Got bad news...

[pearlsngems]

You didn't cause it! About 12.5% of women are diagnosed with breast cancer in their lifetime. Many of the risk factors are not even within our control.

Treatments have come a long way, as have tests of the biopsy sample to determine if you are someone who would benefit from X, Y or Z treament. It's not a cookie cutter approach, at all.

 

[Petalouda]

I agree with the above posters. One of my absolute dearest best friends was diagnosed while pregnant with her second child with breast cancer. It was a shock. Not only because of her young age , but because of her healthy lifestyle. She ate right, exercised, didn't smoke etc. Super fit and energetic. She got genetic testing to see if she had the BRAC gene and she didn't. We can't always explain why certain illnesses hit some people.

What I did learn about her very recent ordeal is how far breast cancer treatment has come and how immunotherapy is a game changer. Radiation has evolved and can target very specific nodules versus a general area.

 

[diamondringlover]

Oh my, prayers

 

[Bonfire]

Kim there is nothing you did that caused your breast cancer. You are a human being with cells and that pretty much sums up your responsibility. There is so much for you to process and you will, but self blaming, nope.

 

[qubitasaurus]

I'm very sorry to hear that, what a shitty thing to happen. I am sending you lots of dust for a quick (as possible) recovery.

 

[Avondale]

I keep thinking that I caused it somehow, like if I'd had a better diet I might not have this now. I know it's not helpful to think like that. And it's a treatable disease when caught in time. I'm stressing about both the treatment and the hospital costs. I will be meeting with a surgeon next week.

You didn't cause this. Neither did you let it happen due to not being careful enough, not having a good enough diet and so on. It's completely understandable to feel this way, the mind has this tendency to jump to all the what-could-have-I-done-differently's when a bad situation occurs, but it's just a mind trick, not a reality.

The reality is that cancer cells develop in our body all the time, and the immune system shuts them down. But the immune system isn't perfect and can't do it all, so sometimes a clump of cells escapes it and grows. It just happens.

Cancer treatment sucks. No reason to sugar coat it, my aunt went (and is still going) through it all and it sucks. But you know what sucks more? Letting cancer have its way. So you will persist. You will persevere. Because as unpleasant as the available treatments are, they've also developed to be very effective. And that, if I may say so, is a pretty solid stick to hold onto.

Keeping all my fingers and toes crossed that you come out on the other side cancer-free and celebrating.

 

[Ally T]

This is very frightening news & will take a while to digest. Keep positive & focused. Many here can attest to coming through BC many years ago, even when the drugs were not what they are today, and being in perfect health now as a result.

One step at a time. Always forwards. And breathe.

We are here for you whenever & if ever you need us, good, bad & ugly.

 

[missy]

@Karl_K @Austina @Rfisher @vintageinjune @empliau @dk168 @SparklieBug @jaysonsmom @missy @MissGotRocks @Mreader @rcjtraveler @Sparkledrops @Lookinagain @RMOO @lulu_ma @Slickk @canuk-gal @Petalouda @Mrsz1ppy @ItsMainelyYou @JV36912 @DAF @yssie @CircularBrilliant @diamondyes @maryjane04 @Calliecake @Lisa Loves Shiny @Dandi @Begonia @Betty Baguette @nala @Bonfire @pearlsngems @CMN @oncrutchesrightnow @Gloria27 @Rons Wolfe @clarity1264 @Daisys and Diamonds @Mlh @kathley @YadaYadaYada @purplesilk @MMtwo @tyty333 @kenny @Ionysis @lala646 @njblinger @Crimson @kah42 @Patty @MamaBee @junebug17

Thank you so much for your kind words. I appreciate you all very much. I'm sorry for those of you who have been through this or had loved ones who did, but glad that you've pulled through.

I keep thinking that I caused it somehow, like if I'd had a better diet I might not have this now. I know it's not helpful to think like that. And it's a treatable disease when caught in time. I'm stressing about both the treatment and the hospital costs. I will be meeting with a surgeon next week.

NO @Kim N you 100% did NOT cause this. Genetics plus chance plus the unknown. It is NOT your fault in ANY way. I promise. You will beat this and you will come through this and thrive. Treatments have come a long way and I know so many women who have dealt with this and overcame and are leading rich full lives. And so will you. Biggest hugs and so many well wishes being sent your way. One day at a time and one hour at a time when that is overwhelming. You will get through this and life will be sweet again. ((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))))

 

[Arcadian]

Hearing you have cancer is heartbreaking, and really does mess with you mentally, no matter how many times you hear it. I'm saying a lot of prayer for you.

Cancer chances are unknown. My family won the weird cancer lottery with most of the female line having had it at some point. My brothers have been blessedly free of it.

Its nothing you could have done to prevent your diagnosis.

