Fight/overcome societal norms - yeah!

[hairgirl95]

Date: 7/22/2008 2:22:33 PM
Author: rob09
Hairgirl95 -

kudos to you for taking the high road for such a long time - wonder how your mother reacted when you told her the truth??? I am glad everything worked out in the end!!

Well, after she picked her jaw up off the floor,

she really didn''t say anything. Her standard defense mechanism of coming to my ex-husbands aid was pretty much deflated. At times, I really wish I had let her have it sooner. I figure the loss is hers, not mine though. She missed out on 2 years of my life, and she cannot ever get that back. It also taught me that if I can survive that time of my life, I can survive anything. But yes, the look on her face was absolutely priceless!!! She did say she wished I had told her sooner. My response? I am your daughter, you raised me to be a responsible and moral person, did you really think that I was getting divorced for no reason? That was the icing on the cake.

 

[trillionaire]

Date: 7/22/2008 4:29:15 PM
Author: rob09
''He''s only 2 inches taller than me and very small framed, which made me hesitant about dating him'' LOL

What if he were seven inches shorter ...?? No complaining about that permitted ...

LOL, I KNOW it is a superficial hang up, but I have always had a "never younger, never shorter" policy. Terrible, I know.

To be honest, I have only dated 2 people in life, so clearly I am picky about a LOT of things, lol. Please don''t flame me, I know it''s bad.

BTW, a friend of mine just got married to a woman 6 or 7 inches taller (she is 6ft +) and they are the BEST couple ever ever ever!

 

[fieryred33143]

Date: 7/22/2008 5:11:16 PM
Author: trillionaire

Date: 7/22/2008 4:29:15 PM
Author: rob09
''He''s only 2 inches taller than me and very small framed, which made me hesitant about dating him'' LOL

What if he were seven inches shorter ...?? No complaining about that permitted ...

LOL, I KNOW it is a superficial hang up, but I have always had a ''never younger, never shorter'' policy. Terrible, I know.

To be honest, I have only dated 2 people in life, so clearly I am picky about a LOT of things, lol. Please don''t flame me, I know it''s bad.

BTW, a friend of mine just got married to a woman 6 or 7 inches taller (she is 6ft +) and they are the BEST couple ever ever ever!

I didn''t have a "never shorter" policy until the guy I dated before my boyfriend. When we met, he asked if I made it a habit to wear heels. I answered truthfully that I did not. But one night we were going to a nightclub so I naturally wore heels (I can''t dance with flats). He flipped out and I told myself, no more short guys...at least none that are that insecure about their height.

 

[Bia]

Date: 7/22/2008 5:14:58 PM
Author: fieryred33143

Date: 7/22/2008 5:11:16 PM
Author: trillionaire

Date: 7/22/2008 4:29:15 PM
Author: rob09
''He''s only 2 inches taller than me and very small framed, which made me hesitant about dating him'' LOL

What if he were seven inches shorter ...?? No complaining about that permitted ...

LOL, I KNOW it is a superficial hang up, but I have always had a ''never younger, never shorter'' policy. Terrible, I know.

To be honest, I have only dated 2 people in life, so clearly I am picky about a LOT of things, lol. Please don''t flame me, I know it''s bad.

BTW, a friend of mine just got married to a woman 6 or 7 inches taller (she is 6ft +) and they are the BEST couple ever ever ever!

I didn''t have a ''never shorter'' policy until the guy I dated before my boyfriend. When we met, he asked if I made it a habit to wear heels. I answered truthfully that I did not. But one night we were going to a nightclub so I naturally wore heels (I can''t dance with flats). He flipped out and I told myself, no more short guys...at least none that are that insecure about their height.

I do, its shameful, I know!!! I''m 5''10, with heels, I tower! BF is 6''0 so on our wedding day, should I wear flats?

 

[brazen_irish_hussy]

Date: 7/22/2008 4:29:15 PM
Author: rob09
''He''s only 2 inches taller than me and very small framed, which made me hesitant about dating him'' LOL
What if he were seven inches shorter ...?? No complaining about that permitted ...

I didn''t really have a rule about dating guys shorter than me as I am 5''2, so I never found one. I did date a guy who was 5''7 though, so I am not that picky.

I think because it is one of the few looks things men are really judged on, they tend to be judged more rigidly on it than women who have a multitude of features to hate

Good for you for being ok dating a taller woman. My friend is 6''2 and it puts a lot of guys off, even though she has no issue dating shorter guys, it hurts their ego.

