Got any jokes?

[Garnetgirl]

When I get a headache I take two aspirin and keep away from children just like the bottle says.

 

[kenny]

When I get a headache I take two aspirin and keep away from children just like the bottle says.

An even better remedy for headaches would be, a time machine and condoms.

That would also be the best remedy for climate change.

 

[kenny]

 

[kenny]

 

[kenny]

 

[Garnetgirl]

What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?
One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter.

 

[Garnetgirl]

Hear about the new restaurant called Karma?
There’s no menu - you get what you deserve

 

[Garnetgirl]

What do you call a bee that can’t make up its mind? A maybe.

 

[Garnetgirl]

I tried to sue the airline for losing my luggage. I lost my case.

 

[Garnetgirl]

What is the best thing about living in Switzerland?
Well, their flag is a big plus.

 

[Garnetgirl]

Which country’s capital has the fastest-growing population?

Ireland. Every day it’s Dublin.

 

[Garnetgirl]

Son: "Dad, can you tell me what a solar eclipse is?"

Dad: "No sun.”

 

[Garnetgirl]

What do you call a super articulate dinosaur?

A Thesaurus.

 

[kenny]

What do you call a bee that can’t make up its mind? A maybe.

What do you call the birth control pill that works half the time?
Baby Maybe.

 

[kenny]

He says, "Giving birth couldn't be as painful as getting kicked in the nuts.

She says, "Have you ever had a baby?"

He says, "No, but many women have said, "Let's have another baby.".
I've never heard a man say, "Kick me in the nuts again."

 

[kenny]

 

[missy]

 

[missy]

 

[missy]

 

[missy]

 

[kenny]

As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his phone rang.

Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Vernon, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong
way on I-25. Please be careful!"

"Hell," said Vernon, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them.

 

[kenny]

Matilda was lying in bed one night.
Fred was falling asleep but Matilda was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk.

She said, "You used to hold my hand when we were courting."

Wearily he held her hand for a moment and tried to get back to sleep.

A few moments later she said, “Then you used to kiss me”..

Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled back down to sleep.

Then she said, "Then you used to bite my neck..."

Angrily, Fred threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed.

"Where are you going?" She asked.

"To get my teeth”

 

[kenny]

 

[sledge]

Bwahahahaha

Thanks @kenny I really needed that laugh.

 

[DejaWiz]

 

[DejaWiz]

 

[DejaWiz]

 

[kenny]

I never thought of this as a joke ... but I still really DO use paper maps. Always. No Joke.

Don't have NAV, don't want it.
I don't like being in someone's car that talks to them.
"TURN RIGHT IN 200 FEET."

I do, however, check sigaleart.com before leaving home - but only to find the freeway route with the clearest traffic here in Los Angeles.

 

[DejaWiz]

I never thought of this as a joke ... but I still really DO use paper maps. Always. No Joke.

Don't have NAV, don't want it.
I don't like being in someone's car that talks to them.
"TURN RIGHT IN 200 FEET."

I do, however, check sigaleart.com before leaving home - but only to find the freeway route with the clearest traffic here in Los Angeles.

I grew up on paper maps and atlases...still have many, many of them from over the years.
Freeway rest stops were my friend on road trips: pull over, check the map, plan the next leg of the journey, then rinse and repeat until arriving at my destination. Took many an obscure route just to explore the country a bit.

 

[sledge]

I never thought of this as a joke ... but I still really DO use paper maps. Always. No Joke.

Don't have NAV, don't want it.
I don't like being in someone's car that talks to them.
"TURN RIGHT IN 200 FEET."

I do, however, check sigaleart.com before leaving home - but only to find the freeway route with the clearest traffic here in Los Angeles.

Rare video of @kenny with his crew under the code name “Rabbit”.