Once you find out the treatment plan, do 2 additional things; start talking with a psychologist because it can help you process and work through a lot of the anger that comes with being diagnosed. Next, visit a dentist and have your teeth coated with fluoride if you're going to go through chemotherapy. Most chemotherapies will cause your saliva production to diminish. this can help prevent cavities.

Being diagnosed can sometimes force you to look within at a ton of stuff because quite frankly, you're staring at your own mortality. it can be scary.

Lots of hugs and love.

 

[MissGotRocks]

@Kim N do not blame yourself. I understand the thinking but this disease can just be so random. People from all walks of life are diagnosed without much rhyme or reason. I think this is just an unfair burden to place on yourself. On the other hand, you are such a giving person and I hope that you are on the receiving end of much goodness you have given to others. Day by day, step by step with faith that it will work out well. I think you’ve got this!

 

[doberman]

I'm sorry. I just want to say that I know so many women who have overcome this disease. It won't be easy at first, but you can do this!

 

[TooPatient]

My grandmother was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2005 or 2006. She went through treatments and said it wasn't as bad as she feared. (not saying comfortable, just her fears had been for one horrible level and reality was much less). All these years later and she is still clear of cancer. Things are even better now than they were then. You've got this!

 

[MMtwo]

I'll add my mom as a survivor, post lumpectomy and radiation about 30 years ago, and no return of cancer.

 

[DejaWiz]

Kim N, so very sorry to hear. I'm sending you my best thoughts and good vibes your way - get well soon and you know I'll always be tagging you for an assist with diamond assessments and recommendations.
#LGD-Team-Supreme

 

[acezarra]

I rarely post about my health, but I'm feeling kind of shaky and down after getting diagnosed with breast cancer today. I'm worried and really not looking forward to the upcoming months.

I am so sorry to hear this @Kim N. You are a fixture here that has helped so many of us. I wish there was something we could do to help you through this. Praying for comfort and healing for you.

 

[ringo865]

@Kim N You are NOT alone! Like @Bonfire, I was also diagnosed with breast cancer four years ago. I’m sorry to hear you’ve joined this club, but be glad it’s now and not even a few years ago. Advances in treatments are being discovered every day. Meet with your surgeon and oncologist. If you want, get a second opinion. Most types of cancer (even bc has numerous types (ER+/-, HER2+/-, triple negative) have a standardized treatment protocol, so while your treatment may seem different from someone else’s, they probably have a different ”type”. If they have the same “type” as you, their treatment would be the same. Hope for the best for you and if you ever need to talk, please say something!

 

[purplesilk]

it's not your fault.
A lot of studies came to the same conclusion : cancer is more due to "bad luck" in cellular replication than to enviromental and habits.
Just one of the many publications: scientists from the Johns Hopkins Kimmel Cancer Center have created a statistical model that measures the proportion of cancer incidence, across many tissue types, caused mainly by random mutations that occur when stem cells divide. By their measure, two-thirds of adult cancer incidence across tissues can be explained primarily by "bad luck," when these random mutations occur in genes that can drive cancer growth, while the remaining third are due to environmental factors and inherited genes.
Anyway you can't change past.

My experience related to my mom's cancer:
1) get rid of "always positive and happy" people because cancer is shi!t, there's nothing to be happy about, pain is pain and you're surely afraid and terrified, no need to listen to "life lessons" from someone who's healthy.
Stay with people who lift your spirit, but who also let you cry, complain and even scream, who wipe your tears, who hold your hand, who hugg you and cry with you...the same people will find a way to make you burst into laughter or give you a reason to smile again.

In the same months when my mom was under treatments,there was a thirtynine woman with terminal cancer; due to job problems, her husband couldn't take her to the hospital for treatments; she was so scared and frail that she asked her seventytwo MIL to take her to chemo and blood exams.
Mom and me used to meet them at the hospital twice a week.
Her MIL was always giving life lessons both to her DIL and to all the other patiens saying things like: "The treatment can't be successful if you have such a bad attitude! Stop crying! Don't be sad! Be cheerful! Look at me! I'm always happy and positive! I have the good vibes!".
One morning I was particularly angry and worried because mom was sad and exausted because blood exams showed once again that chemo was't working ; DIL and MIL came into the room and MIL started her usual life lessons; I quietly listened to her then I replied: "Do you have cancer? No? But cancer won't be a problem for you! You're going to be super positive when the cancer gets you! I'm sure you'll spread so many positive vibes when you're terminal!!!"
DIL started laughing loudly,my mom started laughing too, everybody started laughing: MIL was petrified, after some seconds she went out the room without saying a word.
I never had the chance to see them again because DIL died some days later.
Moral: don't take life lessons from someone who is not /has not been ill.
2) A cancer survivor told me she was able to get through the illness, treatments and so on, thinking about cancer wasn't about her , but about a body that she must take care of: she thought herself as the caregiver, not as the patient.