 

[Lauren8211]

Date: 7/22/2008 5:27:12 PM
Author: Bia

Date: 7/22/2008 5:14:58 PM
Author: fieryred33143

Date: 7/22/2008 5:11:16 PM
Author: trillionaire

Date: 7/22/2008 4:29:15 PM
Author: rob09
''He''s only 2 inches taller than me and very small framed, which made me hesitant about dating him'' LOL

What if he were seven inches shorter ...?? No complaining about that permitted ...

LOL, I KNOW it is a superficial hang up, but I have always had a ''never younger, never shorter'' policy. Terrible, I know.

To be honest, I have only dated 2 people in life, so clearly I am picky about a LOT of things, lol. Please don''t flame me, I know it''s bad.

BTW, a friend of mine just got married to a woman 6 or 7 inches taller (she is 6ft +) and they are the BEST couple ever ever ever!

I didn''t have a ''never shorter'' policy until the guy I dated before my boyfriend. When we met, he asked if I made it a habit to wear heels. I answered truthfully that I did not. But one night we were going to a nightclub so I naturally wore heels (I can''t dance with flats). He flipped out and I told myself, no more short guys...at least none that are that insecure about their height.

I do, its shameful, I know!!! I''m 5''10, with heels, I tower! BF is 6''0 so on our wedding day, should I wear flats?

I''m in your shoes, Bia. I''m 5''10" and FF is about 5''11 1/2" (on a good day). I HATE being taller than him. I think being taller than your guy is a tall girl thing. I''m already self-conscious about my height, and being close to FFs height makes it worse.

I NEVER wear heels anymore when I''m around him, and Im wearing flats at our wedding. Ballet slipper style most likely. I would hate our wedding pictures if i was taller than him in all of them. lol

 

[Bia]

Date: 7/22/2008 5:39:31 PM
Author: elledizzy5

Date: 7/22/2008 5:27:12 P


I'm in your shoes, Bia. I'm 5'10' and FF is about 5'11 1/2' (on a good day). I HATE being taller than him. I think being taller than your guy is a tall girl thing. I'm already self-conscious about my height, and being close to FFs height makes it worse.


I NEVER wear heels anymore when I'm around him, and Im wearing flats at our wedding. Ballet slipper style most likely. I would hate our wedding pictures if i was taller than him in all of them. lol

Being tall is something we should be proud of--for the most part I am but I had a major complex about it as a kid! (they used to call me "daddy long legs."

Kids are mean!

Having said that, I STILL don't want to tower BF on my wedding day LOL

Don't be self-conscious Elle, you're beautiful and ought to take pride in your height!

ETA: Hmmm...weird...it quoted the entire post. My Mac and PS do not mesh well.

 

[trillionaire]

Date: 7/22/2008 6:15:00 PM
Author: Bia

Date: 7/22/2008 5:39:31 PM

Author: elledizzy5
Date: 7/22/2008 5:27:12 P



I'm in your shoes, Bia. I'm 5'10' and FF is about 5'11 1/2' (on a good day). I HATE being taller than him. I think being taller than your guy is a tall girl thing. I'm already self-conscious about my height, and being close to FFs height makes it worse.



I NEVER wear heels anymore when I'm around him, and Im wearing flats at our wedding. Ballet slipper style most likely. I would hate our wedding pictures if i was taller than him in all of them. lol


Being tall is something we should be proud of--for the most part I am but I had a major complex about it as a kid! (they used to call me 'daddy long legs.'

Kids are mean!


Having said that, I STILL don't want to tower BF on my wedding day LOL


Don't be self-conscious Elle, you're beautiful and ought to take pride in your height!

ETA: Hmmm...weird...it quoted the entire post. My Mac and PS do not mesh well.

I am not "that tall" to begin with, only 5'6. That really gives most guys a lot of leeway, and SO is only 5'8, which is not particularly tall for guys (he's shorter than his dad (5'10ish) and brother (6+). Anyway, I was at his brother's wedding this weekend, and when he first saw me in my heels, he ran up to me and demanded to know who was taller, telling me it was unacceptable for me to be taller, lol. He doesn't mind if I wear heels unless they are REALLY tall, then he gives me a hard time. Actually, he PREFERS for me to wear heels unless they are REALLY tall, lol. I just laugh and says it's not my fault. He usually squeaks me out by a few millimeters, which pleases him.

