hate my ring:(

[singer]

I think that women don''t realize sometimes no matter how tough we come off, sometimes all we are really looking for is your approval. (OMG did I just say that, I am going to have my man card revoked).

That was cute, Matthewk. That reminded me of a time when my fiance bought me a purple Columbia coat for Christmas. I really loved the design, but I don''t like the color purple...especially lilac purple. Anyway, I asked him if it would be okay to exchange it for a different color. He said that would be fine, but I could tell he was a little hurt. I ended up exchanging it for a light blue coat in the exact same style, which I love and wear all the time. The point is, my fiance is not hurt at all anymore (he told me so), because he sees how much I love my blue coat. The thought behind it was the most important thing, but the minor details weren''t a big deal in the end.

 

[Lorelei]

Date: 2/18/2006 3:41:33 PM
Author: matthewk

Date: 2/18/2006 3:29:44 PM
Author: singer
No offense, but you are not a guy and I can assure you, this is something you will never understand. You cannot understand what it takes for a guy to ask for help with such a thing, what it means to a guy for his mother to approve of his future wife, and being totally proud to give his GF such an item.

Or perhaps some men just don''t say they are offended in yet another effort to keep you happy. We seriously could debate this thing for years, but one thing remains the same there are things that you would just have to be a guy to truly understand.

Of course. But the fact remains that one of them is going to be upset, so would it not be better to try to see both sides to this so that they can work together to get Orange what she wants? There are some things that you would just have to be a woman to understand and therefore her feelings matter too. Communication is the key. Otherwise Orange is just going to have to live with a ring she isn''t keen on and as this matters to her, it could eat away at her over time. She will just have to decide whether to risk denting his ego and being happy with her ring or keeping quiet and not being happy. What does she do????? She will know best.

 

[singer]

My fiance and I picked out my original e-ring together, so that''s probably why he wasn''t offended when I wanted a new setting, which we also picked out together. (We have been engaged for over 2 years, and my original setting was just a plain tiffany-style solitaire band). Matthewk, I guess I would have been a little nervous about approaching him to get a new setting if he had picked out the orignial ring all by himself...but I still would have at least asked.

 

[MissAva]

Date: 2/18/2006 3:45:51 PM
Author: rainbowtrout

Date: 2/18/2006 3:31:43 PM
Author: Matatora

Date: 2/18/2006 3:21:02 PM

Author: rainbowtrout

mat, I don''t think it makes her a brat...you had your ring ''altered'' too...less so, albeit, but still if you are going to go with the ''never change it bc it will hurt his feelings'' angle. I don''t remember you saying V was upset about it.


If you decide not to tell him, orange, maybe you could get an eternity wedding band and then keep the ering in a box once you are married. It''d be a waste of money but maybe not sentiment...


matthewk, I''m sorry that it would hurt most men''s feelings...but if they are going to attach so much sentiment to it, then they should be damn sure the girl likes it.



Selma told her FI she ''hated'' her ring and he didn''t blink an eye. The ring is just an object when all is said and done. It''s an object the girl is supposed to wear for the rest of her life. I like to think that makes us entitled to at least enjoy wearing it or saying *something* if we dislike it.

I had my ring altered to the way he had wanted it in the first place, and the ring had given me blisters and made my fingers bleed....I literally could not wear it.


The ring is a symbol of course, I am not saying she should not tell him at all, but if she uses the word HATE that is a very strong word, which is likely to elicit an equally strong reaction.

I think a little diplomacy is called for when she tells him.

Cool, sorry if I offended. But yes, diplomacy is good. She may ''hate'' it but I wouldn''t tell him that exactly. From my own experiance though I know if I never told him one day in the future it would pop out in the worst way possible.

Not at all…but that is the number one reason I changed it and the people at WF would tell you I did not want to anyway, and it did make me sad. Though I do love it very much now and enjoy wiggling my fingers every time I walk into a new lighting situation.

I just worry about how words come across. I think it would be a very easy thing for a conversation that is likely to be emotional anyway to turn into a fight if words like hate are used. I could of course be reading too much into the words…sorry I am working on a paper about the language of mass movements and my head is all over the place.

