Chivalry...your thoughts please

[Karl_K]

I hold doors for people and its been a while since anyone complained,
Other than peak covid distancing never stopped,
There was a period of time where it was a fad to snarl at men who held doors but it seems to have passed.

 

[CMN]

I appreciate chivalry. I will however confess that I am sometimes guilty of not holding a door open for others. There is a department store in Sydney which has what appear to be original doors to the building, (early 1900’s) and which are very heavy. I struggle to open the doors for myself so holding them an open position for someone else is just too difficult and I let the door close.

 

[Tartansparkles]

There was a period of time where it was a fad to snarl at men who held doors but it seems to have passed.

I have absolutely no idea why anyone would snarl or begrudge a door being held open for them. I think it says more about the people doing the snarling. Thankfully it it something I have never witnessed.

 

[kenny]

Kindness (without dark ulterior motives) is always good.
But chivalry has a dark past based on women being considered ... less than.

So, how's 'bout we just retire the term chivalry?
There are other words without baggage so problematic these days.

 

[RMOO]

Kindness (without dark ulterior motives) is always good.
But chivalry has a dark past based on women being considered ... less than.

So, how's 'bout we just retire the term chivalry?
There are other words without baggage so problematic these days.

Agree. Chivalry was something that only men were expected to practice, and women receive. Let's just call it common courtesy, kindness, or good manners that all should practice.

 

[tyty333]

I asked my DH, "Is chivalry dead?" He said, "What's chivalry?" I guess that means it's dead! Once I explained it...he said it depends
on the situation.

We both agree that holding doors and thanking people for holding doors are just good manners. I would not be interested in him
opening my car door, pushing my chair in, or ordering my food. Those are just on a different level and sort of imply that I cant do
things for myself. I would not be offended if someone did this on a first date to a nice place, however, I would not want a guy
to continue with these practices. Just too formal/old fashioned for me. If I felt any sexism or superior attitude that would obviously
be the last date.

I've been married 25 years so luckily done with dating!

 

[seaurchin]

I also think of "chivalry" as men's manners to women. I looked it up though and definitions vary. (Modern definitions can also include everyone, not just male to female). I think this topic covers a lot of ground too, so we may not all be talking about the same things anyway.

In general, the people I run into in my daily life mostly seem to me to behave more or less appropriately.

 

[missy]

I asked my DH, "Is chivalry dead?" He said, "What's chivalry?" I guess that means it's dead! Once I explained it...he said it depends
on the situation.

We both agree that holding doors and thanking people for holding doors are just good manners. I would not be interested in him
opening my car door, pushing my chair in, or ordering my food. Those are just on a different level and sort of imply that I cant do
things for myself. I would not be offended if someone did this on a first date to a nice place, however, I would not want a guy
to continue with these practices. Just too formal/old fashioned for me. If I felt any sexism or superior attitude that would obviously
be the last date.

I've been married 25 years so luckily done with dating!

Haha same. You could not pay me any amount of money to start dating again

And also I feel the same. I’m never offended and I find it, for the most part, a lovely and kind gesture but we all come from different perspectives and have different experiences and I can see for some it’s triggering

I love that my dh holds doors open for me (and others ) and I do the same. I’ve always felt it applies to all genders. Maybe I’ve been ahead of my time all along

Thank you all for sharing your thoughts and experiences

 

[Avondale]

so we may not all be talking about the same things lol

And in the spirit of that, here's something - my husband has always ordered for me, from our first date. However, to him that's not about chivalry, it's about etiquette, and it's something he learned from his mother. So, whenever we're out, just the two of us - he'll ask me what I want and then will order for both of us. If we're out with friends, he'll let me choose whether to order for myself or to tell him what I want and then he'll order for me. I've never found it condescending or perceived it as negative in any way.

 

[missy]

And in the spirit of that, here's something - my husband has always ordered for me, from our first date. However, to him that's not about chivalry, it's about etiquette, and it's something he learned from his mother. So, whenever we're out, just the two of us - he'll ask me what I want and then will order for both of us. If we're out with friends, he'll let me choose whether to order for myself or to tell him what I want and then he'll order for me. I've never found it condescending or perceived it as negative in any way.