Silly boy...

 

[Lauren8211]

Date: 7/22/2008 6:15:00 PM
Author: Bia

Date: 7/22/2008 5:39:31 PM

Author: elledizzy5

Date: 7/22/2008 5:27:12 P



I'm in your shoes, Bia. I'm 5'10' and FF is about 5'11 1/2' (on a good day). I HATE being taller than him. I think being taller than your guy is a tall girl thing. I'm already self-conscious about my height, and being close to FFs height makes it worse.



I NEVER wear heels anymore when I'm around him, and Im wearing flats at our wedding. Ballet slipper style most likely. I would hate our wedding pictures if i was taller than him in all of them. lol

Being tall is something we should be proud of--for the most part I am but I had a major complex about it as a kid! (they used to call me 'daddy long legs.'

Kids are mean!


Having said that, I STILL don't want to tower BF on my wedding day LOL


Don't be self-conscious Elle, you're beautiful and ought to take pride in your height!

ETA: Hmmm...weird...it quoted the entire post. My Mac and PS do not mesh well.

Thanks, that was nice of you to say! We SHOULD be proud, but the grass is always greener on the other side, it seems. I'd deal with the height if I can get my hair to be straight. LOL

But really, there is a social stigma attached to it, if I wear heels around FF, someone ALWAYS comments about my "towering" over him. It's like.. mind your business! I am as sensitive about height as some girls are about weight.

ETA - mine just did the same thing, it only does it when I use Firefox

 

[lala2332]

Date: 7/22/2008 6:29:01 PM
Author: elledizzy5

Date: 7/22/2008 6:15:00 PM
Author: Bia

Date: 7/22/2008 5:39:31 PM

Author: elledizzy5

Date: 7/22/2008 5:27:12 P



I''m in your shoes, Bia. I''m 5''10'' and FF is about 5''11 1/2'' (on a good day). I HATE being taller than him. I think being taller than your guy is a tall girl thing. I''m already self-conscious about my height, and being close to FFs height makes it worse.



I NEVER wear heels anymore when I''m around him, and Im wearing flats at our wedding. Ballet slipper style most likely. I would hate our wedding pictures if i was taller than him in all of them. lol

Being tall is something we should be proud of--for the most part I am but I had a major complex about it as a kid! (they used to call me ''daddy long legs.''

Kids are mean!


Having said that, I STILL don''t want to tower BF on my wedding day LOL


Don''t be self-conscious Elle, you''re beautiful and ought to take pride in your height!

ETA: Hmmm...weird...it quoted the entire post. My Mac and PS do not mesh well.

Thanks, that was nice of you to say! We SHOULD be proud, but the grass is always greener on the other side, it seems. I''d deal with the height if I can get my hair to be straight. LOL

But really, there is a social stigma attached to it, if I wear heels around FF, someone ALWAYS comments about my ''towering'' over him. It''s like.. mind your business! I am as sensitive about height as some girls are about weight.

ETA - mine just did the same thing, it only does it when I use Firefox

Y''all should study those TomKat wedding photos and figure out how katie holmes managed to be shorter than tom cruise in their picture without slumping over....hehe!

 

[princesss]

Let''s see...BF and I come from totally different backgrounds (socioeconomically as well as location-wise...I moved around every few years and his parents have been in the same house longer than he''s been alive). So the way we talk about money is completely different, the way we like to surprise each other is very different, the way we show affection is different, basically the majority of things we do are very different. It''s caused a lot of difficulty (like the time he told me flat out that by wanting to travel and live all over the world I was "running away from something, which is completely ridiculous"). I''m also much more of an independent, pick up and go kind of person, while he likes to have a set group of friends in a set area (related to living situations, but not entirely).

There are little things...he''s much neater than I am, much more responsible, better with money, and is often just a better person (IMHO). I''m very focused on results, I like having a plan and sticking to it, I have to be juggling multiple things at once or I feel like I''m a slacker (currently I''m working, playing a sport, getting ready for the GMAT, checking out grad schools, planning which language I want to learn next, researching language classes, figuring out how to get my motorcycle license, and refreshing my Spanish). BF is way more laid back and takes one thing at a time.

While both of us were raised around religion and going to church, we ended up with fairly different religious views.