 

[sevens one]

this poster''s a hit and run. Where''d she go?

 

[Mara]

Well hopefully the original poster knows her man way better than we do, and can judge the appropriate way to tell him so that it's not quite a huge blow...

After we bought our ring, Greg was really sentimental towards it, well I was not jazzed at all with the stone after a month or two. But what to do?? In the end I just had to bide my time. If I would have approached him then and said we made a huge mistake, okay that was the last thing that he wanted to hear after dropping a large amount of coin to do the symbolic thing and make the gal happy. Instead I went subtle. Comments here and there about my stone not sparkling as well, maybe we bought too quickly...in the end the thing that showed him the difference and really the mistake, was his new ACA vs my stone, I can't stress seeing is believing in that situation highly enough, but this is an entirely different situation. It's a totally different shape, not that one is badly cut!

Personally when I read your post, my first emotion was anger at your boyfriend/fiance! Seriously what a dolt! (in a loving way of course...haha). You told him specifically you want a round and don't care about the setting, he hands it off to his MOM (which would tick me off anyway...what is this? Is Mom proposing to me?) and she designs probably what SHE thinks you will love. That's such a GUY THING...sometimes guys just do not think and half the time what we tell them goes in one ear and out the other. Don't even get me started on the planning skills or lack thereof...hehee.

It would have been very hard for me to not show my disappointment when presented with a princess center stone after I had said 'i dont care about anything else, i just want a round!' while we were shopping (and I think that's a key comment because obviously the OP and bf were shopping together, did he get amnesia or what?). I don't think it makes you a brat AT ALL to not love your ring because it's something entirely different from what you pictured in your head and entirely different from what you verbalized a wish for. Sure the guy buys it, but the woman wears it and if it's sentimental she will be wearing it forever, and IMO both should love it and feel happy when looking at it, not thinking secretly bitter thoughts and if you don't say something it will eat at you.

But only you know HOW to approach it, if it's now or later (and taking into consideration if you can return it now vs not later etc). Good luck!!

 

[LuvThatBling]

Honestly, fiance''s reaction will depend on the type of man that he is. My husband, for example, views the ring as a piece of jewelry. Yes, it shows the world that we are committed, and later married, but neither of us attach any special mystique to it. Some men don''t feel that way and the ring is VERY important and very symbolic to them.

Like someone else suggested, I would approach his feelings very carefully. I wouldn''t say that I "hate it" and try to be as tactful & diplomatic as possible. At the same time, you should get your point across that the ring really isn''t what you wanted. It''s better to say something now that to wear something everyday that you really don''t like.

 

[Shawna13]

Orange2003 (if that''s your real name... hehe)... first of all... congratulations!

2nd of all.... you have every reason to be both upset and disappointed. Please do not feel guilty about that. You are definitely not a spoiled brat.

When I was looking around at engagement rings (before we had one made together), I was describing to a jeweller what I was looking for... but that my boyfriend liked something else, etc, etc... The jeweller just shook his head. I asked him why he was shaking his head. He looked at me at said "Who''s wearing the ring? I said "Pardon me?" and he asked me again, "Who''s wearing the ring?" I said, "I will be". Then he said, "The biggest mistake men make is picking out engagement rings based on what they''d like to see as a ring, and not based on WHAT SHE REALLY WANTS. You''re going to be wearing it for years and years,
HE IS NOT". Well... that made sense to me. I asked him if people return rings often and he advised me that they don''t, but many many women wish they had.

Another story... when I was waiting around at the jeweller where we got my e-ring made, a guy in his 20''s came in with his sister to look for an engagement ring for his girlfriend. The jeweller asked him what she likes. He said "She likes princess cuts". So he looked at all of the rings in stock and didn''t like any of the princess cut diamond rings there so ended up buying her a ring with a round center stone because it was very very pretty and he liked the look of it better. WHAT??? So she wanted a princess cut (that apparently she''s been posting pictures of around the apartment) and you just put down $3K for a RB because YOU liked it better?

