MichelleCarmen
Super_Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Feb 8, 2003
- Messages
- 15,880
friendship lost.
- Thread starter cbs102
- Start date
- Status
movie zombie
Super_Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Jan 20, 2005
- Messages
- 11,879
zoebartlett
Super_Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Dec 29, 2006
- Messages
- 12,461
snowflakeluvr
Shiny_Rock
- Joined
- Jul 15, 2006
- Messages
- 359
hi sweetie,
two things-i have suffered 3 m/c''es before my last two children were born-MOST people were not that in my face sympathetic, (even my best friend in the whole world) people don''t often know what to say/how to say it, so they avoid comforting you at all. the pain is real, it''s pain and i frankly have moved passed the memories of that time. please don''t feel guilty about this topic. you contacted her, although a wee bit impersonal through a text, your description of the relationship makes sense to that decision.
my high school best friend saw RED when i got engaged. she went from being a bridesmaid(this was 23 years ago!) to not even being at my wedding. i am NOT a confrontational person, i am a "pleaser", i am a middle child, but somehow i was able to pull off letting this very self-absorbed, jealous person go in my life. we have since reconnected at a high school reunion, gave hugs, and email each other occasionally, i feel fine about all of it. had SHE been a different friend she would have enjoyed that time in my life with me, but she did not. i made a good decision.
i am older and realize now people either enhance or bring into your life or they take from it-it is a very painful realization for someone like me who wants everyone to be happy and to "get along". it is even more difficult when it involves immediate family members(my own mom and sister). do what is best for you-everyone else does and they are still standing. i sound kind of callous but i have had to learn the hard way that people will use and abuse if you allow it. it makes me sad because i am a generous friend and a giving person by nature. but having people take advantage of you hurts.
i hope the posts supporting you reassure you that you are entitled to let this person go in your life. because your fi and her man are friends(isn''t that right?) you will still be exposed to her, but it''s the emotional release we must do to be ok with ourselves. good luck sweetie-you have enough on your plate. i hope i have not offended. i am getting more resilient i suppose...
two things-i have suffered 3 m/c''es before my last two children were born-MOST people were not that in my face sympathetic, (even my best friend in the whole world) people don''t often know what to say/how to say it, so they avoid comforting you at all. the pain is real, it''s pain and i frankly have moved passed the memories of that time. please don''t feel guilty about this topic. you contacted her, although a wee bit impersonal through a text, your description of the relationship makes sense to that decision.
my high school best friend saw RED when i got engaged. she went from being a bridesmaid(this was 23 years ago!) to not even being at my wedding. i am NOT a confrontational person, i am a "pleaser", i am a middle child, but somehow i was able to pull off letting this very self-absorbed, jealous person go in my life. we have since reconnected at a high school reunion, gave hugs, and email each other occasionally, i feel fine about all of it. had SHE been a different friend she would have enjoyed that time in my life with me, but she did not. i made a good decision.
i am older and realize now people either enhance or bring into your life or they take from it-it is a very painful realization for someone like me who wants everyone to be happy and to "get along". it is even more difficult when it involves immediate family members(my own mom and sister). do what is best for you-everyone else does and they are still standing. i sound kind of callous but i have had to learn the hard way that people will use and abuse if you allow it. it makes me sad because i am a generous friend and a giving person by nature. but having people take advantage of you hurts.
i hope the posts supporting you reassure you that you are entitled to let this person go in your life. because your fi and her man are friends(isn''t that right?) you will still be exposed to her, but it''s the emotional release we must do to be ok with ourselves. good luck sweetie-you have enough on your plate. i hope i have not offended. i am getting more resilient i suppose...
Carrie
Rough_Rock
- Joined
- Nov 3, 2007
- Messages
- 83
I can relate to your situation. I had a toxic friendship that I ended and unfortunately (even though I no longer speak to her) she is still hanging around our little circle...grrr...
I said good-bye to her about 8 years ago when I found out she was sneaking behind my back and my other friends back saying horrible things about us and flirting with our boyfriends! Nice!
Even more recently another friend (friend ''A'') who I thought was a good friend became sneaky and did something I can''t believe!!!
She and another friend (Friend ''B'') who isn''t someone I''ve ever been close with, but still considered her to be a friend decided not to include me in a girls night or Friend ''B''s'' 30th b-day because I went on a cruise and Friend ''B'' was apparently jealous according to friend A. Unbelievable! Friend ''A'' took part in this and basically excluded me from the girls night and then sent me a horrible email when I confronted her! We met and she has since apologized, but I still feel incredibly hurt!
As a result I have decided that I can only control my own behaviour and I know what kind of a person I am and choose to be.
I always treat others the way I would want to be treated and I am always appreciative for the friends I have and care about.
I said good-bye to her about 8 years ago when I found out she was sneaking behind my back and my other friends back saying horrible things about us and flirting with our boyfriends! Nice!
Even more recently another friend (friend ''A'') who I thought was a good friend became sneaky and did something I can''t believe!!!
She and another friend (Friend ''B'') who isn''t someone I''ve ever been close with, but still considered her to be a friend decided not to include me in a girls night or Friend ''B''s'' 30th b-day because I went on a cruise and Friend ''B'' was apparently jealous according to friend A. Unbelievable! Friend ''A'' took part in this and basically excluded me from the girls night and then sent me a horrible email when I confronted her! We met and she has since apologized, but I still feel incredibly hurt!
I don''t know why people act this way??? Life is too short!
As a result I have decided that I can only control my own behaviour and I know what kind of a person I am and choose to be.
I always treat others the way I would want to be treated and I am always appreciative for the friends I have and care about.
So my advice is decide what kind of a person you are and want to be and try to take the high road. Tell her you are very sorry to hear about her miscarriage and move on.
cbs102
Brilliant_Rock
- Joined
- Mar 26, 2008
- Messages
- 821
Thank you all for your kind replies and advice. Friday i went home and felt like i was having a heart attack or something. i was so anxious and upset...but as the weekend went on i found peace about the situation. I don''t regret how i handled this situation from the beginning. This friend is challenging. you really never know waht you are going to get and truth be told, i am sick to death of walking on egg shells around her for fear that she will verbally berate me for no reason. We have really grown more like sisters than friends and the friendship boundaries are not there. she feels that it is ok to say such things to me and its not. My life is happy and peaceful and i intend to keep it that way. i am staying away from her abuse and drama...just wanted to give you the update.
thank you again for being such a wonderful soundboard!!
thank you again for being such a wonderful soundboard!!
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