hate my ring:(

[lumpkin]

This is now clearly a boundary issue. There are a lot of us here who have apparently dealt with meddling in-laws. There are a few places in-laws don''t belong. Your bedroom, the middle of your relationship to each other, personal decisions, life-changing decisions that do not affect them, and to some degree, how you choose to raise your kids. This ring, though right now seems like a major deal, is just small potatoes compared to the other stuff. HOWEVER, the fact that his mom took this opportunity to thwart you on the symbol of your union with your fiance is a sign that she''s going to continue to interfere. I cannot stress enough how much I think this needs to be dealt with now! Your fiance didn''t stand up to her on the ring, so is he going to wilt everytime she exerts her opinion? You need a partner who will stand with you on these things.

As I said before I speak from experience. My husband was afraid to tell his parents we were engaged because he had been divorced and thought his dad would hit the roof. I wore my ring the very next time we saw them, and I did not hide it. His dad had picked out my husband''s house and literally took over the purchase of the house when he was married to his first wife. His parents'' names were on the deed of that house and they had 1/4 interest in it. As soon as we could afford it I insisted that we move out of that house. They continued for a long time to try to exert influence where it was not welcome. When I had my first child they did not approve of breast feeding (not trying to start a controversy over that -- whatever you do is fine with me and that''s the point -- it''s YOUR decision). At the hospital they told me they did not want to see me BF and then proceeded to camp out for HOURS with their cooler and everything not long after I gave birth. It was incredibly stressful. I ended up having my second child at home for a lot of reasons (many, not just the in-laws although that did influence me a lot), but one was that I didn''t want the birth of my second child turned into a tug of war for authority. It''s funny that it took my keeping them completely uninformed about our child''s birth to get them to stop interfering, 12 years after we were married. They don''t meddle any more, but I think their tongues are pretty bloody, LOL!

I might have a tendency to take that princess stone out and mount it in a pendent and give it to her for mother''s day. If he''s working 80 hours, maybe he can afford to make payments on a round stone and learn the lesson not to involve his mom in such personal issues. However, this is a really personal, sore subject for me, so I realize I''m probably being a little tiny bit millitant, LOL!

Best of luck. I actually think you''re in less of a pickle than before. It sounds like you could replace the princess diamond with a round in your ring if you choose to and your fiance will not be terribly offended.

 

[singer]

I would try and switch the diamond soon, because otherwise you will end up losing money when you go to trade it in (if they will even trade it for you after 30 days, or whatever their policy is), or you will have to buy a whole new diamond and be forced to keep the princess. Just my 2 cents. Good luck!

 

[E B]

Orange,

If you tell your fiance that you absolutely *LOVE* the setting itself (sidestones and all) but would really love to change the center stone, I don't think he'd be hurt. To change the entire thing, maybe, but this is just one part. Don't mention that you told him you like rounds more, or that his mother messed up...just say that to match the sidestones (and your future w-band), you'd prefer a round in the middle. This is a ring you'll wear forever (or for a long time). Make sure it's something you love so much, you won't be able to stop looking at it throughout the day.

Like Singer said, do it soon...the guarantee might run out on you while you wait!

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Yep, I''d be heading to the jeweler tomorrow, changing out the princess for a RB, not say a word to FMIL, and the next time you see her with the new ring, don''t say anything. When she notices it, say, oh, XXX (son''s name) made a mistake and forgot that I hate princess cut, so he had the jeweler change it to a RB which is what he knew I wanted in the first place.

I would change it now regardless of whether the square stone is returnable. Get control of your relationship (from the MIL) now, not later.

(P.S. I hope my son asks me for help when that day comes, because I would definitely find out what the girl likes AND I''d find him better quality and price than any store he could shop in locally.)

 

[Aprilgirl]

There are obviously numerous perspectives and opinions on this issue and how to best handle it. I agree that you need to, as gently and as sensitively as possible, let your fiance know that the ring is beautiful, but that you feel that a round stone would be more "you". He took a bit of a chance having a ring made for you sight unseen, not knowing (or perhaps missing what you had said previously about your love of round stones) if you would like the ring or not. I know that the jeweler where my fiance bought my ring gave him a 30 day return guarantee if I didn''t like the ring (I had no idea what I was getting either). I would think that this jeweler would want you to love this ring, so if it meant a new stone wouldn''t he be agreeable? Granted, mine wasn''t a custom job, but I would still think the jeweler would want you to love it.