And, imo, both etiquette and kindness (or whatever term you want to use) make the world a more welcoming place. In my opinion

“ Etiquette refers to a set of rules for accepted behavior in social situations, while chivalry is a term for acts of kindness generally toward women
Etiquette
A set of rules for behavior in social situations, such as social etiquette and diplomatic etiquette. Etiquette applies to both men and women equally.
Chivalry
A term for acts of kindness performed toward women, such as holding the door open or offering a jacket when it's cold. Chivalry is often described as a state of mind that leads men to heroic actions.
The word "chivalry" comes from the French words cheval (horse) and chevalier (knight). It originally referred to a code of honor for knights in battle, but later came to have more romantic connotations.
Politeness, manners, and etiquette are all related to being aware of how you treat others. Polite behaviors can help create a more pleasant and cooperative environment, and the underlying principles of politeness are universally valued. ”

 

[seaurchin]

And in the spirit of that, here's something - my husband has always ordered for me, from our first date. However, to him that's not about chivalry, it's about etiquette, and it's something he learned from his mother. So, whenever we're out, just the two of us - he'll ask me what I want and then will order for both of us. If we're out with friends, he'll let me choose whether to order for myself or to tell him what I want and then he'll order for me. I've never found it condescending or perceived it as negative in any way.

I like it too. I tend to like any kind of special attention from my husband.

And I think/hope most people have enough sense to not go around jumping all over people for a well meant gesture. If I didn't like it, I'd just ask him not to and that would be the end of it.

But I've also heard of a date my friend went on years ago, where he ordered for her without consulting her about what he ordered for her. We thought it was a bit obnoxious. But who knows, maybe he just misunderstood the "rule."

 

[Inked]

about what's behind erasing my last name to take on my husband's, I

I dont think its a threadjack (or at least I hope not) but i wanted to just address this part... It always blew my mind when women in America were upset by this. "I'm losing my identity!" or "I refuse to take my husbands last name, it's so misogynistic!" Your maiden name is just SOME OTHER GUYS NAME (your dad). Its literally based on the 'misogynistic' thing that the kid gets the dads last name.

So I am MUCH happier to take my husbands last name. I CHOSE my husband, it was MY decision, i picked him from every man on the earth, it wasnt just decided for me by someone else ... and I mean, at the end of the day, it's just some MANs last name.

So thats my 2 cents on the name thing, maiden name or married name is just some guy's name. I said in America because I know some other countries the last name can come from the maternal side.



As for the chivalry in general, i do think chivalry is how men act towards women. I like it and miss it. I like more traditional gender roles, and I chose a relationship that highlights that. Again, I CHOSE that. I dont care that men think something about me when they see me.

As a general statement, I pretty much dont get offended by anything. I find nowadays *most* people get offended by .... pretty much everything. Being offended is a feeling, so I choose not to allow others to affect me. I decide to rise above it. I can control my emotions.

Being offended is a choice. I choose not to let other people control me.

I have just been through A LOT and I am a very strong woman, so i do not get offended by things. CONTROVERSAL PERSONAL OPINION: Being offended is weakness because you are choosing to allow another person to control how you feel.

I am confident in myself, my beliefs and my values. A man can't "offend me" because he offered to help me with something heavy because he assumes I am weak. Let him think what he wants, i KNOW i am not weak. I am usually confident I can probably lift more than he can. When i am at work and a man assumes I am an assistant and asks me to get him something, I get it for him, what do I care. I KNOW I am a licensed professional and I am completely confident in my abilities. I know I am smarter than he is. So I laugh at him because he's a clown.

I just dont "get" being offended, don't let someone else have power and control over you. Whats someone else thinks or says doesnt change my reality.

I am sure someone will be offended by what I am saying here. Don't be! Dont give me that power over you, I am just some @sshole stranger with a computer. Don't let MY SILLY OPINION occupy any headspace. Just roll your eyes at me and move on. That's what I do when I see something that should "offend" me.

Again, I am focusing on "being offended" NOT on fearing for your safety, those are two vastly different things.