Bottom line is that you love him very much and hate your center stone. This DOES NOT REFLECT ON HIM AS A PERSON. If he loves you very much, then he will want you to be happy. If this means changing your center stone or the entire setting... then if he really loves and cares about you, he will have this done. His ego may be squished a little bit but.... BUT... if he gets really upset about this, then you will know what kind of person he really is (NOT NOT NOT the kind you want to marry!) I am hoping for your sake that he does not get upset.

Please discuss this with him in a calm and non-accusatory manner. Advise him that you had indicated to him that you only wanted a round center stone and were pretty clear in informing him of this. Then you will want to ask him his reasoning for ordering a princess cut stone. Perhaps he told his mom "round center only" and maybe she misunderstood or didn''t hear him properly. Who knows???

Now is supposed to be a happy time for you. You definitely do not have to wear a ring that you don''t like. You need to do whatever it is that you need to do to make you happy right now. Honesty is so crucial for a relationship. If you can''t discuss something like this with hubby, then what''s going to happen when you actually need to discuss major issues that are actually upsetting (this should NOT be).

Good luck girl! I''m sure you have a great guy who will make this all better for you. *hugs*

 

[lumpkin]

After 16 years of marriage to my husband, maybe I have a different perspective than "a guy''s".

Orange, to me the problem here is that, #1, your fiance got his mom involved. Sorry, but unless I had a remarkable relationship with my fiance''s mom and we both shared our love of jewelry with each other and she knew and respected my tastes, that would make me crazy. Suppose your dad fenagled a deal with a realtor for you to buy a split level when your fiance clearly stated a preference for a two story? That would diminish your fiance''s personal authority, and having his mom talk him into something you don''t like for an engagement ring (if that''s what happened) does the same thing to you. To me it does not bode well when the parents continue to have influence in areas that are out of bounds. It''s partially a boundary issue, in my mind. Then, #2, from your post, you clearly stated that your only real concern was that you wanted a ROUND center stone and that you DISLIKED PRINCESS cuts. It''s like he did the exact opposite, so did he just misunderstand or did he completely disregard your preferences or did his mom talk him into something you would not like (or perhaps, the jeweler did not have any well cut rounds -- that princess is quite sparkly -- is that a possibility???)? If it was a misunderstanding of your desires or the jeweler''s stock it needs to be cleared up, and if it''s a disregard for your preferences, it also needs to be dealt with. If it was his mom talking him into the princess cut, there are some serious issues to be dealt with and, I speak from experience, there have to be boundaries set regarding how much influence the in-laws (on both sides) have over decisions that should be made by the couple. I don''t blame you, no matter how gorgeous it is, and it IS GORGEOUS, I''d hate it too, if for nothing else then simply because it was exactly what I said I DID NOT WANT.

Orange, I don''t think you are being a spoiled brat at all. I think Matthew is right and that you will have to be very tactful when you bring this up. Don''t say, "I hate my ring!" Just tell him you''d like a round center stone instead and perhaps the fact that you had asked specifically for a round stone had completely gotten lost in communication. Or, simply go to the jeweler and replace it with a round stone -- oh, maybe not. That''s probably what I would do, but maybe it''s actually not the best solution, LOL! Then again, maybe it is. Best of luck, it is a bit of a pickle. However, with love, tact and patience from both sides it can be resolved.

 

[flower12]

Date: 2/18/2006 1:53:24 PM
Author: Jelly
ARGH!!!!

Why don''t men listen!?

You''re not a spoiled brat at all. But you ARE in a bad positiion. I hate to say this, but I don''t think you have much of a choice unless you want to risk offending his mother. I have a feeling she was the one who did the designing of the ring, picking of the stone, etc.

Would there be way of you exchanging the center stone with the jeweler? Could you contact them on your own and see what their trade-up policy is?

How far away does your FMIL live? Maybe you can switch it after the wedding.

I''m so sorry to hear about this? Does you fiance know that you aren''t pleased with the ring?

orange2003. I am sorry to hear that you don''t like the princess cut.

well , I didn''t like very first E-ring and second my E-ring.I understand your feeling well.