All of this aside, the most important thing in this whole situation as others have said, is the communication between you and your fiance. If, just to avoid hurt feelings, you keep the ring in the hopes that you grow to love it you are being dishonest to yourself and to him. It''s not like a $50. blouse, it''s a (very valuable) token of his love for you and a symbol of your bond. If there''s anything you should start off your life together with, it''s honesty. This is just one of the many things in the course of your relationship that you will have to be honest with him about and he will have to be with you as well. There are too many couples out there who don''t express themselves and it only creates resentment (I speak from experience).

Of course you don''t want to accuse him of not listening to you when you expressed your dislike of princess cut stones (and to be honest, I''m totally not surprised he didn''t recall if that''s the case. Men and women are often in different mind sets. My fiance remembers things that I wouldn''t think he would have but forgets other things that I thought were obvious - we''re just wired differently in some respects). Think of it this way, if you bought him something that you thought he loved but found out later that he really didn''t, wouldn''t you be hurt that he wasn''t upfront with you from the beginning so that you could exchange it for something he really wanted? He should want to know how you really feel.

Be gracious and be sweet, but be *honest*. Don''t worry about the MIL, it''s between you and he.

Let us know how it works out!

 

[Garysax]

Well, the good part here is that you love the setting and everything but the center diamond! This puts you in a much better position than at first I thought you were in. Just see what you can do about getting that princess changed to a round.

And MiLs. Grrrrrr.

 

[Aprilgirl]

Date: 2/18/2006 5:08:17 PM
Author: lumpkin
After 16 years of marriage to my husband, maybe I have a different perspective than ''a guy''s''.

Orange, to me the problem here is that, #1, your fiance got his mom involved. Sorry, but unless I had a remarkable relationship with my fiance''s mom and we both shared our love of jewelry with each other and she knew and respected my tastes, that would make me crazy. Suppose your dad fenagled a deal with a realtor for you to buy a split level when your fiance clearly stated a preference for a two story? That would diminish your fiance''s personal authority, and having his mom talk him into something you don''t like for an engagement ring (if that''s what happened) does the same thing to you. To me it does not bode well when the parents continue to have influence in areas that are out of bounds. It''s partially a boundary issue, in my mind. Then, #2, from your post, you clearly stated that your only real concern was that you wanted a ROUND center stone and that you DISLIKED PRINCESS cuts. It''s like he did the exact opposite, so did he just misunderstand or did he completely disregard your preferences or did his mom talk him into something you would not like (or perhaps, the jeweler did not have any well cut rounds -- that princess is quite sparkly -- is that a possibility???)? If it was a misunderstanding of your desires or the jeweler''s stock it needs to be cleared up, and if it''s a disregard for your preferences, it also needs to be dealt with. If it was his mom talking him into the princess cut, there are some serious issues to be dealt with and, I speak from experience, there have to be boundaries set regarding how much influence the in-laws (on both sides) have over decisions that should be made by the couple. I don''t blame you, no matter how gorgeous it is, and it IS GORGEOUS, I''d hate it too, if for nothing else then simply because it was exactly what I said I DID NOT WANT.

Orange, I don''t think you are being a spoiled brat at all. I think Matthew is right and that you will have to be very tactful when you bring this up. Don''t say, ''I hate my ring!'' Just tell him you''d like a round center stone instead and perhaps the fact that you had asked specifically for a round stone had completely gotten lost in communication. Or, simply go to the jeweler and replace it with a round stone -- oh, maybe not. That''s probably what I would do, but maybe it''s actually not the best solution, LOL! Then again, maybe it is. Best of luck, it is a bit of a pickle. However, with love, tact and patience from both sides it can be resolved.

Great example and since you mention it, is there a thread on this site anywhere for people whose IL''s want to interfere in a newly engaged couple''s real estate transactions?? I need to vent!