 

[RMOO]

I dont think its a threadjack (or at least I hope not) but i wanted to just address this part... It always blew my mind when women in America were upset by this. "I'm losing my identity!" or "I refuse to take my husbands last name, it's so misogynistic!" Your maiden name is just SOME OTHER GUYS NAME (your dad). Its literally based on the 'misogynistic' thing that the kid gets the dads last name.

So I am MUCH happier to take my husbands last name. I CHOSE my husband, it was MY decision, i picked him from every man on the earth, it wasnt just decided for me by someone else ... and I mean, at the end of the day, it's just some MANs last name.

So thats my 2 cents on the name thing, maiden name or married name is just some guy's name. I said in America because I know some other countries the last name can come from the maternal side.



As for the chivalry in general, i do think chivalry is how men act towards women. I like it and miss it. I like more traditional gender roles, and I chose a relationship that highlights that. Again, I CHOSE that. I dont care that men think something about me when they see me.

As a general statement, I pretty much dont get offended by anything. I find nowadays *most* people get offended by .... pretty much everything. Being offended is a feeling, so I choose not to allow others to affect me. I decide to rise above it. I can control my emotions.

Being offended is a choice. I choose not to let other people control me.

I have just been through A LOT and I am a very strong woman, so i do not get offended by things. CONTROVERSAL PERSONAL OPINION: Being offended is weakness because you are choosing to allow another person to control how you feel.

I am confident in myself, my beliefs and my values. A man can't "offend me" because he offered to help me with something heavy because he assumes I am weak. Let him think what he wants, i KNOW i am not weak. I am usually confident I can probably lift more than he can. When i am at work and a man assumes I am an assistant and asks me to get him something, I get it for him, what do I care. I KNOW I am a licensed professional and I am completely confident in my abilities. I know I am smarter than he is. So I laugh at him because he's a clown.

I just dont "get" being offended, don't let someone else have power and control over you. Whats someone else thinks or says doesnt change my reality.

I am sure someone will be offended by what I am saying here. Don't be! Dont give me that power over you, I am just some @sshole stranger with a computer. Don't let MY SILLY OPINION occupy any headspace. Just roll your eyes at me and move on. That's what I do when I see something that should "offend" me.

Again, I am focusing on "being offended" NOT on fearing for your safety, those are two vastly different things.

First, I don't think your opinion is silly. You are entitled to your view. I actually don't think this thread has concentrated on being offended at chivalry, or anything else, for that matter. However, I will say that I believe that "offense" plays a part in moving society forward. Most of the tangential discussions have been about other patriarchal traditions, of which chivalry is a part. Some worse than others. What last name you carry on in married life is a personal choice imo. I just think that it should be a choice, and not expected. As an example, my daughter's MIL refused to call her by her name (she kept her maiden name.) Her birthday cards were addressed to Mrs. John Smith, not to her name, Jane Doe. This continued even after my daughter reminded her nicely that she did not change her name when she got married. After about 10 years of this she got fed up with the disrespect and had a pointed discussion with her mother-in-law. it was only then that it stopped. I guess you could call that being offended, I call it demanding respect.

I also know a man, who when asked if he would consider changing his last name to his soon-to-be-wife's last name, was offended by the question. After all he was given that name at birth. Uuummm, yeah, do tell. So why is it no big deal when a woman changes her name, but if a man does, it is? Answer=implied power/control.

I once had a boss, in a self owned business, who created a company rule that if a full-time employee had a spouse with health insurance, and the employee passed on his company's healthcare to take the spouse's coverage, they would get a stipend in their paycheck. Except that in his mind that only applied to the male employees (the "bread-winners") and he tried to keep me from getting the same benefit. He also thought that married men should be paid more than married women, because, again, they were the breadwinner in his mind.

My MIL was not allowed to work for her employer as soon as they found out she was pregnant. It was their stance that her place was now in the home.

These are all examples of the same mindset that instituted chivalry. Thankfully, chivalry has evolved to be just common decency exhibited by both sexes. And it is clear, we are still working on the rest. Just my opinion

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

i hold the door open for customers as i go into work
because that i consider pert of my job
but its nice when they hold it open for me

 

[HGar]

And in the spirit of that, here's something - my husband has always ordered for me, from our first date.