Sometimes it''s been a battle to figure out how we''ll work. But it''s SO worth it. Not many people that weren''t raised the way I was would be willing to throw themselves into it, but he has been. He understands that that''s the one thing I won''t be able to budge on, and doesn''t ask me to or resent me for it. And I know that he''ll just need a little more stability than I''m used to. Compromise. It''s great.

 

[princesss]

Date: 7/22/2008 5:39:31 PM
Author: elledizzy5

Date: 7/22/2008 5:27:12 PM

Author: Bia

Date: 7/22/2008 5:14:58 PM

Author: fieryred33143

Date: 7/22/2008 5:11:16 PM

Author: trillionaire

Date: 7/22/2008 4:29:15 PM

Author: rob09

''He''s only 2 inches taller than me and very small framed, which made me hesitant about dating him'' LOL


What if he were seven inches shorter ...?? No complaining about that permitted ...

LOL, I KNOW it is a superficial hang up, but I have always had a ''never younger, never shorter'' policy. Terrible, I know.

To be honest, I have only dated 2 people in life, so clearly I am picky about a LOT of things, lol. Please don''t flame me, I know it''s bad.


BTW, a friend of mine just got married to a woman 6 or 7 inches taller (she is 6ft +) and they are the BEST couple ever ever ever!

I didn''t have a ''never shorter'' policy until the guy I dated before my boyfriend. When we met, he asked if I made it a habit to wear heels. I answered truthfully that I did not. But one night we were going to a nightclub so I naturally wore heels (I can''t dance with flats). He flipped out and I told myself, no more short guys...at least none that are that insecure about their height.

I do, its shameful, I know!!! I''m 5''10, with heels, I tower! BF is 6''0 so on our wedding day, should I wear flats?

I''m in your shoes, Bia. I''m 5''10'' and FF is about 5''11 1/2'' (on a good day). I HATE being taller than him. I think being taller than your guy is a tall girl thing. I''m already self-conscious about my height, and being close to FFs height makes it worse.


I NEVER wear heels anymore when I''m around him, and Im wearing flats at our wedding. Ballet slipper style most likely. I would hate our wedding pictures if i was taller than him in all of them. lol

Hahaha, I''m that way too! BF is *maybe* 6 feet, and I''m 5''10". I''ve recently rediscovered my love of heels, and he''s just going to have to suck it up, lol.

 

[allycat0303]

Indy22, I didn''t know you were vietnamese! So cool.

Ok, I am Vietnamese and he is caucasian. Besides from my foray into the wild side dating a caucasian guy, I am from an ultra traditional family (and am actually an ultra-traditional girl). My parents pushed all of their children into medicine (as all good Viet parents will do) and were very successful in their plot. My brother and sister are both first year residents, and I am finishing next year. They hoped and prayed I would marry a nice Vietnamese doctor and have lots of vietnamese children. Unfortunately I started dating my fiance when I was 15 years old, so that dream was crushed pretty early.

Initially my guy dropped out of school, but a few years later I made him go back (yes I say made because there were threats, fights etc) and he got a degree in electrical engineering. He is some what out of the norm because he started to make an excellent living very fast (more the Doctors here) so as you can imagine, my parents quickly decided he would make THE BEST son-in-law. Not superficial at all

. But in any case, they decided they adore him, but it was about 9 years into the relationship. Before that he wasn''t even allowed in the house.

I would say that in Montreal, there are not THAT many interracial couples, although it is getting more prevalent. What I hate the most is the looks I get in Chinatown, so I never eat there anymore (big fan of takeout when I am in the mood for asian food).

 

[Lauren8211]

Date: 7/22/2008 6:54:50 PM
Author: princesss


Hahaha, I''m that way too! BF is *maybe* 6 feet, and I''m 5''10''. I''ve recently rediscovered my love of heels, and he''s just going to have to suck it up, lol.

Haha.

Good for you!! I wish I had the confidence to pull that off, because heels on a tall womans legs are ALWAYS gorgeous!

 

[princesss]

Date: 7/22/2008 7:03:05 PM
Author: elledizzy5

Date: 7/22/2008 6:54:50 PM

Author: princesss



Hahaha, I''m that way too! BF is *maybe* 6 feet, and I''m 5''10''. I''ve recently rediscovered my love of heels, and he''s just going to have to suck it up, lol.

Haha.

Good for you!! I wish I had the confidence to pull that off, because heels on a tall womans legs are ALWAYS gorgeous!

