Got any jokes?

[kenny]

LOL, how did you know?
That's exactly what happens every time I drive.

 

[missy]

 

[sledge]

 

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[missy]

 

[missy]

 

[missy]

 

[sledge]

Totally sounds like a Betty White response.

 

[sledge]

A cowboy, who just moved to Montana from Texas, walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Bud.

He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.

When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.

The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy,
"You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it.

It would taste better if you bought one at a time."

The cowboy replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Arizona, the other is in Colorado.

When we all left our home in Texas, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together.

So I'm drinking one beer for each of my brothers and one for myself."

The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.

The cowboy becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. He orders three mugs and drinks them in turn.

One day, he comes in and only orders two mugs. All the regulars take notice and fall silent.

When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my
condolences on your loss."

The cowboy looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in his eyes and he laughs.

"Oh, no, everybody's just fine," he explains.

"It's just that my wife and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking."

“It hasn't affected my brothers though."

 

[missy]

Totally sounds like a Betty White response.

Ha, loved Betty White. She was a class act and had a wonderful sense of humor. As I get older (but even when I was younger) I realize a good sense of humor is everything. You can either laugh or cry because that is how life is...I choose to laugh

 

[missy]

 

[kenny]

 

[sledge]

 

[missy]

 

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[kenny]

 

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[Garnetgirl]

I have a few jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work.

Two windmills are standing in a wind farm.
One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?”
The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”

Hear about the new restaurant called Karma?
There’s no menu - you get what you deserve.

I went to buy some camouflage trousers yesterday, but couldn't find any.

I tried to sue the airline for losing my luggage. I lost my case.

Is it ignorance or apathy that's destroying the world today?
I don't know and don't really care.

I wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.

Need an ark? I Noah guy.

Sleeping comes so naturally to me. I could do it with my eyes closed.

What do you call a super articulate dinosaur? A Thesaurus.

I broke my finger last week. On the other hand, I’m okay.

To the mathematician who thought of the idea of zero. Thanks for nothing!

Son: "Dad, can you tell me what a solar eclipse is?" Dad: "No sun.”

 

[Garnetgirl]

The ability to speak several languages is an asset, but the ability to keep your mouth shut in any language is priceless,

Only in math problems can you buy 60 cantaloupe melons and no one asks - "What the Hell is wrong with you?"

Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food; no atmosphere.

I envy people who grow old gracefully. They age like a fine wine.
I’m ageing like milk. Getting sour and chunky.

Does anyone else have a plastic bag full of plastic bags, or is it just me?

Tip for a successful marriage: Don’t ask your wife when dinner will be ready while she’s mowing the lawn.

 

[missy]

 

[missy]

 

[missy]

 

[sledge]

Choices choices….












Even something for the Mrs….

 

[canuk-gal]

The ability to speak several languages is an asset, but the ability to keep your mouth shut in any language is priceless,

Only in math problems can you buy 60 cantaloupe melons and no one asks - "What the Hell is wrong with you?"

Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food; no atmosphere.

I envy people who grow old gracefully. They age like a fine wine.
I’m ageing like milk. Getting sour and chunky.

Does anyone else have a plastic bag full of plastic bags, or is it just me?

Tip for a successful marriage: Don’t ask your wife when dinner will be ready while she’s mowing the lawn.

No joke. I have a plastic bag full of PB's!

 

[Wink]

Okay, I'll bite. What is a PB?

 

[Dee*Jay]

PB = plastic bag

And doesn't EVERYONE have a plastic bag full of plastic bags?