Lol the opposite happens here - I as the Mum tend to order for my husband and sons aged 17 & 15. I never presume but pretty much as we read the menu they all end up saying are you ordering for the table? In our case it is about efficiency - two teenagers want food as quickly as possible so I can rattle off an order in record speed. The 17yo has lived in the US pretty much unaccompanied or with adults in his team so is completely able to handle ordering as is my husband however they just prefer to sit back and let me take control.

I don’t care if it’s called chilvary or good manners but being respectful is always to be practised for our family.

 

[MissGotRocks]

I'm going with good manners! I don't care who is exercising them - they are always appreciated. My husband is a considerate, mannerly man who extends this to not only me but others as well. I don't hesitate to hold a door for any person - male or female - and don't honestly see it as an issue to be given much thought. If you let a door slam in my face, I would think it odd but it wouldn't ruin my day. It never hurts to say hello or have a nice day or whatever. I always speak to those that help me and please and thank you are a given. Good character matters and I think most folks appreciate it. I just don't see it in terms of chivalry I guess, but I understand the point. Dead or not I don't know, but I don't think it is thought about in those terms much anymore. Interesting conversation though!

 

[mellowyellowgirl]

Yes totally! I’m also chivalrous towards others (including men) when I’m in a position to help and I find that it always results in big smiles and thank yous from everyone involved.

I have a preteen who grew big and strong over night. I used to carry him everywhere and suddenly on our last trip he was carrying all my suitcases through the Japanese subway system (hubby had the rest of the suitcases).

 

[uwodahikamama]

Ooooohh this is a good question!
I’m much like @Inked. I’m fairly traditional and I have always enjoyed chivalry. In fact, I love it. It was something that I always looked for when dating, before I got married.
Can I open doors myself, pay for my half of dinner, carry heavy objects and open pickle jars? Of course I can! But do I love having someone else kindly offer to do that? Why yes I do
Though also if I see anyone who looks as though they might need some help, or if I can open a door for them I do! Men or women, just to be kind and helpful.

 

[missy]

I dont think its a threadjack (or at least I hope not) but i wanted to just address this part... It always blew my mind when women in America were upset by this. "I'm losing my identity!" or "I refuse to take my husbands last name, it's so misogynistic!" Your maiden name is just SOME OTHER GUYS NAME (your dad). Its literally based on the 'misogynistic' thing that the kid gets the dads last name.

Haha this is so true. I did not take my dh's last name but the main reason for that was because then my first name would rhyme with my last name and that just wasn't something I wanted lolol. But Greg also wanted me to keep my last name because he said it is my name. Why should I take his last name. I always thought that was romantic. He loved me so much he didn't care about the name. I definitely see both sides and IMO there is NO right or wrong. Take your dh's last name. Have your dh take your last name. Hyphenate both. Keep your own. All that matters is you are a team and love and support each other through it all. The last name does not matter!!!

So I am MUCH happier to take my husbands last name. I CHOSE my husband, it was MY decision, i picked him from every man on the earth, it wasnt just decided for me by someone else ... and I mean, at the end of the day, it's just some MANs last name.

100% agree!!!!!

As a general statement, I pretty much dont get offended by anything. I find nowadays *most* people get offended by .... pretty much everything. Being offended is a feeling, so I choose not to allow others to affect me. I decide to rise above it. I can control my emotions.

Being offended is a choice. I choose not to let other people control me.

Again 100% agree. People are so sensitive these days. I feel at times I am walking on eggshells. It sometimes feels to be over the top. How sensitive some are...sometimes there is good reason but sometimes no good reason...some people just seem to love being offended. How exhausting that must be for them...

I'm going with good manners! I don't care who is exercising them - they are always appreciated.

YES!! This is exactly how I feel. We need more good manners IMO. Makes so many things better. Kindness. Politeness. Thoughtfulness. Civilized behavior. I love this and appreciate this kind of behavior. So much.

Yes totally! I’m also chivalrous towards others (including men) when I’m in a position to help and I find that it always results in big smiles and thank yous from everyone involved.

