Groom to do lists

[Gypsy]

At the risk of starting a thread that degenerates into groom bashing (please lets avoid this)... what are the things your groom has either been elected to do or has signed up to do?

John was in charge of the DJ (check) and the music list.
He''s in charge of men''s attire (no progress except to decide Mens warehouse is NOT getting our business)
He''s in charge of the wedding website and uploading all the guests information into it.
We''re jointly in charge of herding the cats and getting all the guest''s addresses and contact information.
He was in charge of room blocks (check)
And he''s in charge of cake, not the design of the cake (I''m not sucidal) but finding a baker, setting up tastings, choosing the baker and the flavors.
He''s also primary point of contact for "when things go wrong" after the DOC.

I think that he''s doing a lot. But he was saying that he could handle more if I could let go enough to delegate. What have you delegated? I can''t think of much more.

 

[surfgirl]

What have you delegated?

Take a shower the day of.

Show up.

 

[gtn]

He could sell your dress for you.

Why not get him to enlist people with video cameras to act as your videographers?

Do you guys plan on having a collage or slide show? He could start looking for pictures.

Have you decided on the readings for the wedding? He could narrow the readings down to a few for you to choose.

Put him to work looking on craigslist and eBay for wedding decorations. Do you need candles, ribbon, cake cutter/servers, etc.


Thankfully, FI and I have been working on everything (except my dress) together.

 

[gtn]

Date: 2/19/2008 4:56:20 PM
Author: surfgirl

What have you delegated?

Take a shower the day of.


Show up.

LOL. You are too funny.

 

[musey]

Date: 2/19/2008 4:46:03 PM
Author:Gypsy

What have you delegated?

He''s in charge of helping me with whatever has me pulling my hair out at the moment

I haven''t given him specific things to handle on his own, mostly because I don''t want to handle things on my own. We just work on each thing together as it comes.

That''s not much help I guess... but I''ve found his help on joint decisions more useful than giving him a project to do on his own.

 

[Pandora II]

Buying his suit,

and...

getting his hair cut 2 weeks before the wedding.


Um, yup that''s it.. literally

 

[Gypsy]

Date: 2/19/2008 4:56:20 PM
Author: surfgirl

What have you delegated?

Take a shower the day of.

Show up.

Crap. I forgot to put those on his list!

gtn... I''m picky with decorations, so I think I''m just going to drag him to ikea with me in about a month for votives. Then drag him to the two rental vendors to look at tablecloth overlays and chair sashes. I have ribbon, cake cutting service and stuff already.

He''s really not into the video thing, but that is something I could ask him to feel out folks about.
No collage or slide show.

I compiled the readings and we chose them together already.

We''re writing our own vows.

Oh, I''m having him design the custom escort card tags he''s going to be making.

We''ll be doing the food together.

I''m in charge of all decorative though, and like it that way.

 

[Independent Gal]

He was supposed to be in charge of legal issues, documentation, getting an address list for his side, getting himself a suit and a haircut, getting my ring polished up (it was an estate piece), and a few other things. It all got done, but with me sitting beside him. But it did all get done.

Well, we''re still hoping on the haircut. But I think it shouldn''t be too hard!

 

[partyjewels]

Unfortunately I feel kinda bad asking FI to do too much because at the same time of all this wedding planning, we are doing an addition and he is dealing with all of that. All I have to do with it is I get to look at the floor plans and say what I like and what I don't, give my suggestions, etc. I wish the house wasn't happening at the same time because I am no good at this planning stuff and he is, but it's too late now!

The DJ, which I needed to push him a little to actually get the contract sent, but did it.
Picking his side of the bridal party.
Jointly decided where the reception would be.
Jointly picked the cake flavors and design of it.
Needs to pick his wedding band.
Get the names and addresses for the guest list. Yet, he keeps adding names but no addresses!!
He SHOULD be in charge of all the church stuff, but hes kind of pushing it off onto me and I'm none too thrilled about it.

What I'd LIKE him to help with though is the photographer and the room blocks. Really I want help with all of it, lol. But really, I can't think of too many things that I'd actually completely delegate to FI if he actually wanted more. It's more of things that I want him to help with because I'm worried about messing it up as I am not a planner.

And ALSO, I would like it if he would actually LOOK at the invitations that I ask him to look at because the last time I ordered a sample of one I loved, decided it would be our invite, he looks at it and goes, no, it's too fancy, blah blah blah. Even though I had asked him to look at it before I ordered it and he said it was fine.

Ok, I hope that doesn't count as groom bashing, it just really gets on my nerves.

 

[Gypsy]

Date: 2/19/2008 5:11:14 PM
Author: Independent Gal
He was supposed to be in charge of legal issues, documentation, getting an address list for his side, getting himself a suit and a haircut, getting my ring polished up (it was an estate piece), and a few other things. It all got done, but with me sitting beside him. But it did all get done.

Well, we''re still hoping on the haircut. But I think it shouldn''t be too hard!

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHH! That''s brilliant. I totally forgot about that (bad lawyer, bad bad bad lawyer)... the LEGALITIES! Whew, good thing we have plenty of time.

