelling was in the am, even though you don''t have a puffy face, best to get your BP checked and urine. Like NFmy BP started to inch higher in the last weeks in conjunction with the swelling--both disappeared after the birth--but it is good to have it watched.
 
Thank you, thank you, thank you - relieved to know that I am not a freak and glad to make you laugh Courtney! Also very happy to hear that I will not need the 'Violet Beauregarde' treatment after birth!

NF - flip-flops in winter sounds BAD to me - I take it Winsconsin has lots of snow (forgive my ignorance of US geography).

NYC - Are the twinks being discharged with you or do they have to stay a bit longer? I bet you will be glad to get home and get your nursery sorted finally - I'm looking forward to seeing pics of your 'J's - love the names, so pretty and classic - and hearing your birth story.

I FINALLY finished my chest of drawers - the Ikea Leksvik changing table, but painted in Farrow & Ball's 'James White' - and now have the changing top (which is small) and the storage cupboard (which is not so small) to go. I was really pleased how it came out - so was DH who is now suggesting that maybe I could paint the kitchen cabinets when we finally do the new kitchen instead of paying someone else - obviously with bebe tucked into a papoose...
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It was also nice to finally have somewhere to put all the baby clothes and bits and pieces.

It's been really interesting to see the difference in fashions for nurseries between here and the USA - I've noticed that loads of you are going for dark wood, whereas everyone I know here is going for white paint or very pale wood and its hard to find anything in dark wood in the shops.

Tonight I have our penultimate antenatal class - breastfeeding - DH says he can hardly wait...and did he have to be there. Next week is parent-craft and then we are done (and I can hit the raspberry leaf tea!)

ETA: DD, it's worse in the evening or if I stand for any length of time, but I had hoped that it would look normal again this morning. The TED stockings do seem to be helping a bit - certainly with the hurtyness.

Your 30lb loss in 10 days gives me great hope - I got the scales out last night and I'm now 86kg (189lbs) from a starting weight of 62kg (136lbs) so I've added 53 lbs so far, 8lbs more in the last 10 days alone. The midwives aren't worried at all and neither was my GP - they keep saying that I'm measuring right for dates, look very neat and in proportion and still have a waistline. I'm presuming that I must be retaining a huge amount of water to be weighing that much.

I'm seeing the midwives and then the OB on Thursday so I will talk to them about it for sure. I have hypotension normally - my last BP measurement was 90/60 so I will definitely get that checked out (my father asked me yesterday about BP when I was talking to him - I pointed out that I didn't have a gauge just hanging round the house like he does!).

I'm also going to really push for them to do the glucose tests - I did some reading up on babies with abnormally large abdominal circumferences for dates and GD seems to be the biggest cause. So much for opiate dependence, low initial maternal BMI, extreme stress and anti-epileptics causing low birth weight - I dread to think how big she'd be measuring otherwise!

Hopefully will get some answers on Thursday...
 
NYC, I''m curious about that also. I''m assuming you have to formula feed at first since the twinks were born early? Will you be able to switch to nursing?

Fiery, YES...eviction notice has been posted! Tell your mom to shut it about your hips. The wider the hips, the easier delivery will be!

Sapphire, looking good!
 
Date: 4/20/2009 9:13:30 AM
Author: Pandora II
ETA: DD, it''s worse in the evening or if I stand for any length of time, but I had hoped that it would look normal again this morning. The TED stockings do seem to be helping a bit - certainly with the hurtyness.

Your 30lb loss in 10 days gives me great hope - I got the scales out last night and I''m now 86kg (189lbs) from a starting weight of 62kg (136lbs) so I''ve added 53 lbs so far, 8lbs more in the last 10 days alone. The midwives aren''t worried at all and neither was my GP - they keep saying that I''m measuring right for dates, look very neat and in proportion and still have a waistline. I''m presuming that I must be retaining a huge amount of water to be weighing that much.
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Like you I put on a lot of weight in the last month and I am certain it was all water... I gained about 55lbs and have lost 40 by 8 weeks pp... mostly water loss but some "real" loss too from not having time to eat! LOL. That and being able to walk again, sort of. Recovery physically is looooong. Anyways, I bet you will only be up 10-15lbs by 8 weeks.
 