 

[Mara]

eeee the plot thickens with the nasty MIL trying to control and get her way....

if it were me, i'd HAVE to speak up (big surprise huh?), you do have to stand up for yourself, you can't be letting this woman try to run your life and the ring you are going to wear!! and your husband needs to also take a wake up pill and realize that his mom doing that is NOT OKAY. he can adore her and respect her and still tell her she was wrong for doing that. when you guys get married, you should come first and she has to recognize that. i can't stand when mom's can't let their sons go and try to control every last thing! my aunt is doing that right now to my sweet cousin and his strong-willed fiancee, she is having the hardest time letting him go (he's 29 by the way!!) and there all these 'family meetings' etc...so ridiculous. he should put his foot down and be like MOM chill out already. i adore his fiancee and feel horrible she has to go through this, they have lived together for 2 years so it can't be that much of a shock?!

definitely if you allow this, you will be in for a large fight regarding some other things like child-bearing, rearing, how much will she be involved with your life?

i would take aside your fiance, tell him that you really wanted a round, and no you are not spoiled to feel that way (and her saying that to him was TERRIBLY inappropriate AS WAS him telling YOU THAT...gosh what is he trying to do?) because this is your ring, not hers, and he should have stood up for what he knew you, the love of his life, want. tell him you adore the ring except for the center stone and would like to switch it out for a round. then take the time (he and you together) do to this yourselves, not involving the mother in law.

you can stand your ground and still be polite but strong....she needs to know she can't bully you and that very soon no longer will she be able to bully her son. good luck!

 

[Kaleigh]

If you don''t have her put in her place she will continue to try to control every aspect of your marriage. I know I have a MIL like that. Took a long time for her to realise to stay out of things. She loves and respects me and we have come to like each other now. But man was she a PITA before she learned a thing or two. This is between you and your FI. So he needs to tell her to chill. Big time.

 

[Patty]

Date: 2/19/2006 3:28:18 PM
Author: diamondseeker2006
Yep, I''d be heading to the jeweler tomorrow, changing out the princess for a RB, not say a word to FMIL, and the next time you see her with the new ring, don''t say anything. When she notices it, say, oh, XXX (son''s name) made a mistake and forgot that I hate princess cut, so he had the jeweler change it to a RB which is what he knew I wanted in the first place.

I would change it now regardless of whether the square stone is returnable. Get control of your relationship (from the MIL) now, not later.

(P.S. I hope my son asks me for help when that day comes, because I would definitely find out what the girl likes AND I''d find him better quality and price than any store he could shop in locally.)

I would do exactly what diamondseeker suggests. Go back NOW and exchange the princess for a round. When your FMIL sees it, be casual about it.

 

[cymbrie]

Date: 2/19/2006 4:37:16 PM
Author: Patty

Date: 2/19/2006 3:28:18 PM
Author: diamondseeker2006
Yep, I''d be heading to the jeweler tomorrow, changing out the princess for a RB, not say a word to FMIL, and the next time you see her with the new ring, don''t say anything. When she notices it, say, oh, XXX (son''s name) made a mistake and forgot that I hate princess cut, so he had the jeweler change it to a RB which is what he knew I wanted in the first place.

I would change it now regardless of whether the square stone is returnable. Get control of your relationship (from the MIL) now, not later.

(P.S. I hope my son asks me for help when that day comes, because I would definitely find out what the girl likes AND I''d find him better quality and price than any store he could shop in locally.)

I would do exactly what diamondseeker suggests. Go back NOW and exchange the princess for a round. When your FMIL sees it, be casual about it.

Agreed...switch out the stone use your own $ to do it then she really can''t say anything about you being spoiled since YOU absorbed the cost. Afterall, YOU''RE the one wearing it not her. Just my thoughts, people have A LOT less say when they''re NOT paying!

 

[blodthecat]

If you tollerat this...what''s next???

It''s great that you like the setting, but get the diamond changed. It will probably annoy the MIL initially, but it''s time she got a strong signal that she can''t have the control she wants.

Blod

 

[Lorelei]

I agree your FMIL needs to be put firmly in her place NOW! If you don''t she will insinuate herself and interfere in your lives throughout the rest of your marriage. She could add her 5 cents to where you live, what you do and especially your pregnancies and child rearing

and basically be running YOUR lives on HER terms. Stop it in it''s tracks now, you will need your BF''S help and support, but she needs to cut the cord! If she won''t get the scissors out you will have to do it. Keep her at a respectful distance if you can. Start by taking back control with your ring, if you have your BF''s blessing and start as you mean to go on, once she realizes you are your own person and she can''t dictate to you, then she should stop trying.