I agree with Jelly,
is there any way to contact to the Jeweler and tell them about your honest feeling .
and exchange the center stone ? and ask the Jeweler to tell your MIL that
the center stone HAD TO EXCHANGE for some reason not because you don''t like it

but most important is talk to your FI about your honest felling I belive...

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Everyone gave you reallt great advice and I agree you need to tell FI your feelings. When I was in college a friend was getting engaged soon so we went ring shopping for fun. I remember talking to the sales lady and asked her if she thought e-rings should be a surprise or if the woman should be involved. She got teary! She said the woman should always be involved. She had been married for THREE years. She picked out the setting and told her she would love a PR or RB. She chanted it to him to try to ground that information into his brain. He ended up buying and proposing with a MQ. It STILL bothered her over three years later. I could hate for you (or anyone) to be in that same situation.

 

[Garysax]

Be careful with him and be tactful... but yeah, you probably need to talk to him or you''re just going to be more and more bitter about it. Keeping hate out of it would probably be a good idea, as someone previously said.

Also, that ring *screams* to me that a woman in her 50-60s designed it (Mom), I''d be more upset about the setting than the stone if it were me and my taste.

 

[moon river]

Your ring is very close to the one I received that BF picked out. I said I wanted Princess cut with baguettes in platinum and what I got was yellow gold, It does have 4 invisable set princess cuts where yours has the single stone, then it has two rounds flanking it like yours and instead of round channel set I have baguettes. Not what I would have chose but It''s grown on me. Since you don''t like that cut I think you should tell him. It would be hard for it to grow on you. Good luck and let us know how it goes.

 

[lizz]

You are in a pickle. My husband originally proposed with a heart-shaped diamond. It wasn''t what I had in mind EVER to wear the rest of my life. My dream ring was a princess cut. But I wore it, never said a word to him, and 3 months after we got married, asked him if I could get a diamond ring on ebay to wear as a RHR. Gradually, after 2-3 months, I changed the ebay ring to my wedding finger and took off the heart ring. He asked me one day what happened to it, and I told him I was going to wear that for awhile. He was initially hurt, but now he says that he understands my love of diamonds so well and my SPECIFIC PREFERENCES, so he is no longer hurt. Interestingly, my ebay ring is a pear-shaped center with pear-shaped sidestones, not even the princess I thought I wanted! Like Mara said, it''s up to you to tell him now or later. I have never told him I didn''t like my heart-shaped ring since it is a nice stone and everything. I will always keep it forever out of sentimental value.

I am thinking that your BF got confused when you said you loved your best friend''s ring, which is a princess. He seems to have forgotten you said you hated princess cuts. And his mom did include a bunch of RBs in your setting. Maybe she thought you were getting the best of both worlds? I think the intention was good, but in the end not what you wanted. I think there will be hurt feelings if you tell him now (and hurt feelings on the part of his mother), but it is my personality type to wait until after we married and then get a new ring. Maybe that isn''t your personality type. Anyway, please update us on what you do.

 

[DonaBella]

I feel for you but you have received some sound counsel here from so many and it is worth re-reading and pondering. I am sure he meant well...but the fact is, you are not happy with the choice of the center stone and that has to be said and said very carefully...

Men just don''t get it sometimes irregardless of how we say it or remind them...My son commented on my recent purchase of my cushion and asked me if I was satisfied with this rock and I said that I was for now, but at some point planned on upgrading to a bigger stone. He just shook his head and told me he was going to make sure his FI knew that that would not be ok with him ever...I couldn''t believe what I heard. He was so disappointed in my upgrade that he hoped that he might be able to prevent his future wife from even thinking of an upgrade or not liking what he chose for her. I was shocked. She is the one who is going to need to look at it every day forever and has the right to want something different or bigger or both if she chooses...not him. Of course, I didn''t say anything, but if he had asked me to not encourage my FDIL, I would tell him I would not promise him anything and that it was her choice...not HIS.

With a matter of the heart such as this, timing is everything. Tact, of course, is essential. You must re-read the counsel here and you will be fine I am sure...

Best of luck to you...