I''m definitely gonna ask him to do that. Thanks Indy. Boy that would have sucked.

 

[gtn]

oh Gypsy, if you are looking for votive candle holders or candles, have him scour eBay and craigslist and then you can approve it. I just found acrylic marbles on craigslist. I was too late to get the red ones, but I think I can make the tea and white ones work for me. Actually, I have been the one pricing and scouring. I just found 6" cylindrical vases for $2.40 each. Originally $5. I am still looking to find other heights so I could get the trio like the ones in the picture you posted.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Date: 2/19/2008 4:56:20 PM
Author: surfgirl

What have you delegated?

Take a shower the day of.


Show up.

Wow did we marry the same man? I also requested no onions for lunch.

 

[Gypsy]

Date: 2/19/2008 5:34:32 PM
Author: gtn
oh Gypsy, if you are looking for votive candle holders or candles, have him scour eBay and craigslist and then you can approve it. I just found acrylic marbles on craigslist. I was too late to get the red ones, but I think I can make the tea and white ones work for me. Actually, I have been the one pricing and scouring. I just found 6'' cylindrical vases for $2.40 each. Originally $5. I am still looking to find other heights so I could get the trio like the ones in the picture you posted.

cylinder vases at save-on-crafts should be affordable for you hon. Check them out.

 

[zoebartlett]

My FI was/is in charge of our wedding website. Although he had worked on it in the beginning, I think he forgot about it and I''ve moved onto other things. It is what it is and that''s good for now. We have the most important info. on it (venue location, date, time, links to hotel and local chambers of commerce).

Other than that, we''ve jointly decided most things -- tuxes, honeymoon destination (which changed), music, DJ, photographer, save the dates and invitations, and other things I can''t think of at the moment.

 

[misysu2]

FI''s the artist, so he''s been in charge of designing and printing invites.
He''s also the artistic director of our candle-flower-tree centerpieces and has put a lot of work into that.
Other than that, he picked the tux and got his GM''s measurements.
Also been great at yelling at his mom when she requests more invites.

 

[gtn]

Thanks for the tip. I looked there before and priced the vases for $3 bucks. Now I see them for $1.80. I don''t know how I missed that earlier.

 

[brazen_irish_hussy]

Except for the flowers, hair and make-up which I am dealing with, and the photography, groomsmen and his family which he is dealing with, we are both working together on everything else, even my dress.

 

[KimberlyH]

Once the venue and guest list were set I took the lead on most things, but he attended every appointment and I ran every decision I made by him for his big ol'' "J" stamp of approval. He selected his suit, I went with him and helped him choose, and was responsible for his hair cut.

 

[scarlet16]

Say "yes, dear" to all my wonderful ideas. Sign off on me going over-budget for my wonderful ideas.

Pick tuxedos for himself and his groomsmen.

Show up the day of and look pretty...on time.

Not that I don''t trust him but when we started to plan, he insisted that he wanted to pick the photographer and the dj because they were so important to him. So I gave him EXTERMELY reasonable deadlines to do both. Guess who did all the research, lined up all the interviews, made the final decision, negotiated the contracts, and paid the deposits. Then again, now he says "yes, dear" pretty easily

 

[mimzy]

so far the only thing that my FI has done on his own of the things that i asked was writing our bio for the wedding website (which he actually blew me away with, it was very very nice).

he''s helped me design some centerpieces, but other than that he hasn''t done much. we still have a long ways to go, but these are the things that i''ve told him i wanted him to take care of:
men''s attire
cake
reception introduction song
pick vows
honeymoon


things he will likely do on his own:
pick reception introduction song


but i have high hopes

 

[Harleigh]

Hmmm...is this a list of things I've ASKED him to do or actually EXPECT he will do???

*Pick out his wedding band-DONE w/me
*Make a list of his guests and get their addresses...I did most of this or it never would've gotten done.

*Help pick the wedding coordinator and location in Maui-he actually DID pay the deposit for this on time to receive a 5% discount on everything for the rest of the things we choose, which has helped out more than you would think! (See, he loves me for my frugal ways, Gypsy!!! He's just as cheap as I am!)

*Choose his groomsmen (he had a REALLY hard time with this!)
*Pick up shirts for groomsmen in correct sizes (after I chose them, of course!)

*Help choose a menu for our dinner reception, but the menu he likes is $20 more per person than any other menu

*Help choose officiant, videographer and photographer-DONE...he just said, "Whatever, Sweet Pea"

*Make a list of songs for wedding CD-DONE w/prodding, threats, whining and tears...sadly, this was all on my part!

*List preference of songs for harpist to play-he KINDA tried to participate in this one
*Reserve and pay for condo for week of wedding-DONE!
*Air travel
*Lodging in Maui for honeymoon...an extra 7-10 days, woot woot!
*Rental car
*Get measurements of Best Man...I got all of the other groomsmen's measurements and we STILL don't have this last one!
*Help choose pants and leather sandals for groomsmen...he is really no help here, and all but my brother are in the "Big & Tall" category, making it really hard to find anything matching AND beachy!
*Get a haircut before we leave and let facial hair grow into a goatee!
*Make list for Reception STD's
*Help plan August Reception...he's done NADA!!! I think he thinks it will plan itself!