 

[Caribou]

Date: 2/19/2006 1:43:50 PM
Author: lumpkin

I might have a tendency to take that princess stone out and mount it in a pendent and give it to her for mother''s day.

This is a great idea!!!

It was wrong of her to go against what you wanted in a ring, especially when your boyfriend gave her clear instructions on what you wanted. If it were me, I would think she did this on purpose. But because his mother got the ring, if I were you, I would not feel bad telling my FI my dislike for the ring. Hopefully he will more than willing to get the stone you want.

Good luck to you.

 

[flopkins]

I would change it out immediately. Giving your FMIL the princess in a pendant is a great idea, if the budget allows. You say feel sad when you look at the ring, and it [robably reminds you of negative feelings towards your FMIL - no matter how you feel about her, you DON''T need a daily reminder of FMIL on your finger everyday!!!! It should be a reminder of what your FI means to you!!

 

[portoar]

Look, after reading your second post about how he knew his mom screwed up, I think you have to make something clear to him right now. He is marrying you, and he has you to think of, not his mother. You have to make it clear to him that you gave him the information he needed, he knew his mother screwed up, and there''s no reason that you have to live with it. I agree with you, this sounds like a power play by mom, and I think it''s a big mistake for you to just cave in and wear this ring. If he told his mom you''d be upset, he already knows you don''t like it, so why in the h-ll did he give it to you in the first place? You need to put your foot down and stick up to mom. You''re taking responsibility for the wedding rings, he takes responsibility for the engagement ring, tell him to fix it. I absolutely do not think you have to put up with a princess cut -- I''d be furious too.

 

[partgypsy]

Orange, I would really go about seeing if the original store will allow you to exchange the princess for a round. I doubt you will learn to love it (princess and rounds have such different looks) and if you wait, you won''t have the option to exchange/return it and you will be kicking yourself how much it will cost to correct this mistake later. If I was a guy, I''d WANT to know and have it out in the open so I could fix it, rather than my partner holding it in and saying something when it was too late to do anything about it.
Don''t involve your MIL. This is between your fiance and you. Just explain that you love everything about the ring except the shape of the center stone, and that you have always loved round stones. This is something that is easy to correct.

 

[icekid]

Yikes... seriously, it sounds like there is something really weird going on with the MIL. She needs to be put in her place by your fiance PRONTO.

I really hope you are able to get your round diamond- the ring is lovely otherwise!

 

[aphisiglovessae]

Wait a minute, what happened to the original post???

 

[moon river]

Date: 2/20/2006 5:55:40 PM
Author: aphisiglovessae
Wait a minute, what happened to the original post???

Click on revisions so see the orignial post. I don''t know why she deleted it. She didn''t delete her other post and pics can''t be deleted so....who knows.

 

[GemAdorer]

I am a WOMAN but I agree with many of the men on this thread! So much importance has been put on a materialistic item that goes on a finger. What happened to the meaning behind it?!? He didn''t propose to you because he wanted you to have a diamond on your finger, he proposed to you because he wants to have you in his life for eternity. Isn''t that enough? I think it is sad that he didn''t pay attention to what you had asked for but, you never know, maybe he has the ring of your dreams in his pocket and he is just testing your intentions

To many women put too much importance on a piece of mineral rock (compressed carbon). Debeers came up with a mighty fine marketing ploy to sell the diamonds that they couldn''t sell. It has caused so many stresses on the men to be able to afford something the price of a decent car that can fall out of a hole in your pocket. Although I was raised that if you are given a gift you say thank you and love it no matter what it is, it is the thought and meaning behind it, especially a gift like this.

My advice is that if you love this guy, you will love this ring! But I am very sorry you don''t like it.

 

[aphisiglovessae]

Date: 2/20/2006 8:05:53 PM
Author: GemAdorer
I am a WOMAN but I agree with many of the men on this thread! So much importance has been put on a materialistic item that goes on a finger. What happened to the meaning behind it?!? He didn't propose to you because he wanted you to have a diamond on your finger, he proposed to you because he wants to have you in his life for eternity. Isn't that enough? I think it is sad that he didn't pay attention to what you had asked for but, you never know, maybe he has the ring of your dreams in his pocket and he is just testing your intentions

To many women put too much importance on a piece of mineral rock (compressed carbon). Debeers came up with a mighty fine marketing ploy to sell the diamonds that they couldn't sell. It has caused so many stresses on the men to be able to afford something the price of a decent car that can fall out of a hole in your pocket. Although I was raised that if you are given a gift you say thank you and love it no matter what it is, it is the thought and meaning behind it, especially a gift like this.