 

[pebbles]

Orange, I feel for you! I have been in almost your EXACT situation!

I too had a ring that I disliked only to find out that hubby had not picked it out. I kept quiet about it for years and one day all that resentment came spewing out. It put a wedge between me and my husband. He couldn't believe I had kept quiet about it for so long. We both wished I had said something sooner.

Please tell your fiance, or ask him why he chose the princess when you mentioned you wanted a round? Maybe he really wasn't paying that much attention and thought you really wanted the princess.

 

[monarch64]

Orange, I don''t know that it has to be THAT big of a deal to just use some "gentle persuasion" to get your man to see your side of this. I wasn''t ecstatic with the style of my setting that my husband proposed with...I just told him one night a few months after we were engaged. Of course he was hurt, but he knew that since I wasn''t very involved in his e-ring buying process that there was a chance I wouldn''t LOVE my ring. I loved my diamond, don''t get me wrong, but my "factory-made" (or so it looked) setting just didn''t do justice to my diamond! We have since looked at different settings, and someday the time will come when we''re ready to buy one with sidestones, like I want, but it''s really not that big a deal.

I think you''ve gotten a lot of different perspectives, which is good, and a lot of good advice from this thread, and I hope all the input helps you out in approaching your fiance (congrats on your engagement, btw!!) about your dislike of the shape of your stone. It''s really just about a simple change from a square to a circle, for heavens sake. I don''t think you''re a spoiled brat, and certainly not ungrateful. Just tell him how you really feel, and that you''d rather it be yours and his decision, not his mother''s. It may rock the boat in the family a little, but wouldn''t you rather do that now than later (see Pebbles'' post above)?

 

[pebbles]

Hi Monarch!

Up late again!

 

[monarch64]

Pebbles, LOL! We had late guests tonight, one of whom is asleep on the couch right now...I just wanted to make sure she was ok and logged onto PS for a momento, ha ha!

 

[blodthecat]

I would be so annoyed that his mother was part of the ''design/selection process'' and the only specification you requested was totally ignored!

I don''t know how people can buy an expensive purchase like this, without feeling confident that they have a very good idea of what their partner is dreaming of!

There ain''t no easy solution to this. Don''t own the problem and try and sort it on your own. Talk to your partner, and be honest with him!

Yep...you might hurt his feelings, but your hurting too over this.

Keep us posted, and the best of luck lass!

Blod

 

[Momoftwo]

Hehe, guys can have very selective hearing. He heard what you said about your friend''s ring and not what you said before that. My DH bought me round diamond studs almost the exact same size of a pair I already had that he had bought me when we got married. I had shown him princess cut studs and told him that was what I wanted for Christmas, but he let the salesperson show him the rounds and he thought they were so sparkly that he bought them. I ended up using my original e-ring stone and the original earrings and making a 3 stone ring and got my princess cut studs a year later. Believe me, it''s a guy thing. If the last thing they actually hear is different than what you''ve been saying to them, they will only remember the last thing. To me, this is another reason why the woman needs to be involved in the selection of the design and the stone. The proposal can be the surprise part. So, Orange where are you?

 

[ladykemma]

As a woman in her 40''s that ring is my style, what I would pick out. It reeks of someone who lived thru the 80s. While I like it, it is inappropriate for the younger woman and somewhat out of style. It creeps me out that mom picked out the ring.

this is exactly why i think couples should pick the ring together.

guys take note: please involve your lady in the process. see what a mess is created when you don''t?

did the OP ever report back? i wanted to know if she liked the yellow gold.

 

[orange2003]

i''m back!! sorry i disappeared.

