Halo Help!!

[Dreamer_D]

The truth is ... your ring doesn't look too different from a LOGR ring. This is why some of us feel you overpaid.
http://www.ebay.ca/itm/Amethyst-Diamond-14K-White-Gold-Diamond-Ring-/250956072624?pt=US_Fine_Rings&hash=item3a6e25c6b0

This is perhaps the rudest thing I've ever seen posted on PS. And I've seen doozies.

Oh Deco, how can you say that? You've posted comments that make this one look like a fairytale.

Really? Ruder than "the *truth* is your $3K ring looks like a $200 ebay special?" There's a real undercurrent of snobbery amidst all this "help" offered on this thread. I'm sure the folks to blame for that wouldn't want anyone digging up their old posts as they learned all these "lessons" to the tune of thousands and thousands of wasted dollars. for sure.

I agree with you, Deco. Here's the thing we all need to remember--not everyone wants the exact same cookie cutter 1.7mm thin micropave Leon style halo with donut. It's refreshing to see different style halos by different jewelers.

Laila, I agree that perhaps some more tact could have been used by many posters in this thread, but the OP came explicitly asking Charmy's advice about her ring? I was under the impression that Kels wants a ring that looks like the one's given as examples in this thread. Are you seeing it differently?

 

[decodelighted]

But when you say things like the bolded, which is clearly about Gypsy,

Interesting but completely WRONG assumption brought about entirely by YOUR OWN BAGGAGE.



ETA: And, Dreamer ... if MY "help" isn't needed here ... is yours? Who decides that? YOU?

 

[Dreamer_D]

But when you say things like the bolded, which is clearly about Gypsy,

Interesting but completely WRONG assumption brought about entirely by YOUR OWN BAGGAGE.

My mistake then, I apologise to Gypsy. My assumption was based on my observations of your behavior towards Gyspy in the past and your reference to "frustration", which Gyspy expressed in this thread. But my mistake illustrates my point exactly. People make wrong assumptions about your criticism when you are indirect, and I am sure now the OP is scratching her head and wondering what is going on. I suppose we could keep talking about this, but my point was not to engage you or even actually learn the names of the people whom you are critiquing, but to try and point out how unhelpful such implications are in a thread like this.

 

[CharmyPoo]

I agree with you, Deco. Here's the thing we all need to remember--not everyone wants the exact same cookie cutter 1.7mm thin micropave Leon style halo with donut. It's refreshing to see different style halos by different jewelers.

Nor has anyone on this thread suggested a 1.7 mm thin ring with a donut? I personally have not mentioned that at all. I simply gave advice on how to make the metal appear less and how this is generally achieved based on the capability of the band.

One thing is about style and another thing is about workmanship. I have never called to doubt the style of the ring - I was discussing the workmanship and how that translates to the amount of metal showing. Potentially what her jeweller has to do to minimize the metal. Kels is well equipped now and has lots of pictures to show her jeweller to fix the small areas that she doesn't like about her rings. She even found a picture of a rounded halo with a straight edge and knows the warranty provided by others. I think the ultimate outcome is good.

 

[Dreamer_D]

ETA: And, Dreamer ... if MY "help" isn't needed here ... is yours? Who decides that? YOU?

Obviously not, I am under no delusions about my own importance, here or anywhere. Not that my opinion matters, but I would frankly love if you posted more in RT because, as I have said many times, helping in RT is a big job and many hands make light work. My comments to you have been in the interest of helping the OP, because my concern is that she will be confused or uncertain about how to interpret *all* of the advice in this thread because you were not clear in your criticism. I think I stated this clearly quite a few times in my posts to you. I hope you continue to help in RT, but I would personally suggest that if you do opt to become a regular helper, that you work on being clearer in your communication so that posters are not left uncertain about your intent or the target of your comments. Perhaps, in this thread, you could offer some advice to the OP about her ring in addition to critiquing the people who have already posted? Of course, you don't have to listen to me, I don't decide these things. I am simply making a suggestion.