Date: 4/20/2009 9:27:27 AM
Author: Courtneylub
NYC, I''m curious about that also. I''m assuming you have to formula feed at first since the twinks were born early? Will you be able to switch to nursing?

Fiery, YES...eviction notice has been posted! Tell your mom to shut it about your hips. The wider the hips, the easier delivery will be!

Sapphire, looking good!
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Here they get you to express - or use breast milk from the donor bank at the hospital if you don''t plan to BF - for babies in the NICU or SCBU. Is it more normal in the US to use formula?

Courtney - are you trying anything to encourage your tenant to vacate the property or just leaving things to nature???

Fiery - I recommend the ''La la la I can''t hear you'' technique with most relatives over anything to do with birth/pregnancy. My father and uncle (who is a OB) having been winding me up about my shoe size for months - I have tiny feet for my height which was/is thought to mean a very small pelvic cavity (although research doesn''t seem to back this up) - and telling me horror stories in great detail about ''babies that I delivered and got stuck and had to be pushed back up'' - then lecturing me when I say I''ll just go for the c-section then thanks. Horrible pair!

Sapphire - you are teeny tiny as well!
 

Pandora, we discussed scheduling an induction for next week, maybe a day or two before my due date of 4/30. I would really love for her to come on her own, but I just cannot go past 4/30. We''re unable to schedule the induction this early since it''s elective and we will need to check my progress at this week''s appointment again to see if I''m even eligible for it. As of Friday, I am not. As for natural ways of encouragement, I went for a walk yesterday, sat on the yoga ball for a bit, and I''m planning to take advantage of DH tonight. I hear his little men will soften the cervix, so that''s the next thing.


Doc wrote me a note to work half days starting today, so I''m dreading handing that note over to my boss. I''m not scared or nervous, just dreading it. She''s all business even though she pretends not to be. I really hate that we don''t have a maternity poilcy and that Texas law only requires employers to hold our job for 12 weeks. Horrible. I''ve told her a few times that I''m taking the entire 12 weeks regardless of how much pay I''ll receive. She can''t seem to get that through her head because she keeps bringing it up like I"m going to change my mind or something.

 
Date: 4/20/2009 9:39:46 AM
Author: dreamer_dachsie

Like you I put on a lot of weight in the last month and I am certain it was all water... I gained about 55lbs and have lost 40 by 8 weeks pp... mostly water loss but some ''real'' loss too from not having time to eat! LOL. That and being able to walk again, sort of. Recovery physically is looooong. Anyways, I bet you will only be up 10-15lbs by 8 weeks.
Click to expand...

Maybe it''s a tall person thing as well - further for all the fluid/blood to travel... you''re also around the 5ft 10" mark aren''t you?

I''m looking forward to being able to walk properly and put my own socks on - I''m guessing the sleepless nights get far, far worse! I do find it shocking how quickly you girls in the States are expected to be back at work, it must be incredibly hard and I am hugely grateful that even if my employers had behaved properly I would still get 12 months off.

ETA:
Can anyone think of a tactful way of asking for a single postnatal room - we have 4 bed postnatal wards and 6 single rooms. After a normal delivery you can leave after 6 hours or else they kick you out after 24 hours, with a c-section it''s 3 days and 5 days if there are extra complications.
I''m stuck there for 7 days minimum and so my concerns are:

- Lack of sleep is a huge trigger for me for a hypomanic episode which would then put me a higher risk of PPP. I''m expecting a large degree of disturbed sleep due to my own bundle of joy, but the thought of having zero rest because of 3 other babies in the same room doesn''t thrill me (they don''t have nurseries in UK hospitals, so unless the baby is in the NICU or SCBU they are in with you 24/7.)

- Visiting hours are pretty extensive and even though it''s a max of 3 visitors at a time per person and no kids under 16 unless siblings, over the course of 7 days that is potentially a lot of people coming in and out, especially if people are only in for 24 hours at a time. Hence Daisy will potentially be exposed to a large number of small visiting siblings all with nasty coughs, colds or worse etc

- We live in one of the most deprived areas of London, with very low rates of childhood immunisation, and the highest HIV and TB rates in London, plus I am in the largest maternity unit in the UK, so there aren''t exactly ''quiet times'' and the ratio of yummy mummies to decidedly unyummy mummies is going to be low.

