does this look bad?

[sammyjoey]

question about timing of proposal for ladies in waiting:

i am a junior in college and so is my girlfriend. we both know that we want to get married the summer after we graduate. so i am thinking of proposing sometime next spring or summer (about a year, maybe a little more, before the real date).

here''s the thing: i will be studying abroad in germany next summer. should i propose in the spring before i go, since this is something we both want to happen, and she expects? or does it look bad on my part to propose, showing interest in more commitment, but then to leave the country for several weeks? does that make it look like i''m not really ready to commit to this girl if i am still committed to studying and traveling? should i instead wait until i get back (more like 10 months before the wedding)? this would certainly make her wait longer for the inevitable, and maybe even make her anxious or frustrated, but it might look better on my part that i am truly ready for committment to her.

what are your thoughts? thanks so much

 

[JulieN]

I don''t think in any way it reflects badly on you if you propose bfore you leave.

 

[bee*]

I think it would be nice to do it before you go but do it about a month before hand so you can both go through all the celebrations together. At least then when you''re in Germany, she can start doing her planning for the wedding

 

[aussiegirl23]

Sammyjoey,

I think it would be just fine to propose before you take your trip. It sounds like "everyone" knows you''ll be going to Germany - it''s not like you''ll propose, and then suddenly disappear out of nowhere and head on some unplanned frat-boy tour of Europe : ) That might seem more suspect to me! But this appears a normal, mature trip with good purpose. Give your girl the "inevitable" before you leave - she''ll be more relaxed and confident while you''re gone and have more time to plan!!

Best of luck,

Aussiegirl : p

 

[rainbowtrout]

having been in a similar situation, I would say BEFORE but at least 1-2 months before you leave. Of course, I am leaving for a year, so it was a little different, but still. I''d do it before but with a little time in there prior to your trip.

 

[allycat0303]

I don''t think the fact that you still want to study/travel doesn''t mean that you aren''t ready to commit. I think it would be a lovely gesture (especially since it is expected) to propose, and to shows her that you can commit to both studying and to her.

Good luck!

 

[KristyDarling]

Date: 7/12/2006 4:57:13 AM
Author: bee*
I think it would be nice to do it before you go but do it about a month before hand so you can both go through all the celebrations together. At least then when you''re in Germany, she can start doing her planning for the wedding

Yup, what she said.

 

[sammyjoey]

aussiegirl rightfully put "inevitable" in quotes because that was probably a poor way of saying what i meant. perhaps rather than the "inevitable" i should have said "forseeable" which doesn''t carry the connotation of something you are avoiding and don''t want to happen.

thanks to everyone so much for your comments and advice

 

[aussiegirl23]

Date: 7/12/2006 10:01:14 AM
Author: sammyjoey
aussiegirl rightfully put ''inevitable'' in quotes because that was probably a poor way of saying what i meant. perhaps rather than the ''inevitable'' i should have said ''forseeable'' which doesn''t carry the connotation of something you are avoiding and don''t want to happen.

thanks to everyone so much for your comments and advice

Sammyjoey : )

I wasn''t trying to criticize your wording here... my quotations are simply a result of my situation... I have had plenty of conversations about getting engaged, getting married, etc.. It WILL happen with my boyfriend... It will happen eventually. It is in the PROCESS of happening...

Okay, this isn''t helping... sometimes it''s just that girl time is so different than boy time... But it is inevitable that somewhere down the line, boy time will catch up with girl time!

Sorry if I was imposing a bit of my OWN impatience on the situataion : ) You did nothing wrong!

Aussiegirl : p

 

[Fancy605]

I agree--do it before you go. That way while you are gone, she won''t have to agonize over whether she''ll EVER be engaged or fret over whether you''ll still want to marry her after two long months apart. And she''ll be able to start making tentative wedding plans while you are gone (I am willing to be that being able to dreamily flip through bride magazines while you are away will make it much easier for her to be separated from you for 2 while months).

And, you know what if anyone judges you or looks down on you for whatever decision you make, then they don''t deserve to be your friends in the first place.

 

[galeteia]

Date: 7/12/2006 9:44:39 AM
Author: KristyDarling

Date: 7/12/2006 4:57:13 AM

Author: bee*

I think it would be nice to do it before you go but do it about a month before hand so you can both go through all the celebrations together. At least then when you''re in Germany, she can start doing her planning for the wedding

Yup, what she said.

Ditto.

 

[plantationcatt]

Ditto to everyone''s responses! A month or two before you go I think would be the best...Just my two cents. Is there a close friend of hers that could subtly find out what she would prefer without giving anything away?