Grrr!

[aprilcait]

My dad just sent me an email saying that he invited two more people to the wedding and requested that I send them an invitation ASAP. There are a few problems here.

1. He didn''t ask me/inform me about inviting the people before he verbally inited them. Yes, my parents are generously paying for the wedding, but them inviting people without telling me first could become a costly issue if it continues. Now, I do realize that it is possible that he could have been in one of those awkward situations and had to invite the people to cover his rear. Still, I can''t say I''m thrilled about it.

2. We sent out our inviations a while ago and the RSVP deadline is this Saturday. To compound the problem, the two people he invited live in Colorado... FI and I live in the DC area. That invitation will probably get to Colorado on Thursday or Friday.

3. We invited 150 guests expecting at least 10 to decline. So far, we haven''t gotten that many declines. We can only fit 140 people in the church.

Basically, I''m just peeved. If we have a few extra people at the wedding, we can make it work. Sure the invitation to the two surprise guests will arrive with a insanely close RSVP deadline, but that''s not a HUGE deal. Mainly, I''m just worried that this last minute word-of-mouth invitation thing could become a trend with my parents (my mom has a whole slew of people she'' been waiting to invite). My mom was NOT happy to hear I was upset that my dad had invited people without telling me; she thought I shouldn''t be upset about that at all and was PO''d when I said that I wanted to be sure this doesn''t happen again.

Have any of you dealt with something like this?

 

[rockzilla]

Let me just say...if you invited 150, at least 10 will decline...my friend just went through this with her wedding, and basically all the folks who are excited about coming send in their replies first. Those who can't come (or who are figuring out whether or not they can come) wait longer to send in their replies.

Can't help with your dad randomly inviting people at the last minute...at least he is paying!

 

[Sabine]

I feel your pain. We haven''t sent out invitations yet, we are about to order them and wanted FI''s parents to double check their side of the guest list. They added about 15 people without asking if it was okay. Our guest list is now over 200 people. Although we are paying for the wedding, FI''s parents offered to pay for their extra guests, which is nice, but what about the extra cake we will need, the extra linens, the extra invitations, extra favors, etc.? I know they are little costs, but they are really adding up and it is frustrating! But if you make a big deal out of it, it will seem (to them at least) like you are making a big deal out of nothing, at least in my case!

You could always try a non-confrontational...hey, I got your info. and it''s fine, but please let me know before you invite anyone else?

 

[krisvrn]

Date: 3/11/2008 1:37:04 PM
Author:aprilcait
My dad just sent me an email saying that he invited two more people to the wedding and requested that I send them an invitation ASAP. There are a few problems here.

1. He didn''t ask me/inform me about inviting the people before he verbally inited them. Yes, my parents are generously paying for the wedding, but them inviting people without telling me first could become a costly issue if it continues. Now, I do realize that it is possible that he could have been in one of those awkward situations and had to invite the people to cover his rear. Still, I can''t say I''m thrilled about it.

2. We sent out our inviations a while ago and the RSVP deadline is this Saturday. To compound the problem, the two people he invited live in Colorado... FI and I live in the DC area. That invitation will probably get to Colorado on Thursday or Friday.

3. We invited 150 guests expecting at least 10 to decline. So far, we haven''t gotten that many declines. We can only fit 140 people in the church.

Basically, I''m just peeved. If we have a few extra people at the wedding, we can make it work. Sure the invitation to the two surprise guests will arrive with a insanely close RSVP deadline, but that''s not a HUGE deal. Mainly, I''m just worried that this last minute word-of-mouth invitation thing could become a trend with my parents (my mom has a whole slew of people she'' been waiting to invite). My mom was NOT happy to hear I was upset that my dad had invited people without telling me; she thought I shouldn''t be upset about that at all and was PO''d when I said that I wanted to be sure this doesn''t happen again.

Have any of you dealt with something like this?

I say.. well he is PAYING and you have some declines so you will have some room in the church then it should be no big deal. Also what if the two people he invited decline anyway?? I personally would only be upset if he was doing this and he was not paying..

 

[zoebartlett]

The guest list can be such a pain to deal with when issues arise. Like Kris said, at least your parents are paying for the wedding and they''re the ones who added the extra people. My FI''s parents recently added 13 extra people and they''re not paying for the reception. It''s frustrating.

I think that since you already know a few people will decline and you know you''ll have room, there''s not much else you can do. I''d also recommend asking your parents to mention ahead of time that they''d like to add more people (if it happens again) just so you know.

As Sabine mentioned (which is a very good point, by the way), those extra people mean extra money spent all around. It''s not just "let''s add two more place settings to the table." As she said, it means, more favors, cake, invitations, etc. The cost does add up and someone has to pay for it.

 

[Fancy605]

Oh parents. I see where you would have wanted to know before he invited them. If it were me, I would ask if he could please let me know if he had an addition to the guest list BEFORE he gave a verbal invite. However, I really don''t think it will be a problem. If you invited 150, you will likely have quite a few more than 10 guests decline once it''s all said and done. I think more than 10 will decline anyway unless everyone you invited is super close to the venue and you happened to choose a wedding date that doesn''t conflict with much else. It is rare to have that large of a percent of the guest list actually attend any given event. If it does happen that your wedding is an exception and everyone shows up, I bet that somehow a few more than 140 will somehow manage to fit into the church. I just really think it will all work out.

My parents added about 50 people I didn''t expect to invite to the list. I couldn''t really say anything though because they also added money to the budget to accommodate that. It ended up working out. Our reception venue was only supposed to hold 200 seated at tables, and we had closer to 215 or 220, but we made it work anyway. You''ll be amazed at how things can just magically work out.

 

[bee*]

I think as others have said, if he''s paying there''s not a huge amount that you can do about it unfortunately. Hopefully you''ll get just enough declines that you''ll fill the church without going over.