dropping hints

[cinnabar]

I''m amazed at how many men post to Rocky Talk asking what other women think constitutes the perfect engagement ring, rather than asking the girl to whom they plan to present a ring.

If I were dating and thought we were about to get engaged, I''d be leaving magazine pictures all over the place (with felt pen circles, or post-its). I''d start lots of conversations with "I see X got engaged ... can''t say I like her ring much, I like solitaires much better ... " or "I had lunch with Y today, she''s got the most beautiful whatever-shaped stone in her engagement ring" etc.

I''d fiddle with a ring on my right hand ring finger, and say "this always feels a bit tight in hot weather ... a size 5 fits my right hand but I''m more of a 4.75 on my left"

And it would all be totally in vain, because men don''t understand hints unless they''re wrapped round bricks and smackin'' ''em on the head

Has anyone here successfully done the hint thing? I didn''t have to worry about it, because I just went to the design-a-ring page of an online vendor and sent my beloved the jpg of exactly what I wanted: he was grateful not to have to spend any time worrying about it himself, and he was delighted to be able to get me the perfect ring (men love making women happy). I suppose I went for the brick, really

 

[ellewoods]

I agree that it is important for a boyfriend to think carefully about the type of ring his girlfriend would want. He can ask her friends, sister if she has one, even mom. He can even casually ask her if she likes different rings.....say when she''s thumbing through a womens magazine with ring advertisemnts. And I definitely agree 100% with Cinnabar that it is VERY helpful to somehow let your boyfriend know what your ring size is.....my BF didn''t know (I actually didn''t know) and he finally told me "You need to find out your ring size. I can''t figure out your ring size because you don''t wear any rings!"

But in my situation -- I definitely disagree with giving your boyfriend obvious hints, such as leaving pictures of rings circled, talking about what you like incessently, etc. I am sure most guys want some direction, so I think Cinnabar was good to show her boyfriend what she wanted. But I think there''s a fine line between letting him know what you definitely like and you definitely don''t like, and bombarding him with magazine pictures and ring talk all the time.

I''m not engaged yet, but expect to be soon.....and I know that any "hints" I''ve tried to give my boyfriend have been complete failures. Instead of my boyfriend being happy he knows what I like, he becomes annoyed and doesn''t want to talk about rings or engagement or marriage for a long time. He knows generally what I like because we''ve casually talked about friends'' rings when they''ve gotten engaged (i.e. "Jessica''s ring is pretty but I wouldn''t want a round...." boyfriend says "I don''t like rounds either...I like Stacy''s ring the best because I like that emerald shape.." etc.).....and we''ve casually gone ring browsing when we happened to be by a nice jewelry store.

But any obvious hints or strong suggestions I''ve made have made him very annoyed. He has also told me that when I talk a lot about "when are we getting engaged?" "I definitely love that pave style" "Yes that pave style" "By the way do you want to look at the picture of the pave style again?" it drives him crazy, makes him feel like he''s being nagged, and takes the fun out of things. He says when I behave like that (a bit whiny, obsessively talking about the exact Daniel K I love, giving him not-so-subtle hints that I am sick of being together forever but still not being engaged) that it makes him back away from the issue completly.

That''s just been my experience, but it seems like many women on here experience the same thing with their boyfriends. Then again, if he completely surprises me and gets me the Daniel K I sent him a picture of,

then maybe my hints will have worked after all.

(never gonna happen though).

 

[appletini]

In the beginning (pre-PS), when he first talked about marriage he asked what I liked and I told him, and I wasn''t going to be involved at all. Well he did go browsing with his friends wife, and she later asked me what I liked, and I told her b/c she was going to be his ring consultant.

Well once I discovered PS, and it was a good 6 months with no sparkle, I decided to take a more pro-active approach.For the longest time (basically the last year) I would email excel files to my BF with the current WF inventory that I liked and comments about each one, and also had a tab with pictures of various rings I liked and things I would change on them. I used this method because he could look at it on his own time and it wouldn''t involve a conversation, also whenever my preferences changed (which happened a million times) I could easily let him know and email an updated file. Of course later when we seriously looked at rings he found one he loved and I liked, and as you all know we ended up going custom, so we could both love the ring. He actually kept all the emails, and just deleted them all the other day, since he doesn''t need them anymore.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

I totally agree cinnabar. I remember one poster had so many conditions (and they were strict) of what she DIDN''T like but she would NOT go ring shopping with him and show him what she DOES like! She wanted to be surprised. How unfair, poor guy. They are not mind readers. If I wanted something simple I would have hinted but I am a very picky, detailed person and just could not take any chances on what mattered, for me the setting. So I picked it our and he was relieved. I knew HE wouldn''t pick it out alone anyways. He would have been directed by the jeweler, or his mother, or his sister....so for all my darling LIWs if you tell him what you want then you will get what you want and then EVERYONE will be happy.

 

[princessv]

Hehe I did all the research, picked the cut and he basically picked out the setting (which I knew was going to be plain). But all in all I love my ring!

Like apple, pre PS, I had decided I wanted a Tacori setting and the only place that sold Tacori was Bailey Banks and Biddle..he put a down payment on a princess cut that they suckered him into...I don''t remember the stats anymore but I do remember it was RECTANGULAR with a HUGE black inclusion visible to the eye that they said would be covered by the prong.

Anyway he felt like he was being suckered into the deal so he asked what I thought and when I saw it I about died and told him absolutely that we''d have to find something better cut with better specs....so lots and lots of diamond education later hehe I ended up with something I love and he loves (I love catching him sneaking admiring peeks!) Although now when I still send him PS links his eyes glaze over...like enough! LOL

I can''t agree with Tacori e-ring more!

 

[SoonIHope]

I just typed a long reply to this thread which would be pretty much exactly what I would say here.

The thread is called "How much information are you giving your boyfriend about the ring you want?" and a lot of LIWs & BIWs have discussed various degrees of hint-dropping over there if you''re interested!

As for the ring size issue...I didn''t know what size I was either, so I ordered the little free plastic sizer from Blue Nile and made a show of trying it on in front of him, saying the size aloud "to myself" and casually mentioning that I would be leaving it in my jewelry box adjusted to my size.

That said, when we went ring looking a couple weeks later, he had to ask me again.