 

[jennyt]

Yikes! This is a regrettable situation for all.

However-I think A LOT of people are mis-placing blame on your future mother in law. Did she make an inappropriate comment? Sure! BUT-her son has involved her where she has no business being involved and he is allowing her to make inappropriate remarks about his fiance!

I don''t care if you work 100 hours a week-getting engaged is a huge life step and one that should be undertaken with great forethought and care. If you don''t have time to supervise a ring design, wait a bit to become engaged. Busy-ness is no excuse to pawn such an important purchase on to someone else. Heck, he could have picked the design you wanted online in 10 minutes!

I think this situation is much larger than the ring. A ring you can get over, but a dysfunctional relationship with your inlaws will be much trickier. I wish you all the luck in the world.

p.s. Once he realized Mom goofed and knew you would be unhappy, why didn''t he return the ring? Sounds to me like he cares more about what Mom thinks that what YOU think.

 

[marvel]

Jennyt, you hit the nail on the head! This issue is so much bigger then a ring.

Orange, your soon-to-be MIL sounds like my ex-MIL. She mad me crazy in my marriage, trying to control everything including MY husband and she would make snide remarks just like your's did about "being spoiled". You're going to start losing respect for your future husband if he doesn't stand up for you. This is only the begining . It's not going to end with the ring, she will hve her comments when you plan your wedding, purchase your home, and then when you have KIDS!!! OMG, this will be when things get tough...okay, I can only go on by my own experience, but I'm having flashblacks from my controlling ex-MIL!!

Have your stone switched out to a round stone now, and DO NOT do things to try and please your MIL, and you do not need to settle. It's your life and your life with your future husband. I would think that he would want you to be happy.

Good luck!

 

[diamondfool]

UUUGGGHHHHH I feel for you! I have a MIL who started to butt in but I am not a patient person so I had no room for her to butt in and try to control things least of all decisions I make in my married life.
I say you just need to swap the princess for the round and be happy. YOU have to wear it not her and you are definitely not a brat or spoiled for wanting what will make YOU not her happy!
I helped my husband pick out my ring by going and trying on rings and telling him the center stone I''d be most happy with. Well a couple of months after I got my ring I decided I didn''t like it anymore. Now that''s my own fault because he got me what I asked for. I am slowly now almost 7 years later trying to get myself into my now ''dream'' ring. The setting is on its way along with my current center but I''m going to be saving and hinting and finally I''ll have that RB that my heart so desires. YOU didn''t make a mistake...his mother did. Don''t live with it because take it from me...the center you don''t like won''t grow on you with time. But what will grow on you is your constant ill feelings for MIL who is already trying to make a statement about who is in control. Stand your ground and make yourself happy!

 

[movie zombie]

i have a bit of a different take on this: you and your FI are too busy to get your e-ring?! so busy that future MIL was asked to become a part of what should be between the two of you?! sorry, i don''t have sympathy for anyone in this. but that doesn''t change the fact that you hate the ring..... i can''t see going through an engagement and married life hating your e-ring. also, i don''t buy the ''love the man, love the ring'' scenario especially in this case.

accept responsibility for abdicating your responsibility, forgive your FI for being a man and also abdicating his responsibility, and forgive your future MIL who was asked into this mess in the first place. then get what you want.....no apologies or trying to be nice and learn to love the thing that makes you sad everytime you look at it.

hey, everybody screwed up here, so learn from it: don''t delegate unless willing to live with the consequences [just because you voice an opinion doesn''t mean it will be included in the final product]....and hope that your future MIL has learned her lesson and will not get involved even if asked.

married life is full of compromises but i don''t think hating your engagement ring needs to be one of them.

movie zombie

 

[portoar]

Date: 2/21/2006 2:03:59 AM
Author: movie zombie
i have a bit of a different take on this: you and your FI are too busy to get your e-ring?! so busy that future MIL was asked to become a part of what should be between the two of you?! sorry, i don''t have sympathy for anyone in this. but that doesn''t change the fact that you hate the ring..... i can''t see going through an engagement and married life hating your e-ring. also, i don''t buy the ''love the man, love the ring'' scenario especially in this case.

