purrfectpear
Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Mar 31, 2008
- Messages
- 4,079
I 100% agree! Life''s too short! Good luck!Date: 6/23/2008 4:05:37 PM
Author: HollyS
A mere three months have passed since he bought a ring? Three months ago he bought a ring, let you know he had it, hasn''t proposed yet, and now says he may not propose??????
And here you are. Another LIW, living with your BF, sharing bank accounts.
This is what I would do: While Mr. I''m Confused is away M-F working, I would empty my portion of the bank accounts and get my own. And I would get my own digs. And I would get a new life that does not include him.
But that''s me. You probably think you can salvage this relationship.
Everything he wrote seemed like the normal thing that men will say to their women when they are trying to buy themselves more time except for what I have highlighted above. What he is basically saying is that if he really wanted to marry you, he would have done it already.Date: 6/22/2008 9:56:43 PM
Author:Jobo
Hi LIW
Am sorry to pass on all this info, but I really need to vent before I explode!!
I have been on this forum before, but my story up until this point is that I (thought) I had a wonderful boyfriend of two years, we had actively discussed marriage and kids, where we want to live in the future, we have a joint spendings bank account for holidays and rent and also a joint bank savings account that we are using to save up for our house. In March this year after much research (from me) he bought me a gorgeous 1.05 RB E SI1 Diamond in a Dvatche setting.
In other words, everything was going wonderfully and I thought that a proposal was only a matter of a few short months away.
While we live together, he works away monday to friday and drives home every fri afternoon and back again on monday (4hrs each way). So our plan was to save our money and get a job in the same town and get married as soon as our finances/careers would allow it.
Anyway, I have been feeling increasingly unhappy with this holding pattern (as I like to call it) and have put a little bit of pressure on him to commit to a date when we would be likely to live together or he thinks we would have saved enough or as I am turning 30 soon, should we plan for me to give up work and have kids while he is still in his current employment (as he doesn''t pay rent) and then when I can go back to to work, we buy the big house together. I Need some plan god damit!
Anyway this weekend just been, I really wanted to get some answers out of him so we sat down and spoke and I couldn''t believe what I was hearing..
He told me that...
1. He wasnot able to give me a date when or if we were going to live together, it depends on what happens with work
2. He told me that while marriage is natural progression for our relationship, he does not know when or even IF it may happen and that if he had already had the inclination to marry me he would have asked me already.
3. He got angry at me that I had EXPECTATIONS and that I had already chosen the flowers I wanted and had already picked the date etc etc.
Can I just say that my world was crushed to hear these hurtful, spiteful comments!
Don''t get me wrong, I hadn''t picked the date, I had just mentioned that the flowers I want are in season at that time of the year. I hadn''t organised anything and I hadn''t booked a church . NOTHING!
And when I told him that we had sat on our front porch last year and I asked him if we should plan a holiday this year, his response was ''Maybe we should get married''.
When I mentioned this to him, he said ''Maybe I shouldn''t have said that''!
So what do I do?? At this point I just want to hate him and wonder what has made him change his mind?
Or maybe its as simple as he has just got cold feet?
Anyone have any ideas?
Eh? I didn''t know you were dealing with MY husband.Date: 6/23/2008 6:29:20 PM
Author: Jobo
Could it be that I am just dealing with someone who has real problems communicating, is a realist, and a bit of a prick who doesn''t know about hurting peoples feelings?
See, I would REALLY take issue with that. There are no guarantees? Excuse me? You have every right to know whether this will be heading towards marriage or not -- particularly considering that he has already bought a ring and gotten your hopes up. He doesn't have to say when, exactly, or give you the details. But I think it's unreasonable for him to not even give you a solid answer of 'yes, I intend to marry you' or 'no, I do not see us getting married in the future'. You're both old enough & have been together long enough for him to know that much, IMO.Date: 6/23/2008 6:29:20 PM
Author: Jobo
Thank you all so much for your well wishes and hugs! I am going through a tough time at the moment and its horrible.
When we had the argument and he said that he doesn't know when we are going to end up together or IF, I repeated his words back to him the next day (when we had slightly calmed down) and he scrinkled his face up and said..I didn't mean it like that! But there are no guarantees!
Could it be that I am just dealing with someone who has real problems communicating, is a realist, and a bit of a prick who doesn't know about hurting peoples feelings?
That''s "boy speak" for "ummm, yeah, and I hoped it would shut you up. I feel bummed that it only increased your engagement talk".Date: 6/24/2008 5:41:37 PM
Author: Jobo
Then I pointedly asked him ''Did you only buy the rings to keep me happy''? and he said... not totally.
Date: 6/24/2008 7:20:20 PM
Author: beebrisk
But after what you just revealed about your latest conversation, I think the only response I could possibly have is: ''Walk, don''t run...Get your money out of the bank and move out...Now!"