For the ladies: Have you ever asked a guy out?

[MonkeyPie]

Eeee I am so excited BEG! I can't wait to hear how it goes! Call, call, call!

 

[Brown.Eyed.Girl]

Yssie - hot! Go take some of his classes

OUPeargirl -hi! Kind of, but also nervous, because I still have to call this guy! It's not like anything is set yet, and what if he says no when I call - I mean, it's so much easier to decline over the phone than in person. Eep!!

KSinger - Thanks! My two best friends are SHOCKED that I managed to actually ask him out for coffee. They totally didn't expect it of me

MP - Hopefully I will at the end of this week!

 

[Dancing Fire]

i'll bet $10 bucks that BEG will chicken out...

 

[Brown.Eyed.Girl]

i'll bet $10 bucks that BEG will chicken out...

I shall take that as a challenge! :: throws glove down ::

 

[Indylady]

JulieN - Well, he probably already has my phone number (or could if he tried) since my cell number and address are in the vet files for the cats. I was thinking of calling on Friday maybe - the clinic is closed on Sunday and maybe ask him to do something for Sunday?

Sorry to cut into your response to Julie, but perhaps there is some sort of patient-confidentiality-don't-call-your-clients-for-coffee sort of rule that's keeping him from calling you even if he does have access to your number. It was the first thing I thought of when I read your response.

 

[Steel]

I thought I had replied - but clearly I didn't. Sorry B.E.G. But it seems you are a woman on a mission these days. Does it feel good?

I agree with Indy lady and the other posters who said that CV may not want to hand his phone number out in case you ring him when mr fluffles is off his kibble and wouldn't call you because to use your number for a personal call is an abuse of your privacy.

All that said... DF you have just thrown $10 down the drain...you might as well have sent it anonymously in an envelope to the Coach outlet.

B.E.G, are you a secret phone call planner? When I have to make important calls I rehearse them in my mind and jot down the salient points so I have them & and the phraseology I want to use right there in front of me in black & white.

If I were you, I would ring twice for him - no more. And the second time leave a message for him to call you by a certain time because you will be unavailable to take the call by then. In other words you set a deadline so you do not sit by your cell phone waiting for it to ring.

Have 3 places in mind where you can go and talk without raising your voices but will be reasonably busy (the man has access to scalpels after all!) and offer 2 so he can choose. Make up a reason why you would want to be in those areas anyway - like " oh great that suits I have to pick up my bondage gear from the latex dry cleaners!" so that he knows this meeting is not your sole raison d’être.

And well done for taking this step. Even if you don't call him you have done yourself proud and taken a dainty step into taking control of your destiny. If I were you I would call, he is expecting it afterall...

 

[Brown.Eyed.Girl]

JulieN - Well, he probably already has my phone number (or could if he tried) since my cell number and address are in the vet files for the cats. I was thinking of calling on Friday maybe - the clinic is closed on Sunday and maybe ask him to do something for Sunday?

Sorry to cut into your response to Julie, but perhaps there is some sort of patient-confidentiality-don't-call-your-clients-for-coffee sort of rule that's keeping him from calling you even if he does have access to your number. It was the first thing I thought of when I read your response.

I actually had the same thought. I wouldn't be surprised at all if that was the case - at least I'm telling myself so!

Btw, Indy, I started a Single Ladies Talk thread - come over and chat! Link

 

[Brown.Eyed.Girl]

I thought I had replied - but clearly I didn't. Sorry B.E.G. But it seems you are a woman on a mission these days. Does it feel good?

I agree with Indy lady and the other posters who said that CV may not want to hand his phone number out in case you ring him when mr fluffles is off his kibble and wouldn't call you because to use your number for a personal call is an abuse of your privacy.

All that said... DF you have just thrown $10 down the drain...you might as well have sent it anonymously in an envelope to the Coach outlet.

B.E.G, are you a secret phone call planner? When I have to make important calls I rehearse them in my mind and jot down the salient points so I have them & and the phraseology I want to use right there in front of me in black & white.

If I were you, I would ring twice for him - no more. And the second time leave a message for him to call you by a certain time because you will be unavailable to take the call by then. In other words you set a deadline so you do not sit by your cell phone waiting for it to ring.

Have 3 places in mind where you can go and talk without raising your voices but will be reasonably busy (the man has access to scalpels after all!) and offer 2 so he can choose. Make up a reason why you would want to be in those areas anyway - like " oh great that suits I have to pick up my bondage gear from the latex dry cleaners!" so that he knows this meeting is not your sole raison d’être.