This is how I feel too. I know chivalry is defined as behavior towards women from men but I feel it is genderless. I have always been "chivalrous" towards others be it man, woman, child. This is how my parents raised me to be and I am very thankful for that.

Ooooohh this is a good question!
I’m much like @Inked. I’m fairly traditional and I have always enjoyed chivalry. In fact, I love it. It was something that I always looked for when dating, before I got married.
Can I open doors myself, pay for my half of dinner, carry heavy objects and open pickle jars? Of course I can! But do I love having someone else kindly offer to do that? Why yes I do
Though also if I see anyone who looks as though they might need some help, or if I can open a door for them I do! Men or women, just to be kind and helpful.

Completely agree. When I was dating I appreciated a man who was chivalrous. One who held the doors open for me and yes held my seat out for me and opened my car door. And walked me to my door at the end of the evening. Can I do these things myself? Hell yes but it is so sweet to have your boyfriend or dh care enough and be thoughtful enough to do them for you. I personally do not find it misogynistic but of course it depends on the specific circumstances and the people involved. So I never say it isn't intended as misogynistic behavior just that in my experience it never was that way.

I will add that when my (now) DH and I were dating I had to gently teach him what I needed. One example.

He went to his then beach house on weekends but I worked every other Saturday in Manhattan. He would pay a car service to take me from Manhattan to the Jersey shore Saturday evenings after I was done with work. OK. Fine.

He even asked me to quit and he would pay the day's salary to me so I could spend the entire weekend with him. Not OK, not fine LOL and I told him that and he was A OK with it...I did think he knew at the time I would say no but he was hoping I would say yes lol.

BUT, something bothered me when we first started dating and this is where I drew the line. When we were in the city going out I expected him to take me home though he lived in Manhattan and I lived in Brooklyn. Not sure it matters but this was the 1990s. FWIW I still feel the same way today. First time he sent me home in a cab (he gave the driver cash). And I said nothing but felt weird about it. But after I processed it I realized I found that to be unacceptable and told him my thoughts on this. He at first resisted but then he thought about it some more and felt I was not wrong. He saw and understood my POV. Now I know many of you (most of you?) might not agree. But I expected to be seen home by my boyfriend. Not because I couldn't get home myself but because it was the considerate and loving thing to do. IMO. Greg was a very very wonderful boyfriend but this was not something he ever experienced before and I was grateful he was open and flexible to wanting to give me what I needed (need). And I do the same for him. It is 100% reciprocal. Not one sided.

One of my philosophies in relationships is this. IF it matters more to me than you then we should do it my way. If it matters more to you than me we should do it your way. Just listen and understand what your partner needs and any relationship where you love each other will be successful. IMO. And we are never too old to learn what the other one needs. We cannot read one's mind so I always say tell me and I will happily tell you. This has definitely enhanced our marriage and our love for each other. We put each other first and when both people in a relationship do that you cannot lose.

Anyway I love chivalrous behavior and always will. As long as I feel the intentions are good and pure I appreciate and enjoy it. My viewpoint

 

[tyty333]

Lol the opposite happens here - I as the Mum tend to order for my husband and sons aged 17 & 15. I never presume but pretty much as we read the menu they all end up saying are you ordering for the table? In our case it is about efficiency - two teenagers want food as quickly as possible so I can rattle off an order in record speed. The 17yo has lived in the US pretty much unaccompanied or with adults in his team so is completely able to handle ordering as is my husband however they just prefer to sit back and let me take control.

I don’t care if it’s called chilvary or good manners but being respectful is always to be practised for our family.

I had to make my kids order their own food. They are somewhat anti-social and prefer someone else take care of
interacting with strangers (yes, even waiters). My motto was if you want food you have to order it! You are lucky
not to have that problem!

 

[canuk-gal]

HI:

My feeling are similar to MGR's. I appreciate kindness, helpfulness, politeness and acts of goodwill. I sincerely appreciate when someone opens the door for me and always acknowledge that act of kindness. And I reciprocate with like behaviors.