I really like the "show up" and "no onions" rule you gals listed...I'm also considering asking him to make sure he's somewhat sober for the ceremony...I think he and his guys plan to golf most of the day, and I'm pretty sure there might be some drinking involved in that...hopefully he will use some discretion!

I think I have the thought that since we are paying for our wedding by ourselves, we really need to make some of these choices together. I think he would be happier with me making all of the choices, but he is also pretty set in his ways and I don't want him to either hate what I chose or wonder why he had no say, so I have tried to include him in everything, but I honestly think he could give a rat's behind! It gets frustrating at times, I must say, but he seems to be getting better as the wedding grows closer and other people ask him what he's doing to help me out! That gets his little butt in gear, let me tell you!

ETA: So, I guess I should clarify that he has not offered to do a thing towards the wedding...he has occasionally done what I've asked him to, but it is usually weeks to months after I've asked, over and over again. I finally just gave him a list and asked him kindly to take care of these things and said that I trust him to make the right choice...in other words, guilting him into it, and amazingly enough, it's working! We are finally getting some things done!

 

[Gwyn]

the officiant (which he has taken care of)
the dj (which he has done nothing and im a lil worried)
the honeymoon (still nothing)
the registry (nothing)
his and his mens attire (and of corse...nothing)

though, to give him a break our wedding isnt til october and he just doesnt feel the need to do these things yet. also he works alot prolly 50-60 hours a week. where as I am a stay at home fiance and have lots more time

 

[FrekeChild]

Hey Gyps, mini thread jack: got a 92% on the stats test. WOHOO!!!

 

[monarch64]

You mean I was supposed to ask him to do stuff? Just kidding...I think he dealt with the guys' transportation and lodging, OOT lodging and transportation, our limo, groomsmen and BM gifts, the officiant's fee, paying the various people who needed to be paid on the day of the wedding, and the honeymoon to Vegas for a few days and then FL a week after the initial honeymoon. Oh, he also took over seating arrangements which was fine by me, and the bar situation (by paying an extra $1k out of pocket so we'd have open bar for the full 5 hours of the reception). He did a lot! He's a planner by nature though, and if he hadn't taken over certain things we would not have had a great wedding...he had to kick my a$% into gear at times because I was too busy working to even want to worry about wedding details, even though he was busy with work himself. So there's my .02!

ETA: what? I just re-read my post and feel like I didn't do a DA%M THING! I did, I swear...flowers, dress, cake, invites, BM's and dresses, jr. BM's/dresses, flower girls/dresses, gah...we were lucky we made a good planning team, there was so much to do.

 

[violet02]

So far he tried to participate by picking out the planner, caterer and location with me. Once that was done he''d had it. I''m also a type-A control freak so I can''t see asking him to do much more even though I kind of wish he would help out more. My own fault I guess. He also works a lot too so I don''t mind taking care of things as long as he appreciates it.

So far I''ve done everything else and just passed it by him in case he had any serious objections (this includes me building out the whole wedding website and registry site, invites, flowers, dj, blah blah blah...).

 

[Gypsy]

Date: 2/20/2008 2:55:03 AM
Author: FrekeChild
Hey Gyps, mini thread jack: got a 92% on the stats test. WOHOO!!!

YAHOO!!!!! YOU my dear are on a ROLL! All that stress and hair pulling and those headaches and you are doing FABULOUS! Great job!

This is a funny thread. There''s so much variation in what we''re doing as couples. John and I do things together as well, it''s just that I tend to take the lead. And it takes a toll on me after a while, so he''s asked to have some things be delegated to him, where I just trust him to get it done, and not stress about it. And I so appreciate that. He knows he can come to me for advice or help with a decision, just as I know I can go to him... but that the completion of the task is ultimately his responsibility.

 

[FrekeChild]

As for Groom to do lists he''s already said that he just wants a say in reception site and the food. Other than that he doesn''t care about anything. Then later he''s added things about music, the cake, and his clothes...But really we don''t need to think about it yet. So I don''t even know why I''m thinking about it.

 

[LegacyGirl]

Date: 2/19/2008 4:56:20 PM
Author: surfgirl

What have you delegated?

Take a shower the day of.

Show up.

That''s awesome. I would add "Show up in proper attire" HAHAHA

 

[sumbride]

My DH did:

- music lists and cds to DJ
- took dance lessons with me (5 weeks!)
- did all the talking to his mother and kept her as far away from me as possible
- listened to me vent when I was freaking out
- cooked dinner when I was busy
- arranged for the groomsmen to send in their measurement cards, then hounded them until they were in
- acted as ambassador to out of town guests so they didn''t call me
- got his hair cut, his brows waxed, his hands manicured, showed up showered and dressed and only drunk enough to not be nervous!

 

[bee*]

D''s list is:

wedding car (and I''ve already vito''d the A team replica van

)

helping me with the invites

and that''s pretty much it.