Guest list...more mom drama

[Sabine]

My mom is causing problems again. Background: my parents have been divorced for 8 years. My dad has been dating one woman off and on for a number of years. This woman does not believe in marriage, so the relationship never gets that serious, but he is bringing her to the wedding. My mom has been out dating, but hasn''t been in a serious relationship. At my brother''s wedding 2 years ago my mom felt like she got the shaft...and I''m paying for it in multiple ways.

We finalized our guest list a few weeks ago and are about to order our invitations. Yesterday my mom calls to tell me that she needs to make an addition to the guest list. I am already not happy, since her side is already larger than I would like, filled with people I don''t really want there, and my mom is not financially contributing. But she is insistent. Her best friend is coming from California to our PA wedding. This is who my mom plans on sitting with at the wedding, so she is really important to my mom. I did know this woman, but haven''t seen her in years, but understand how important she is to my mom. So when a few months ago my mom told me that her friend would be bringing her husband AND her daughter who is a college freshman to the wedding, I didn''t put up a fuss even though I didn''t really want the daughter there.

Now my mom says that I need to invite the daughter''s boyfriend. Aparently he is traveling with them from California since they are all planning on staying for a week. My mom honestly said that if he wasn''t invited to the wedding, she didn''t think any of them would come and got all upset because this is who she wants to sit with, etc. I explained to my mom that it wasn''t fair for me to invite teh SO of a girl I don''t know when I''m not even inviting the SO of some of my friends who aren''t married/living together. She said she understood, but still insisted that I invite this guy.

Again, I got so sick of the drama. I compromised and told my mom that if she really wanted this guy come, she had to drop someone else from her side of the guest list, and she agreed to do that. Now I''m feeling a little bad because I know this isn''t fair to our other guests. Should I have just put my foot down and refused to invite him? Or was this a fair compromise? Thanks for letting me vent!

 

[Rhea]

I think, at this point, whatever makes you feel less stressed is a fair compromise. While the guest list cuts won''t be the same for everyone and that''s annoying I think it''s not the end of the world. Friends and family seem to fall out over weddings all the time. I''m not entirely sure why. While I don''t think you should give in on something important to you, I also think you need to pick your fights and be aware of how everything will affect your relationship with your mother (including you holding things in).

Your mother sounds very traumatized by this entire event and that''s really too bad. I hope that she''s also able to pick her battles with you and not damage her relationship with you in the name of protecting herself from your dad and his partner.

 

[SarahLovesJS]

Wow I am sorry for all of the stress! I know you''ve been going through a lot, I saw some of your other posts. ((Hugs!)) Anyway, I agree with Addy that if it destresses you some, then go for it. I mean, I know what you mean about not inviting some SOs, but inviting this guy. However, they will understand. As long as she didn''t crazy up your numbers then I think it''s okay.