And well done for taking this step. Even if you don't call him you have done yourself proud and taken a dainty step into taking control of your destiny. If I were you I would call, he is expecting it afterall...

Steal, I mentally rehearse things like this all the time. But I try not to overplan because then I sound rehearsed, you know? There's a reason, I guess, that I did Impromptu and Extemporaneous Speaking back in my Debate days rather than Memorized Public Address or something

Lol, bondage gear from the latex dry cleaners??? ROFL I think I just snorted with laughter in the B&N Cafe. Which, speaking of, is where I usually am for coffee. Would that work? There are quite a few coffee places but I've always just come here for years and years now. Hmm ...

How should I begin the call? I mean, if I just said "Hi, this is BEG" maybe he wouldn't remember me? Of course, I could always remind (i.e. "Hi this is BEG - I brought the cats in for microchipping on Monday...."). I don't know.

I'm trying to be very zen about it. If it happens, great. If not, oh well, nothing lost. It's not like I have to go to the vet's again anytime soon so no awkwardness. And since I'm now single, I figure it's always good to practice the whole self-confidence, make a move, etc. things (my BFFs are SHOCKED that I asked him - I really could not do things like this in high school/college), so it's good for me. Very zen.

Zen. Zen. Zen. Breathe.

 

[Steel]

Steal, I mentally rehearse things like this all the time. But I try not to overplan because then I sound rehearsed, you know? There's a reason, I guess, that I did Impromptu and Extemporaneous Speaking back in my Debate days rather than Memorized Public Address or something

Lol, bondage gear from the latex dry cleaners??? ROFL I think I just snorted with laughter in the B&N Cafe. Which, speaking of, is where I usually am for coffee. Would that work? There are quite a few coffee places but I've always just come here for years and years now. Hmm ...

How should I begin the call? I mean, if I just said "Hi, this is BEG" maybe he wouldn't remember me? Of course, I could always remind (i.e. "Hi this is BEG - I brought the cats in for microchipping on Monday...."). I don't know.

I'm trying to be very zen about it. If it happens, great. If not, oh well, nothing lost. It's not like I have to go to the vet's again anytime soon so no awkwardness. And since I'm now single, I figure it's always good to practice the whole self-confidence, make a move, etc. things (my BFFs are SHOCKED that I asked him - I really could not do things like this in high school/college), so it's good for me. Very zen.

Zen. Zen. Zen. Breathe.

Well, I would tell the receptionist who I was so that CV knew before he took the call. So I would ask for CV saying hi this is B.E.G with the rocking bangs, CV attended on my kitties on Monday (or whenever it was), he will be expecting my call. So hopefully the receptionist or assistant will have told him already who is on the phone.

CV: Hi
BEG: Hi, (first name of CV), this is B.E.G., I'm making good on my offer to take you for coffee/take you to the best coffee shop within 5 blocks. Edit - I would tag this onto the above too: and I'm really looking forward to hearing why you chose (your town/city) to practice.
CV: This reply will tell you if he is interested or not - either it will be a Heck YEAH you hot mamma, a cautious Oh yeah, great, when are you free, a non committal candy coated silence then ah, thanks for the offer but with so many kitties in the world needing shots I'm wrapped 'till 12th of never or good grief you stalker - I was just being polite!
BEG: So this is when you offer the choices - that coffee shop you mentioned sounds great. OR you need to beat a ladylike retreat. If it is the latter (IT WON'T) then just say, sure thing,(pause) just, I was new in this city once and it can be tough to find the really great coffee shops. Thanks for taking the call, have a nice day. - that is your escape plan - but you won't need it.

I know how you might feel but as well you know - nothing ventured nothing gained. And even more important - he is just a man, they are the same as us really. Even if this does not lead to the great romance of your life, the confidence you will gain by being forward will help you in your work life and personal life. People are just people and they don't bite (unless you want them to ). But you know this already - just do it for you.