It was easy...I got a job where I needed decent shoes, and I live near a Nine West. There''s no way I could let all of those pretty shoes go homeless because I was insecure. Psh. They needed a home. Really, I''m just doing them a favour.

And it''s all about confidence...just fake it! Haha, that''s what I had to do for a while. But the bright orange heels were calling to me, so I had to find a way to be okay in heels.

 

[FrekeChild]

Wohoo for ALL heels-large, small, orange, green, pink--whatever!!

I love shoes...

 

[JSM]

This is a really good thread! I''ve enjoyed reading all of your stories.

My fiance and I haven''t been through as much as you all have.

All I can say is that my friends don''t like him, and his friends don''t like me! Our families are very skeptical as well. We''re very different people from very different backgrounds, and value different things. However, we COMPLIMENT each other more than I thought we could. He''s taught me so much about myself I never knew, and vice a versa. He''s made me a better person, and he tells me he''s a better man because of meeting me.

We hang out in different crowds, and that''s fine with us. We go home to each other and I love him very much.

(Part of me hopes to elope so our families/friends never have to meet each other! Geographically, it won''t happen unless we have a wedding.)

 

[Sabine]

This is a really interesting topic! The only issues we''ve had to work to overcome are upbringing, in that I had a difficult childhood, and as a result was much more independent (both mentally and financially) than he was. It was rough at first, but once dh moved out, he learned to do a lot more things for himself (although I have to admit his parents do still pay his cell phone bill!) The only other one is size. I''ve gained a decent amount of weight since I had a thyroid problem, and although I think I''ve adjusted to it pretty well, dh is incredibly skinny for a guy. So he gets insecure about being slim, and I''m insecure about being overweight, but we know that we each love the other for who they are.

 

[TryingAgain]

OMG! Where to begin???

- I am older than him. Only about two years, but it drove me nuts at first!

- I was previously married, which I think bugs him a little still.

- I grew up in private schools, in a nice neighborhood, with a family with a good amount of money. He grew up in the boonies, in a mobile home, his parents are great but they really aren''t well off. This REALLY doesn''t bother me... Together we make more money than most two income families. I have money in the bank from my parents death and I think it bothers him that my savings is a lot more than his.

- I have a Bachelors degree and work in an office as management. He struggled through high school, decided college wasn''t for him and is a carpenter. I admire him for his decision and he makes really good money because hes good, but it bothers him. I always tell him that just because school wasn''t for him doesn''t mean he isn''t intelligent.

- We met in a bar... Which makes most people think it''ll never last.

You know what though? All of those things I stated just made our bond THAT much stronger. At the end of the day, none of it matters!

 

[Anna0499]

Date: 7/22/2008 6:59:28 PM
Author: allycat0303
Indy22, I didn''t know you were vietnamese! So cool.

Ok, I am Vietnamese and he is caucasian. Besides from my foray into the wild side dating a caucasian guy, I am from an ultra traditional family (and am actually an ultra-traditional girl). My parents pushed all of their children into medicine (as all good Viet parents will do) and were very successful in their plot. My brother and sister are both first year residents, and I am finishing next year. They hoped and prayed I would marry a nice Vietnamese doctor and have lots of vietnamese children. Unfortunately I started dating my fiance when I was 15 years old, so that dream was crushed pretty early.

Initially my guy dropped out of school, but a few years later I made him go back (yes I say made because there were threats, fights etc) and he got a degree in electrical engineering. He is some what out of the norm because he started to make an excellent living very fast (more the Doctors here) so as you can imagine, my parents quickly decided he would make THE BEST son-in-law. Not superficial at all

. But in any case, they decided they adore him, but it was about 9 years into the relationship. Before that he wasn''t even allowed in the house.

I would say that in Montreal, there are not THAT many interracial couples, although it is getting more prevalent. What I hate the most is the looks I get in Chinatown, so I never eat there anymore (big fan of takeout when I am in the mood for asian food).

YAY! Always good to meet a fellow VN, especially here where there are NONE! Lots of Chinese, Indian, Korean, even Japanese...but sadly not VN. Your parents are probably a lot like mine...except their techniques didn''t really work out because I''m the only one going to professional school.

My mom''s brothers are an electrical engineer and a mechanical engineer. I would''ve made my BF go back too haha...but only if I knew he could finish and would like a degree. My parents and my current BF don''t really get along (they think I need to marry a doctor or lawyer, etc.), but hopefully someday they''ll come around...

