Did anyone plan their own shower?

[Gypsy]

My mom is going in for her 3rd and 4th (back to back if all goes well) surgeries starting March 10th. And so today she was worried about my bridal shower (which is such a ridiculous thing for her to worry about, since her SPINE is being messed with AGAIN in less than a month, but apparently she''d worreid about the stupid shower).

And I told her not to that we could just not have one. Well this really upset her, like she was failing in her motherly duty to me... and she asked me if I wouldn''t mind planning it if she can''t. So of course, I said I could...but well, it feels weird. I''m really okay with not having one, but I don''t want my mom to feel like she''s cheating me out of something in her mind (which in my mind she''s not, but it''s all convoluted you know?)

But while the thought of planning a wedding isn''t that big of a deal for me, I''m a bit terrified of planning a shower. Whole thing is just crazy. Anyone been in a similarly WACKY boat?

Advice?

 

[Haven]

First of all, my thoughts are with your mom, I''ll be thinking about her (and you) as she goes through these surgeries. My father had serious back surgery some years ago and I know how taxing that can be.

As for planning your own shower--I''ve never done it, but I can''t imagine it''s terribly difficult. Luncheon at a brunch place, invites to print up on the printer, guest list, voila! Once you have an idea of what type of shower you''re looking to plan let us know--I''m sure we can help you get all the details sorted out! (That way you wouldn''t really be planning it, PS would be planning it with you on behalf of your mum!)

 

[isaku5]

More prayers for your mom''s successful surgur(y)ies. She has been through a lot with her neck and back.

A bridal shower is usually arranged by the MOH, or attendant with the help of others in the wedding party, friends or parents on either side. Neither you nor your mom should host it. That''s usually the way it''s done up here.

There really are no reasons why you have to have a bridal shower at all. It was traditionally held to provide the bride-to-be with kitchen utensils, towels, silver or china for use in their new home. Nowadays, with so many couples having accumulated all those things while living together, there''s really no need for that type of shower. Instead, there is a girls'' night out at a male strip club

, or a group of girls getting together for a great dinner and perhaps going to a club afterword. Anything goes.

. Endless possibilities for a theme.

Locally, Buck and Does are popular because many brides-to -be don''t like the idea of a "stag", arranged by the best man, and the groomsmen which tend to go way too far in celebrating the grooms last days as a "free man". I''m sure you can visualize what I''m talking about

It''s totally up to you what you''d like to do, if anything.

 

[gtn]

Gypsy, Isabel is right, it is not your mother''s or your responsibility to host a shower. If your mother "insist", have a nice lunch or dinner with those near and dear to you and call it a day.

My girlfriend''s mother planned her shower as her wedding party didn''t throw one and/or didn''t have the cash to host one for the bride. Her mother just invited people to Chevy''s for lunch. Some people brought gifts others didn''t.

 

[blondie23]

I actually did plan my own shower. It is "hosted" by my MOH but she is in law school and also works 40 hours a week and I just couldn''t ask her to plan something like that when she has so much going on. So, I created the invites (with my MOH as the point of contact and person to RSVP to) but the shower is going to be at my new house and I am also catering in the food (but my MOH is paying for the food, I''m just cooking it). yes, I know it is untraditional but I''m ok with it and if people have a huge problem with it then they can just not come! I think it was Independent Gal that said, "nobody cares as much about your wedding as you do" and I truly believe that which is why I have no problem planning my own shower and having my MOH be the "host" since she is the POC on the invite, etc.

 

[Elmorton]

First, my thoughts go out to your mother - how sweet it is that she is still so concerned for your special event even when her health needs her attention more.

I planned my own shower... it''s sortof a long story and a different situation, but it the people who are supposed to didn''t know that they''re supposed to or assumed someone else would, others who wanted to were far away or felt that they''d be stepping on the first group''s toes or didn''t have the funds to throw one. It''s not that I wanted the extra gifts or something, and certainly didn''t have a burning desire to play toilet-paper bride, but I was bummed that I was going to miss out on that special event where women gather with the bride before the wedding.

So, I explained this to my MoH and one of my bridesmaids (who happened to be my next-door neighbor - she was a Godsend). My MoH sortof collected RSVPs, my bridesmaid helped me pick food, napkins and plates, a location, and send out invites. My MIL brought a cake, and I ordered a pretty floral centerpiece for the table, and picked up a couple favors for the "game." My mom paid for the whole thing. On the invites, it was "co-hosted" by my bridesmaid and MoH, and I DID have help, but it really felt like I was on my own for planning the shower since I had to ask for the help. It was frustrating, especially when at the same time I had friends whose mothers'' friends had thrown the same bride multiple showers, but I knew that it had nothing to do with a lack of love, it was just that the people around me weren''t sure what to and that''s OK.

In the end, I had a beautiful shower, had a lot of fun (we had NO shower games except for a "how well do you think Elmorton knows Mr.Elmorton?" quiz, where whoever guessed how many right answers I would get won the game) and I''m soooo glad I didn''t skip the whole event altogether. I loved having my grandmothers, godmother, mom, MILs, and friends all in the same room before the wedding - it really was special and very calming to be surrounded by that kind of love and support as I was in the last stages of putting the wedding together.

So, even if it feels weird to plan, I highly suggest doing it. Don''t be afraid to ask for help from a friend - I thought that by asking, I would be the biggest "bridezilla" (that term still makes me shudder) or that I would come off as selfish and self-absorbed, but I don''t think anyone thought that at all. Hope that helps!!

 

[gtn]

Oh totally forgot to mention that I hope all is well with your mother and you. I will pray for you both.

 

[swingirl]

Bridal showers are a nice tradition and an important part of the whole marriage thing as it's a real bonding event for the female members of a family. So if your mother is traditional it is important for you to have one. In my case my mother was 60, didn't drive and was the caretaker of my father who she didn't like to leave alone. My MOH lived out of state. So I planned much of my shower. I would do the research and running around and let my mother make the final decisions (she paid). My MOH helped, she hand-made favors, but couldn't do too much from another state.

So there are all sorts of ways to accomplish the outcome. No one ever asked who hosted my shower. My mother was happy and we had a very nice time--luncheon at a restaurant for about 40 women plus my father and fiance. And 25 years later I can still remember what gifts I got from whom. It's amazing how it sticks with you about which aunt gave you what!

I hope your mother recovers quickly from her surgeries!!

 

[Sabine]

I think if it is important to your mom, you could try to do something simple. I liked the idea of you helping to plan it, but officially having a friend/bridesmaid host it. That way you can have the say to keep it simple, but hopefully have some help.

 

[Harleigh]

Hi Gypsy,

I''m so sorry to hear your mom is having to have another surgery. You''re both in my thoughts and prayers, and I hope she comes out better for having it done.

As for the shower, I am kind of in the same bind, except it is my BM''s who want to throw it for me, and I really would rather not have one. I just don''t know how I feel about inviting people who are clearly not invited to the wedding in Maui, but I guess that''s just the way it''s done for DW''s...I dunno.

I really like the idea of a tasteful brunch somewhere...would your mom mind your having your MOH or a close friend host it? Just a thought, as MOB are not supposed to host their daughter''s showers...

Everyone says it is an experience we wouldn''t want to miss, but the whole thing makes me want to break out in hives just thinking about it!!! Aagghhhh! I feel your pain, hun!

Just worry about keeping your mom healthy, and the rest will work itself out, I''m sure! {HUGS}