 

[decodelighted]

my point was not to engage you or even actually learn the names of the people whom you are critiquing, but to try and point out how unhelpful such implications are in a thread like this.

I stand 100% behind the fact that is ENTIRELY helpful to know WHO is giving the advice. It's not fair for ME to give my opinion of who to trust and who not to trust. It is to be discovered by DUE DILIGENCE and forming one's OWN opinion. If only there was a short cut to research and we could just trust whatever we heard from whoever said it. CONSIDER. THE. SOURCE. PERIOD.

 

[CharmyPoo]

Riiiight. You're "here to help" and *I* have "the intention to mock". What XRAY vision you have to people's intentions!

Pardon me as you are the only one with xray vision to be able to call other people's post as rude or insinuate some underlying snobbiness. Apologies if there is some part of your involvement on this thread that was remotely helpful. I certainly don't see it - in fact, you are instrumental in derailing this thread and taking it off topic. Good job!

 

[Dreamer_D]

I agree with you, Deco. Here's the thing we all need to remember--not everyone wants the exact same cookie cutter 1.7mm thin micropave Leon style halo with donut. It's refreshing to see different style halos by different jewelers.

Nor has anyone on this thread suggested a 1.7 mm thin ring with a donut? I personally have not mentioned that at all. I simply gave advice on how to make the metal appear less and how this is generally achieved based on the capability of the band.

One thing is about style and another thing is about workmanship. I have never called to doubt the style of the ring - I was discussing the workmanship and how that translates to the amount of metal showing. Potentially what her jeweller has to do to minimize the metal. Kels is well equipped now and has lots of pictures to show her jeweller to fix the small areas that she doesn't like about her rings. She even found a picture of a rounded halo with a straight edge and knows the warranty provided by others. I think the ultimate outcome is good.

I hope the OP sees it this way, I also think she has an arsenal of tools and knowledge with which to approach her jeweler that she lacked before.

kels Please keep us updated.

 

[Dreamer_D]

my point was not to engage you or even actually learn the names of the people whom you are critiquing, but to try and point out how unhelpful such implications are in a thread like this.

I stand 100% behind the fact that is ENTIRELY helpful to know WHO is giving the advice. It's not fair for ME to give my opinion of who to trust and who not to trust. It is to be discovered by DUE DILIGENCE and forming one's OWN opinion. If only there was a short cut to research and we could just trust whatever we heard from whoever said it. CONSIDER. THE. SOURCE. PERIOD.

Unfortunately, most people who post in RT are first time posters who do not know the entire history of the people who help them, nor should they in my opinion. I don't see how this forum (RT) would function if every time a newbie had a question they needed to look up the entire post history of those who help. And doubly unfortunately, this post of yours that I quoted is even worse that the rest at making it unclear who's advice the OPs should be ignoring, and once again serves only to cast all the helpers in an ill light. My humble suggestion is that if you believe a particular poster is leading an OP astray, then come in and hep the poster in a way that you think is more helpful and positive. Laila619 does this all the time! (though I am sure she often feels like the sole voice of tact and reason )

 

[CharmyPoo]

Couldn't agree more with Dreamer_D. Even in this thread, Diamondseeker called me out and clarified the capability of Maytal Hannah. In many previous posts, Dreamer has directly called me out when we didn't agree. This is much more helpful than talking in circles about random accusations. Just come out and say it .. we are adults here and if anything you have to say you see as a personal attack - you really should evaluate how relevant your comment is. I do not see Diamondseeker or Dreamer's comments about my posts as attacks - they are clarifying for the good of the thread and anyone reading it.