BF & I got some looks today when we went to this restaurant...we didn''t know it was for old people until we were already seated...it was just close to our theater (saw the Dark Knight - HIGHLY RECOMMENDED!). Oh well, can''t let it get you down. I have noticed the same thing at Asian restaurants too! You should''ve seen the looks when my ex-BF & I went to the deep south in VN a couple years ago! Something like this:

 

[Linda W]

Date: 7/22/2008 3:55:47 PM
Author: WishfulThinking
This is an awesome thread!


Well... the fact that we''re both women is by far the largest hurdle for us.

Our immediate families are very supportive about this part, but on my FI''s side it took some convincing and getting used to. Now everything is basically fine with them, but we have half the rest of the people in the country we live in [US] to worry about. It''s stressful.Even living in supposedly liberal Massachusetts we run into problems, and we''re not allowed to legally married because of MA legislation forbidding out of state couples to get a marriage that wouldn''t be recognized in their state of origin. FYI this legislation is from the early 1900s and was originally used to keep interracial marriages from occurring in MA when they weren''t legal in other states... which was as late as 1967.

In fact, the legal aspect of our relationship is a huge catastrophe. She is from CA, so now that CA has same sex marriage, we theoretically could get married in MA. However, if CA makes ss marriage illegal again, a MA marriage wouldn''t give us any protections in CA, where we ultimately plan to live. This is stressful. As is explaining to people that our wedding is a WEDDING BECAUSE WE SAY IT IS [

] and because it is that in our hearts and minds and the hearts and minds of the people who will be present. That is really painful to hear, especially coming from people who consider themselves to be progressive, but are not very polite witht heir questions and comments. Then there''s the issue of having no rights once we are married: no family-only hospital benefits, no inheritance, no insurance [depending on the state]. Nothing. Especially depending on where we go for grad school, and how the laws in almost every state are constantly changing... the whole thing makes me lose my mind. There are no guarantees. We are hoping that in June 2009 when we have our wedding we will be able to get a marriage license in CA that would likely protect us even if ss marriage went in and out of legality there, but there is not much anyone, legal advisor or not, can tell us, because they just don''t know yet.


The social aspect is even scarier, because it involves physical danger to us, as well as other things, such as discrimination. Even in MA we have encountered wedding vendors who will not work with us. In our rural area there are only a few bridal shops, and I am terrified they will refuse to serve us. Meanwhile, I cannot bring myself to lie about my wedding, so I will not pretend, even if we have to drive to P-Town to get dresses. We are contemplating a move to Arizona, which would academically be the best choice for us, but are unsure of whether we will be physically and emotionally safe in such a conservative environment. Our gay friends in the area tell us to run not walk away from the state unless absolutely necessary, and that is very scary. Even in MA we are spit at or stared at or yelled at or approached by people who say nasty things. It''s scary to us. Really scary.


The other thing that is hard to overcome is our ages. We will both be 22 when we marry, and she is only about 6 months older than I am. People give us a hard time about being so young, especially our parents, although they have softened up about it recently, and are on board with help planning the wedding! Honestly, though, the people who know us best, our network of friends and professors and other people who know us as a couple better than my parents or others who have doubts have full confidence in us. With over half of marriages ending in divorce, I think it''s important to just LIVE life and know that what might happen. Almost no one goes into marriage thinking that they will divorce, and we are no exception.


Lastly, there is the graduate school issue. We are applying to graduate schools this coming fall, and choosing programs at the same schools or nearby. We have ''sets'' of schools all over the country among our options, and will do our best to make it possible to stay physically together. However, we DO have to make the best decisions for each of us academically and career-wise, and we don''t want any lingering resentment. We will put that first, and know that our relationship can stand that test. We have survived many trials, and are long distance for months at a time as it is. It will be different, but we will not be the first to do it. Of course, many here will relate to the snarky comments about long-distance being a setup bound for disaster. It''s frustrating.

Wishfulthinking: I just read your post: I am truly sorry that you both have to live like this in MA. DH and I live in California, where, as you know, gays and lesbians are everywhere.(I hope I worded that right) No where have I seen them spat at, yelled at, etc. That is very disgusting in my eyes. We live in a very nice housing development. Behind us and 3 houses over, are a wonderful lesbian couple, who bought their house the same time we did 23 years ago. Did any of us or their neighbors make a stink, call them names???? NO we did not.