My Mom was a stickler for manners. I never gave it a second thought to get up out of my seat for someone else. Or to open a door and say please and thank you. Or to help a Mom whose baby is crying when she is struggling with car seats and parcels. Which leads to a story.

When I was a teen, I went to the local grocer near my house. As I was walking in, an adult man was behind me, so I opened the door for him and let him walk in first. He thanked me, I smiled and said you're welcome. When I came out, he was there by his car with something in his hand. A business card. He approached me and stated he was very impressed by my behavior--polite and thoughtful--and these were the kind of traits he valued in an employee. He was the owner/manager of a service company and offered me a part time job. I was shocked. He gave me his card and encouraged me to follow up and he left. Of course I couldn't work for him as I as only 14--he didn't know that--but I'll never forget the interaction. My reverse chivalry (almost) landed me a job!!!

Also I experienced an act of great manners (or chivalry) this week while at the hospital. It is a busy place and people are always in a hurry and piling on top of each other in elevators and stairways. So as I was descending the stairwell, I noticed a young fella coming up and he gave me a big smile, stopped, and waited for me to go ahead. I smiled back and thanked him. He could have easily plowed by, as everyone else does everyday. Yanno, it's the little things that make such a difference. Good manners is like good grooming--can never have enough.

Fun thread.

cheers--Sharon

 

[HGar]

You are lucky
not to have that problem!

@tyty333 probably one of the best things to happen to the 17yo was starting his chosen sport aged 12. He was then surrounded by grown men every weekend who treated him as an equal. He was chaperoned by his Dad until he was 16 then we pretty much let him travel between Australia and USA alone. Our “baby” who turned 15 yesterday was then immersed into this as a spectator - so both of them are quite happy chatting away to random strangers from all over the world. It’s been a fantastic journey for our whole family and reiterates treating everyone as you wish to be treated.

 

[RMOO]

HI:

My feeling are similar to MGR's. I appreciate kindness, helpfulness, politeness and acts of goodwill. I sincerely appreciate when someone opens the door for me and always acknowledge that act of kindness. And I reciprocate with like behaviors.

My Mom was a stickler for manners. I never gave it a second thought to get up out of my seat for someone else. Or to open a door and say please and thank you. Or to help a Mom whose baby is crying when she is struggling with car seats and parcels. Which leads to a story.

When I was a teen, I went to the local grocer near my house. As I was walking in, an adult man was behind me, so I opened the door for him and let him walk in first. He thanked me, I smiled and said you're welcome. When I came out, he was there by his car with something in his hand. A business card. He approached me and stated he was very impressed by my behavior--polite and thoughtful--and these were the kind of traits he valued in an employee. He was the owner/manager of a service company and offered me a part time job. I was shocked. He gave me his card and encouraged me to follow up and he left. Of course I couldn't work for him as I as only 14--he didn't know that--but I'll never forget the interaction. My reverse chivalry (almost) landed me a job!!!

Also I experienced an act of great manners (or chivalry) this week while at the hospital. It is a busy place and people are always in a hurry and piling on top of each other in elevators and stairways. So as I was descending the stairwell, I noticed a young fella coming up and he gave me a big smile, stopped, and waited for me to go ahead. I smiled back and thanked him. He could have easily plowed by, as everyone else does everyday. Yanno, it's the little things that make such a difference. Good manners is like good grooming--can never have enough.

Fun thread.

cheers--Sharon

It is the little things that can make a big impact. A small act of kindness goes a long way. Unfortunately, an act of rudeness also goes far, if you let it. Some days, I have to mentally turn a corner so that I don't allow some else's rudeness get me in a bad mood. I would much rather spread kindness, then crabbiness.

 

[Garnetgirl]

Your maiden name is just SOME OTHER GUYS NAME (your dad). Its literally based on the 'misogynistic' thing that the kid gets the dads last name.

So I am MUCH happier to take my husbands last name. I CHOSE my husband, it was MY decision, i picked him from every man on the earth, it wasnt just decided for me by someone else ... and I mean, at the end of the day, it's just some MANs last name

Most women in my neck of the woods keep their maiden name. They don’t seem to think about the fact that their names are just another man’s name.
Like you, I also decided that I’d rather have my husband’s name, than my father’s name.
(The fact that it’s a simpler name for English speakers also played a part in my decision.)