 

[decodelighted]

if you believe a particular poster is leading an OP astray, then come in and hep the poster in a way that you think is more helpful and positive. Laila619 does this all the time! (though I am sure she often feels like the sole voice of tact and reason )

I'll certainly try to do so if I feel like I have technical advice that would be helpful. In this particular case, the general advice of "consider the source" is as specific as I can really be without discussing the decisions and personality quirks *I* see in other posters, which I don't believe is fair or polite to discuss. Specific technical advice that's been gained in this thread: KUDOS TO ALL. I hope she's way more informed at the eventual jeweler discussion. Devolving into frustrated sniping and ruder & ruder comments & an extremely detailed takedown of every single tiny detail of a beloved engagement ring DOESN'T seem so laudable. And that's the aspect I felt compelled to comment on. My jaw was AGAPE reading through this thread at all the unasked for criticism and high horsing and, finally, cheap shots disguised as "truth". The OP is perfectly able to defend herself and has done so throughout the thread. But as a long time PS member I couldn't believe what was passing for "advice" in this thread. Listen to us or we'll beat you bloody. We'll make you SORRY for asking! Not a PS environment I prefer -- but if this clique dominates -- y'all can HAVE. IT. All to yourselves.

 

[GlamMosher]

(sorry for the thread jack)

As a new outsider here, may I offer an opinion?

I think reading some threads here, that some of the regular posters who give advice are going through "advice burn out". As in, they have given advice so many times on the same things, they have forgotten how to do so nicely.

There have been a few threads recently that have certainly put me off ever asking for advice again, unless I wanted back up that something was crap, as I would be terrified I would come out of it traumatised. Some things have made me gasp out loud at the underlying rudeness.

I don't think anywhere in this thread has the OP ever asked for advice on whether her setting was a good deal. She asked for advice on what to ask her jeweller, as in how to word it, to fix what she thought was wrong. She got launched with - your jeweller can't do it, you went to a substandard jeweller, you should have gone to where I went to (masked as they are the best at this), you got ripped off - etc.

The post about the LOGR ring was really uncalled for, whether you think it was correct or not.

That's my take, as a newbie. Even though you may be giving advice, and saying something the poster may not want to hear, you can still remember your manners.

 

[Laila619]

Dreamer, thank you for the kind words. That was very sweet of you!

 

[marchesa6989]

as someone who is fairly new to this community, but has also read through the thread, i think that many valid points have been raised. sometimes true sentiment and the nuances of conversation and advice giving are lost via the internet and may come across more harshly than intended. i'd like to think (and indeed i do think) that the majority of posters are trying to give true and honest advice based on their own much more vast experiences. that being said, phraseology and the manner in which advice is given can put a totally different spin on things. at some point there were communication issues and misunderstanding, particularly with what the OP was actually looking for (which she herself admitted) and that directed the pathway the thread headed. at times the advice got more directed and forceful, but in a reactionary way as it seemed there was a block between what was being advised, and what the OP was understanding.

i don't know what has happened in the past, and don't care to trawl through many posts to elucidate that. but on PS i personally appreciate everyone's input and feedback on whatever issues i raise, and also recognise that sometimes what one needs is a little bit of tough love. painful but truly helpful. it is a fine line to tread though, and i think it is useful to keep in mind that people's rings are very personal and hold a lot of value - remembering this when giving advice will help soften those tough blows. cudos to both those who were giving advice (and typed many lengthy replies), and cudos to those who want to make sure this remains a happy and fair environment.

kels i hope that you manage to sort everything out with your jeweler and he is able to meet your needs. regardless i think you have a beautiful ring, and as someone who has a cast halo myself i think there's no problems with it! whatever the outcome, enjoy it and bask in the post-engagement phase. celebrate the holiday season with your fiance, family and friends

 

[Laila619]

Laila, I agree that perhaps some more tact could have been used by many posters in this thread, but the OP came explicitly asking Charmy's advice about her ring? I was under the impression that Kels wants a ring that looks like the one's given as examples in this thread. Are you seeing it differently?