accept responsibility for abdicating your responsibility, forgive your FI for being a man and also abdicating his responsibility, and forgive your future MIL who was asked into this mess in the first place. then get what you want.....no apologies or trying to be nice and learn to love the thing that makes you sad everytime you look at it.

hey, everybody screwed up here, so learn from it: don''t delegate unless willing to live with the consequences [just because you voice an opinion doesn''t mean it will be included in the final product]....and hope that your future MIL has learned her lesson and will not get involved even if asked.

married life is full of compromises but i don''t think hating your engagement ring needs to be one of them.

movie zombie

Huh??? I''m not seeing where she "abdicated responsibility." She went out shopping with FI, she picked a setting, she told him she wanted RB, he had a PICTURE to go by, for god''s sake. I don''t see how she could have made it any plainer other than going with him and breathing down his neck while he made the purchase. He is completely responsible for this screw up. What kind of man sends his MOTHER to buy his FIs engagement ring?

Take it from me guys, a woman DOES NOT want our FMILs choosing our ENGAGEMENT RING!

 

[Caribou]

Date: 2/21/2006 2:03:59 AM
Author: movie zombie
i have a bit of a different take on this: you and your FI are too busy to get your e-ring?! so busy that future MIL was asked to become a part of what should be between the two of you?! sorry, i don't have sympathy for anyone in this. but that doesn't change the fact that you hate the ring..... i can't see going through an engagement and married life hating your e-ring. also, i don't buy the 'love the man, love the ring' scenario especially in this case.

accept responsibility for abdicating your responsibility, forgive your FI for being a man and also abdicating his responsibility, and forgive your future MIL who was asked into this mess in the first place. then get what you want.....no apologies or trying to be nice and learn to love the thing that makes you sad everytime you look at it.

hey, everybody screwed up here, so learn from it: don't delegate unless willing to live with the consequences [just because you voice an opinion doesn't mean it will be included in the final product]....and hope that your future MIL has learned her lesson and will not get involved even if asked.

married life is full of compromises but i don't think hating your engagement ring needs to be one of them.

movie zombie

We have no idea what these two do...they both could be in an internshisp or they could be going to school and working full time.

Regardless who got the ring, she told him, showed him even, exactly what she wanted and what shape stone she wanted. He gave a PICTURE to his mother who then took it upon herself to go against what the g/f wanted. That is wrong!

So I guess if your fiance gave you a ring that you absoluted hated, it was a ring that was completely ugly, you would just accept it?? Even if you showed him exactly what you wanted? I doubt that.

 

[mrssalvo]

Date: 2/20/2006 8:05:53 PM
Author: GemAdorer


My advice is that if you love this guy, you will love this ring! But I am very sorry you don''t like it.

I disagree with this. I honestly don''t understand why you would buy a gift for someone and not consider what that person told you they wanted and then expect them to love it because they love you. An e-ring is a gift and a symbol but I''d hope my husband would want to bless and honor me by considering my desires and wanting to do the best he can to make my dreams come true. I would not be able to "love the ring" just because I love him. let''s say I wanted to buy him a car. I asked him what he wanted and he said "I really want a black lexus." Then I get my dad to buy one because I''m too busy and he buys a red ford. Sure, i''d hope hubby liked it, but I would not expect him to love it because it was a gift, and he loves me. Would he appreciate and love the gesture? sure, but he doesn''t like fords and would have been dissappointed. Why should he drive around in a car he doesn''t like because I gave it as a gift? I''d want him to exchange it for exactly what he wants and what will make him happy, because I LOVE HIM. To me, love is about being honest and not pretending you love something you don''t. I agree that what the ring represents is more important but to wear I ring I was supposed to love would be dishonest and breed resentment iMO, especially since she was specific in her request and he disregarded it. it may have been unintential but telling him now and fixing the problem will save them both future heartache.

 

[lumpkin]

Take it from me guys, a woman DOES NOT want our FMILs choosing our ENGAGEMENT RING!

Or any other gift that should be given from her fiance/husband.

You would think that would be self evident, but apparently not, LOL!

By the way, guys, this extends to decor and furnishings for your new home with your new wife. Every woman wants to be queen of her own castle.