 

[D&T]

Hey BEG!!! Glad the coffee thing worked! I'm more into lurking nowadays but wanted to drop you a quick line as I see progress for you

if it were me, and if he doesn't answer your call (I probably wouldn't leave a message), I would just bring him a cup of coffee bright and early when you KNOW he's going to be there one day if he doesn't call back in the next couple of days, I know its not quite the getting to know you thing, but at least it puts the ball back in his court!... write on the coffee with your number so he sees it throughout the morning as he is drinking or something and a quick witty note, (I"m not really sure what but... something like: you probably have a busy morning, so I thought Id bring coffee to you ... B.E.G --your number) if he doesn't call back after your efforts, then he's probably not interested just giving you the flip side of things. HOpefully this is not the case.... Good Luck B.E.G

 

[Brown.Eyed.Girl]

I have to run to the gym now, but I might try giving him a call this afternoon (and using your suggestions - THANK YOU!!!!). Hopefully will have an update later! Thanks ladies - you are awesome!

 

[Liane]

if it were me, and if he doesn't answer your call (I probably wouldn't leave a message), I would just bring him a cup of coffee bright and early when you KNOW he's going to be there one day if he doesn't call back in the next couple of days

Hate to disagree, but I absolutely wouldn't do this. Showing up unannounced at someone's workplace when you barely know them is too close to creepy stalker territory. Just leave a message if he doesn't answer ("hi, this is BEG, just calling to see if you wanted to get coffee sometime. Give me a call back at [number]"). If he doesn't call back, give it a few days, then try again. If he doesn't answer the second call, then he's not interested and is too lame to just say so (but this won't happen!).

If you know a good local place, go there. If you don't, or aren't sure that he'll like the same one you like, the Barnes & Noble cafe is fine and lends itself to the cheap and easy conversational gimmick of what books you two like, or what you both don't like, or what other interests/hobbies he has if he's not a big reader. And on a first date, cheap and easy conversational gimmicks are good.

Remember: breathe! And good for you taking the initiative! Don't stress too much: most guys are incredibly flattered and relieved to be the pursued rather than the pursuers for once, and when it's a cute smart girl doing the pursuing, they are putty in your hands.

 

[D&T]

if it were me, and if he doesn't answer your call (I probably wouldn't leave a message), I would just bring him a cup of coffee bright and early when you KNOW he's going to be there one day if he doesn't call back in the next couple of days

Hate to disagree, but I absolutely wouldn't do this. Showing up unannounced at someone's workplace when you barely know them is too close to creepy stalker territory. Just leave a message if he doesn't answer ("hi, this is BEG, just calling to see if you wanted to get coffee sometime. Give me a call back at [number]"). If he doesn't call back, give it a few days, then try again. If he doesn't answer the second call, then he's not interested and is too lame to just say so (but this won't happen!).

If you know a good local place, go there. If you don't, or aren't sure that he'll like the same one you like, the Barnes & Noble cafe is fine and lends itself to the cheap and easy conversational gimmick of what books you two like, or what you both don't like, or what other interests/hobbies he has if he's not a big reader. And on a first date, cheap and easy conversational gimmicks are good.

Remember: breathe! And good for you taking the initiative! Don't stress too much: most guys are incredibly flattered and relieved to be the pursued rather than the pursuers for once, and when it's a cute smart girl doing the pursuing, they are putty in your hands.

we can agree to disagree ... its only a suggestion if she takes then fine, I don't see anything wrong since she DOES know where he worksm...umm she takes her pet there...lol. Coffee is coffeee,, it's the THOUGHT that counts sometimes... I don't drink coffee, so I don't know how offensive it is to get them the wrong coffee? I have had people do things similar when I don't even drink or eat the particular items, and it was a nice gesture and made me take noticed, since I'm just giving a different perspective saying IF she doesn't want to leave a message.

ETA: better yet Bring the whole office coffee...little less stalker like Liane

 

[Brown.Eyed.Girl]

I don't know if I'd actually show up in person. Baby steps - just calling him will be a big step for me! Seriously, I swear I really am super outgoing in everything but guys I may be interested in. Baby steps!

I just got out of zumba and I'm on an endorphin high (not to mention I finally got through to a professor and will have my third recommendation - whew!), BUT I also realized I totally scraped the front fender of my mom's old car on the way out the garage and now there is a streak of brown paint (from the garage) on the white fender. Not good news (plus my mom is in crazy psycho bad mood today). I wonder if I should go buy a few containers of white out at Staples ......