I was mainly referring to some of the posts like Frankie's, where posters were saying your ring should be like X, Y, and Z, when some of those things weren't even what Kels was asking or displeased about.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

I think one issue is when people post when they haven't closely read all the previous posts. We learned along the way that kels was happy with a cast pave halo and from that point on, most of us closely following the thread dropped the handmade comparisons and found fine examples of cast halo settings to show her or made suggestions to alter the cast halo. I haven't read back through, but it may have been that Frankie did not realize that when she posted. We definitely had very experienced halo buyers giving advice on the thread. And I believe that everyone had the hope that kels could get her ring remade to the highest cast quality possible considering the price her fiance paid. I think the tough love came into play when some of us either hinted or directly said that we weren't sure that bench was up to the job. I feel like we need to be careful how we put things, but I feel like honesty is best when the person may still have the chance to get the ring redone.

 

[Gypsy]

(sorry for the thread jack)

I think reading some threads here, that some of the regular posters who give advice are going through "advice burn out".

I think this is absolutely true. It does get hard to see very similar posts back to back, argue about the same things and often-- have the person go do things their way regardless, and know that many times it's going to have an unhappy result. It gets to feel like you are banging your head against the same brick wall repeatedly-- with only bloody bricks to show for it. I, personally, tend to take long RT breaks every year... and haven't this year as we seem to have lost a LOT of our RT helpers.

I appreciate both your post, Glam and yours, marchesa. My best advice is... stick around and help out, and add your voice. Your voice WILL HELP.

If you think someone is burned out, it is okay to say... "I think what XXX is trying to say is... " and to restate something nicer or more tactfully-- which is what Charmy did to me in this post (and I appreciated it). Or to disagree, like Laila did, and stick to your guns. No one (I hope!) has attacked Laila or another poster for either. It's also okay to quote someone who is expressing frustration and say... "Easy there... let's just keep in mind that the OP is new to this and is hearing it for the first time..." or the equivalent. And it is all appreciated and it all helps.

If you don't feel comfortable posting technical advice it's also fine just to post helpful links-- and much appreciated. There are very few truly 'unique' posts (especially of the technical variety) and you can usually help a lot of the posters by linking them correctly to the information they need (like the HCA, or what an ASET is, or a color tutorial, or a cut tutorial).

Or you can ask questions you know we are going to need answered (is this local or online? Can you get an ASET? Was it handmade or CAD, what did you tell the vendor and what did you get, what is the table size, what lab did the report, etc.) so that we can get to the answer quicker with your help.

In short, if we've helped you then the best thank you to give is to stick around and to help others with us and to take some of the weight off the regulars who might, indeed, be burned out. It is a very good feeling to click on a thread and know that either A) you don't need to respond cause it's been covered, or B) you can just say "ditto" or the equivalent and have lent your voice without having to type three pages of response because someone else has done that for you. That way the ones among us who have technical expertise (such as it is) can save our patience for the more unique threads or the ones that really need technical know how.

 

[frankiextah]

yes, i really only read OP's 1st post on this thread and went onto trying to help her with achieving the HW look. i didn't realize that this was not the point of her question here. i 100% swear that i did not have the intention for the OP to "take my help" or "beat her bloody", nor do i want her ring to look like mine. her original post just seemed to really ask how to achieve the HW look and i gave her a bullet point to follow, based on my costly past experiences. i honestly do not want anyone to have to go through what i did. no insults were intended to her ring at all. i also don't believe i have a track record insulting other PS'ers rings on the forum so i would hope that everyone who thought of me negatively on this thread could just give me the benefit of the doubt.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

I knew you didn't, Frankie! I guessed that was the case that you were responding to the HW comment in the first post!