- Babies going through withdrawal need quiet and darkness, and I really don''t want to have Daisy taken off to NICU just because she isn''t getting the right environment on the PN ward.

I feel that my concerns are justified and I''m not just being whingy and wanting my own room, but I''m worried about raising the issue with them. I know that the single rooms are definitely allocated to people whose babies don''t survive or who are extremely ill in the NICU and I totally get that they would have much greater need than me.

I''m wondering if it would be better to try via the psychiatric team who are probably more aware of the PPP risk rather than the midwives. All the staff have been amazing so far, but I don''t want them thinking I''m some kind of spoilt cow and being overly precious about my child.

Eugh... I HATE these dilemmas...
 
Pandora, since you''re there for a min of 7 days, I would think that in itself should qualify you for a private room.
 
Pandora: Sorry about the bloat...sounds uncomfortable. About the private room are you going in public or private? If you have private insurance, call your insurer. Every time I have gone for surgery the hospitals have offered me public or semi private rooms, when I called the insurer they have always got the hospital to give me a private room. - Just a thought.
 
Date: 4/20/2009 11:00:39 AM
Author: Steel
Pandora: Sorry about the bloat...sounds uncomfortable. About the private room are you going in public or private? If you have private insurance, call your insurer. Every time I have gone for surgery the hospitals have offered me public or semi private rooms, when I called the insurer they have always got the hospital to give me a private room. - Just a thought.
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NHS all the way - the hospital has a private unit - which frankly I don't see the point of as you don't have any extra ante-natal appointments or scans, the delivery rooms are the same, the OB and midwives are the same and all you get extra is a private post-natal room in a separate area, better food and the promise of 1-to-1 midwife (not OB) care during labour (which if you are high-risk like me you get free on the NHS) in return for around £9k for a normal birth plus one over-night. NHS patients have the option of paying to use a private PN room but they are over £1k a night...
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They have 10 of the 4-bed wards and 6 singles on the public side, so I'm hoping that I'd have a good chance. Just being in for 7 days won't swing it - it's all clinical need here...

I don't have private insurance as I wouldn't be covered for so many things due to pre-existing conditions so it's just not worth it. Plus my relatives and DH's relatives are all doctors and my father has had so many battles with insurance companies trying to wriggle out of paying for his patients that his advice is to pay the premiums into a bank account and use the money to go on a good holiday after surgery instead!
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I've always been on wards before - which hasn't bothered me at all, especially as I was so tanked up on IV morphine that they could have blown the hospital up round me and I wouldn't have noticed!

It's not that common to have private insurance in the UK unless you work for a company that pays for it as part of a benefits package. My DH works in a senior position for a huge multi-national energy company and they don't even get private healthcare.
 
Pandora I''m in Canada and luckily I am taking 10 months of leave! So far it is fun but also a little boring!
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And I am only 5''7", Blen is a tallie like you! In Canada they also have moms of preemies express milk since BM is even more healthy for preemies than for full term infants! And I would just ask for a room to myself... tell them you will go craaaaazy if you don''t get one
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Courtney If you can tough it out those extra days to wait for your body to start preparing for labour before being induced you will probably thank yourself later... I know you are in a lot of pain now, but your recovery after will be easier if you can have a vaginal delivery without too much intervention, and that will be more likely if you are induced when your body is getting ready on its own! Hang in there!
 
Thanks, Dreamer! You're absolutely right and my OB is sticking to that rule as well. I have to be pretty far along at the next appointment in order for her to schedule an induction. I'm willing to comply with that. And of course I'd prefer for her to arrive on her own!
 
Good morning ladies. I have a dilemma... I''m only nine weeks (we have another ultrasound tomorrow!), but I''m getting very bloaty. This horrible So.Cal heat wave isn''t helping much, either! Anyway, my problem is my shirts. The boobs are a little bigger than before, and I''m just all puffy, and since all my shirts are fitted (very non-fancy workplace here, I can wear yoga pants and t-shirts all day long) I look really gross. My shirts are all too tight and it''s just not cute. Should I just go get some looser tops that can accommodate the belly later on? It''s seriously fug.
 
Court-Sorry you are so uncomfortable! My LO is doing backflips or rearranging organs or something because she won''t stay still and its a little painful. I can''t imagine what it''s going to be like later on!
 
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