 

[Brown.Eyed.Girl]

Update:

Called CV. After Freke bugging me about it all afternoon (luv ya Freke!), I decided I needed to call today

I left the coffeehouse, got in the car, called and he wasn't available. Left a message and my number (I had an "uhhh" moment when the receptionist wanted to know why I was calling - I just said I had a couple questions to ask him -true right???). Started driving home, got caught in a massive traffic jam due to an accident. Fortunately, that's when he called back (good because I can't drive and talk on the phone and I was at a standstill pretty much the entire time). Reminded me who I was, made a joke about the traffic which went over well (well, he laughed anyway), and asked him if he was up for coffee this weekend.

And...he said he didn't know. That he really did want to, but he's not sure what his work schedule is. He is working all day Saturday but he won't know until Saturday if he'll need to come in on Sunday. But then he did reiterate that he really would love to get coffee but he won't know until this weekend if he'll be free.

So I said, Sure no problem. Just give me a call since he now has my number. Since he already knows from the appt. that I'm back home job searching, I added that my schedule is pretty flexible and give me a call whenever he's free.

He said he'll call on Saturday if he'll be able to make it Sunday.

So not negative, not positive, but I feel INCREDIBLY relieved that it's done, I called, and the ball is no longer in my court.

I did come away with the impression that he wasn't blowing me off and that he really was busy, but of course it's hard to tell on the phone (and it could just be him being friendly). But it's a fairly low-key invite so I would say it wasn't bad. of course, now I have days to second guess myself!

 

[Liane]

No, that's definitely positive. If he said he would "really love to get coffee," that's good.

Yay!

(Now you can spend all the days in between worrying about what you're going to wear. Ahee.)

 

[Brown.Eyed.Girl]

No, that's definitely positive. If he said he would "really love to get coffee," that's good.

Yay!

(Now you can spend all the days in between worrying about what you're going to wear. Ahee.)

Are you reading my mind?? You just nailed the topic of my gchat conversations for the last two hours

 

[ksinger]

Sounds positive to me! He'd be a STUPID CV to NOT call you.

Ooo! I'm so rooting for you B.E.G!!! I can almost feel some of the butterflies from here. Kinda fun.

Now we ALL have to wait until Sunday to find out what happens....darn!

 

[Brown.Eyed.Girl]

Sounds positive to me! He'd be a STUPID CV to NOT call you.

Ooo! I'm so rooting for you B.E.G!!! I can almost feel some of the butterflies from here. Kinda fun.

Now we ALL have to wait until Sunday to find out what happens....darn!

Aww thanks Ksinger! I honestly don't think I could have made myself call if not for all of your guys' support and encouragement! After all this build-up, I'd hate to disappoint with a no-call

In the meantime, I'm alleviating my nervousness by doing online shopping.

 

[charbie]

Aahhhhh! That is HUGE b.e.g.! I am so proud of you....and I don't even "know" you! I must look like such a dork sitting here smiling since I'm just so excited that you did this, it has to feel like such a relief, and I'm just pumped for you. Girl power! Hahah!

 

[Brown.Eyed.Girl]

Aahhhhh! That is HUGE b.e.g.! I am so proud of you....and I don't even "know" you! I must look like such a dork sitting here smiling since I'm just so excited that you did this, it has to feel like such a relief, and I'm just pumped for you. Girl power! Hahah!

Thanks Charbie!! I just bought two tops from Bebe, lol. Nervousness, abate! Seriously, you guys are THE BEST. It is weird - I feel like I know you guys already even though we've never met in person!

 

[yssie]

Yeah!!

Gosh, that's about as good as it gets (and he assured you and *re*assured you he'd love to, so no doubleguessing that!!)

Sunday, sunday..



ETA: I see that DF owes you 10

 

[Autumnovember]

Update:

Called CV. After Freke bugging me about it all afternoon (luv ya Freke!), I decided I needed to call today

I left the coffeehouse, got in the car, called and he wasn't available. Left a message and my number (I had an "uhhh" moment when the receptionist wanted to know why I was calling - I just said I had a couple questions to ask him -true right???). Started driving home, got caught in a massive traffic jam due to an accident. Fortunately, that's when he called back (good because I can't drive and talk on the phone and I was at a standstill pretty much the entire time). Reminded me who I was, made a joke about the traffic which went over well (well, he laughed anyway), and asked him if he was up for coffee this weekend.

And...he said he didn't know. That he really did want to, but he's not sure what his work schedule is. He is working all day Saturday but he won't know until Saturday if he'll need to come in on Sunday. But then he did reiterate that he really would love to get coffee but he won't know until this weekend if he'll be free.