 

[CharmyPoo]

There are many of us who built post counts in the hangouts and others who have built them based on giving advice in RT. I agree with the above posters that we sometimes suffer from advice burnout. We spend hours typing up replies, creating comparison photos, searching online for diamond options ... work that ogten falls on deaf ears. For me, it is worth it just for the few threads where we actually helped someone and they come back and say thank you. Sometimes, we get frustrated but I don't believe we are here to do harm. I truly feel those who do not spend time helping others here have no right to judge and critize those that are here helping. On the same note, those that feel burnt out ... we should step away and take a break.

So kels - if I made you feel bad in any way or appeared rude .. I am sorry. I just want you to have a ring you love in every way without having to waste money remaking a setting out of your pocket. I have learnt from others and my own projects. We know that there are old timers here that are still seeking advice and getting opinions. I myself also seek advice in areas I am not familiar with - I admit I only know cushions and pave. I am learning every day.

 

[kels0054]

Hello all!!
Well I don't really know what to say to address everyone's posts.. I hadn't checked price scope for a while and when I left it we were at 108 messages and when I checked it tonight we were at 138, and I was like WOAH! what happened!? haha

In summary to a lot of different points mentioned I want to say a few short things to hopefully end this ongoing discussion.

First, as a new PS poster, I do have to say that I thought It was nice to have some people say that they thought some of the comments were untactful or a little harsh or rude, or whatnot. I say this because as a first time poster, in the beginning of this thread I was a little hurt by some of the things said for sure... This could have been partly my fault not knowing fully what I was getting myself into posting on such a well known site with such informative jewelry people. At times I thought to myself, "wow I should have never posted on here, I feel that I'm being ripped apart or attacked" Especially when other aspects of my ring were getting brought up that I never had mentioned. I will say my feelings were hurt at times, or more so that I was just getting anxiety from PS in general, so I do want to say thank you to the posters who brought this up..sometimes in an internet environment it's good to get a notice as to how we all may be coming across to others.

HOWEVER, I feel I am definitely some what to blame for this as my first post was definitely misleading in my wishes of what I wanted out of my ring, so I think a lot of people were commenting based on that.. especially if they hadn't read through all of the posts to follow the first (because the posters that were posting a lot with me along the way, kind of all knew what was going on in regards to how I tried to clarify things up later on.. I would have edited my first post, but I couldn't figure it out- Sorry, or I would have for sure! )


HOWEVER AGAIN: Once I cleared up my specifications and everyone seemed to be on the same page in communication, I can say that I learned A LOT from this thread, and from everyone contributing to it! I learned things I had no idea about from everyone that commented, so I'm definitely glad I came on here! I now have a lot of information to go to my jeweler about, great pictures, specific vendors, specific questions to ask him, prices, etc and that was from all of you guys!

I think when posts stay as positive as they can that the most gets achieved, which is exactly what happened here after we all leveled out and I cleared things up about my miss-communication--

so I want to thank everyone for even commenting on this post and helping me figure out how exactly to go about asking my jeweler to make the changes to my ring! I will let you all know how it goes (I am nervous to go in and see him and what his responses will be!)

Hopefully this can clear the air with everyone and, I do hope, new posters don't come on and re-comment on my first post (Is there anyway to like edit my first post or say I got my answers?? haha)

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Kels, you are a very good sport and I know I am glad you came out of this slight controversy with the idea that everyone really did want to help you! I am also glad that you got some good ideas of how to approach your jeweler to get the things that concern you fixed! Best of luck to you and I hope you are able to get it to be just like you envisioned!

 

[CharmyPoo]

Kels I really think you are in a good spot and I can't wait to see the next version of your ring.

 

[missmai]

Hi kels0054,

I know this is a little off topic but was wondering what your ring size is... Also do you have a handshot that looks down on it the way you would look at it?

 

[kels0054]

My ring is currently at a 4.5, but since it's winter it actually could go down a little but I know that it wouldn't fit in the summer time, because my fingers have shrank a TON since the summer..
I don't have any other pictures right now. I need to find my camera and then I can take more for you..
Is there anything specific you need to know or see?