 

[Calliecake]

I agree and love your post @MissGotRocks.

@canuk-gal, It really is the little things that can make the biggest impact. I’m not sure if you work in a hospital but if you do, thank you.

I loved my maiden name. I wanted to take my husband’s name but I still miss my maiden name.

 

[missy]

It is the little things that can make a big impact. A small act of kindness goes a long way. Unfortunately, an act of rudeness also goes far, if you let it. Some days, I have to mentally turn a corner so that I don't allow some else's rudeness get me in a bad mood. I would much rather spread kindness, then crabbiness.

And, it is so much nicer and easier to spread kindness than being mean to others. The energy it takes to be nasty is so much more than the energy it takes to be nice to others. Like I wrote in another post (or thread I cannot remember) it must be exhausting to always be in a bad mood and unkind to others. I imagine it would be utterly exhausting. On the other hand being kind feels so good. No contest

 

[autumngems]

Chivalry, etiquette, manners or common decency, whatever you want to call it seems to have gone by the wayside.

I was in a store on base one day trying on shoes, the aisle being extremely narrow and no bench to sit on as you put shoes on I was putting a shoe on and looking at others. A lady and her teenage daughter came through the aisle with her cart (she could have left it at the end of the aisle) forcing me to squeeze up next to the shoe rack. I didn't say anything. She went 2 rows over in shoes and I heard her say "she's just a retard that doesn't know how to get out of the way, I looked up and she was looking at me with a sneer and her daughter said "she heard you". I ignored her as I work for a department within the organization that has the shoe store and didn't want to get into a situation. I moved over to another shoe aisle and they were in a section nearby and she yells B!tch (her teenage daughter just smiling). I look up and she's looking at me. I mean she yelled it right there in a store with others and children around.
I figured, work aside, I am going to get security over here. I explained what happened and they pulled up the cameras and saw it. Shortly thereafter i heard a commotion and her shouting "my husband is an officer" as they were being directed out of the store.
Usually I would have had my say and it would have gotten ugly but I kept my cool as I work within the organization.

 

[seaurchin]

Chivalry, etiquette, manners or common decency, whatever you want to call it seems to have gone by the wayside.

I was in a store on base one day trying on shoes, the aisle being extremely narrow and no bench to sit on as you put shoes on I was putting a shoe on and looking at others. A lady and her teenage daughter came through the aisle with her cart (she could have left it at the end of the aisle) forcing me to squeeze up next to the shoe rack. I didn't say anything. She went 2 rows over in shoes and I heard her say "she's just a retard that doesn't know how to get out of the way, I looked up and she was looking at me with a sneer and her daughter said "she heard you". I ignored her as I work for a department within the organization that has the shoe store and didn't want to get into a situation. I moved over to another shoe aisle and they were in a section nearby and she yells B!tch (her teenage daughter just smiling). I look up and she's looking at me. I mean she yelled it right there in a store with others and children around.
I figured, work aside, I am going to get security over here. I explained what happened and they pulled up the cameras and saw it. Shortly thereafter i heard a commotion and her shouting "my husband is an officer" as they were being directed out of the store.
Usually I would have had my say and it would have gotten ugly but I kept my cool as I work within the organization.

Hilarious that they got hustled out of the store though. I hope you waved to them!

 

[autumngems]

Hilarious that they got hustled out of the store though. I hope you waved to them!

I did, the most royal wave I could produce.

 

[MissGotRocks]

Had my hair cut today and I thought of this thread due to my hairdresser’s story. We recently had snow and she said the snow removal crew had done a terrible job. She owns the shop and proceeded to shovel the entire sidewalk of the shopping center as she had customers due to come in. She said to me “Let me tell you that chivalry is dead!” I asked her why and she said all of the snow plow drivers sat in their trucks and watched her shovel the entire sidewalk. To be fair to them, I think their job only consisted of clearing the parking lot. I guess she felt they might feel bad for her and offer to help. Didn’t happen so she did it by herself - she laughed about it though!