So I said, Sure no problem. Just give me a call since he now has my number. Since he already knows from the appt. that I'm back home job searching, I added that my schedule is pretty flexible and give me a call whenever he's free.

He said he'll call on Saturday if he'll be able to make it Sunday.

So not negative, not positive, but I feel INCREDIBLY relieved that it's done, I called, and the ball is no longer in my court.

I did come away with the impression that he wasn't blowing me off and that he really was busy, but of course it's hard to tell on the phone (and it could just be him being friendly). But it's a fairly low-key invite so I would say it wasn't bad. of course, now I have days to second guess myself!

I'm so proud of you!!! I also have the impression he truly is busy and he DID say he really would love to get coffee with you. Plus, he called you back. He could have blew you off from the get go if he was not interested in coffee with you. I say this was a success. I also don't think he is "just being friendly"....give yourself some more credit, girl!

 

[Brown.Eyed.Girl]

Yeah!!

Gosh, that's about as good as it gets (and he assured you and *re*assured you he'd love to, so no doubleguessing that!!)

Sunday, sunday..



ETA: I see that DF owes you 10

He does indeed! DF, pay up!

I really hope he calls! Fingers crossed

 

[Brown.Eyed.Girl]

Update:

Called CV. After Freke bugging me about it all afternoon (luv ya Freke!), I decided I needed to call today

I left the coffeehouse, got in the car, called and he wasn't available. Left a message and my number (I had an "uhhh" moment when the receptionist wanted to know why I was calling - I just said I had a couple questions to ask him -true right???). Started driving home, got caught in a massive traffic jam due to an accident. Fortunately, that's when he called back (good because I can't drive and talk on the phone and I was at a standstill pretty much the entire time). Reminded me who I was, made a joke about the traffic which went over well (well, he laughed anyway), and asked him if he was up for coffee this weekend.

And...he said he didn't know. That he really did want to, but he's not sure what his work schedule is. He is working all day Saturday but he won't know until Saturday if he'll need to come in on Sunday. But then he did reiterate that he really would love to get coffee but he won't know until this weekend if he'll be free.

So I said, Sure no problem. Just give me a call since he now has my number. Since he already knows from the appt. that I'm back home job searching, I added that my schedule is pretty flexible and give me a call whenever he's free.

He said he'll call on Saturday if he'll be able to make it Sunday.

So not negative, not positive, but I feel INCREDIBLY relieved that it's done, I called, and the ball is no longer in my court.

I did come away with the impression that he wasn't blowing me off and that he really was busy, but of course it's hard to tell on the phone (and it could just be him being friendly). But it's a fairly low-key invite so I would say it wasn't bad. of course, now I have days to second guess myself!

I'm so proud of you!!! I also have the impression he truly is busy and he DID say he really would love to get coffee with you. Plus, he called you back. He could have blew you off from the get go if he was not interested in coffee with you. I say this was a success. I also don't think he is "just being friendly"....give yourself some more credit, girl!

Aw thanks Autumn! I'm really hoping so - it's just been SO LONG since I've had to deal with all of this I do know that I sounded confident and not nervous on the phone (if only because I was so distracted by the CRAWLING traffic and not trying to hit the car in front of me that I didn't have time to be nervous!). So I hope I didn't come off like a loser

Btw, can I just say again I love that HD powder? It's so light - I don't even have remoisturize like I do with my pressed powder. Love it!

 

[Dancing Fire]

Yeah!!

Gosh, that's about as good as it gets (and he assured you and *re*assured you he'd love to, so no doubleguessing that!!)

Sunday, sunday..



ETA: I see that DF owes you 10

He does indeed! DF, pay up!

I really hope he calls! Fingers crossed

BEG...if you hit a home run on your first date then i'll owe you an extra $20 buck...

 

[Steel]

I'm completely with Charbie, I don't know you and here I am 'ing away.

Good for you B.E.G.

BTW - I hope nobody was hurt in the accident.

 

[ksinger]

Remember, we DON'T CARE if he doesn't call (although he likely will)....YOU are the winner here just for having stepped out of your comfort zone. Brave AND gorgeous (I do seem to recall seeing a pic of you at one point and thinking holy cow! )

We'll be here no matter how it pans out.

 

[packrat]

That's so awesome BEG!

 

[princesss]

BEG, I'm so freaking proud of you!