They attend neighborhood BBQ''s walk neighbors dogs, if they are on vacation, etc.I have also worked with gay men. They were treated with respect, not made fun of, nor were they called names inside the office, or behind their backs.

Again, I am very sorry you are experiencing such nasty hatred. I do hope the laws change in your favor.

Linda

 

[Haven]

This is a great thread, I''ve really loved reading everyone''s responses.

I''ve never thought of these things as major issues, but here are ours:
- We met on an online Jewish dating website. Some people seemed to think that meant we weren''t *really* dating, which was strange.
- Hubby is nearly 11 years older than me. Some of my friends were very skeptical of his intentions when we started dating, they thought that if he had never been married before then he was probably just looking for some young thing to parade around. I knew they were wrong, and they were just trying to protect me anyway, which was sweet.
- We have very different backgrounds, I grew up in a privileged suburb and attended one of the state''s best public high schools, he grew up in the city and went to a gang-infested low-performing high school. This was never an issue, but he''s always shocked when we compare stories of our high school experiences.
- I''m 5''9" and LOVE high heels, he''s 5''8" and LOVES a tall woman. The height difference doesn''t bother either one of us, but other people have commented.

None of these things bother me, but we have endured many comments from friends and strangers about the age and height things. The older women in my family are already badgering me to have kids soon because hubby is nearly 40. Seriously.

 

[allycat0303]

Indygal22,

I do get the impression that asian people give me a harder time then white people. But then again, I''ve gotten some looks at clothing stores too (sales girls that look at me like "what is he doing with her" which kind of embarrases me too. I don''t think I am ugly or anything, it''s just that some people in Montreal are very closed minded (or perhaps can''t see beauty in another race??) Actually one of his closest friend''s girlfriends have also said something to that effect "M must be attracted by brains" Which is pretty insulting if you think about it. I think it''s something that never goes away, I''ve been with my boyfriend for 14 years, and I am STILL sensitive to it.

I did read that you''re mother didn''t get along with your boyfriend. All I can say is try to be patient, and *hopefully* she will come around. I still find it hard to deal with parents disapproval though.

 

[honey22]

He loves to go camping. I am a five star room service all the way kind of girl! That''s about as hard as it''s got, so it''s all good.

He now appreciates the finer points of luxury accommodations BTW - I however, spent one night in tent, and checked into a hotel the next day. I am not really the materialistic snob I sound like, I just don''t like sleeping in the great outdoors!!!!

 

[Anna0499]

Date: 7/23/2008 6:56:09 AM
Author: allycat0303
Indygal22,

I do get the impression that asian people give me a harder time then white people. But then again, I''ve gotten some looks at clothing stores too (sales girls that look at me like ''what is he doing with her'' which kind of embarrases me too. I don''t think I am ugly or anything, it''s just that some people in Montreal are very closed minded (or perhaps can''t see beauty in another race??) Actually one of his closest friend''s girlfriends have also said something to that effect ''M must be attracted by brains'' Which is pretty insulting if you think about it. I think it''s something that never goes away, I''ve been with my boyfriend for 14 years, and I am STILL sensitive to it.

I did read that you''re mother didn''t get along with your boyfriend. All I can say is try to be patient, and *hopefully* she will come around. I still find it hard to deal with parents disapproval though.

Oh my gosh! I bet your man''s friend''s GF was just jealous...sounds like it to me, anyway. I would NOT be taking that snide remark as a compliment...I hate back-handed and veiled statements like that; girls have a talent of them! Congratulations on your achievements! I seriously considered medical school before deciding on law, but I will *hopefully* be working for medical corporations/doctors a few years after graduation to protect them from all the lawsuits that get thrown at them nowadays. I have found that Asian people are more open about their "disapproval" of interracial couples, but that more white people act like they are okay with it when they aren''t really. I know what you mean about seeing beauty in another race...kind of like the people who say, "I would never date anyone from ______ race." Very close-minded and ignorant indeed. I''m glad your parents like your BF now, no matter what their reasons...it''s got to make things so much better. I know firsthand how parents/family can cause drama in your relationship, even if you try to not let it bother you. If that was your pic in the BWW thread you are GORGEOUS...some people can''t handle brains AND beauty!

 

[HeadOverHeels4James]

Date: 7/23/2008 7:16:16 AM
Author: honey22
He loves to go camping. I am a five star room service all the way kind of girl! That's about as hard as it's got, so it's all good.