So, the reason that his mom had to be involved is because we are both VERY busy people (we work about 80 hours a week) and getting to the grocery store is hard enough, much less a jeweler...
But, we had spent time going to jewelers in our free time when we had it (prior to the beginning of our very hectic work schedules), and we looked at ONLY round stones. Also, all my other diamond jewelery is round stones - my two sets of studs, and a RHR that I have. I think my boyfriend assumed that his mother would be able to follow these simple directions (He even gave her a PICTURE of what I wanted). The reason it had to be custom made was because we went to Jared''s and i picked out two rings - one from the platinum case, and one from the white gold case (though I did want a yellow gold ring, they just didnt have it in that case). It turned out that the two rings were the exact same design!! So obviously that was the ring for me! But then, I realized that this setting was the EXACT same one that my best friend had - I hadnt seen her ring yet, because we dont live in the same town anymore, but she had e-mailed me a not so good quality picture of it. I dont know if that picture got stuck in my subconscious or if we are just THAT similar... but my boyfriend didnt want me to have the exact same ring that my best friend had - he wanted me to have one that was special. And since his mom has a jeweler she goes to, he thought he''d ask her.

Now, if it was him who had accidentally gotten a princess cut ring, I would be much more forgiving and definitely be more open to growing to love the ring. I think that the fact that his mother made this huge mistake is what really irks me. (it''s not like she''s the perfect mother-in-law-to-be anyways). And in fact, when he originally got the ring, he told his mom that she messed up, and that I would be upset. and she said "tell her to stop acting so spoiled"

)

My side is that if you''re giong to spend such a large amount of money on something, why not make sure that it''s what the person wants? what''s the point of spending so much money on something someone dislikes so much, it really seems like a waste of money to me...

And I know that money was not the issue in purchasing the ring. I may just be super paranoid (that''s very possible

) but I just feel like this is a passive aggressive move on his mom''s part.
She''s the type of woman who seems to want to control EVERYTHING.

So I think that the reason I use the word "hate" is because it''s because I feel that this was intentional on his mom''s part. He swears it was a mistake, but of course he sees his mom through rose collored glasses...

I absolutely LOVE the setting. I love yellow gold, and the setting is EXACTLY what I wanted. But it''s just the center stone... it makes me sad to look at the ring everyday

We agreed before hand that I was going to purchase both wedding rings (since I think that''s only fair). So I know I want a ring that''s got 5 .2ct round diamonds - which will match the two side diamonds on the setting. I figured that maybe down the road maybe I could just change out the center stone and turn the princess one into a pendant or something?

I figure, it may not even be that big of a deal, because I work in a profession where I cant wear jewelery on my hands/wrists anyways, except 1 day out of the week and weekends. So maybe I can live with it for 4 days a week until I can replace it? Maybe time will make it not so bad?

 

[Anastasia]

Date: 2/19/2006 9:15:39 AM
Author: orange2003
i''m back!! sorry i disappeared.


Now, if it was him who had accidentally gotten a princess cut ring, I would be much more forgiving and definitely be more open to growing to love the ring. I think that the fact that his mother made this huge mistake is what really irks me. (it''s not like she''s the perfect mother-in-law-to-be anyways). And in fact, when he originally got the ring, he told his mom that she messed up, and that I would be upset. and she said ''tell her to stop acting so spoiled''

)

I may just be super paranoid (that''s very possible

) but I just feel like this is a passive aggressive move on his mom''s part.
She''s the type of woman who seems to want to control EVERYTHING.

If it''s possible - get the princess changed out for a round! "Tell her to stop acting so spoiled" is the most obnoxious thing his mother could say. You are acting spoiled because you specified EXACTLY what you want - and she took it upon herself to change the diamond shape - the most important thing to you?

There are clearly much bigger issues here. I wouldn''t be thrilled that my fiance had his mother take care of buying my ring. No matter how busy he is - he should have found some way to do this on his own. His mother then took this opportunity to exert her control. Boundaries have been crossed! She needs to be put in her place and NOW!

 

[LuvThatBling]

As a woman who has had issues with her MIL for over a decade, I feel really, really badly for you, but I still think you should be torqued with your fiance, since he is a huge part of the mess that was created. If he had gone and made the purchase himself, as he should have regardless of his schedule, none of this would have happened. Plus, the fact that he sees his mother through "rose colored glasses" is not a good sign. A controlling MIL is *very* difficult to deal with, and after marriage, will be even more difficult, if she's anything like mine. Without your fiance's support, it's going to be a very tough row to hoe.