So dear @Kim N : take a step at a time and find your path.
A big hug,
purplesilk

 

[Dhana]

Last year was a terrible year for many reasons . My best friend was just 40 , tested BRCA + ca breast - got chemo / radiation/ mastectomy / hysterectomy and is now on baby tamoxifen - she has kicked it and doing well .

around same time my neighbor tested + for CA breast - not BRCA + she has just competed her surgery /chemo / radiation and is doing well

I too got diagnosed with CA but early stage - needed surgery and radiation.

my neighhours sister got the same got chemo/RT and surgery and is Doing well ..

it’s great that we are catching things early .
people are diagnosed early. They make it .

If u need chemo u will likely lose the hair but it grows back. Either a shaved head or a wig could be choices to make at the time .
breast cancer is one of the best researched cancers and multiple treatments available.
I wish u the very best in your journey. I am hopeful after a few rough months you will be ok.

BTW I do not know if u are in the US - if u are u will reach out of max and then insurance will cover rest of the costs .

I would make sure you have authorizations for radiation for the sessions scheduled ( mine did not and caused me a lot of anxiety , though ultimately they ended up covering )
cheers for better years ahead

 

[CBianco]

Sending you hugs and prayers Kim. Wishing you a speedy recovery!

 

[Sparkles88]

Keeping you in my thoughts @Kim N
I’m so sorry to hear this news, sending you positive vibes and big hugs xx

 

[Un_Petit_Rayon_de_Soleil]

Sending positive energy and hugs your way. I am so sorry you are dealing with this. You will be in my thoughts!

 

[peppermintpatty]

I'm so sorry to hear that you have gotten this dreaded news. My little sister is a breast cancer survivor. Surround yourself with loving, caring, supportive people. I am sending positive thoughts, my prayers, and hugs!

 

[mom2dolls]

We are praying for you. You did nothing to cause your diagnosis. Sending you lots of love and hugs

 

[Kim N]

@Tonks @diamondringlover @qubitasaurus @Ally T @Arcadian @doberman @TooPatient @MMtwo @DejaWiz @acezarra @ringo865 @CBianco @Sparkles88 @HS4S_2 @peppermintpatty @mom2dolls

Thanks very much to you all for the positive thoughts. Your compassion as well as the advice and stories are incredibly helpful.

@Dhana I'm so sorry to hear you had a rough year, but it's wonderful that you and your friend and neighbors are okay now. Thank you too for the tip on the insurance authorization.

@CircularBrilliant @pearlsngems @Petalouda @Bonfire @Avondale @missy @MissGotRocks @purplesilk

Thank you, I do understand that logically. My mind only went there because I know I don't exercise enough or have the best diet, and there are some other behaviors that can cause other cancers. It just came out of left field, with no family history, so my brain was trying to find reasons for it. I'm slowly reading to learn more about it.

 

[Dreamer_D]

Gosh Kim, I’m so sorry about you diagnosis. I will hold you in my thoughts in the coming months.

And I’m so sorry that you are having to deal with self-blame on top of everything else right now You are not to blame for this disease! I hate that this is one of the terrible consequences of misguided “wellness” culture and a public health system that is laser focused on so-called lifestyle factors — people blame themselves when they get sick. I can assure you, as someone who researches social determinants of health, that your diet and exercise did not cause your disease (with very few exceptions, there is simply no research that can reliably make such claims, it’s all just correlations that don’t equate to causation and cannot predict individual outcomes anyway). So please release that worry from your mind and hold compassion for yourself and your lifestyle! We are all just doing our best with the cards we are dealt.

I am wishing you calm, rest, moments of pleasure, living in the moment, and freedom from worry as you embark on this journey.

 

[Diamond Girl 21]

I'm so sorry you are going through this. Saying prayers and sending virtual hugs.

 

[Jessica - V]

@Kim N I'm thinking of you , hope you get through this difficulty . As we age, there will be health problems. Hope you think more open-minded, and trust the doctor. Find the right treatment, try to stay optimistic. Love you, hope you get over it soon

 

[sledge]

Wow, so very sorry to hear this @Kim N. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers as you traverse this difficult journey.

I know it will be incredibly hard but try to stay mentally strong. Our bodies can endure so much with the right mindset. Also if you don’t already have one, start establishing a good support system around you. Sure, we will all be here but also those friends and family members that can also show up physically to give you a hug, take you to a doctors appointment, take you out to dinner or maybe bring you dessert because a certain day wasn’t your best.

This is no different than any other proverbial elephant we try to eat that seems overwhelming at first glance…. Just one bite at a time!

You can and will get through this. You are a fierce warrior and your mind is strong. When your body is weak your mind will pull you through!

 

[VRBeauty]

I’m so sorry Kim. No matter what the outcome, that’s never good news. My thoughts go out to you, and to your medical team.

*hugs!*

 

[momofive]

@Kim N I will keep you in my prayers. The best advice I can give you is to attack this with mind, body and spirit. There has been so many advances in breast cancer treatments. You can do this!