He now appreciates the finer points of luxury accommodations BTW - I however, spent one night in tent, and checked into a hotel the next day. I am not really the materialistic snob I sound like, I just don't like sleeping in the great outdoors!!!!

You sound like me!

FF calls me "An indoor girl" my biggest problem with the outdoors is the bugs eww!

 

[anchor31]

FI and I have had our fair share...

- I have CP, so we did get some "What is he doing with her?" stuff, especially at the beginning (

);
- Our families are very different, and that still causes difficulties. His family has little education, live over their means and use pretty crude language and humour. They complain and bicker all the time. My family is a rather educated bunch and are much more sensible and polite, and we get along a lot better too. We're not interracial, but sometimes it feels just like that.
- We were long distance for a while and nearly everyone would tell me it wasn't going to work;
- Around here, I think about 50% of couples never marry. So when we decided to get married everyone thought we were crazy;
- Add to that the fact that I was engaged at 21 and will be married at 23. The average age of the first time bride here is 30. People think I'm completely nuts;
- Plus we didn't move in together before we were engaged for a year. You don't see the "not moving in together" thing a lot around here either, except for the few observant Christians here and there...
- ...which we are.

Oh, I forgot: I have a B.Sc. and he has two trade diplomas. He makes more money than I ever will anyway...

So we're not exactly the typical early/mid-20s Qc couple. But it works for us!

 

[allycat0303]

IndyGal: No that was totally NOT my pic in BWW. I wish! SO funny because my guy looked through that thread, and he thought it was me too. I was like *honey, what''s wrong with you* I am totally a short girl! I think law sounds sexy, if possible

. I think girls do a lot of snide comments. That particular girl though is one I''ve had 2-3 threads about because she drives me up the wall. You need to start a thread with a pic! You''ll have cute half asian babies with your guy. (Inquiring minds want to know

)

 

[Anna0499]

Date: 7/23/2008 11:19:11 AM
Author: allycat0303
IndyGal: No that was totally NOT my pic in BWW. I wish! SO funny because my guy looked through that thread, and he thought it was me too. I was like *honey, what''s wrong with you* I am totally a short girl! I think law sounds sexy, if possible

. I think girls do a lot of snide comments. That particular girl though is one I''ve had 2-3 threads about because she drives me up the wall. You need to start a thread with a pic! You''ll have cute half asian babies with your guy. (Inquiring minds want to know

)

Haha - well if your SO thought it was you, then you probably look similar to that girl in the face at least. I''m short too! I''m only 5''1" on a good day and SO is 6''3" so I don''t have the height issues the OP was talking about...but SO is...ummm...pale...and I hope our kids are tan like me!

I know that''s not PC but it''s not because I think pale skin is horrible or anything, but because I don''t want my kiddies burning in the sun year round like SO does. My genes are dominant anyway, so I think I''m good to go.

I would start an interracial couples support thread but the policies say no racial/ethnic issues can be discussed so I''m scared it will be deleted. Maybe interracial dating is an exception? Who knows. I will be checking your topics posted now to read up on the catty GF! I''m so bored at work! My aunt is married to a white guy and their two kids are ADORABLE!

 

[dragonfly411]

I''ll bite on this one. SO and I Have had to overcome MANY MANY Things and we still face challenges all the time. The first major challenge was the fact that my previous relationship was a mentally abusive one, and SO literally had to piece me back together. I was afraid of opening up, afraid of intimacy, afraid to trust. He honestly had to step by step help me face each thing, and get me to open up, and talk about what happened to me. I have finally come to terms with it and am ok, but it was hard for us to face the whole thing and try to figure out how to make me happy again.
Next challenge was psycho ex who stalked him, tried to manipulate her way into living in his mother''s home again, confronted me on multiple occasions, accused him on cheating on me with her, tried cornering him so she could ream him out, tried black mailing him, stole money from both him and his mother, and wound up in prison in the end. That was just SO MUCH FUN!
Next we had the challenge of HIS friends. They wanted him to go out with them, go to clubs, chase girls, get drunk, etc. It ended up with us taking a break for a few weeks, and he came back and said how he realized he was wrong, and he didn''t feel right without me. We''ve never taken another break.
We''ve faced having to find new jobs, and one another being unemployed for periods of time. We''ve faced family deaths, his former employer committing suicide, injuries, illness etc. We''ve been through some rough stuff, and here we are strong and happier than ever.