If it were me, I would tell fiance that you want to change the center stone. He knew what you wanted, and he allowed his mother to pick something else out for you, so I wouldn't feel badly about wanting something else. If you don't fix this now, every time you look at your ring, you'll be reminded of your MIL's interference, and I would hate her being part of the sentiment behind my engagement ring.

Heck, knowing what I know now, I would go on eBay, buy a CZ ring with a round center, and wear that as an engagement ring (if I couldn't afford to fix the e-ring immediately), especially when MIL is around. I would only advise you to do this if you are prepared for the amount of drama that will ensue from your future MIL, but since I have been married for a long time, her tantrums don't phase me anymore.

 

[jetmal]

this is just my 2 cts... so dont take it too seriously...

it sounds like your man knows the ring is not what you wanted, that his mom is at fault, but neither of you want to say anything to ruffle her feathers??????

is there a way you could just tell her how lovely the ring is, really lay the compliments on thick.....and then slide in there that there must have been a misunderstanding between you and your man, becuz you were really hoping for a round center stone?? And then say, "surely you (mil) wouldnt mind if we swapped out the center stone for a round, since (your man) doesnt mind at all and feels bad about the mishap"

you''re giving her recognition on the lovely setting, and you''re placing most of the blame on your boyfriend (as long as he''ll roll with it)....

if Mommy sees that her son only wants to make you happy, and he is all for getting a round.....surely she will cave in to him

let us know what happens, and goodluck!

 

[ChooChoo]

In my opinion, your FMIL should not have been involved in this in the first place, so there's no reason to involve her now. Your fiance KNEW that you would be unhappy with a princess and he still gave it to you - that was very poor judgment on his part. Have HIM go back to the jeweler and ask to exchange the princess for a round. And then have HIM tell his mother - "We love the setting you picked out, but we love it more with a round diamond. Thanks again for helping!" There's no reason why he should put the blame on you and drive a wedge between you and his mother when he can, and should, take some of the heat.

 

[glitterata]

He TOLD you she said "Tell her not to be so spoiled?" He''s obviously very ambivalent about his position in the middle of the two of you, or maybe he''s even trying to start a fight between you.

If it were me, I would tell him I hated the princess. I would use that word, since it''s how you feel, and since it''s his MOTHER''s choice,not his, and since he knew in advance you would hate it. (It also happens to be how I feel about princess diamonds.) Then I would go to the jeweler and try to switch it to a round. If that''s not possible, I would not wear the ring. If she asks why not, I would say, "I''m not wearing it because I don''t like the center stone. I told [fiance] I hated princess cut diamonds. I don''t understand why he got me one. He says you helped pick the ring. Did he not tell you I wanted a round, not a princess?" Then if she called me names, I''d just refuse to fight. Keep it polite, just change the subject. She can''t make you wear a ring you hate. When you can afford to, replace the diamond with a round.

Sometimes people need to be shown that they can''t push you around.

Anyway, that''s what I would do.

 

[jetmal]

I do agree with you CHoochoo........it just seems that she is trying to "keep the peace" somewhat with her FMIL......

he should take most of the heat......but, MIL seems alittle difficult to deal with, and would probably take the blow better from the son, than the FDIL......I guess I can empathize with not wanting to ruffle her feathers before they are actually married......

after they get married....well, thats another story

 

[glitterata]

Hm. On second thought, maybe I would just tell her "I''m not wearing it because I hate princess diamonds, and I told him I wanted a round." Leave her out of it. If she calls you names, politely change the subject.

If that''s a huge problem for him, I think he needs to work out his mom issues before getting married. Anyway, he would if he were marrying ME. I wouldn''t be marrying a man who was more worried about upsetting his mom than giving me a ring I hate and that he knew I would hate.

(Similarly, all you gentlemen who would be feel crushed and betrayed if told that the ring you chose for me without consulting my wishes didn''t please me: I wouldn''t be marrying you. I want--and thank God, have--a man with the self confidence to know that my love and respect for him doesn''t depend on his being able to choose my jewelry without input from me. Also the strength and confidence to be able to work together and compromise. To me, that''s real manliness. )